Am i a fool???

I'll try to make this quick

Ex girlfriend dump me 2 month's ago she started seeing someone else shortly after.

I beg I pleaded, during the first week or two, we then exchange occasional text, went NC for 3 weeks.

2 weeks ago I texted her, we exchange text for 3-4 days, on many occasion she sent me pictures of both of us and mention how great we were together.

I ask if we can meet and talk she agreed and when we did everything was fine, the conversation was mostly about us.. and she talked a little about her current relationship how bad it was, how big if a mistake she made etc I didn't say anything about that I just listened.

Last Thursday we were texting I said I had to go and let me know how you're doing ok? I didn't write neither did she for 3 days

On the fourth day she sent me a pic of her and asking how I was and how was my day, I replied, after 10-12 text she ask if we can see each other this week and do something, I said I'd like that, I said how about Thursday or Friday she said it would be great and she propose to have breakfast and take it from there.

We continue exchanging text through out the day, I decided to ask her how she would feel if I'd ask her out to dinner one night her answer was I'd love it, knowing it was a busy week for her I said we'll talk about it when we see each other she said ok great.

She didn't text yesterday and I didn't either

She's still seeing/spending time/dating the other guy.

I'm trying to figure out how to handle all of this, if things sounds legit... Should I continue what I'm doing now or take a different approach or even stop everything if she's stringing me along

Thanks

How long did you date?

How old are you two?

What were her reasons for dumping you?

Sorry to hear this it sounds like classic friendzoning if she's treating you like a male-girlfriend talking about her current relationships, hanging out, texting all day, etc.

She's still seeing/spending time/dating the other guy.

Not enough information to give you any form of feedback What are the reasons for you to leave you?

I'm 43 she's 34 we dated for 2 years started out slow with the last year being a committed relationship

The reason she gave me when she dumped me were that I change and she didn't know what she wanted anymore...

She was right I had change at that time not towards her but as a person, for the last 4-5 month prior to the break up I had a very a very stressful situation I had to deal with, I made the mistake of not talking to her about it because I didn't not want to stress her with that... she had enough to deal with...

A couple weeks after she dump me I told her why I changed she said that she thought I felt out of love for her

I'm 43 she's 34 we dated for 2 years started out slow with the last year being a committed relationship

 

The reason she gave me when she dumped me were that I change and she didn't know what she wanted anymore...

 

She was right I had change at that time not towards her but as a person, for the last 4-5 month prior to the break up I had a very a very stressful situation I had to deal with, I made the mistake of not talking to her about it because I didn't not want to stress her with that... she had enough to deal with...

 

A couple weeks after she dump me I told her why I changed she said that she thought I felt out of love for her

It's a shame that the stressful situation you were going through was kept secret. It was noble of you not to burden her with it, but it might have helped her at the time to understand why your distant. Still...that is the past.

Now in the present it sounds like you want her back and she is realizing the grass isn't greener.

Do you think you have a good shot in getting back together? Are you willing to wait on the sidelines for her as her backup plan?

I think it is foolish to pursue her, after she dumped you and is with another.

Would you like to be the other guy?

I know it's a shame I did that but I really did it to protect her and trust me I've learned a very big lessons, this is something I'm working on improving.... but as you said it's in the past and I can only go forward and get better

I've always wanted her back and still do even more today, do I have a good shot someday I'd say I have great shot some other day not so great, Although she told me she can't say she's happy in her current relationship and what she has now is nothing compare to what we had, I'd say my chances are 50/50

The thing is, I don't want to be a backup plan... and this is what I need to figure out.

As mention she propose to meet tomorrow, she made the first step should I go ahead and confirm with her or should I wait for her to contact me and if she doesn't I forget about everything and erase myself for awhile?

The message you're sending her is, "you can shop around, stomp all over me, and I'll be waiting in the wings." What a deal!

Is this all you're worth?

As mention she propose to meet tomorrow, she made the first step should I go ahead and confirm with her or should I wait for her to contact me and if she doesn't I forget about everything and erase myself for awhile?

Wait for her to contact you (don't contact her). If she doesn't call, then go NC.

I think you are on the path to fully understanding your dilemma. You know you better than anyone else.

I would ask myself...if her relationship with this guy is so bad why is she still with him and not you?

Hanging out with her as a male-girlfriend while she dates and has sex with this other guy is decreasing your chances tremendously. She needs to miss you as bf material.

Right now you are there for her enjoyment and attention and she's stringing you along... because you are letting her... and she has zero respect for you.

she told me she can't say she's happy in her current relationship and what she has now is nothing compare to what we had

You have placed yourself in doormat country.

You've failed to communicate, she now knows all about it and you now know that communication is critical in relationships.

Now that all that has been cleared up, I think you do need to be sure you behave with dignity and self respect. Meaning, tell her that you would like your relationship with her back and that she needs to think about it and let you know one way or another, but that you cannot be just friends with her and you will most certainly not hang out and take her out to dinners when she is dating someone else. In your book, that amounts to cheating and you are not that kind of a person.

Either she is with you in a relationship or you two need to part ways for good, heal and move on. You will not continue in this limbo situation. Communicate and be blunt. Either she will respect you for it and return or she already knows she isn't interested in that, but enjoys having you as a back up safety net, which is not fair to you. You need to know one way or the other.

Thanks everyone you all give me alot to think about...

I won't contact her for tomorrow but if she does iI might go and make sure we have a great time like we always had together and when it's time to leave I'll talk about what dacingfool mention.

Nobody thinks you're a "fool". At least not at this point. If you still have strong feelings for her and wish to resume the relationship then meet her in person, tell her how you feel, and see how she reacts. You'll be able to tell from her reaction if she is sincere in missing you, or if she is just "stringing you along" as you say. Tell her you care from a position of strength and confidence! If she is still seeing the other guy and starts complaining about him and telling you she's unhappy...etc..etc... then you just tell her "sorry to hear that. You and I had a great thing going but you chose to push me away and I have no control over your decisions. I'd be happy to revisit our relationship with you at some point in the future so let me know when you are no longer with your current guy and maybe we'll talk about things". And you say this stuff cheerfully and with a smile, because that's whats going on here isn't it? Other posters have mentioned it, and they are right. DO NOT keep hanging out with her as her "friend". Have nothing to do with her socially until she gets rid of the other guy. She's either stringing you along and enjoys the idea of you being the "fall back" guy, OR she is truly unhappy in her current guy situation and is on the cusp of kicking him to the curb. So to find out, your only course of action is to remain distant and aloof. Only she can make that decision. You cannont influence or control her decision beyond letter her know how you feel. Be prepared to walk away and resume no contact.

Thanks everyone you all give me alot to think about...

 

I won't contact her for tomorrow but if she does iI might go and make sure we have a great time like we always had together and when it's time to leave I'll talk about what dacingfool mention.

You didn't hear what was said! UGH!!!!!!!!!!

You didn't hear what was said! UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Can you tell What did i miss?

You're meeting up with her.

You're meeting up with her.

No meeting and no contact is that it?

Meh, the new guy's not that bad if she's still dating him.

Go and meet her if you want, but the way she sees you has already changed. This won't help.

No meeting and no contact is that it?

What is the purpose of meeting with her? She is still with the other guy.

Tell her you will be available, only if she wants to reconcile. Then you go NC.

It's breakfast.. This does not bode well, at all.

Breakfast is not a "let's make up" date. If it's not after sex, avoid this meal.

Plan B is a position of weakness, it will get you nowhere and sap you of self respect.

Update

So yesterday she text me around 4pm it was pretty casual and then she brought up the coffee/breakfast we were suppose to have today

I ask her if she was still seeing the other guy at first she hesitated and then said yes, I said although we've done it before don't you find it weird to see me for coffee or whatever else, she said yes I find it a litte

weird.

I then tell her if i go for coffee you know what I want out of this but I don't know want or if you want something out of this, she said I just want to see you and have a coffee. So we went on and on about what I wanted, and her about her life being just ok not like when we were together, and she thinks about the time we were together etc. But she never talked abiut reconciliation...

I said ok I'll go for coffee if we take the time for us to talk about and see if we can get back together eventually if this is not your intention I won't go. She said not to ask her that that she doesnt know what she wants etc i said fine I won't be there. She replied why can't we just meet and have a coffee and talk avout everything else except us. I said it doesn't have to be all about us but i need to know your intention if they are to eventually get back I'll be there if they aren't I wont be there, she said fine we won't go then, I said ok we won't go I'm ok with that.

She said I'm tirednof talking about this I'm going to

to relax

Late last night she texted me she was in bed and we started talking about good times we had together and how much we had everywhere we went, after about 20min I said I was going to bed she wished me good night xxxx

I guess the only I can do right now is to go NC...

I guess the only I can do right now is to go NC...

Thanks for updating us. You handled it well and let her know firmly that going for coffee was an exercise of futility if it wasn't going to lead to getting back together.

It's clear she just wants you to be plan B and just wants to have you as a friend who meets her emotional needs.

Sitting on the fence is not a good place to be for either of you.

Firmly suggest NC for a long period, if not forever so you can move on.[ATTACH=CONFIG]11281[/ATTACH]

Another update

Friday I needed to go shopping I've been hitting the gym and lost alotof weight and needed new clothes, I was at the

Mall for maybe 15 min when my ex and I cross each other I was suppose to be at work and so was she, we started talking, I then tell her I have to go I have alot of shopping to do, she said do you need a hand I could help you, foolishly I said ok.... so we spend 3-4 hours shopping for clothes many time she was mentioning that I look great I was responding by are you flirting with me? At first she was laughing but after 3-4 times she was saying maybe I am...

As we were going to exit the mall we pass by a restaurant we use to go very often we always had great night there as we pass by I said lets go for diner, mind you I was only joking it was only 4pm she said i'd love to but I can't tonight i said look at the time I was only joking...

Our cars were park not too far from each other when we got to her car i said it was great seeing you thanks for Your help this afternoon, she hug me kiss me on the cheek and said it was great seeing you also.

I continue walking to my car, as I was putting my bags in my car i look her way, instead of turning she came to see me, she park beside me and got out of the car... she then said this so hard I really messed up I know I want to be with you what we did today was so simple but so much fun with you If I could I would of love to go to the restaurant with you like we use to i know it would of been a great night

I said to her look it's not too late for anything but only you can decide you have to make the decision not for him, for us but only for you, you need to do what will make you happy.. she said I know and I swear to you I never wanted or thought all of this would happen I don't even want to spend time with him, I said don't then she said you don't understand it's not that easy, I then said you need to do what tou have to do for you.

I said I have to run we hugged again and I got in my car.

About an hour later she text me to thank me agin for the great afternoon and I replied that I thank her for her help.

I knew she was with the other guy yesterday, last night I wanted to see if she would answer me if i texted so I send her a very Casual message she replied back we exchange 4 messages then I didn't reply to the last one.

I know I have to stop contacting her... but since last night I'm wondering if I should call her or text her today or tomorrow to ask her if she thought about what she told me on friday and were she's at with that or should I just not contact her at all?