abitbroken Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Kissing on the third date and then going back to pecks for the next 5 dates seems very odd to me. Obviously, he knows you'd be fine with kissing again since you've done it before, so, it has nothing to do with being shy or inexperienced. Between that and not much contact between dates and no real talk about dating exclusively or something, I'd say that he's either not that into you/sees you as a friend or is trying to get over someone else. I would definitely ask him why he's going out with me. Maybe he went for the kiss, it was awkward,and now he is seeing if she makes a move. He may be unclear if she liked it based on her reaction. First kisses CAN be awkward. So I suggest she makes a move to kiss him or tell him that she did like it when he kissed her to give him the green light. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Maybe he went for the kiss, it was awkward,and now he is seeing if she makes a move. He may be unclear if she liked it based on her reaction. First kisses CAN be awkward. So I suggest she makes a move to kiss him or tell him that she did like it when he kissed her to give him the green light. I also want to add that we don't know what the environment of these kisses was. It may not have been appropriate to give her a full on kiss based on where they had their dates after the kiss. If they are meeting in public and having public dates, the opportunity - for someone who is respectable of the other person's comfort zone - might not have been there. If they are dating by going to eachother's places -well, that's different and more opportunity. But I have a feeling they are doing activities versus sofa surfing - which is good. Link to comment
notalady Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I totally forgot, but abitbroken's comments reminded me, my bf and I didn't have a proper kissing session until date 9 lol... It had just been quick kisses and pecks before that. It didn't bother me at all because he was clearly into me and we held hands and got on really well. He's also not into texting or phone conversations between dates, that's fine with me since we see each other 2-3 times a week. I rather leave all the communication to on the actual date. How's the rest of the date, does he flirt with you? Does he compliment you? Do you get along well? Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 He's inexperienced. Some of us still are/were at 23. You kiss him and suggest you arrange a weekend together. He can miss his "m8z" one weekend, can't he? He may be seeing someone else, too but I'd be surprised. Link to comment
missy1114 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 I totally forgot, but abitbroken's comments reminded me, my bf and I didn't have a proper kissing session until date 9 lol... It had just been quick kisses and pecks before that. It didn't bother me at all because he was clearly into me and we held hands and got on really well. He's also not into texting or phone conversations between dates, that's fine with me since we see each other 2-3 times a week. I rather leave all the communication to on the actual date. c How's the rest of the date, does he flirt with you? Does he compliment you? Do you get along well? We get along just fine on the dates but our conversations usually gear around school or random topics. He doesn't really flirt or compliment me but he jokingly teases me here and there. As for the first kiss, honestly it wasn't good because I'm very inexperienced with kissing and I was nervous. The kiss wasn't messy or anything, it was just lack luster in my opinion and since then he hasn't tried again. I've tried texting him first and the conversations usually fall short with him not replying or taking a while to reply. He told me he doesn't like talking on the phone and the only people who call him are his parents. I guess I'm still unsure why he's seeing me and if he likes me. At one point, my guess was that maybe he's seeing multiple girls and doesn't want to be committed to anyone. However, with his busy schedule and college-student budget, I don't think it's feasible for him to date multiple people. Last week we went out twice for the first time in the same week and he spent over $50. I've offered to pay for other things too. How would I go about asking why he's seeing me without making it awkward? Do you still think I should initiate a real kiss the next time I see him? I'm afraid to mess it up. Btw, all of our pecks and the first kiss were either in the car (if he drives me) or in parking lot of the date location Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Next time insist on treating or buy movie tickets in advance and do not let him pay you back - when you offer does he accept? Link to comment
missy1114 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 I've offered to pay for dinner and sometimes he lets me. Or say if we go to a dinner and grab drinks somewhere then he let me pay for part of the date. Link to comment
missmarple Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 How would I go about asking why he's seeing me without making it awkward? Do you still think I should initiate a real kiss the next time I see him? I'm afraid to mess it up Don't be afraid. In my opinion, it's something you need to do before this goes any further. At least, if I were you, I'd like to know what's going on, if the guy wants something more from me, if he sees me as a friend, if we're dating casually or what. Initiating a real kiss is a good suggestion. In that way, whatever he does, it will give you the opportunity to talk about where you stand. Just ask. Much better than wondering what's happening. It doesn't have to be awkward. If he does kiss you properly, just say 'so, are we two dating or are we just friends?'. No matter how shy he may be, if he's really interested in you, he'll want to let you know he doesn't only see you as a friend. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I dated a man in his 50s who wouldnt move past kissing until he had been dating me a year. I mean, no hands everywhere, nothing. It was odd, but not an expression of his interest, rather of his own values. I'd ask, are we dating? He may not know where it's going- nobody does. But it may help him to know you want to date him and can speak about it in a matter of fact way. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 The kiss wasn't good for him either if you are inexperienced. He isn't dating other people ---- both of you are young and inexperienced. Link to comment
Feast Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Yes, agree both parties are little inexperienced but it's kind of refreshing. I mentioned before good kiss, being touchy. If you try to force it, it'll be awkward of course though. There's an easy going flirty-ness some girls have that works really well to disarm me and make me feel confortable. Try not to talk about work / schoolwork, talk about fun items you are doing in life. Be touchy. Have fun, don't make it into a bigger deal than it is. Link to comment
missy1114 Posted November 27, 2015 Author Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thank you all for your comment! I think I'm going to initiate some physical contacts the next time I see him and I'll also try to ask him how he feels about me. I was thinking of saying something like "hey I was wondering how you feel about me, do you see me as someone you want to go out with or do you want to continue getting to know each other to see if we can potentially date?" How does that sound to you all? Also, he hasn't texted me at all in the past 3 days since he came home for Thanksgiving and I'm aware that he's on vacation. When he comes back this weekend, should I text him or wait until he texts me to make plan? Thank you all again for all your advice! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Thank you all for your comment! I think I'm going to initiate some physical contacts the next time I see him and I'll also try to ask him how he feels about me. I was thinking of saying something like "hey I was wondering how you feel about me, do you see me as someone you want to go out with or do you want to continue getting to know each other to see if we can potentially date?" How does that sound to you all? Also, he hasn't texted me at all in the past 3 days since he came home for Thanksgiving and I'm aware that he's on vacation. When he comes back this weekend, should I text him or wait until he texts me to make plan? Thank you all again for all your advice! That is too wishy washy. I would say "I really enjoy spending time with you. I am wondering how you feel about me - do you see me as someone who could eventually be your girlfriend, or do you just see me as someone who is going to be a friend only?" But don't ask by text! ANd be sure to start with that little bit about how YOU feel because everyone likes to be thrown the green light. Or say "i really enjoy our dates". When you say "See me as someone you want to go out with or want to get to know me better to see if we can date" ---- that is awfully cryptic. you ARE going out with him ALREADY. You ARE getting to know eachother better. Asking him if you are someone he could go out with may deflate his sails a little because he could say "wait...i thought we WERE going out?" So don't be cryptic. Just be straightforward. Tell him you enjoy his company first or that YOU like him first before you ask. Link to comment
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