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Thread: Is there a chance he's really busy/not into texting?

  1. #11
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    I am meeting someone tonight, but it's a third guy :). I'm looking forward to meeting him, and am not obsessing over the first guy, but I am curious. I was in a very codependent and unhealthy relationship before, which started pretty much from the day we met. That's why a lukewarm start seems so attractive to me at the moment. But I decided to ask the community so that I don't take a complete disinterest for a first stage semi-indifference. I don't a guy to be overly eager, but I also don't want to annoy someone with unwanted reminders of my existence.

  2. #12
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Yes, lesson learned, thank you! Meeting someone tonight (we've tried to meet up for a week now), will see how it goes and will definitely not treat it like a date.

  3. #13
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    Yes, no more getting into strangers' cars. It was just convenient for me at the moment, but might have also not looked good, on top of not being a perfectly safe practice.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Did you forget to say thank you on the date? My sense is that you did and the thank you text was sent after you didn't hear from him to test his level of interest -it's obvious to him too. Not the end of the world just shows him that you are VERY interested and hoping he asks you out for a real first date. Then you agreed to go to his home for the first official date so he can "cook" for you - after getting in his car after the first time you met him (which I personally would not do - too risky).

    Please be more honest with yourself -you didn't text him because you felt like it -you texted him because you hadn't heard from him and were concerned that it meant he was no longer interested -and he knows that, too.

    So- he didn't ask you out for a first date at the end of the first meet -no issue at all - many don't despite being very interested - but then you sent him a "thank you" text (and defintely a good move if you forgot your manners and didn't thank him for paying and for the lift -but I can't imagine you'd forget to thank him with all of that), and then you agreed to "hang out" at his house. His impression likely is that you are overeager and up for a casual hook up. I don't think that's the impression you want to make and I think you need to put more thought into how you navigate the dance that is dating. Don't indulge in "oh I just feel like texting him so I will" or 'I know, I can send him a thank you text and see if that motivates him to ask me out". Show a new person that you have a fun, fulfilling life and are reasonably secure and that you are available and interested in seeing people who value your time and who are interested in putting in the effort to plan a time/place date.

    As far as the other guy -if you keep cancelling first meets you're sending the message that you're a bit flaky/not that interested. That's a different scenario entirely.
    Your comment is like a very much needed cold shower! Thank you for your thoughts. I agree with you, because deep down we always know. I just started going on dates again, so I am okay with making a couple mistakes here and there in the beginning. Too bad I actually liked this guy, but that's the only way to learn.

    Of course I thanked him for paying for giving me a ride, and just got impatient.

    The best way to show someone that I have a busy, fulfilling life is to work on truly making it making it happen.

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  6. #15
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    You're coming across way too over-eager OP.

    Stop chasing him and give him a chance to put forth some effort.

    No he's not "too busy" he's lukewarm at best.

    Men who are interested are never too busy to reach out! And those men who say they are are full of cr**.

    Keep busy meeting and dating, so you won't become overly anxious in the meantime.

    Give him a chance to wonder about you! It builds attraction.
    Do you think he wasn't interested from the beginning (meeting me), or that my texting style turned him off?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lolap
    Do you think he wasn't interested from the beginning (meeting me), or that my texting style turned him off?
    If he wasn't interested in meeting you, you'd have never met. I don't think anything you did turned him off either. This is just the nature of meeting people from online. That first meet and greet is just there to see if there is any real life chemistry between you and most of the time....there won't be. It doesn't mean that either person did anything bad, in fact, you might have a fun time, but that x factor is just missing for either one of you or both of you. Shrug it off and keep on dating until you do meet someone where it just clicks mutually. When you do meet that person where it's mutual, you'll find that dating is just easy, makes sense, you feel secure in his interest and secure in showing yours. When it's right, it's just easy, is the best way to describe it. Meanwhile, do be careful though, especially early on. Safety first, so keep your dates public for a bit.

  8. #17
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    Lolap, quick question for you.

    Did you feel a genuine "click" with him, that certain energy/chemistry two people feel when they've just met someone special, who stands out from the rest?

    That X factor Dancing Fool referred to?

    Or did you simply find him attractive, you enjoyed chatting and had a few laughs?

    And are (were) feeling anxious not because you like him so much, but more because you wondered if he liked you?

    Just asking, I have found that people sometimes place more value on whether or not someone likes them, versus considering if they themselves like the person!

    I have had some great dates, fun, lots of laughs, but it's very very rare when I feel that right balance of click, chemistry and energy with a man.

    But whenever I have it's been mutual, because it's genuine. A genuine energy between us, no rhyme for reason for it, it's just "there."

    This has confused some guys as we had fun, both attractive, good jobs, good on paper.

    So why not date? Have sex? Lol

    There was only one problem. Unfortunately, I just wasn't "feeling it" as they say and my guess is they weren't either.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-02-2019 at 06:34 PM.

  9. #18
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    Sorry to be like a cold shower. I should have been more caring and supportive in my response. Iím glad youíre meeting new people.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Lolap, quick question for you.

    Did you feel a genuine "click" with him, that certain energy/chemistry two people feel when they've just met someone special, who stands out from the rest?

    That X factor Dancing Fool referred to?

    Or did you simply find him attractive, you enjoyed chatting and had a few laughs?

    And are (were) feeling anxious not because you like him so much, but more because you wondered if he liked you?

    Just asking, I have found that people sometimes place more value on whether or not someone likes them, versus considering if they themselves like the person!

    I have had some great dates, fun, lots of laughs, but it's very very rare when I feel that right balance of click, chemistry and energy with a man.

    But whenever I have it's been mutual, because it's genuine. A genuine energy between us, no rhyme for reason for it, it's just "there."

    This has confused some guys as we had fun, both attractive, good jobs, good on paper.

    So why not date? Have sex? Lol

    There was only one problem. Unfortunately, I just wasn't "feeling it" as they say and my guess is they weren't either.
    I read your question before going on a date tonight (with someone else) and kept it in mind. Here are my observations:

    Today's date was sweet, pleasant, has a pretty good job, and is cute. We did have a nice chat, but I wouldn't be sad if he never messaged me again. (He did message me to ask if I got home safe, to say how nice it was to meet me and to wish me a good day tomorrow.)

    A few weeks ago I met someone else, who was also very pleasant, decent looks, good job, very nice conversation, but neither of us messaged each other after. I really didn't care.

    A couple weeks ago, I met yet another guy, who was good looking, great job, fun conversation, and I thought there was a spark. We went on a second date and it fell apart! It was such a disaster that it deserves a whole separate post, but that's not my point..

    I just don't think I trust this "click". What does a click even mean? I can't speak for another person, so even if I feel attracted to them, or intrigued, I can't guarantee they feel the same way. Even if they do, it might go bad as soon as on the second date.

    What I am looking for is someone I find interesting enough to want to get to know them better. I enjoy taking it slow this time, and would like to find someone who's also not in a rush and can be more casual in the beginning (but not sleeping around necessarily, that's a bit of a turn off for me).

    That's why out of all the guys I've been meeting lately, I was only motivated enough to create a whole thread on this forum about the original guy. He checked a lot of my marks for the first meeting. We laughed at the same things, have a couple inside jokes already, he is my type physically and I respect his career choices. He seemed interested enough in me to continue being interested in him. So, to me, yes, there was a click. Did he feel the same? I have no idea. So far, I would interpret his behaviour as probably not. But, as much fun as mind-reading can be, I'm not yet an expert :).

    PS: thank you for raising this question, it made me look at those recent dates from a different angle.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Sorry to be like a cold shower. I should have been more caring and supportive in my response. Iím glad youíre meeting new people.
    No worries, contrast showers are supposed to be good for you . Thanks for your opinion!

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