He gave me this note! What game is this?

My verbally abusive husband got angry cause I was checking if he had received a message from a girl he had dated.

He called me names and said I was a disappointment, etc. He said he wanted to hit me wuth his fist up but didn't

He left home and came back.

When he came back we argued. He called me gay cause he said I am cold in bed ( hard to warm up to someone who talks bad to you ), etc.....

I got angry and told him the devil is using him against me. Etc....

He acts like my anger is all my fault. He says that it was there to begin with but it is only coming out now.

Like it has nothing to do with the things he calls me.

He gave me a note saying please don't yell at me everyday. From now on, only text me or write to me please

What game is he playing? He's the one who criticizes me, puts me down, etc....

Worse is two months ago he was going to kick me out. I didn't want to erase my notes or recordings.

I find out tonight he has been taking notes.

Why are you still with this man?

Many posters have given you great advice, but you refuse to act on it!

Why are you still with this man?

 

Many posters have given you great advice, but you refuse to act on it!

I am trying to believe things will change. That if I somehow become smart it will be better. He keeps saying I am stupid or dumb. Even now he said he keeps hoping to see a flicker of light but nothing. He tells me to think, be smart.

I sometimes think I have had ADD and told him so but my husband doesn't believe in it.

find out tonight he has been taking notes.

First why are you with this man? This relationship sounds abusive!

Second, that quote I copied; are you not worried he's setting you up? Looks like in a matter of time, he's just going to leave you. Most people record everything and take notes to prepare themselves for any legal actions. Also, he's telling you to text or write it down if you need to talk with him. Ummm, he wants all your conversations recorded in writing. That's what it means to me! I say you should seek an attorney (without him knowing) to get some legal advice and leave him.

I am trying to believe things will change. That if I somehow become smart it will be better. He keeps saying I am stupid or dumb. Even now he said he keeps hoping to see a flicker of light but nothing. He tells me to think, be smart.

 

I sometimes think I have had ADD and told him so but my husband doesn't believe in it.

Sorry going to be brutally honest! It's NOT going to change based on what I read in your post! He belittles you, why do you put up with it? Yes, I believe things DO change and people DO change but only if they realized they have a problem and want to change for themselves.

In this case, I don't see any realizations or the urge to change and make things work. Give up that idea, this relationship isn't going to work. Not in the direction you and your husband are headed.

I went back and read your old posts. EVERYONE gave you good advice but all you did was defend the facts. Why? How do you figure things will change if you wouldn't consider any other options? It takes work for things to change, from your previous posts, and I know you are not going to listen but counselling will help you a great deal.

I don't mean to be mean or rude, it's not my intentions but "video surveillance"? Really? You have some serious trust issues to go to that extent. I thought I will only see that on Lifetime movies.

Sorry going to be brutally honest! It's NOT going to change based on what I read in your post! He belittles you, why do you put up with it? Yes, I believe things DO change and people DO change but only if they realized they have a problem and want to change for themselves.

 

In this case, I don't see any realizations or the urge to change and make things work. Give up that idea, this relationship isn't going to work. Not in the direction you and your husband are headed.

 

I went back and read your old posts. EVERYONE gave you good advice but all you did was defend the facts. Why? How do you figure things will change if you wouldn't consider any other options? It takes work for things to change, from your previous posts, and I know you are not going to listen but counselling will help you a great deal.

 

I don't mean to be mean or rude, it's not my intentions but "video surveillance"? Really? You have some serious trust issues to go to that extent. I thought I will only see that on Lifetime movies.

I didn't set up the video surveillance. I had access to cameras installed at a place we go to and decided to take a look at the recorded video.

He dated that girl years ago and I suspected it but he didn't tell me while it was happening but only told me afterward.

That same girl left a message on our home phone last year when I was not home saying "Hi its me. Just wondering if you've been trying to reach me" then she texted me a few minutes after that to ask if I was home or not. I am not on that friendly terms with her for her to call and be saying that to me.

Later she said she had called the home cause she wanted to know where I had bought something.

Other things happened that caused me to not trust him. Plus he stretches the truth sometimes in ways I don't feel comfortable to help his cause and that I would consider lying. We've gotten into major arguements because I refused to lie or stretch the truth.

This obviously isn't going to change. He's an abusive jerk.

He doesn't love you. Heck, he doesn't even like you.

If any man had the cojones to leave me a note like that, I would laugh all the way to a divorce attorney. Seriously, you are married to a complete loser.

But you have the power to decide if you want to stay married to this complete loser.

Abuse is all about control, not communication. Read up on abusive relationships, get help from domestic violence agencies and develop an exit plan. As you know, it only gets worse not better, it just cycles.

My verbally abusive husband got angry.He said he wanted to hit me wuth his fist up but didn't. He gave me a note saying please don't yell at me everyday. From now on, only text me or write to me please

]

My verbally abusive husband got angry cause I was checking if he had received a message from a girl he had dated.

 

He called me names and said I was a disappointment, etc. He said he wanted to hit me wuth his fist up but didn't

 

He left home and came back.

 

When he came back we argued. He called me gay cause he said I am cold in bed ( hard to warm up to someone who talks bad to you ), etc.....

 

I got angry and told him the devil is using him against me. Etc....

 

He acts like my anger is all my fault. He says that it was there to begin with but it is only coming out now.

 

Like it has nothing to do with the things he calls me.

 

He gave me a note saying please don't yell at me everyday. From now on, only text me or write to me please

 

What game is he playing? He's the one who criticizes me, puts me down, etc....

 

Worse is two months ago he was going to kick me out. I didn't want to erase my notes or recordings.

 

I find out tonight he has been taking notes.

So what's your question?

I have one - why are you with him?

Abuse is all about control, not communication. Read up on abusive relationships, get help from domestic violence agencies and develop an exit plan. As you know, it only gets worse not better, it just cycles.

]

 

I'm stealing this to show a friend of mine.

 

Simplyonlyme,

Wiseman is right. I was in a controlling verbally abusive relationship for 6 years. He bullied me, took my phone and my car, it's all about control. Finally, at Christmas, during an argument that I still don't know what he was mad about he wrecked my car with me in it while threatening to kill me, then balled up his fist and gave me a right hook to my cheek and knocked me out in my driveway.

 

I'm telling you this bc everyone's right. It gets horribly worse. It escalates. Run. Get help. Victims advocates, domestic violence centers...u need to get out.

I am trying to believe things will change. That if I somehow become smart it will be better. He keeps saying I am stupid or dumb. Even now he said he keeps hoping to see a flicker of light but nothing. He tells me to think, be smart.

 

I sometimes think I have had ADD and told him so but my husband doesn't believe in it.

Things - will - never - change. Ever. Never.

Stop focussing on the ex issue.

Deal with your abusive marriage and get out!!

Please just leave him. You can't fix him, none of us can give you that magic. Somewhere inside you there has got to be some semblance of self-preservation. Listen to it. And bail.

I'm stealing this to show a friend of mine.

 

Simplyonlyme,

Wiseman is right. I was in a controlling verbally abusive relationship for 6 years. He bullied me, took my phone and my car, it's all about control. Finally, at Christmas, during an argument that I still don't know what he was mad about he wrecked my car with me in it while threatening to kill me, then balled up his fist and gave me a right hook to my cheek and knocked me out in my driveway.

 

I'm telling you this bc everyone's right. It gets horribly worse. It escalates. Run. Get help. Victims advocates, domestic violence centers...u need to get out.

Bullied is how I feel. When we argue he threatens to remove responsibilities I have at the organization I volunteer at (he's in charge).

Sometimes it's our house our car but when we argue it's his house his car.

I brought nothing but me and 2 coffee tables to this marriage. I gave away everything else in my apartment, mind you I had black mold in my apartment so we didn't want anything that smelled moldy on the house. He gave me everything else.

He said that he thinks that I married him for the benefits. He doesn't understand that I may not have been rich but I was happy. I am not a materialistic person.

He puts it in my face that I don't need to work. Names women we know and says they would love to be in my shoes and not to work. When I say that they wouldn't like him calling them names he says he wouldnt have to call them stupid or dumb because they are not.

He says I am a pig. He says I am mentally lazy.

My closet is not super neat but it's clean. My clothes are not in perfect piles in my drawers. He mentions another woman who he says dresses neat so her closet must be neat and the girl he dated saying her sweaters and everything are lined up, perfectly organized.

Last month he went into my closet and my blazer was not hung properly on the hook, it was askew. He took it and put it on front where I could see it.

I was probably in a hurry and hung it up quickly.

I don't feel like he loves me. I feel like he regrets. But I feel I have no one to confide in because everyone would believe him. They know he's neat and smart.

I told him last night that if he had loved me the way I was when he married me, messy and dumb as he says, then in these past 2 years I am a better version of me than I before and should therefore still love me. But he didn't love me cause I got better and he's not happy. There has been an improvement on my part and not on his.

He says he married me out of pity.

I told him I wanted to get tested for ADD for awhile even before marriage but he says it's not a true problem. It's just an excuse for laziness.

Bullied is how I feel. When we argue he threatens to remove responsibilities I have at the organization I volunteer at (he's in charge).

 

Sometimes it's our house our car but when we argue it's his house his car.

 

I brought nothing but me and 2 coffee tables to this marriage. I gave away everything else in my apartment, mind you I had black mold in my apartment so we didn't want anything that smelled moldy on the house. He gave me everything else.

 

He said that he thinks that I married him for the benefits. He doesn't understand that I may not have been rich but I was happy. I am not a materialistic person.

 

He puts it in my face that I don't need to work. Names women we know and says they would love to be in my shoes and not to work. When I say that they wouldn't like him calling them names he says he wouldnt have to call them stupid or dumb because they are not.

 

He says I am a pig.

 

My closet is not super neat but it's clean. My clothes are not in perfect piles in my drawers. He mentions another woman who he says dresses neat so her closet must be neat and the girl he dated saying her sweaters and everything are lined up, perfectly organized.

 

Last month he went into my closet and my blazer was not hung properly on the hook, it was askew. He took it and put it on front where I could see it.

 

I was probably in a hurry and hung it up quickly.

 

I don't feel like he loves me. I feel like he regrets. But I feel I have no one to confide in because everyone would believe him. They know he's neat.

 

I told him last night that if he had loved me the way I was when he married me, messy and dumb as he says, then in these past 2 years I am a better version of me than I before and should therefore still love me. But he didn't love me cause I got better and he's not happy. There has been an improvement on my part and not on his.

 

He says he married me out of pity.

Oh honey...seriously go. I am afraid for u and this sounds like living in h3LL. U need help. Do u have family? There's organizations that can help u. The "my car my house" sounds so much like my husband. I know that helpless feeling. U gotta go.

Let's start from the top.....

You said.. " My verbally abusive husband".

So- from there on.. I thought.. and you are still with him.. WHY?

Don't bother questioning this note thing. It goes along with all his other manipulative actions/behaviours.

YOUR choice to stick around... or not.

Stop immediately volunteering there. Get a real job of your own with real money of your own.

Do you understand marriage? It's joint assets. Why don't you read up online what a marriage is legally. Then contact a domestic violence agency to chat with someone. Complaining about all his petty day-to-day abuses won't fix, change or help anything.

Many women in abusive relationships are in denial and just like you get caught up in the petty things trying to counter-control the day-to-day abuse.

remove responsibilities I have at the organization I volunteer at (he's in charge). Sometimes it's our house our car but when we argue it's his house his car. He says I am a pig. He says he married me out of pity.

Why are you staying????? Please answer this.

Bullied is how I feel. When we argue he threatens to remove responsibilities I have at the organization I volunteer at (he's in charge).

 

Sometimes it's our house our car but when we argue it's his house his car.

 

I brought nothing but me and 2 coffee tables to this marriage. I gave away everything else in my apartment, mind you I had black mold in my apartment so we didn't want anything that smelled moldy on the house. He gave me everything else.

 

He said that he thinks that I married him for the benefits. He doesn't understand that I may not have been rich but I was happy. I am not a materialistic person.

 

He puts it in my face that I don't need to work. Names women we know and says they would love to be in my shoes and not to work. When I say that they wouldn't like him calling them names he says he wouldnt have to call them stupid or dumb because they are not.

 

He says I am a pig. He says I am mentally lazy.

 

My closet is not super neat but it's clean. My clothes are not in perfect piles in my drawers. He mentions another woman who he says dresses neat so her closet must be neat and the girl he dated saying her sweaters and everything are lined up, perfectly organized.

 

Last month he went into my closet and my blazer was not hung properly on the hook, it was askew. He took it and put it on front where I could see it.

 

I was probably in a hurry and hung it up quickly.

 

I don't feel like he loves me. I feel like he regrets. But I feel I have no one to confide in because everyone would believe him. They know he's neat and smart.

 

I told him last night that if he had loved me the way I was when he married me, messy and dumb as he says, then in these past 2 years I am a better version of me than I before and should therefore still love me. But he didn't love me cause I got better and he's not happy. There has been an improvement on my part and not on his.

 

He says he married me out of pity.

 

I told him I wanted to get tested for ADD for awhile even before marriage but he says it's not a true problem. It's just an excuse for laziness.

Do you read the things you post? Why are you with this person still?????

Do you read the things you post? Why are you with this person still?????

He says it's me. That I shouldn't mention this girl. I have to admit every time I do he often gets upset.

He says that I am dumb, slow, that I am not trying hard enough. That no one disciplined me in my life so now he has to. It seems like it is me.

He wants me to be smart, neat like others. He wants me to shine like they do. He doesn't want people to think that even though I am sweet that I am dumb. He wants me to be quick thinking.

He is much loved by others, thinks he's great, loves the fact that he's super neat/ organized. He can be so nice and supportive to people

He says people also think I am dumb.

So if he's right then the issue is me. He says look at what he's accomplished in his life and the state of his house, he was debt free compared to what I had and the state of my apartment and my debts when married.

I keep hoping I will reach that point of neatness and smartness.

"I keep hoping I will reach that point of neatness and smartness."

You never will.

Because it's not about you being dumb or messy. He LIKES abusing you!

He will not stop doing something he enjoys so much (abusing you).

I bet you tell him you love him, don't you? Promise to "change", to "try harder", don't you?

Except, again, he LIKES and WANTS to abuse you.

You can stay and be abused for the rest of your life or you can get out and be happy.

Since you are in such intense denial from the brainwashing (Stockholm Syndrome) watch a movie about abuse and see if it feels familiar:

says people also think I am dumb. So if he's right then the issue is me. I keep hoping I will reach that point of neatness and smartness.