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Should I ask if he wants to be exclusive or should I give it more time?


missy1114

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Hello, I'm 23 yo and I've been seeing a 23 yo guy that I met from Coffee Meets Bagel app since about 2 months ago. We've been on 8 dates (about once a week) and we've both initiated half and half. We're both in grad school and we have a lot of mutual interests. Things seem to be going well so far and I'm starting to like him more and more. The only thing is I can't tell if he's into me or not. In between our dates, he rarely texts me and when we do text, our conversations are pretty short and they are mainly for planning dates. He would sometimes go for 3-4 days without calling/texting me; he has never called me. He doesn't hold my hand in public. The only physical contacts we've had were hugs and goodnight pecks on the lips or cheek on every date. Other than that, he's very nice and chivalrous - always offer to pay or come pick me up. He's great at carrying conversation and we always have a great time. He hasn't introduced me to any of his friends yet. Is it too soon for me to bring up the exclusive talk or should I just keep seeing him casually this way? I don't necessarily need a title but I just want to know how he feels about me. I can't tell if he's just the shy/inexperienced type or if he's just not that interested.

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I wouldn't have the exclusive talk because of the lack of "physicalness". He might be shy, possible. Odd, he keeps arranging dates but doesn't do more. You seem to like him, I'd recommend next time you say goodbye put your arms around him and give him a real kiss, a good one. That'll get you an answer better than talking about it.

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He lives about 3 hours away and he plans to go home for the holiday. At the end of every date, he always says he'll see me next week. But the lack of communication between dates and the lack of physical contacts make me feel like he isn't that into me. I don't know if he's just enjoying my company or if he actually likes me. He did give me a full-on kiss one time on the 3rd date and he actually asked if it'd be okay for him to kiss me. It was kind of awkward. Since then, he hasn't kissed me besides just pecks.

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Just read your update so editing my post. I find the lack of physical contact sounds odd. He does sound inexperienced but interested since he did kiss you on the third date and still seeing you but haven't tried again. I'd take the initiative to kiss him next time if I were you and see how that goes

 

My rule of the exclusivity talk is as long as it's before sex. So if sex is on the horizon, I'd have the talk before going there.

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He lives about 3 hours away and he plans to go home for the holiday. At the end of every date, he always says he'll see me next week. But the lack of communication between dates and the lack of physical contacts make me feel like he isn't that into me. I don't know if he's just enjoying my company or if he actually likes me. He did give me a full-on kiss one time on the 3rd date and he actually asked if it'd be okay for him to kiss me. It was kind of awkward. Since then, he hasn't kissed me besides just pecks.

 

I think he's clueless and you are his first gf.

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I think he's clueless and you are his first gf.

 

Haha, actually he told me the last girlfriend he had was a couple of years ago and he hasn't been looking to date anyone until now. So he did date at one point. Our conversations on the date are usually very casual. He doesn't really ask about my past relationships or bring up any exclusive talk. He does go out every weekend to the bar with his friends though so it tells me that he does have a social life.

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He lives about 3 hours away and he plans to go home for the holiday. At the end of every date, he always says he'll see me next week. But the lack of communication between dates and the lack of physical contacts make me feel like he isn't that into me. I don't know if he's just enjoying my company or if he actually likes me. He did give me a full-on kiss one time on the 3rd date and he actually asked if it'd be okay for him to kiss me. It was kind of awkward. Since then, he hasn't kissed me besides just pecks.

 

 

Relationship starting from distance are less likely to work out.You need to spent time with each other for a relationship to work. You can't know each other while apart most of the time. Find yourself someone closer and who can actually spend time with in person.

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DO NOT proceed....Long Distance Relationships are a no no. And can be the reason why he is so reserved.....he knows this.

 

Sorry I should have clarified, he goes to school in the same city as me and he'll be here for the next 3 years though. Although, I can see him moving back once it's done

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If you are both in grad school - his family being 3 hours away is hardly long distance. he could decide to live closer to where you met after he graduates. My cousin's husband lived 7 hours away from school. All it means now is they pack up the kids for Thanksgiving and head to his folks for 4 days every year because they are too far to see both sides of the family.

 

I think that you are both busy students and I think if he is taking you out on dates and looking forward to seeing you next week, he is into you. I think that if you want to talk more between dates, then start initiating it yourself. Get a feel for what times during the week he has a break and give him a call to say hello. I think that up until this point, 8 dates really didn't warrant constant communication - and it IS refreshing to not have a guy who texts constantly and fakes out. he is a little more old fashioned.

 

If you like him, then if he asked for a kiss and then gave you one, what if one day you initiate one and surprise him, or like I say, start initiating conversation in between but keep in mind when its short texts - he could be busy in class or studying. Just enjoy getting to know eachother and TELL him that you would love to hear from him more.

 

No, I don't think you are friendzoned. I don't think you are his first date. I think that you really should appreciate him keeping things respectful and COMMUNICATE with him also! Make plans for when he comes back from the holiday. And also, if you are doing dates in public, it is hard to make a move. And thats okay. I wouldn't kiss anyone at a retaurant or the library, etc.

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Yeah, I assumed they go to the same school, so the distance problem isn't really a problem. Nothing like the girl giving small hints to build up a guy's confidence. And I'm not talking sex here ok! Just moving things forward. this guy might be ok, just inexperienced, better than the guys who treat you like an object right? Have you tried being touchy? Touch his arm occasionally when your talking. Build up his confidence. Still thinking a real kiss good night is in order if that goes well.

 

I like abits advice above too!

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Sorry I should have clarified, he goes to school in the same city as me and he'll be here for the next 3 years though. Although, I can see him moving back once it's done

 

But if you end up dating him for those three years, that could change, you know? Just have fun dating him and seeing how it unfolds - you don't have to commit to marrying him tomorrow, you know?

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All I can tell you is my experience: Every guy I have dated as asked me to be his GF within a month of dating. The one time I told myself "Oh he probably just takes things slower then I do" and waited 3 months to have the exclusive talk it turned out the guy was not interested in an exclusive relationship.

 

But that is just my experience. Others here, as you can see have had different ones. Do what feels right in your gut.

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I actually have asked him if we could text more often and he said he would try to text more often but nothing has changed much really. I did ask if we could see me more often last week and so far, he's tried to see me whenever I initiated hanging out more than once during the week, like to dinner or something. But with finals coming up, it's hard to keep asking him to spend more time together. Do you think it's okay for me to ask him about his past relationships just to gauge how experience he is?

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I actually have asked him if we could text more often and he said he would try to text more often but nothing has changed much really. I did ask if we could see me more often last week and so far, he's tried to see me whenever I initiated hanging out more than once during the week, like to dinner or something. But with finals coming up, it's hard to keep asking him to spend more time together. Do you think it's okay for me to ask him about his past relationships just to gauge how experience he is?

 

I wouldn't, I think you'll embarrass him. You need him more confident, not less.

 

He may have something going on in his life that is acting like a distraction.

 

I think after thanksgiving try to move this forward and if you can't, you can't.

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What is the purpose of being exclusive for you? The issues you are stating are around the interaction are more about your uncertainty about his feelings about you versus exclusivity, right? Is he into you? Is he attracted to you? So - why not ask him how he feels about you and see what the conversation gets you?

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In between our dates, he rarely texts me and when we do text, our conversations are pretty short and they are mainly for planning dates. He would sometimes go for 3-4 days without calling/texting me; he has never called me. He doesn't hold my hand in public. The only physical contacts we've had were hugs and goodnight pecks on the lips or cheek on every date. Other than that, he's very nice and chivalrous - always offer to pay or come pick me up. He's great at carrying conversation and we always have a great time.

 

I find it really refreshing to read that he does not text but instead has real conversations with you when you meet. I would not have the exclusivity talk with him yet. My guess is that he is inexperienced so give it time. Is he generally a good guy and do you like him? Have you called him between dates? Have you initiated to hold hands in public?

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Kissing on the third date and then going back to pecks for the next 5 dates seems very odd to me. Obviously, he knows you'd be fine with kissing again since you've done it before, so, it has nothing to do with being shy or inexperienced.

Between that and not much contact between dates and no real talk about dating exclusively or something, I'd say that he's either not that into you/sees you as a friend or is trying to get over someone else.

I would definitely ask him why he's going out with me.

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