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qwaspolk82

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  1. I told you that I know how you feel. It’s very hard to let of my ex despite all the things he’s done while he was drunk or on meth. But I know he’s not in a place to be with him and maybe never. Just because you don’t feel “used” or a “backup” doesn’t mean you aren’t one of those things. I never said she’s diabolically evil. At all. But I know her type very much. It is a vicious cycle. Perhaps you should go back and read your posts. There is a cycle going on for sure. You’re dating and seeing others and casual sex – doesn’t mean you have let go of her or moved on at all. You most definitely are emotionally on hold. Based on your words. That note PROVES you haven’t moved on. Omg it’s like I’m reading a letter from my ex. This is your life and you can do with it as you wish but she is stringing you along so that she has someone when she’s down or whatever. Sending an ex flowers and a note like that is not a “let go” exercise. At all. Do you know what I sent my ex for Valentine’s Day? Nothing. He said he wanted to get me some flowers. (He’s out of rehab so he’s acting like a normal person for now). I said no. That isn’t right. We aren’t together. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends on the person. No not every single person in the world deserves a second chance. You aren’t going for a second chance. You’re going to end up giving her second, third, 100 chances. I’ve been there. I’ll probably give my ex another chance if he stays sober and gets stable in this halfway house. I don’t know. For some reason he has my heart and I actually really wish he didn’t. You need to go no contact with her for a few months or something. I think you’ll see a lot more clearly if you do that. But it’s your life. If you want to casually date until she’s “ready” to be with you that’s your life to waste. That’s what you’re doing.
  2. Block her. On everything. No you don't owe her anything. She's a lunatic. She's going to get you in trouble. Just stay away. You said you're doing fine without her so stay away.
  3. Uh yeah she's a psycho. When did you call the cops? I see nothing about the cops showing up during that fight. She's got some issues. She's abusive. You were absolutely right to call if you did. Women can be abusive too. Why do you want to be friends with her still? Run away. I didn't realize that this was started awhile ago.
  4. Geez dude just let it go. It's HER fault she's in a bad place. It's HER life. Not yours. She's an adult. You can't control her. She will make her own choices. You can only control your own life. Stop letting her use you. Why would you even want to be with her again? She's obviously got issues. She jumps back and forth. Go find someone who wants to be with YOU. Not use you as a backup. You only were with her 7 months. You don't think it if would go longer you wouldn't see it? And NOW you have seen it. I get it. I do. It's hard for me to give up on my ex. I have gone back to him so many times. In my heart every time I hear about he's sober I think maybe there's a chance for us but it shouldn't happen. I have to get my heart on board with my head. I have realized he will only be sober if he wants to be. He will be a man if he wants to be. No one can change him. Not me. Not any new chicks he meets who see him sober and think he's so amazing. Yeah he can be when he is sober but he's been lying and using people so long I don't think he knows any other way to live. I also don't think he can be monogamous. SO I have to learn to deal with it and try to move on. If you want to waste your life on this woman that's your choice. But no one is going to give you advice on how to get back together with a total whack job. Why do you want to wait for someone to "come around?" Why not go find someone who wants to be with you? Like I said you really need to consider counseling. An objective third party who is trained in this kind of stuff would help you IMMENSELY.
  5. I'll give you my personal experience. I met my ex husband when we were both about 18 (34 now). His brother was dating my best friend so that's how I met him and his family. When I very first met him my friend was "dating" him to make his brother jealous. It didn't last long. It wasn't until about a year later we started to hang out and when I was 20 he took my virginity. He was a "player" then. He had several girlfriends at the same time. That year he took my virginity he found out he had a 2 month old son that Christmas. A week later his then gf (future first ex wife) said she was pregnant. He and I were like friends with benefits off and on but I had feelings for him. I loved him. He was my first love. Eventually he broke my heart (he said to make me stay away or some crap). Well I joined the military. He married that girl while he was in prison. We didn't talk for a few years. After one of my deployments we started to talk but off and on. Then I got stationed close to home right around when he and his ex divorced. I stupidly got back with him. He went back and forth between me and her for a year. Cheated on me with a stripper during a week meth binge. First rehab trip. Got back with ex wife. She then cheated on him with her now husband. I took him back. Didn't believe her stories about how he abused her because she was trying to get him back. I naively thought I could change him because when he was sober things were good. That was few and far between in hindsight. The first time he hit me was about a week after his other ex wife said he pushed her. I did file a protection order. Then after two months of the police getting nowhere because it was he said/she said, his family said he was doing better, his sister was letting him live with her and I didn't think she would let someone unstable live with her (hindsight again seeing her now husband) so I dropped the order because I was close to his family and didn't want either of us to have to leave if the other showed up. Well then I ended up having sex with him shortly after and wasn't planning a serious relationship. I thought we would have fun. I thought "well he was on meth and drunk when he hit me and he isn't doing it anymore." Then I found out I was pregnant about a month later. I told him he could leave and have no obligation or stay. He stayed. Four months later in a meth withdrawal he slapped the crap out of me in the car - while I was pregnant. Black eye, busted lip. Because he wanted meth and I didn't want to but I ended up driving him because I was scared. I stayed and told no one about that time. At work they knew. I had about five people ask me from my OIC to my First Sgt to one of my soldiers. I lied to them all. They knew thought. He texts me at work "I love you Happy Birthday" (Yep day before my birthday he did it). I wanted to say "yeah it's all over my face" but I didn't. Stayed and two months later I married him. I knew it wasn't the right time. I thought things would be easier if I did. It was 2 weeks before our daughter was born. (She was born a month early). Then five months later he had another meth withdrawal and strangled me and attacked me. I had a chance, ran, called the police. He got arrested. Two months in jail. I was so set on divorce and the judge set a no contact order for the case. I told my command and they made me go to FAP. I had a temp order but didn't get the final. I made the decision not to divorce him and give him another chance. We were moving closer to home and to his kids and our families. I thought that would help. Nope. I filed for divorce May 2015 because I got tired of the drugs, lies, stealing, etc. Our daughter has medical issues and he hasn't seemed to care. He went to rehab again Sept 15. I gave him another chance once he was in the halfway house because he seemed serious about sobriety, had a job, stayed out of the environment, so on. Then he got arrested for something I didn't think he did but now not so sure. I stupidly bailed him out - he relapsed that night. Brought him back for a month. He took my car. I called the cops. I said we were done. I did help him out a little in October but I haven't since then because he just uses people. Me, his other ex, his parents (he wrote $3000 worth on his dad's checks he stole). Why did it take me so long? Because when you love someone you want to see the best in them. And I thought I could change him but I realized finally that only he can change himself and he doesn't want to. He ditched his kids for Christmas this year to go shoot up meth. I kept staying in the cycle because I thought I could change him and I didn't want to feel like I gave up. You also have to understand that abusers are VERY good at manipulating people. I mean I've been in the Army 12 years. I have always been independent. I had a large savings he mooched half of. I told myself I'd never let a man hit me. Then I did - well not a man because men don't hit people out of anger. Did another man come into the picture ever? No. I got on match a couple times before I got back and got pregnant but it never panned out. But I did date a decent guy once and I pushed him away because I wasn't over my ex and I didn't feel it was fair to him. I didn't go back to my ex then. It's hard to explain unless you're in it. Abusers can manipulate. They know a person's weak points. They know how to get to that and get what they want. I'm not a psychologist but I'm not surprised if he's a sociopath or at least has a personality disorder. Do I still love him? I do. I probably always will and I hate it. But I listen to my head now and not my heart because my heart is stupid. ALSO I have our daughter to worry about and I don't have the time to care for her, me and an adult child. He put me through the wringer and I stayed. His first wife was married to him seven years (three he was in prison). So she lived with him four years and then left. I was with him four years and left. We were married not quite a year when I filed. Hindsight is 20/20. I'm not sure why your ex has gone back. Only she knows. There isn't anything you can do. She has to make her own decisions to change. You're better off moving on with your life without her.
  6. A bikini is "racy" now? Are we in the 1950s? It sounds kind of personal. No I have no issue if any guy I'm with would like a picture of some girl in a bikini.
  7. So you're gonna sit there and say you don't notice attractive men you happen to pass by? I'm calling bs. EVERYONE looks. EVERYONE notices. Just because you notice someone else who isn't your partner who is attractive doesn't mean you want to go have sex with them. Liking someone's photo not inappropriate. Here's what would be inappropriate if your significant other is doing this. This is what my ex husband would do before and during our marriage: He would openly talk about women he found attractive. As in "Damn she's hot" if a girl drove or walked by. I said geez use your inside voice. I don't care if he would look but don't say it out loud in front of me. He was using dating sites while we were together. He was buying porn with my credit card - as if I wouldn't find out. Porn doesn't bother me. There's just no need to pay for it anymore. Those things are inappropriate. Your significant other purely liking a photo of another girl - not a problem. Who is the girl? Is it a stranger? Family? Friend? Ex? My ex husband is friends on FB with a lot of the girls he has had sex with. Once in awhile he liked their photos. So what? He wasn't near any of them. He didn't hang out with them. He didn't talk to them regularly.
  8. If you want to keep being controlled by all means, stay. You can't say "he is nice to me...just controlling." No. There's no "he loves me but..." If he's not talking to you that should be a big sign. He's being a man-child. Plus you're pregnant and look how he's acting. What do you think he's going to do once there is a child there to care for? If you can't depend on him now how can you depend on him then? You can't. It's your decision but it's just going to escalate.
  9. No you being pregnant is not the cause of him being a douche. Why is he asking you not to give your mother information about your brother (her son) in the hospital? That's none of his concern honestly. He sounds like a man child. You can sit him down and tell him how he makes you feel. If it doesn't change, perhaps this isn't a relationship to pursue.
  10. Oh you can find someone better. A lot better. Of course no relationship is perfect - but you should not have a partner who makes you feel like sh**. For something that happened BEFORE you dated each other.
  11. You did nothing wrong. He wasn't your boyfriend at the time. You were single. You had a ONS. So what? I don't know why he continues to bring it up except that he's insecure. If people ask how you met you say "at a party." That's it. You don't have to say "oh I banged his friend in a drunken one night stand and then boom there was Brian." No one needs to know nor will they care. Obviously things aren't 99.9% perfect. You sit him down and tell him to get it all out. After that he can't bring it up again. If he can't get over it your relationship will never work.
  12. Friends talk about things like sex and any thing else like that. I've talked to my best friend about things I did with my ex husband. The only thing she ever judged me about was when I told her I masturbate. She said "eww gross." I said how is that gross??? Men do it - why can't women? (That's because for some reason it's taboo for women to masturbate and I have never understood why). She was just getting others opinions - like she is on here. Not really a difference.
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