Unprotected sex with my BOYFRIEND of 7 years & getting an STD. Did he cheat?

I recently visited my Gynecologist because i had some discharge issues. Results came back today. Before I go any further I want to let you all I know I have been in a ON & OFF relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years. I say on & off because he has cheated on me, and we broke up due to his infidelity. We have unprotected sex because we're in love (well clearly I'M the only one in love) but that's why we don't use condoms. I have NEVER had sex with anyone besides him, i lost my virginity to him, and he's been the only guy in my life since. Well i just got my test results back and she said i have GONORRHEA.. which can ONLY BE PASSED THROUGH SEXUAL INTERCOURSE... So did he cheat? If i ask him, he IS going to lie for sure. He always lies to me. I'm scared to tell him because the first time i told him i'm going to the gyne he said "if u have something its not from me, so that means you've been messing around." THAT IS BULL AND NOT TRUE. I need advice.. we can't have sex until he is treated. and to even tell him he gave me an STD he will lie his way around everything. I'm hurt & scared...

Of course he cheated . Never never never never never never use the statement I'm in love so we don't use condoms . That's incredible foolishness . HIV doesn't go away with the prescription of an antibiotic . And one day you could end up with that .ALWAYS use condoms unless you are in a totally exclusive situation where the person is willing to get tested BEFORE you sleep with them .

Ditch this guy like a dirty sock .

i feel like sh*t... Thank you tons for helping! & you're right, it can be worse then STD, especially if he keeps sleeping with other girls. It's pretty clear that he is ALWAYS unprotected when he has sex. What a shame, to love someone that does such sneaky things.. I would've never knew he was cheating w/o being tested.. & you're right, i need to ditch him, it'll only get worse. Should i tell him?

Absolutely I would tell him why you're ditching him . And tell him he needs to go get treated because he's passing it around .

Of course he did. Why are you with this guy????? Why don't you value you and your health!

End this. You should not have gone back to him!!!

If i ask him, he IS going to lie for sure. He always lies to me. I'm scared to tell him because the first time i told him i'm going to the gyne he said "if u have something its not from me, so that means you've been messing around." THAT IS BULL AND NOT TRUE. I need advice.. we can't have sex until he is treated. and to even tell him he gave me an STD he will lie his way around everything. I'm hurt & scared...

First off. . You need to stand strong and recognize that at no certain time do you need to defend yourself.

Noone's going to believe it if you don't believe it first.

Of course he'll lie. .because he's a liar and he'll turn the tables on you so fast so you'll spend most of your time defending yourself that way the focus is off him.

we can't have sex until he is treated

Personally, I would give him the info and then change my number.

There is no point in having a discussion over it.

I am sorry this happened to you.

i feel like sh*t... Thank you tons for helping! & you're right, it can be worse then STD, especially if he keeps sleeping with other girls. It's pretty clear that he is ALWAYS unprotected when he has sex. What a shame, to love someone that does such sneaky things.. I would've never knew he was cheating w/o being tested.. & you're right, i need to ditch him, it'll only get worse. Should i tell him?

I would tell him so he can go check and never speak with him again. He could of killed you!

Good luck.

thank you for your help. you're 100% right, idk why i'm sticking around. i feel stupid...

He definitely cheated. I would confront him and tell him about the results. He is going to lie and try to blame you for sure. You don't deserve that.

Sorry to hear this. This is an absolute deal breaker. Gonorrhea? Yeah end it for good. Do not ask, discuss or continue any conversation. He'll just lie. Delete and block him.

Get further tests, you don't know what else gave you. HIV, HSV, HPV, Hep C, etc.

Do Not Have Unprotected Sex Because "You're In Love".

Then talk to your doctors about getting therapy to discuss staying in an abusive relationship.

You started dating him at 16? Do you live with your parents? Tell your family or other trusted adults what is going on.Read up on abusive and controlling relationships. Why haven't you ended this?

i just got my test results back and she said i have GONORRHEA..

thank you for your help. you're 100% right, idk why i'm sticking around. i feel stupid...

This is your life.

Be done with this creep!

"we can't have sex until he is treated. and to even tell him he gave me an STD"

This breaks my heart. The fact that you would even consider continuing on, shows that you don't value yourself.

Time to love and respect yourself!!!

Kandy, I am sorry that you contracted this disease from him. I would tell him he has it just in case he does not know, so that he will get treated. He is a cheat, and always will be a cheat. The consequences of having anything to do with him are too great. Yes, he could pass on a disease that is not curable and/or get you pregnant. Consider this a blessing because it opened your eyes. Can treated yourself and move on! chi

I'm very sorry for this. Yes, he cheated... in fact you already said he cheated and is a lier... so you're asking something you already know. Dump this guy and make your health a priority. If someone loves you not only they won't lie to you but also they won't put your health at risk by having unprotected sex with other people! They want you to be safe and healthy... and this guy obviously doesn't care about that. Besides this, this man is abusive and manipulative. Dump him ASAP, block and never look back, and get a support network of family and friends. It's also important that you get tested for other STDs and maybe therapy is a good idea to help you heal from this cycle of manipulation and abuse.

Loving someone is not a reason not to use condom, especially if you decide to stay with him after knowing he cheated on you. When I was in my committed relationships I'd stop using condom after a long while and after both of us being tested for STDs and we would be tested every year. However, even this way doesn't guarantee that you won't catch a disease because some STDs have long incubation periods that won't show up in the exams. Take this as a lesson in your next relationship and now focus on yourself.

"we can't have sex until he is treated. and to even tell him he gave me an STD"

 

This breaks my heart. The fact that you would even consider continuing on, shows that you don't value yourself.

 

Time to love and respect yourself!!!

This also breaks my heart... I'm shocked. She's willing to risk her life for this disgusting pryck.

This also breaks my heart... I'm shocked. She's willing to risk her life for this disgusting pryck.

I don't get it!

Yes, he cheated. Gonorrhea can only be gotten from sex, but then you knew that. Trouble is if you don't tell him and insist he get treated he will pass it on to more women and suffer health consequences himself. So you need to tell him he's got it, he gave it to you, he gets treated, and he gets out of your life NOW.

And then you toss him out the door and you be done with him. The best offense is a good defense, so go ahead and get angry at him and yell at him for putting your health and your life at risk.

Then please, please, please toss this guy out before the next STD he gives you is an incurable one that costs you your life.

Consider this the final proof he's a cheater and one who doesn't care what risks he puts others at to get his jollies off. In today's enlightened world to the dangers of STDs there is just zero excuse. Would you stay with him if he'd been spinning a gun at you saying it was unloaded then pulling the trigger? I would pray not, and please do remember this is exactly what he's just done to you. Unprotected sex outside of a monogamous relationship is very much like playing Russian Roulette.

He's played with your heart enough, now it's your health on the line, why would you even contemplate waiting around to see what's next. Love doesn't count as love if it means you will let someone else put you at risk of physical illness or even death. Get yourself treated, go see a counselor if you have esteem issues, step back for a long moment and really ask yourself why you didn't just immediately toss this guy out the door and why you're more worried about what he thinks than you are of the fact he's put your physical health in serious danger.

yes, i agree with everyone else, you have to get rid of him and move on. if you feel sad remember he gave you a disease.

good luck and be strong.

thank you. And ur right, i'm going to cut him off!! no explanation... i guess a part of me stays because i feel bad for hurting him (clearly he doesn't feel the same) and he's all i know, i got attached and now it's like he's my drug, and even though i know he treats me like he doesn't care i can't seem to leave him alone. it's ed up. he brainwashed me.

I don't get it either... he f***ed my head up. my first love, my first anything. this is why my head is f***ed up. i made a BAD decision by making him my everything.

thank you. And ur right, i'm going to cut him off!! no explanation... i guess a part of me stays because i feel bad for hurting him (clearly he doesn't feel the same) and he's all i know, i got attached and now it's like he's my drug, and even though i know he treats me like he doesn't care i can't seem to leave him alone. it's ed up. he brainwashed me.

You're not going to hurt him. Maybe you'll hurt his ego, but that's all. And if you do hurt him... well, his bad, he should've thought about that when he cheated on you and on top of that unprotected, risking your life.

When breaking up with him I'd tell him about the gonorhea thing so that he doesn't put other women at risk. After that what he does it's up to him, not your responsibility. Your responsibility now is to take care of your physical and emotional health.

do not feel bad at all. you are 100% right in doing this. he has cheated on you. you deserve better. and you will get better in time. again - be strong and good luck.

I don't get it either... he f***ed my head up. my first love, my first anything. this is why my head is f***ed up. i made a BAD decision by making him my everything.

I'm glad you've learned the lesson of not making anyone your everything. I'm sorry you had to learn it through such a bad and painful experience, but I can assure that this is one of the most important lessons to learn and that it will make a huge difference not only in your healing process but also in your future relationships, romantic ones or not.

Thank you so much i really need this type of advice!! with out the help of others i wouldn't know what to do ♥

Just because you contracted an STD from a partner, does not mean they cheated on you. He could have easily contracted it during your "off" period and never got treated, as this can be asymptomatic, and soon after had unprotected sex with you when you guys were early into your "on" period. However, the type of STD can be very telling because of incubation times. For gonorrhea, it is anywhere from 2-10 days (according to the NIH), within a slight margin for deviation.

If you state:

1) when you broke up last

2) when you got back together after that break, then how long you've been together up to this point

3) the first time you had sex when you got back together, while identifying the protected and unprotected times in order (frequency of each)

4) when the onset of your symptoms occurred

Then, I can tell you with scientific accuracy if he cheated on you or not.

Although, this doesn't change the fact that this guy is a complete P.O.S. You know he is since you said he has cheated multiple times before and you still took him back. Why does it matter this particular time? So you can see if you want to go into another "off" period? Oh well, if it may make you reconsider your relationship, then let me know.