Stuck.

Hello. I am 19 years old. I started college in October 2017. Right from the first day, I fell in love with a girl that I saw at the opening ceremony (I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop looking at her). Now I don't know if this happened to me because I really like her or just because I tend to be a shallow person and care a lot about looks. In the next day, surprisingly, when I walked in class, I found out that we are class-mates. Great. I also want to mention that I am a quite shy guy especially when it comes to girls and I don't really have a social life. In one of the first weeks, when I went outside in the break to smoke a cigarette, she and one of her friends came right next to me (like a few cm). Her friend (a girl as well) was smoking and was just staring at me while smiling, while my crush was standing next to me and was just constantly adjusting her clothes towards me and flowing her hair (she is a non-smoker so I guess she came out for me or nah?) and they were not saying anything and I didn't say anything either. There was another time when I walked in class and she gave me that puppy look with a smile. And another time when she was standing right in front of me (a few cm) while I was sitting down with her ass towards me and she pulled up her pants and shook her booty really hard which scared the hell out of me. My drama is that when I am at university I am so scared that I can't even look her in the eyes and when I'm in my room or somewhere else I just can't stop thinking about her. It's gotten to the point where I can't even study or focus on my work. I feel like I am filling up with regret every day. I don't know if I feel this way because I feel hugely attracted to her or because I'm very lonely in general which I think makes things worse. She seems like a warm outgoing person and I don't know if those were signs that she liked me or she was just trying to be friendly. The only thing I did was to send her a message via Facebook about 2 months ago (at that time she already done all those things that I mentioned above) where I told her that I was sorry for not being very friendly to her and that I like her and that I know that I should tell her that I like her face to face but I am too shy to do it. She said that she was in another relationship and found it interesting that I like her and reproached that we didn't have any chats or anything. And then there comes social status. I am quite a poor guy with no-rich parents while she seems like she is the opposite. Also through high-school I was hanging out with losers and that took a toll on my thinking and behavior. After I realized that I hanged out with idiots who only cared about themselves and didn't give a about me, when I could have met much better people I started feeling really depressed. My confidence was really low after high school, probably close to 0 and now this happens with this girl which makes things even worse. I wish I didn't fear embarrassment this much but I just can't. I wish I could be a guy who puts his feelings away and only focuses on studying and work but I just can't be that way. I feel terrible and depressed and I don't know what to do and where to start from.

You're going way too fast and overthinking things. Just ask a girl out. If you can't say it, text it to them. If you can't text it, write it in a note and give it to them. If you can't do this, write a note and give it to one of their friends to give to her. If you can't do this, get a wingman to ask for you. Staring at her and not saying anything is not enough. Just find a way to ask girls out and your life will change.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are having a tough time adjusting to college. Talk to one of your advisers and see if you can get some counseling on campus. Just relax and focus on your classes and making friends in general rather than dating. Also never ever message girls on social media out of nowhere saying you like them, it's creepy. You have to smile, say hi and get some small talk going first.

She said that she was in another relationship. I feel terrible and depressed and I don't know what to do and where to start from.

Honestly, it sounds like you are getting in your own way, making excuses for how you are and getting stuck in your head over all of these things. It is easy for people to throw around the descriptor 'shy' about themselves, then promptly hide behind it like it is some valid excuse.

I have always believed that we act the way we believe. Thus, if you think you are shy, keep telling yourself and everyone you are shy, then you believe you are shy and will act shy. Shyness is related to fear. I can't deal with rejection, I can't... I can't... I can't... And then you believe you can't deal with it.

Confident people tend to believe they are confident and can do it, and they go and do it. They can deal with things that hold other people back as they believe they can deal with it. If I get rejected, ah well, next...

Learn to be confident. It will take time, but you will feel better about yourself and won't spend so much time in your head or hiding behind labels.

Oh, and quit the ciggies. Smoking is stupid.

You are day dreaming.

First and foremost you need to have confidence and to do that you need to love your self. Look when I read your post and how you describe your high school life and the way you describe your friends, it was depressing. You have low self esteem. You project negativity and no one will be your friends except the same kind of people.

About the girl. You like her, you probably never had a girl friend. Now you like someone and you can't even concentrate on work. Everything she does is not about you. A better way to put it at this time anything she has done you were not in the picture at all. You just happened to notice and you seem to think that she is doing all this for you. That is super creepy.

You then did another super creepy thing, telling someone you never spoke to that you like them through social media. Stop and when she says she is in another relationship, that is code for "I don't like you even if I wasn't in a relationship". That is not a code for try harder.

First thing. Stop with this girl before you get arrested. Second thing: find some self worth. Third to work on some social skills overall and make new friends. Once you do that find some confidence then you can work on being in a relationship. Because right now you are not good to anyone even your own. Also keep in mind all of this doesn't happen overnight or even months. You are going to have to invest in yourself for at least a year at a minimum.

Well I basically agree with everything other posters said and my main piece of advice would be to just get over this girl. She told you that she's with someone else two months ago. Whether she was telling the truth or lying is irrelevant- the message is that she is not interested in you. Also while it's natural to be attracted or get a crush on someone cute, you seem actually obsessed with this girl and you don't know her at all and have never really spoken to her. I think you need to be careful not to create a huge fantasy of someone you don't even know just in your mind. I understand you're shy and lonely but maybe try to get to know people first before deciding you're really into them. I think if you see a girl once that is not being "in love". That's just lust and attraction. There is a big difference.

OP, is there any reason why you never reply to any of your threads? You have five threads, all more or less about the same thing, yet you never reply to anybody. Why is that?

I’m sorry to hear about your dilemma. Sometimes we can play out drama in our head and it gets out of hand. Since you posted your question, have you had another opportunity to speak with her? If not, I suggest you just start by looking her in the eye and saying “Hi.” If she responds, you could follow up with something like, “What do you think of this class?” If she doesn’t respond, or seems aloof, she may well be in a relationship as she indicated in her Facebook response. I have confidence in you! I’m sure there are lots of cute girls on campus who would respond to your saying “hi” with a smile.

Yeah there were opportunities but I couldn't do it, I felt too afraid that I was gonna screw up. There were two times when she was smiling insistently to me while making eye contact. Sometimes I could observe her peeking to look at me. But this has changed now. Everytime she sees me she looks disgusted and looks away, and I get it. She thinks that I ignored her because I don't like her, when in fact I just feel too inhibited to talk to her. Now there were also a few things that I probably forgot to mention. During high-school, because I wasn't having too much fun and had poor parents (still do), I decided to start working online and postpone my social life until college. I was expecting to make more money so that I could truly enjoy the college life. Also I developed a passive-aggressive behavior. At the beginning of high-school I was one of the best students from my class. Until I became like the rest of my class-mates: people who didn't really care about school, but still I was able to get pretty good grades. And most of the times I was being verbal-bullied in class, especially when I was deciding to stand-up for something, I was being put down pretty quick. I wasn't showing that this kind of behavior from them was hurting me because I was afraid of embarrassment. This keeps haunting me until now, everytime I try to set-up a goal or wanna go out somewhere, there is this image that pops up in my head that I will do something stupid or someone is gonna say something to me and I will be humiliated. This has resulted into me being more and more isolated. And now coming back to the girls topic. In the first day of high-school, about 5 years ago it turned out that my crush from elementary school were going to be class-mates. In the first day, just like my actual crush she just came near me and was expecting me to talk to her but I couldn't do it, as usual. I think she used to like me. During 4 years of high-school we've never spoken to each other, and now if we meet, we don't even say hello to each other. I know this wouldn't be too bad if you knew that the other person is a bad one or that you just don't like each other. But the thing that bothers me is this difference between what could have been if I wasn't a p**sy and the thing that is. I don't know, I developed a weird way of repressing who I truly am because I am afraid, so instead I pretend to be a careless guy but I'm not. Now the thing that terrifies me is that I will never be able to truly enjoy life at my potential and I will be stuck with mediocre people for the rest of my life and that I have never told this girl from my actual college class how much I like her.