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Thread: found gay/ trans porn on my boyfriends history

  1. #11
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    The fact that he told you he is addicted: THAT is your concern. Addiction indicates he is overwhelmed by something, and is escaping that by investing in his addiction, which addiction escalates as he turns to it again and again.

    The addiction is the problem, not the porn itself.

  2. #12
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    there are many angles here - it's not an all or nothign deal. So let's break it down.

    1. Porn addiction is an issue. You can already see how it's affecting your bedroom life. That he is wandering into more taboo versions of it means the stimuli required for him to orgasm is a bit off the charts. The more he requires deviant stimuli to orgasm, the less pleasurable your bedroom life will be.

    2. Is he gay? Yeah he could be. He might not be. He very well could be bi (which nobody has mentioned yet). It is what it is and obviously you can't change that - he can only admit or acknowledge what it is if he hasn't yet. This is somethign i think based on your relatiosip and how it is, that you guys could actually talk about and you can ask if you need to know or this changes anything.

    3. He seems on the up and up and not being a horrible person - he just has an addiction, and it happens to be porn. Because it's moving into the "taboo" it should really be dealt with so therapy is probably a good idea for him to see what this is all about, why, and if it's masking or covering for something else that needs to be dealt with. All, of course, with your loving support...

    I know this doens't answer of your questions right out of the gate. But this is going to be a process with him - and hopefully a professional who can help out.

    Good luck.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    There mere fact that he admits that the regular porn was no longer satisfying his addiction, so he escalates it trans or gay. Just like any other addiction they build a tolerance to it. What happens after this and after you no longer satisfy him? I don't think the temptation to try anything in order to be satisfied should be discounted.

    I think your focus is wrong. You are worried that he might be gay to turn gay?
    You should be concerned that he has a sex addiction to begin with.
    His addiction is a symptom of a bigger a problem.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-18-2019 at 04:18 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm going to take a slightly different approach than others on here.

    You don't need to give me a play-by-play on the recent kinky sex, but let me ask you: Was it, whatever you did, good for you? Was it fun? Did it feel natural? Like some kind of overdue breakthrough in your intimate life? Or did it feel weird and icky and "deviant," as others have interrupted it?

    I don't want to downplay his use of the word addiction in the context of his porn habits, but I think a lot of people turn to porn because they're scared to open up, sexually, with their partners. They're scared to admit that x or y turns them on, worried their partner will think they're a freak, maybe because they kind of worry they're a freak, and so they turn inward, to the screen, where the pixels are endless and the risk of outside judgment non-existent.

    In terms of what he was looking at, what it might mean, be it if he is gay or if his addiction is escalating—well, sure, maybe. Could also just mean he's a straight dude who likes to look at gay porn, sometimes. Which, hey, no judgement. When it comes to sex my take is: whatever gets you off. And the more honest you can be about that, the better time you'll have out there away from the screen.

    Anyhow, for you, OP: if you guys can make this something you can explore together—both some sexual interests and the curbing of addictive habits—this could potentially be an awesome chapter for you guys. But not if it feels sketchy and deviant for you. No, no to that.

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  6. #15
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    It was fun yes and felt good. and i feel alot better for it.

    weve spoken alot hes going to speak to somebody to help, theres more than just this stuff going on with him so i think that its a good idea anyway, and of course i will love and support him.

    i trust him more than anyone ive ever met, i think thats why it hurt so much more whe i found out.

    thanks everyone

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm going to take a slightly different approach than others on here.

    You don't need to give me a play-by-play on the recent kinky sex, but let me ask you: Was it, whatever you did, good for you? Was it fun? Did it feel natural? Like some kind of overdue breakthrough in your intimate life? Or did it feel weird and icky and "deviant," as others have interrupted it?

    I don't want to downplay his use of the word addiction in the context of his porn habits, but I think a lot of people turn to porn because they're scared to open up, sexually, with their partners. They're scared to admit that x or y turns them on, worried their partner will think they're a freak, maybe because they kind of worry they're a freak, and so they turn inward, to the screen, where the pixels are endless and the risk of outside judgment non-existent.

    In terms of what he was looking at, what it might mean, be it if he is gay or if his addiction is escalating—well, sure, maybe. Could also just mean he's a straight dude who likes to look at gay porn, sometimes. Which, hey, no judgement. When it comes to sex my take is: whatever gets you off. And the more honest you can be about that, the better time you'll have out there away from the screen.

    Anyhow, for you, OP: if you guys can make this something you can explore together—both some sexual interests and the curbing of addictive habits—this could potentially be an awesome chapter for you guys. But not if it feels sketchy and deviant for you. No, no to that.
    I agree with this.

    There’s nothing unhealthy or wrong with ‘kink’

    That’s not to say he doesn’t have an addiction or that there aren’t underlying issues, I do think over use is an issue, but it could very well be that he wants to explore different things sexually with you.

    Don’t go from 0 - 100 just yet. Stay aware, but trust and communicate with your partner.

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