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ahd15

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  1. Maybe. I didn’t ask to be friends. As a matter of fact I pointed out that we can’t be friends without sex. I think her and I both know that if we stay friends, there will still be that physical chemistry and we would act on it. Maybe she was feeding her ego to see how I’d react to her “attention.” If I delete or block her it would seem like I’m hurt and I truly believe she didn’t want to hurt me. I am hurt but not by her. My biggest upset here is that I’m dwelling on this way too much which tells me I have some work to do on my self confidence. I think her and I both do. She would get red when I told her she’s beautiful. She was at the brink of being uncomfortable and told me she wasn’t used to that. I promise everyone reading this, that I’m super disappointed, but I don’t say or do things I don’t mean, and I certainly don’t say or do things with an expectation to get something in return. I meant everything I said to her and I hope that she finds a partner who sees her how I see her and she feels the same towards them. Most of all I hope she sees herself that way first.
  2. I wish I’d read this a few months back. Not to say I wish this happened to anyone. Obviously when you match (not tinder for me but same idea) you check out their profiles etc. I looked and there were a lot of pictures with a guy. Naturally on our first date I asked what she was looking for and she was straight forward with me. She said it ended a month or so ago. I figured screw it, let’s see where it goes. It went with amazing sexual chemistry, and we never had a dull moment, but eventually she decided she wanted to keep dating. We kept it up physically, until she told me she had a date lined up and I told her I think it’s time we move forward and she agreed. This woman I still find extremely sexy and I’d want to be there for her but after reading some advice on here, I found exactly what I was seeking. It’s not that I don’t find her attractive or that we didn’t get along, it’s just that we are in different places. I think she’s trying to find validation, specifically because of her saying “I can’t believe that it takes such a short time for lovers to become strangers.” She must feel like she isn’t good enough for someone she felt comfortable with for years and that is a HUGE upset. Out of thousands of people we interact with, in our head, there is one that we can be totally comfortable with. When that person leaves, it takes away a lot of that comfort and people start scrambling. Even dumpers have that feeling but less often. Ex. I used to be able to walk around naked but I don’t know about this new partner (rose colored goggles). It makes it a little easier if you’re comfortable with yourself. The girl I met is good enough but honestly, I can’t convince her. She needs to convince herself and no matter how many people she dates it won’t end in each other’s favor but it will most likely end. Someone will be left wondering what happened. (You and I both) Personally, I’m gonna move forward. I really wish her the best but I don’t want to be caught up in this phase in her life. If she wants to seek me out, she can make that happen. I haven’t gone anywhere. Same for you OP. She may have your number or she may unblock you but the point is she left and only she can come back. Don’t be bitter or resentful. Neither of you did anything wrong.
  3. She’s got plenty of ego boosts. I’m not disagreeing with you it’s just what I’m thinking. You’re right she did make her choice. We haven’t talked for almost 5 days. I’m not super distraught about it just curious. I don’t have any animosity toward her or how it ended.
  4. After saying good bye she comments on a post of mine. I don’t understand.
  5. It sounds like the “connection” factor she said she was missing was me not being able to get rid of her pain. That’s why she’s back out looking and dating again. I almost feel like I’ll hear from her again. It’s a toss up whether I want to or not. I can’t lie the sexual chemistry was so good. I would do it again but it would only be if we are both on the same page. I feel like we were on the same page but not in the same mind state.
  6. Unfortunately I agree. I told her that too during the whole thing. We had all of these discussions. I left it in the best place I could. I left the door open but I can’t be around waiting for her.
  7. We met about a month after her relationship ended with him being the one to call it off. We dated for a month and did the other dance for about a month and a half. She told me that the last year of their relationship was full of fights so she was relieved it was over. It was a 4 year relationship. I went along with the benefits thing and promised her a clean break so I don’t plan on breaking that promise but I miss her. I don’t really know what I could’ve done differently. I know I would’ve liked to do more for her and with her. I’m also not convinced she’s totally happy breaking it off with me but that’s irrelevant.
  8. The more I think about it, the more I know I shouldn’t. Honestly it almost boils down to this- I think it was a case of fear. I did everything that made her smile and it seems like, at least from how she acted around me, that I was someone that she just wasn’t quite ready to let in. After her break up and her ex keeping something they shared mutually, I feel like I was just too much too soon. From things she said to how she acted I could tell she didn’t see herself the way I saw her. I didn’t know that so I did what felt right but like I said, it probably felt like it was too much to her. I even told her at one point during our frenefits period, that I thought that if she saw herself the way I saw her we wouldn’t be in this weird limbo. She agreed. At the end though she said that she felt a little more than fwb with me so she didn’t want to continue it because something wasn’t there and she didn’t know why she felt that way and it would just continue. So she went on a date and I haven’t talked to her since although we are still technically able to talk and see each other through social media or phone. There was a point in time where I thought I was too nice and that’s why she’s backed off. The truth is I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t showering her with gifts or anything. I can’t pinpoint 5 things I did that I should’ve gotten a reaction to. I can pinpoint doing things even when I knew we were going to expire because it felt right. The sex alone would be enough to make us want to keep seeing each other, and we did, but after all I think it was a little more for both of us and she didn’t know how to juggle the pressure of her recent heartbreak and hurting me in the process. Not really anything I did, which is an inevitable thought in these situations. I would be so much happier if she found someone that treats her better or the same as I wanted to and she felt the same towards them. If it’s me down the road that’s awesome. First though I think we both need to treat ourselves better. I should stop worrying about “what I did wrong” and she needs to make herself happy before she lets someone else in. Relationships may end but if if you’re not contempt within yourself, you’ll feel so much more broken than you did when you went in. I still do from time to time, clearly, but I’m getting better.
  9. All About Love- bell hooks Honestly the only book I’ve read 3 times. I’ve bought it for 6 people and two of them as a wedding present (for him and her). It’s a great read for anyone going through a tough time or for someone who wants to be more mindful when it comes to relationships. Romantic or platonic. Also, did you know that the reason she doesn’t capitalize her name is because she doesn’t want to be seen as “better” than anyone else?
  10. Why say that it is when I say it’s not? Thank you either way. I don’t need an answer I just sometimes feel bad that I’m here only when I have an issue and it makes me feel very selfish. I like to learn and be better. Thank you for the time you guys take to talk! I wish I can be there for someone like this as well.
  11. I want to ask a question to everyone responding to this. What makes you look on your phone or computer or whatever and to read, analyze, and respond? I just feel like everyone is so stuck in their own lives and desires that they rarely come to places to share their feelings. I work, I volunteer, and I try to date, but I don’t seem to find my way back here unless it’s an unwanted dating situation. I wish I came here for a different reason. It’s not a passive aggressive question. I volunteer to help people but it’s an organization. You guys take on a one on one level. What makes you do it?
  12. I’ve been posting on here for years for better or worse. It feels like in every relationship I’ve been in I’ve always tried to find a reason to hold out, be it the woman’s habits, the way she approaches things, down to a physical quality that I may find unattractive. Just one small thing that doesn’t mean much in the big picture, but would make it easier to dwell on when it would “inevitably end.” Maybe it would give me something to fall back on because I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to make it last. That clearly never worked since I’m still here posting about break ups years later. It’s good to talk to people and I appreciate every response. I told her this once and she asked if I found anything about her that made me have a “fall back.” I told her no and that was the truth. I let myself go with her and maybe that’s why I’m not angry. I think sexually we both did things we never experienced but more importantly to me she showed me it was ok to let go and be myself. So I treated her how I would treat the woman I like without thinking it would fail. Giving her my best felt great. I think she feels the same way but maybe it wasn’t the right time or I wasn’t the right person. Either way it’s an experience I won’t forget.
  13. Disappointed- maybe Angry- no It’s not ego that makes me omit the details. I know it’s bs and won’t happen but if she happens to stumble on this and realize it’s about her, she’ll feel bad. I don’t want that and frankly I don’t think the details matter. The end result is that we’re not doing whatever we were anymore. Could be the out of this world sex I miss or it could be the good kind funny person it was with but the point is it was gonna be over and i knew it and now I’m sad it ended. She knows it too I told her but I never made it awkward. She had a break up about a month before we met and I think I was just a rebound but screw it I treated her how I wanted to treat her and I don’t have any regrets. She had said things like she is not sure why she doesn’t feel more and I honestly believe she didn’t want to see me again because it would make things more difficult for both of us not just me. Although now I wonder if it was just me. Either way she was honest about it and cared enough about me to not make it hard on me. I brought up cutting it off when she said she had a date planned and couldn’t see me. I just made a comment saying I think it’s time, and she agreed (although I did try to get to see her one last time but she didn’t want to). The last time we hung out we went for drinks and to see a movie and of course ended up with another amazing night in bed. I wished her well, and that was that. I didn’t beg for her to reconsider or to “fix” anything. It was just that she didn’t know why she didn’t want to move forward with me but she didn’t and she’s not. Bottom line I probably did get attached more than she did but I meant what I said. From how great she is to me not making it hard on her. We’re still as connected as we were to talk to each other but i don’t really want to “talk about it.” I gave her my all, she didn’t want it, and life goes on. No reason to be angry, but I think it’s ok to be a little sad.
  14. None taken! I was just always raised to do good for others without expecting anything in return. Something my dad taught me. I agree though some people do expect and react when it’s not reciprocated. It makes it hard to trust people’s intentions sometimes.
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