Another funny situation - and what to do?

Can't believe I'm posting again. This time about a third guy. I really need some help with what to do. So this is a new guy who I had two dates with. On the first date we hit it off. Him talking about something, and me thinking "OMG, it looks like I am falling in love!". I managed to pull myself off these thoughts and act sensible. Then later, talking about something I catch him looking at me with such dreamy, fond eyes. Later he said he had felt like he had known me for a long long time, like I had been his dear friend.

Our second date was this Saturday. He invited me to an exhibition, having also gotten tickets for something else that he intended as a surprise. Thoughtful of him. We had great time at the exhibition. The surprise was a concert of baroque music because he though I'd like it, and we sat holding hands throughout. Eye gazing in the intermission, and him trying to kiss me. Then dancing in a gay club - because I never been to one - and more kissing, which was absolutely electric. We walked to the tube holding hands. Twice he offered to do something some months in the future, "If you agree, of course", he said.

Parting, he said see you soon. I didn't hear from him yet since Saturday. And I want to make plans for this week, but don't want to exclude him. So, do I contact him myself or wait till he does it? If he does it. He seems quite introverted, and I understand is a bit of a loner. However, he had a 17 year relationship with his girlfriend which ended 2.5 years ago. She broke it off. He said, he was devastated, and just sat in the house for two years. And now finally he's fine, he says. If he spent so many years together with her, then he's only a loner temporarily? But why does he not want any contact? When we fixed our second date one week ahead, the whole week up until meeting at the exhibition, I hadn't heard one word from him. I didn't even know if the date was on, decided to take chances. It was on.

Or is this simply my time now to ask him and plan something? Both times before he planned good things.

Thanks a lot!

Why not ask?I promised myself years ago I wouldn't not just do something for being afraid. If you are having fun just go 4 it. Good luck

But why does he not want any contact? When we fixed our second date one week ahead, the whole week up until meeting at the exhibition, I hadn't heard one word from him. I didn't even know if the date was on, decided to take chances. It was on.

This seems to be an overall theme in your dating experiences. .

Why haven't you heard from him? Because it's only been 36 hours since you last saw him!

It was just a date (a good one at that) and he's not your boyfriend.

Besides he already established a pattern of waiting a week in between dates. This shouldn't be a surprise to you

You need to alter your expectations some when it comes to dating so you can be a little more comfortable doing so.

Otherwise you are creating a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

If you want to make plans for this week then do so. Surely you won't book up every single evening and if he gets in contact with

you, you offer what you have available. Men like women that have a life of their own and are not waiting by the phone.

Besides you shouldn't plan your life around having had one date with a man. That's silly.

In the meantime. . you can contact him though. You do know that, right?

Don't do so to quell your anxiety. Reach out without any expectations, be friendly and open.

Yes just ask him out, there's nothing wrong with that!

That was less than 48 hrs ago. So what does 'doesn't want to contact' me mean? Wait a day or so then invite him to your event.

Our second date was this Saturday.I didn't hear from him yet since Saturday. But why does he not want any contact?

That was less than 48 hrs ago. So what does 'doesn't want to contact' me mean? Wait a day or so then invite him to your event.

"Not want to contact", I am just extrapolating from one week of silence between D1 and D2 into D2 and D3.

Thanks. Yeah, I'll probably do that.

This seems to be an overall theme in your dating experiences. .

Why haven't you heard from him? Because it's only been 36 hours since you last saw him!

 

It was just a date (a good one at that) and he's not your boyfriend.

Besides he already established a pattern of waiting a week in between dates. This shouldn't be a surprise to you

You need to alter your expectations some when it comes to dating so you can be a little more comfortable doing so.

Otherwise you are creating a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

 

If you want to make plans for this week then do so. Surely you won't book up every single evening and if he gets in contact with

you, you offer what you have available. Men like women that have a life of their own and are not waiting by the phone.

Besides you shouldn't plan your life around having had one date with a man. That's silly.

 

In the meantime. . you can contact him though. You do know that, right?

Don't do so to quell your anxiety. Reach out without any expectations, be friendly and open.

Thanks! The established pattern is between different points. Having set up a date and then not talking one week, I don't mind. Not having set up anything and waiting for one week, I think it's odd.

I won't book every single evening, no, but will book 2-3, and the rest will have to be home for the kids. This means I won't see him this week, and I want to.

If he has only been away from his ex for 2.5 years, that is not enough time especially because it was a 17 year relationship. This is not a good idea I would move on quickly !!

If he has only been away from his ex for 2.5 years, that is not enough time especially because it was a 17 year relationship. This is not a good idea I would move on quickly !!

Really?! I have no prior experience of anything like this. Does anybody have their views from the point of experience or psychology? Please can you share.

After 2 dates don't dwell on all this. He's out dating now and states he's fine. Take it step by step without all the panic.

In a couple days, text him with your invitation.

It's not a heavy "relationship" after 2 nice dates. Slow down. Avoid analysis paralysis.

he had a 17 year relationship with his girlfriend which ended 2.5 years ago. She broke it off. He said, he was devastated, and just sat in the house for two years. And now finally he's fine, he says

They say , it takes 1/2 of the time that you were together for someone to get over a relationship and fully heal. So if he was with her for 17 years, you hve to wait 8.5 years !!!!

It was definitely true in my case.

Really?! I have no prior experience of anything like this. Does anybody have their views from the point of experience or psychology? Please can you share.

They say , it takes 1/2 of the time that you were together for someone to get over a relationship and fully heal. So if he was with her for 17 years, you hve to wait 8.5 years !!!!

 

It was definitely true in my case.

Interesting! I didn't know that.. Please can you share what happened to you. Thanks!

Interesting! I didn't know that.. Please can you share what happened to you. Thanks!

Dated 7 years. Broken up.

Single 1 year.

Dated 3 years, Married 4 years, divorced .

Single 7 YEARS !!

Dated 2.5 years, now married 6 months.

I was taking the cumulative of my past 2 seven relationships to illustrate that it took me 7 years to heal from both even though I rushed from one relationship to another I was just setting myself up for the 7 year pattern, so to break out I had to be single 7 years. I hope this helps.

Yeah I was in a Ten Year Relationship and I wasn't fully ready right after picking wrong men and trying to rush things right away! Now that it's been 4 and a half years total since the break up, I'm finally ready!

So I get the it takes half the time you have been together to get over but for some people that's the case.

For me it seemed to be.

This guy may or may not be ready but is putting himself out there again.

It's been only two dates and you haven't heard from him in two days. If it was two weeks then I would be moving on.

Lisa

Dated 7 years. Broken up.

Single 1 year.

Dated 3 years, Married 4 years, divorced .

 

Single 7 YEARS !!

 

Dated 2.5 years, now married 6 months.

 

I was taking the cumulative of my past 2 seven relationships to illustrate that it took me 7 years to heal from both even though I rushed from one relationship to another I was just setting myself up for the 7 year pattern, so to break out I had to be single 7 years. I hope this helps.

Thanks! I am not sure that taking the average of the commutative is of any help. Look at your numbers. All I can tell is that one seven year relationship was unlike another seven year relationship. In the first case to get over a year sufficed, while in the second seven was needed. (or perhaps little luck played its role too)

I'm totally like you. Went on a really good first date the week before but few text between first and second date. Second date last wed also went well, we talked about doing more things together in the future yet no text the following few days, eventually I texted him Sat and he asked me out when he texted back Sun. Sometime all you have to do is take initiation. Good luck!

I'm totally like you. Went on a really good first date the week before but few text between first and second date. Second date last wed also went well, we talked about doing more things together in the future yet no text the following few days, eventually I texted him Sat and he asked me out when he texted back Sun. Sometime all you have to do is take initiation. Good luck!

That's the kind of encouragement, I needed! Going to do it now.

Okay, so, lovely people, I did it. And the response I got is a perfect mirror or mine. I am back at square one really.

Me, "Hey, how are you? How's your week? I'm just listening to MR's version of Vivaldi as per your recommendation. It is fresh and beautiful. However, I still prefer his other works X"

Him, "Hey. I am well, thank you. How are you? I seem to get intermittent connection where I'm, but am back in London tomorrow. Glad you liked Vivaldi recomposed - it's beautiful, I think so too. It'll grow on you X"

Would you advise to continue talking to him some more, and see if he asks me out? I think it'd be too much to ask him out myself really. But no questions asked other than out of politeness, it seems.. So I have to come up with a new topic to talk about.

Why didn't you ask him out?!

Now you are right back where you started.

What are you so afraid of? That he'll say "no"?

If so, so what? It was only two dates.

But you'll never know if you don't ask!

And maybe he feels the same nervousness you do. Yes, men get nervous too!

 

What are you so afraid of? That he'll say "no"? Not at all that he says no. I just don't want to be the man in the relationship.

 

If so, so what? It was only two dates. See, i don't feel that I am falling in love with every guy I go out, and not with every other guy, and not with every fifth, or every tenth. Two dates with that kind of guy is not equal to two dates in the sense you meant.

 

But you'll never know if you don't ask! - I disagree. If we keep talking, and I show that I'm interested, he will sure ask me out again, if he wants to go out with me again.

Why didn't you ask him out?!

Now you are right back where you started.

Living my own life, I suppose. Wanting to be the woman.

Ok. . then be good with the state of situation and wait.

Ok. . then be good with the state of situation and wait.

Well, not like that. I texted him back, and continued the theme hinting that I like him, and said that kissing in the gay club felt electric. And then talked about some exhibition that I'd seen. Immediately he replied asking me out this Saturday.

Immediately he replied asking me out this Saturday.

Good luck with your date. I had a great third date with the guy, we finally kissed at the end of the night but he vanished again. No text for 4 days I'm not gonna chase this time. Why dating has to be so complicated!