Retribution or move on

I feel the need to seek advice on this matter virtually perhaps because it is easier to speak about what happened online. Last christmas, 21st December 2017 at approximately 8.15pm, 5 armed burglars raided my house, stole xmas presents, stole my expensive watch and worst of all, held a gun to my dads head, forced me and my mother to lie face down while they ransacked our home. I’ve never felt so powerless and pathetic and I have relieved the 10 minutes that it happened in nightmares and daymares ever since.

I have recently discovered, to my dismay, that one of the lowlifes was actually a guy who went to my senior school, and lives close by although he is currently in jail. Ever since finding out it was him it has all resurfaced and I find myself planning revenge, mentally playing out possible scenarios. I feel like I’m losing my mind. If anyone could offer any advice or experience I would be grateful.

Thank you for reading,

Greyson.

You went through something very traumatic. The way you are feeling is a pretty normal reaction. Have you thought about seeking therapy? Post traumatic stress is something therapists deal with a lot.

Do you really want to spend time in jail?

All of you are alive! Be thankful that man got caught and is in jail. If it helps, go egg his house. But think about it. He is a low-life that chose this as his work. You have PTSD in the worst way. And in many cases can be treated with light therapy (you don't need talk therapy!). I would also take up a karate class; it's a mental and physical way to help move on too.

I have basically diagnosed myself with PTSD and I have been trying self healing such as meditation, Brazilian jiu jitsu, mindfulness etc. Which seemed to have worked until now I feel the closer the date gets, the more anxious I become. However I am a university student with fairly limited funds, my parents are not rich by any means. Therapy is somewhat out of the question right now.

Most universities offer free counselling sessions or therapists, look into it. Mental health resources have exploded on campuses around the world.

I think this is something you're going to need professional help with, this was quite a severe and traumatic experience.

I have taken up BJJ which has helped considerably, I feel the closer it gets to being a year on, the more anxious I’m getting and restless.

Thank you for the reply tattoo bunnie

I have basically diagnosed myself with PTSD and I have been trying self healing such as meditation, Brazilian jiu jitsu, mindfulness etc. Which seemed to have worked until now I feel the closer the date gets, the more anxious I become. However I am a university student with fairly limited funds, my parents are not rich by any means. Therapy is somewhat out of the question right now.

Most schools have someone you can talk too. I went to a small state school and we had therapists for the students to talk too.

And don't worry. It's normal to have strong feelings near anniversaries of trauma. And it's normal for more information (like knowing who one of the guys is) to cause a stir up as well. It's okay to get help.

I have basically diagnosed myself with PTSD and I have been trying self healing such as meditation, Brazilian jiu jitsu, mindfulness etc. Which seemed to have worked until now I feel the closer the date gets, the more anxious I become. However I am a university student with fairly limited funds, my parents are not rich by any means. Therapy is somewhat out of the question right now.

Colleges actually provide healthcare and mental health counseling to all enrolled students. It's part of your tuition payments. Go and use it. While you've made a great effort to help yourself and should keep at it, obviously you need more.

Other than that, best revenge is moving on to a great life, finishing college, becoming successful. Stooping down to this loser's level, going to jail....I mean that's not revenge that's just becoming exactly like the loser who attacked you. The biggest "fck you" is not allowing scum to affect your life and success. There is nothing that will make a loser feel like an even bigger loser than the fact that you shrug off his attacks like it's nothing and carry on with your life head held high while he continues to rot in and out of jail.

I have taken up BJJ which has helped considerably, I feel the closer it gets to being a year on, the more anxious I’m getting and restless.

Thank you for the reply tattoo bunnie

Almost all universities have a staffed therapist that is free. I would go see what your options are. It's not an expensive treatment that could be done in a few sessions. Based on what you have shared, PTSD is very treatable especially in your circumstance.

Thank you all so much for your advice. Having done some research there is a in-house service at my university that I wasn’t aware of.

I am going to utilise this and hopefully, I can finally start to put the last 12 months to rest.

Greyson.

Revenge may seem like a fix so you can recover from the trauma but you need to realize that you simply are not that type of person. Stooping to this level will hurt your soul and weaken your character with no positive results.

The best revenge is to seek help and live a happy and healthy life. A bonus will be for your parents to see that you are doing much better. I imagine the can tell you are not doing well right now and worry about you.

Sometimes just talking out loud to someone helps, even typing things out here helps. It is cathartic in a way to let out the thoughts so they become real and tangible and once that is done seem easier to deal with in a healthy way.

I hope you are able to find someone that can help you make your way through your recovery.

Please keep us posted

Lost

Living a wonderful life does not treat PTSD, speaking as someone who's hubby has it.

Read up on EMDR, Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It's really reteaching your brain how to process things to move on, and not have it stuck frozen and relived. It disassociating triggers.

Some professional help seems to be in order for you.

Thank you all. The EMDR seems like a good treatment!

Thank you all again for advice and I wish you all well. I will keep you posted

My heart goes out to you and your family. I agree with using your school's counseling services.

Consider adopting a view of your first year survival date through a lens of your family's triumph for being alive and well and able to celebrate another year together.

If the guy is in jail for your robbery, celebrate that. If not, consider contacting your municipality for a referral to your local victims' services unit and advice on whether he will be prosecuted for his crime against your family and whether you may possibly want to file a civil suit against him.

The goal of counseling is to make a mental shift away from drilling into feelings of powerlessness toward recognizing instead your strength and your family's bonds for having survived the event together.

The more feelings of empowerment and gratitude for your family's survival you can practice generating and sharing with your family, the more able you will become to minimize the memories that rob you of this state.

Your focus on healing is an incremental process that will gain strength and become larger while the trauma becomes minimized in proportion. First step is to make the empowered decision that this will be so. Your work with a counselor makes you an active rather than passive participant in this process. It takes time and practice, so don't fault yourself for any lack of instant healing. Your counselor can walk you through techniques to help you 'grow' the healing even while you learn ways to best manage and view your first year mark.

Head high.