boyfriend got angry and stormed off

So i was out shopping with my boyfriend. Firstly i said to him if he has too much work to do, then id happily go myself. He still insisted he didnt mind so i left it there and we went. Had a great morning i must say and weve been very happy for a long time.

Anyway we went to one shop which was closed and then we were trying to decide where else to go. So we decided to go to a different shop and so i suggested two shops but then decided on one which was a bit further than the other. I then thought i mentioned that we'd go to the first shop and before i could justify why (it being closer) he snapped and got very angry at me saying ive made him go back and forward. I had no idea the shops were in the opposite direction i just suggested going to the closer shop. I didnt even persist, i didnt mind where we'd go i was just throwing out options, if he just said 'were on the way to the other shop' i would have been completely fine, completely i honestly didnt care. Anyway it really upset me that he snapped at me like this, raised his voice and started to drive fast and he got angry at me getting upset said well just go back home and then started complaining he had a lot of work to do. I already said id go myself if that was the case. Anyway he just dropped me off and left without saying bye.

I just feel like i have to walk on egg shells around him.

I dont know how to speak to him after this because i feel like hes just going to blame me for this. I just need to know was i really so badly in the wrong that i deserved him raising his voice at me like that?

Recently i was given a huge opportunity in my line of work and was extremely happy over this. I feel like this may have something to do with it hence him snapping he needs to go an do work even after i said to him ill go shopping myself.

Does he often get angry like this?

Perhaps in the future you should leave him at home. That way you can get through your shopping without having to worry about tying up his day.

He does get annoyed over small things yes, but this to me was on another level. I was simply making suggestions..

And i said to him was this really worth getting so angry about?

And he was like yes, next time think before i speak

Having been fairly active with all of your more turbulent posts over the years, I'm having a hard time isolating this incident. You've got a long history of being pretty needy... if you were to be honest, would it really have been OK if he said, "Sure, go ahead on your own?" Was there a legit reason to suggest the shop that's further away? I do recall a fairly recent trend of you being a bit liberal with helping yourself to his time, and not to dismiss him from the responsibility of asserting himself and his schedule and needs, but if you know he's short on time, it's good to be a bit more conscientious.

Also, a few months back you were in a car accident. Is your car still operable? Or are you two only on one vehicle? Are you driving his, in which case he'd understandably, given previous circumstances, prefer to be the one to drive it?

How have the past few months been otherwise?

This is a stereotype - but often, I find that men and women shop differently.

If I want to pick up something or I have a clear, concise idea of what I want or what I am looking for, I will bring my boyfriend.

If I want to "go shopping", I bring my sister or a girlfriend.

Women like to browse, discuss things, throw ideas off each other, wander around, almost go on an adventure and figure out where we'll end up when we get there. Men like to go on a mission and achieve their goal. Then they feel accomplished.

I think you were trying to "girl shop" with a guy on a mission. He was likely starting to feel like he wouldn't accomplish the goal, which was a waste of time and he had better things to do.

Not uncommon from my observations - but he could have been nicer about it. There is no excuse for snapping and getting angry. His communication needs work, IMO.

Having been fairly active with all of your more turbulent posts over the years, I'm having a hard time isolating this incident. You've got a long history of being pretty needy... if you were to be honest, would it really have been OK if he said, "Sure, go ahead on your own?" Was there a legit reason to suggest the shop that's further away? I do recall a fairly recent trend of you being a bit liberal with helping yourself to his time, and not to dismiss him from the responsibility of asserting himself and his schedule and needs, but if you know he's short on time, it's good to be a bit more conscientious.

 

Also, a few months back you were in a car accident. Is your car still operable? Or are you two only on one vehicle? Are you driving his, in which case he'd understandably, given previous circumstances, be the one to drive it?

 

How have the past few months been otherwise?

I am being extremely honest here because i dont know how to deal with this situation.

We have been great the past few months and especially great for the past 2 days so yes i was insisting that id happily go on my own and so he could do his work. I was honestly ready to go myself but he insisted its fine him coming. Im usually fine doing things myself im always shopping myself so my neediness has nothing to do with this.

I suggested the shop further away because there were more shops around that area i could also go to and he was fine by that. He got angry when i changed my mind and suggested the closer option because hed have to go round on the round about again Firstly i didnt know they were in opposite directions and secondly i just mentioned it in fact as a better option for him so he didn't have to drive as far.

Yeah my cars fine we have separate cars. I just thought it'd be a good time to spend together and like i said he insisted on coming.

He's not short on time with work. He's trying to create a business which is obviously a long term thing and i know he was just working on that today. We did some work together in the morning and we were going to work after we came back from shopping too.

I just dont know what im supposed to do now. Apologise for changing my mind about the shop, even when i was doing it for his benefit?

he was also saying i just shouldn't have 'opened my mouth and said anything'.

If you really are needy, it's possible he went with you to try and avoid a fight.

It also sounds like you were just shopping around instead of shopping with a mission, which could be frustrating.

And you claim you suggested these shops for his benefit without knowing where they were. That doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm a "mission" shopper too. I just go to get what I want and leave. (I'm female, by the way). So I personally would get annoyed if someone was shopping without any clear direction, which it sounds like you were doing. And, on top of that, I would get annoyed if the tables got turned and I was told this disorganization was "for my benefit"

Let's back up further, though. Did you say "I'm going shopping, see you later!" And he said "oh great, can I come?" OR did you say "I'm going shopping, do you want to come? You don't have to"

If you really are needy, it's possible he went with you to try and avoid a fight.

 

It also sounds like you were just shopping around instead of shopping with a mission, which could be frustrating.

 

And you claim you suggested these shops for his benefit without knowing where they were. That doesn't make much sense to me.

 

I'm a "mission" shopper too. I just go to get what I want and leave. (I'm female, by the way). So I personally would get annoyed if someone was shopping without any clear direction, which it sounds like you were doing. And, on top of that, I would get annoyed if the tables got turned and I was told this disorganization was "for my benefit"

 

Let's back up further, though. Did you say "I'm going shopping, see you later!" And he said "oh great, can I come?" OR did you say "I'm going shopping, do you want to come? You don't have to"

Sorry im not making much sense.

I knew where these shops were in terms of distance, we both did i just didnt know the way.

I suggested one shop which was further away because there were more around the area and he was fine with that. I then said maybe we can go to the closer one so you have to drive less within 30 seconds of my previous suggestion so its not like he was already half way there and thats when he got angry for me even suggesting anything after the first suggestion. I was simply making suggestions and didnt realise i was doing anything wrong. I was just talking and he decided to snap and get angry drop me off at home without saying bye and just left.

Im just asking is this really an appropriate response to me mentioning two shops?

Clearly im not a mission shopper but i dont see why that would put me at fault here.

I said ' i need to go shopping tomorrow' (yesterday) and he said ' ill come with you' to which i replied 'no its ok, i know you have work to do' to which he said 'no its ok ill come'.

I would make myself scarce, and let him know how it feels. What a jerk and you probably kiss his behind. Just saying.

I'm not familiar with your posts outside of this thread. To me, he sounds pissed off and resentful of you for much more than the days shopping blip. It does sound annoying, but not worth a yelling and dumping you off fight at all. To me it looks like there is something seriously wrong in the relationship if it gets to this. Ever.

Between this incident and your previous postings, maybe its time to re-evaluate this relationship?

OP, in my opinion here's how he should have handled the situation, playing armchair boyfriend a bit;

Calmly: "OK I know I agreed to come with today, but this is starting to take too long and I have things I really need to get to. How about we drop me off at home and I'll leave you to the rest of your shopping?"

However, and be honest with yourself, if he would have said this would you have simply said "Sure babe, no problem" without another word, or would there have been at the very least some pouting on your part?

Him snapping at you was wrong. You shouldn't be spoken to in that way and he needs to understand that. I'm just wondering if there is a dynamic in which he felt that he couldn't really tell you "no"--even though you said he could, it can be kinds of like "sure, go out with your friends" when as a guy you know you'll pay--and his frustration spilled over as a result.

In other words, you may both be on eggshells with each other.

Ok I can understand him getting aggravated about the different shops in different directions, but as far as pitching a hissy over it not so much. If my gf was to tell me she's going shopping and I don't need to come I'd give her my truck keys, made sure it was full of fuel and tell her to have at it

I suggested the shop further away because there were more shops around that area i could also go to and he was fine by that. He got angry when i changed my mind and suggested the closer option because hed have to go round on the round about again

 

he was also saying i just shouldn't have 'opened my mouth and said anything'.

He's right, this would have made me nuts. Never a good idea when you're a passenger to a driver who's happily on route somewhere to suggest that they change course.

You both agreed to your first suggestion, you were both already on your way there, and you veered your whole day off course by changing that.

I'd let him cool down, and then I'd humbly apologize and tell him I learned my lesson and would like to make this up to him. I'd ask him to think about how I can do that and to let me know.

Yeah... my hubs hates it when I do that change-my-mind stuff if we are already in the car. He really doesn't like it when I tell him how to get there either

Choc:

"he was also saying i just shouldn't have 'opened my mouth and said anything'."

First of all just to say never ever take a man, any man, shopping with you! L.

I don't even like shopping either and find it an awful bore.

That said, I think Krankor makes good points.

I just feel like i have to walk on egg shells around him.

So: When he dropped you off without saying anything why didn't you just tell him that you're not getting out until we resolve the animosity towards one another? That you didn't want to spend the rest of the day angst ridden over his anger at you? If he insisted that you get out without discussing then get out and tell him to lose your number because living on egg shells isn't the way to go about being in a relationship.