Facebook Behavior

I am posting this question on behalf of a friend who is not signed up to this site.

 

If you were dating someone exclusively for years and they switched their gym for a period of time , only for you to find a new girl on their facebook who goes to that gym, would you find it suspicious? When you ask them about it they tell you the girl goes to their gym but when you ask how they got each other's fb, they have no clear answer.

 

Would you be suspicious to this or do you think it's ok to talk and add people from your gym while you have a gf/bf? Do you think it is taking it too far to tell your bf or gf that you find it uncomfortable that they add the opposite sex on their fb from their gym?

 

My friend has confronted her bf on this. He got very angry and felt like she was policing him. He said it is no big deal to add girls from the gym. He had no answer as to if they had a convo before adding. I mean who just finds someone's fb like that? Secondly, she asked him to remove this woman from fb and he got very mad, refused to do it, and now they are on the outs.

 

The 3rd paragraph is the questions she asked for anyone who has an opinion on it. Any advice. Thanks

Why is FB the center of their relationship? Who cares if he added her. Everyone adds random people as their FB friends

Is he allowed to add people from work? From school? How about friends of mutual friends, is that allowed or no?

 

I think your "friend" is being controlling out of fear. I presume Facebook has been an issue for a long while for your "friend".

Why is FB the center of their relationship? Who cares if he added her. Everyone adds random people as their FB friends

Because he started to tell her he likes a different gym which he drives out of his way for and a week later this girl was on his facebook from that gym. Everyone adds randoms yes,but this was someone specifically at his new gym that he mysteriously started going to.

Is he allowed to add people from work? From school? How about friends of mutual friends, is that allowed or no?

 

I think your "friend" is being controlling out of fear. I presume Facebook has been an issue for a long while for your "friend".

She tells me he can add whoever he wants but this was a specific girl from his new gym so she figured there had to be a certain convo about adding. You need someones name to find them on fb dont you? So thats what shes concerned about.

She presumes he finds this woman attractive and that he may dump her for this new woman?

She presumes he finds this woman attractive and that he may dump her for this new woman?

I don't know about attractiveness but she doesnt understand how she got on his fb and thinks they must talking more than a hi or bye. Its one thing to say hi at the gym...she doesnt understand how it got to a fb add.

I don't know about attractiveness but she doesnt understand how she got on his fb and thinks they must talking more than a hi or bye. Its one thing to say hi at the gym...she doesnt understand how it got to a fb add.

 

Like I said, she is afraid. And her fear is resulting in her trying to control his behavior. Usually this ends up backfiring big time.

 

Interesting how much importance some people place on Facebook...

Some people add everyone they meet on Facebook, who cares? If your friend is that insecure she monitors his profile so watch his friends list the relationships doomed. I could care less if my BF added a bunch of girls as friends.

 

This obviously is just showing how delicate and insecure their relationship is.

 

I also don’t believe this post is for a friend...

She doesnt monitor his friends list. They have been friends on fb their whole relationship. He adds randoms all the time. Its the fact he switched his gym and had a girl specifically from there come onto his fb. It led her to believe he sparks up convos with women at the gym or wherever . How else would he add her. You need a first and last name. Thats the part shes concerned about , not that theres a girl on his fb. Theres always new girls on his fb. This was a little different. She thought he works out and leaves, not talk to women and add them to his personal fb. I hope everyone is seeing the point. Maybe we titled the post wrong.

She.is.afraid!

 

Her fear is causing her to try to control him.

 

This will backfire. No healthy, mature adult will allow anyone to control them.

 

She will lose him if she doesn't back off.

 

I get the impression you agree with this "friend" about this.

She.is.afraid!

 

Her fear is causing her to try to control him.

 

This will backfire. No healthy, mature adult will allow anyone to control them.

 

She will lose him if she doesn't back off.

 

I get the impression you agree with this "friend" about this.

So if you are dating someone for years , it is ok for them to chat up women at the gym and add them to their fb? Talk more etc? While they are exclusive with you? You wouldnt mind?

 

Its automatically an insecurity on the womens part?

 

Idk who I agree with. Just trying to be supportive to her.

What are the other problems in the relationship?

 

I assume there's more context here, because she otherwise wouldn't be too worried about some random girl he's befriended. And no, I wouldn't mind. I trust my partner enough to know he's extroverted and would strike up a conversation with a wall if it would engage with him! So yes, I think your friend's boyfriend likely does chat to her but that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything shady happening.

 

Have there previously been trust issues between them? That might colour my perception a bit differently.

I hope everyone is seeing the point.

We see your point. We just don't really see a reason to care. If guy wants to travel to a new gym for the purposes of hitting on other women or more, he doesn't have to add them to Facebook to do so. The act itself is meaningless. If she's that upset simply for the fact he added a lady at a new gym to Facebook, she should probably dump him until she's not so insecure she's got to establish such neurotic boundaries. And if there's an actual history that has legitimately led her to set the bar of distrust so low, she should probably still dump him as that's a bit too far gone.

What are the other problems in the relationship?

 

I assume there's more context here, because she otherwise wouldn't be too worried about some random girl he's befriended. And no, I wouldn't mind. I trust my partner enough to know he's extroverted and would strike up a conversation with a wall if it would engage with him! So yes, I think your friend's boyfriend likely does chat to her but that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything shady happening.

 

Have there previously been trust issues between them? That might colour my perception a bit differently.

 

Yes, same here (married woman, I got to my building's workout room several times a week). I have added women to linked in (and maybe Facebook- depended on the reason). I added one man who is attractive looking on Linkedin -we have similar jobs. We used to chat quite a bit (it's unusual in our workout room to chat because when I go in the morning, before work, we're all focused on getting in and out lol). We did not flirt. I added him mostly for networking. I don't even think I mentioned it to my husband and if i did it would be because it was interesting to meet someone with a similar professional background. If I were asked by a guy to socialize outside of the gym I would tell my husband and it would depend on the details.

My husband is nominally on Facebook, not on linkedin, we both have Iphones and computers and neither of us ever goes through the other's messages/emails. If I am on a computer and an email for him pops up in notifications, I will glance if it's work or seems important in case he needs to know ASAP. Because we trust each other.

You mentioned before the issues you had with your boyfriend and Facebook. So I get that it's a sore spot.

 

When did this "friend" witness her boyfriend "chatting up" this other woman? Or...is she assuming??

What are the other problems in the relationship?

 

I assume there's more context here, because she otherwise wouldn't be too worried about some random girl he's befriended. And no, I wouldn't mind. I trust my partner enough to know he's extroverted and would strike up a conversation with a wall if it would engage with him! So yes, I think your friend's boyfriend likely does chat to her but that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything shady happening.

 

Have there previously been trust issues between them? That might colour my perception a bit differently.

 

Best reply yet! The amount of worry some people place on their SO "talking" to another person or adding them on FB is staggering. There's a serious lack of trust here. I talk to anyone and everyone and yeah I'd talk to a wall if it'd reply to me! I have plenty of guy friends and my husband is not threatened by that at all. He knows other females, and it doesnt bother me.

 

To the OP's friend - what you fear, you create.

Is this the same guy or same friend?

12-12-2016: You are dating someone exclusively but they refuse to add u on their facebook. They even go as far as to block u so u cant add them. However they add everyone else, even someone they dont know personally but only heard of.

What are the other problems in the relationship?

 

I assume there's more context here, because she otherwise wouldn't be too worried about some random girl he's befriended. And no, I wouldn't mind. I trust my partner enough to know he's extroverted and would strike up a conversation with a wall if it would engage with him! So yes, I think your friend's boyfriend likely does chat to her but that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything shady happening.

 

Have there previously been trust issues between them? That might colour my perception a bit differently.

Yes there's some trust issues. She has never caught him cheating but lying yes . (About small things too) I think when she confronted him first about this girl he said she was a trainer at the gym but my friend did some snooping and saw that wasn't true. So she told him where she actually works and then he said "oh yes that's right, I did see her working at that store." He just so happened to be in that store to know this info? Lol. She found the whole thing weird. He also stopped talking to my friend over this.

 

I also think it's weird that she asked him to prove he doesn't speak to her by showing his fb messages and he refused to show.

Is this the same guy or same friend?

No that post was about me and my ex boyfriend

We see your point. We just don't really see a reason to care. If guy wants to travel to a new gym for the purposes of hitting on other women or more, he doesn't have to add them to Facebook to do so. The act itself is meaningless. If she's that upset simply for the fact he added a lady at a new gym to Facebook, she should probably dump him until she's not so insecure she's got to establish such neurotic boundaries. And if there's an actual history that has legitimately led her to set the bar of distrust so low, she should probably still dump him as that's a bit too far gone.

I agree. He could hit on women without the facebook. But she just found it strange that from talking to a woman, he then leads to adding her on fb. If he had a good answer I feel my friend would of dropped the situation. But he was fumbling answers and nothing was adding up. If it was so innocent, why the lies?

Well, I'm not a suspicious or paranoid person by any stretch, but I do think it's quite a coincidence that just as he joins this *new* gym that he needs to drive a bit of distance to, this new "random" girl from the same gym shows up on his FB.

 

These two incidents are most likely related, I also think it's odd when confronted, he got defensive and played dumb about it.

 

If she were just a "friend" he would have simply told your friend that and not become so defensive and acted so shady about it.

 

This is why I hate FB! It has literally destroyed more relationships than I can count.

 

As to what your friend should do, nothing! If she continues badgering him about it, he may break up with her for that!

 

He may have a crush on this other girl, maybe it's more than that, who knows.

 

I suspect there are other issues plaguing their relationship, perhaps it's time for them to have a sit down and discuss where they want things to go. Calmly, rationally.

 

When presented that way (versus being confrontational and accusatory), he may fess up to his crush or whatever is going on, and together they can decide whether to stay together or if it's time to end things and move on.

It's very similar. Why can't this friend open her own account and ask her own questions for better results?

No that post was about me and my ex boyfriend

You mentioned before the issues you had with your boyfriend and Facebook. So I get that it's a sore spot.

 

When did this "friend" witness her boyfriend "chatting up" this other woman? Or...is she assuming??

She didnt catch him talking. She noticed the new girl because she was clicking like on everything. She actually never brought it up. A whole month had passed. The girl has an open fb so she was checking into that gym he goes to. My friend laid back and just looked at his actions. He was driving miles out of his way for this gym, leaving work earlier to go work out when hes more of a late night guy. He also told my friend that hes going to start working out before work like 7am and hes not a morning guy at all lol She added it up to realize this girl works out at 7am .

 

It might of all been a crazy coiincidence so finally she asked him and he said they say "hi and bye" only (no convo). So her point was, "if you only say hi or bye how does it lead to a fb add?" He had no answers.

 

I agree with what everyone said here, but if this guy was having a convo and was asked about it, he should just tell my friend "yes we speak and she gave me her fb name." Why the lies??? I think it makes ALL the difference. That is what my friend is wondering about.

 

In that scenario I feel anyone would be concerned, myself included.

Well, I'm not a suspicious or paranoid person by any stretch, but I do think it's quite a coincidence that just as he joins this *new* gym that he needs to drive a bit of distance to, this new "random" girl from the same gym shows up on his FB.

 

These two incidents are most likely related, I also think it's odd when confronted, he got defensive and played dumb about it.

 

If she were just a "friend" he would have simply told your friend that and not become so defensive and acted so shady about it.

 

This is why I hate FB! It has literally destroyed more relationships than I can count.

 

As to what your friend should do, nothing! If she continues badgering him about it, he may break up with her for that!

 

He may have a crush on this other girl, maybe it's more than that, who knows.

 

I suspect there are other issues plaguing their relationship, perhaps it's time for them to have a sit down and discuss where they want things to go. Calmly, rationally.

 

When presented that way (versus being confrontational and accusatory), he may fess up to his crush or whatever is going on, and together they can decide whether to stay together or if it's time to end things and move on.

I am glad you saw the coiincidence. I saw it too . I agree 100 percent. If this were innocent he would of said how he saw her and got her fb. He denied a convo ever happened. Well in my experience you just dont look at a person and their fb name pops up on your phone. You have to have an exchange of words further enough to get their name.

 

Im not sure what shes doing next but he turned it on her that shes a psycho and refuses to speak to her .

 

I agree,fb has ruined too many relationships!