Girl I barely know said she's not ready for a relationship.

This is situation is a first for me lol. Basically I met this girl on tinder who lives less than 5 miles away 3 days ago. We really did hit it off. She seemed like sees feeling me, telling me I'm so sweet and we have the same humor, I'm so hilarious. Anyways the red flag is she just broke up with her bf after 3 years in december and he left her for someone else. We even had the same situation cause my ex did the same to me but we dated for 2. Anyways this came to a halt when she said she's really not ready for anything right now and probably won't be for a bit, like the summer. Having been in her shoes I completely understand. I talked to other girls the first few months when I was heart broken but nothing took my mind off my ex. So basically we were honest of what we wanted, I wanted to see where things go but shes not ready for that. Usually I wouldn't ever get to this deep convo so fast but she said wasn't ready, So basically I was like I understand and whenever you are ready feel free to hit me up and we can see where things go. I said more, but ultimately she was so surprised how mature I was and called me really sweet and basically said "omg I would love that and I love how respectful and mature you are about things!!" So I wished for her happiness and she did the same! Obviously I can't just wait for her, but in your guys experience have they came back around when the timing sucked? But no matter what I really enjoyed how honest she was even tho it wasn't the answer I wanted.

Tldr: Met a girl on tinder, she's not ready for a relationship as she broke up with ex of 3 years in December. We basically agreed to "wait" for her to become ready for a relationship. Have they ever came around later on when the timing sucked?

She's in a confusing place. She may want to date around and enjoy her freedom, she may want her ex back, whatever. You did the right thing, but don't wait around.

Yes, she's not ready but don't wait for her. Continue dating other women if possible.

Definitely do not wait around.

As you say, you barely know her. It's an unwise choice for such a huge question mark. I don't get the impression she actually wants you to wait, but rather that she's the type to be overly sweet because she doesn't know how to be direct and discourage you from waiting for her.

It could be bad timing, yes, or it could just be that she's not that into you.

Usually when a girl says shes not ready for anything right now. That means to say she is not ready for a relations with YOU. Trust me with the girls have said that is because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

You have to move on and date other people.

that one is a crap shoot my friend. you're in a tough spot because you were in the "wrong place at the wrong time."

If you push, you are the rebound guy and get lumped in with the whole "ex phase" with her ex-. When she wants to make a clean break (and she will eventually) from this phase, you get purged along with it. That is if you're too close and push.

If you don't push, you become invisible and insignificant enough in her life that she can meet somebody else and develop with him and you're out of the game that way too.

Unfortunate circumstances for you for sure.

Keep healing. Let her keep healing. Keep in touch now and then just so she knows you're thinking of her and do think of her --- which hopefully will keep her thinking of you now and then. As you guys heal hopefully it allows for more and more contact to the point your'e not insignificant in her life and when she's ready for a clean break, she thinks of you first.

It's a delicate balancing act. You're doing perfectly right now. keep it going. don't get too close, and don't push. Just make yourself "of value" to her and give her something to remind her to think of you now and then.... as a date, not a friend.

But also, you really should be focusing on your own healing (you're on the rebound right now too). She could be your rebound in fact. So focue on you primarily and heal and move on and things will work themselves out later.

You handled this like a pro. And I don't mean "pro" in some gamey, Casanova way, but a pro in that your allowed your own history to inform your compassion and to see things with clear eyes. You've been in her shoes enough to know that you have zero power to change those shoes. Time does that.

To answer your question: Yes, in my experience people come back around—sometimes. I've come back around, had others come back around. And I've gotten into some pretty fun things by allowing someone to come back around and having been allowed, myself, to come back around.

But it can't be something you hope for, try to make happen, or really even think about for much more than another day. Cool person, bad timing—next, onwards, etc.

Honestly, that's an awful lot of TMI for just talking for 3 days with a total stranger. This kind of over sharing can create a sense of closeness that isn't quite grounded in reality. You don't know her, but you do know that she is literally just out of the relationship and not ready to date. Best not to build up illusions of something wonderful lost or missed and just recognize that you have no idea who she is and move on.

My thoughts are, if she's not ready to date/meet someone, why is she on Tinder? Another point to ponder is, with her breakup taking place in December it seems as if she didn't waste any time signing on to a dating site.

Something is not adding up, (imo).

My thoughts are, if she's not ready to date/meet someone, why is she on Tinder? Another point to ponder is, with her breakup taking place in December it seems as if she didn't waste any time signing on to a dating site.

 

Something is not adding up, (imo).

This^ is my opinion too! And agree something's not jiving.

I agree with Zippy (I am pretty sure it was Zippy) who said she just doesn't wish to date you, sorry. :(

I mean at this point you're not even asking for an exclusive RL, you simply want to date and get to know each other!

Why the heck is she on Tinder if she's not "ready" to even do that?

My sense is she may have gotten turned off by your strong feelings.

Women are very intuitive, we know how intense a man's feelings are, without him saying a word.

And as Dancing Fool said, too much sharing too soon.

JMO but it really sounds like she was using the classic line "not ready to date yet" to avoid hurting your feelings.

If that were true, she wouldn't be on Tinder in the first place.

My thoughts are, if she's not ready to date/meet someone, why is she on Tinder? Another point to ponder is, with her breakup taking place in December it seems as if she didn't waste any time signing on to a dating site.

 

Something is not adding up, (imo).

Oh, I think a lot of people's first move, post-breakup, is to hop on to Tinder/Bumble/whatever. It's the modern day version of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else," or however that goes.

Not saying it's noble or healthy, just that it does "add up."

I know I did, during the last breakup. Like within 12 hours. Pure fugue state. Not my proudest moment. Swiped three times—too depressing. Two weeks later I did it again, met up with someone. She was very cool, but the whole thing made me realize just how far from ready I was. Which I explained, much the way OP's date did.

Then I went off the apps for a good long time, like 8 months, until I was actually ready. But some people do it differently. Some people "heal" through swiping and dating—in quotes because I don't think it's a road to anywhere good. But people do it every day and plenty of people get clipped in the crossfire. And, heck, probably some actually decent relationships have come out of that. In romance you never know.

Maybe, for her, she was on Tinder to "see what's out there." Or maybe for a distraction. Or maybe she'd like to get laid, but needs it to be with someone less cool and promising than OP, since cool and promising, in the post-breakup spins, can be too weighty.

Reasons are endless, and not worth dissecting or pondering.

OP, bluecastle may be right -- are you able to check to see if she is still on Tinder?

I've never used Tinder which is why I am asking.

If she is still on, then she just doesn't wish to date you; if she hasn't logged in, then it's possible bluecastle (and others) are correct, she thought she was ready but realized after dating a bit, she's not.

OP, bluecastle may be right -- are you able to check to see if she is still on Tinder?

 

I've never used Tinder which is why I am asking.

 

If she is still on, then she just doesn't wish to date you; if she hasn't logged in, then it's possible bluecastle (and others) are correct, she thought she was ready but realized after dating a bit, she's not.

Well, whether she's on or off Tinder—or meditating in a cave—she does not want to date OP. Not this second, probably not for a lot of seconds, if ever, for reasons she articulated as best she could. Life. Happens. OP has been there himself.

So I wouldn't encourage any kind of back channel snooping. No, I'd be confident that you left a mark, because you're an awesome dude, and move along with swagger.

She'll reach out or she won't. One date. No biggie.

Wow thanks everyone for your advice. I did leave out some context. I could tell she wasn't over him. She stated like "it's crazy someone you dated for 3 years acts like you don't exist and starts dating another girl, im over him. But it still hurts😫" her exact words. Usually I wouldn't bring intentions so fast, but I couldnt help it when I got this red flag, like I don't want to get to know someone who isn't ready to even meet someone. So I brought it up that's when we she said she wasn't ready. Cause listen 3 years , they broke up 3 weeks or so ago lol. Anyways the whole conversations were on Snapchat. So I had some connect with her.

So now here's an update - she sent me streaks today on Snapchat, which basically exactly what it means, snap at least once a day and we both get a streak. So I did the same. 4 hrs later she sent streaks again so I mean I just left this one on read, we already did the one snap for the day. Anyways about an hour ago I just saw she just had blocked me on Snapchat and tinder lol. Was not expecting that but I guess there's my answer. I had a link to her profile, for a bit I was still able to see it, then now says user not found. Same when I sent the link to a friend when he saw it before too. Well either ex literally came back in a day or she's just wasn't interested / too emotional rn.

Bullet dodged. Dust off. Onward.

Wow thanks everyone for your advice. I did leave out some context. I could tell she wasn't over him. She stated like "it's crazy someone you dated for 3 years acts like you don't exist and starts dating another girl, im over him. But it still hurts😫" her exact words. Usually I wouldn't bring intentions so fast, but I couldnt help it when I got this red flag, like I don't want to get to know someone who isn't ready to even meet someone. So I brought it up that's when we she said she wasn't ready. Cause listen 3 years , they broke up 3 weeks or so ago lol. Anyways the whole conversations were on Snapchat. So I had some connect with her.

So now here's an update - she sent me streaks today on Snapchat, which basically exactly what it means, snap at least once a day and we both get a streak. So I did the same. 4 hrs later she sent streaks again so I mean I just left this one on read, we already did the one snap for the day. Anyways about an hour ago I just saw she just had blocked me on Snapchat and tinder lol. Was not expecting that but I guess there's my answer. I had a link to her profile, for a bit I was still able to see it, then now says user not found. Same when I sent the link to a friend when he saw it before too. Well either ex literally came back in a day or she's just wasn't interested / too emotional rn.

She is not worth keeping in touch with, anyway. She is rebounding hard.

Good catch. You spared yourself some headaches and drama.

I could tell she wasn't over him. they broke up 3 weeks or so ago lol. I just saw she just had blocked me on Snapchat and tinder lol.

Sorry, no. I've never seen a bad timing situation work out.

You're been smart by not waiting around. If you want any chance in the future don't hang around. A lot of people like to 'be there' for them and help them heal. The problem becomes you get seen as a confidante and a friend, not a potential lover. Then when they're ready to move on they give you a kiss on the cheek, tell you how sweet and wonderful your are as they are going out on their first date.

I lied. I remember one situation. I had a gal pal go through something sort of similar. Remotely similar. He wasn't ready. Fell of the face of the Earth. Texted her a couple of months later. I warned her to stay clear. They're married now. Remember, if people in this situation have a %90 failure rate, that means %10 of people are succeeding. It can happen, but the odds are against you.

I wish I’d read this a few months back. Not to say I wish this happened to anyone.

Obviously when you match (not tinder for me but same idea) you check out their profiles etc.

I looked and there were a lot of pictures with a guy. Naturally on our first date I asked what she was looking for and she was straight forward with me. She said it ended a month or so ago. I figured screw it, let’s see where it goes.

It went with amazing sexual chemistry, and we never had a dull moment, but eventually she decided she wanted to keep dating. We kept it up physically, until she told me she had a date lined up and I told her I think it’s time we move forward and she agreed. This woman I still find extremely sexy and I’d want to be there for her but after reading some advice on here, I found exactly what I was seeking.

It’s not that I don’t find her attractive or that we didn’t get along, it’s just that we are in different places.

I think she’s trying to find validation, specifically because of her saying “I can’t believe that it takes such a short time for lovers to become strangers.” She must feel like she isn’t good enough for someone she felt comfortable with for years and that is a HUGE upset. Out of thousands of people we interact with, in our head, there is one that we can be totally comfortable with. When that person leaves, it takes away a lot of that comfort and people start scrambling. Even dumpers have that feeling but less often. Ex. I used to be able to walk around naked but I don’t know about this new partner (rose colored goggles). It makes it a little easier if you’re comfortable with yourself.

The girl I met is good enough but honestly, I can’t convince her. She needs to convince herself and no matter how many people she dates it won’t end in each other’s favor but it will most likely end. Someone will be left wondering what happened. (You and I both)

Personally, I’m gonna move forward. I really wish her the best but I don’t want to be caught up in this phase in her life. If she wants to seek me out, she can make that happen. I haven’t gone anywhere. Same for you OP. She may have your number or she may unblock you but the point is she left and only she can come back. Don’t be bitter or resentful. Neither of you did anything wrong.

Very typical of rebounding. She wants reassurances, quick sex, and anything else that distracts her and assuages loneliness and scratches an itch.