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Thread: Another online daing journal

  1. #2231
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    I HAVE A GREAT IDEA

    Go to the fair, then go home after and maybe S will tell them to eff off for the night...


    ..and then go back over and knock on the door, and when he opens it, make sure you're wearing only a long cloak and NOTHING ELSE! or some pretty lingerie!!
    you crack me up

  2. #2232
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Ugh. What an annoying situation.

    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Yah, I keep walking myself through what it would be like in that moment that I remove myself.
    I can't help but think it will be a little too dramatic.
    Ill do it, but I will forewarn S prior so he's not surprised.
    I think this is your best option. I do see how removing yourself could look dramatic, but it's actually a normal reaction. It's the situation that is dramatic.

    I think that you leaving like this could actually help your boyfriend deal with his son.

    I picture it like this: You forewarn your boyfriend about what you are going to do. Emphasize that you guys are on the same page about everything, etc. He knows how you feel, and that you do not like the sleep-overs. He does not like them either. You don't have to suffer just because he chooses to suffer. I think he will understand.

    When the end of the night arrives, pleasantly say goodnight to everyone and walk/drive/uber yourself home.

    If T and/or his girlfriend ask you why you are leaving, tell them you just feel like it. If they ask S the same questions, his story should be the same as yours.

    Repeat this scenario until T takes the hint or until S puts his foot down. I think S will ultimately put his foot down/dodge the boy when he feels the impact of your absence on his life. And you will be less annoyed.

  3. #2233
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    T is very outspoken and with a couple drinks in him I can anticipate him calling me out as I am heading out the door.
    I'll just say I have to tend to my cat.
    Don't tell him that. Just say, "Sorry, buddy. I'm going. See you later."

  4. #2234
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    All this has helped me sort things out a bit. S's way has been to avoid his son, say we aren't home and make up excuses. It feels so negative.

    I need to tell S that it's all so unnecessary and he's going about it backwards.

    Ultimately it creates a situation where we don't get to enjoy their company or at least it starts to feel that way.. It can be easily (I think) resolved if he were to talk to his son about wanting and planning to spend time together, but to have some reasonable boundaries. It doesn't need to be a negative.

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  6. #2235
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    . . I did just recall that when we were out of town last week, his son called him and I overheard S asking him exactly why T felt he needed to stay in his home and whatever it was he was doing he could be easily doing in his very own home.

    So, there is a little piece of progress
    I'm glad I remembered this.

  7. #2236
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    S returns home today from having spent the last couple weeks with his parents. His mother had her 3rd surgery in the past 8 months.

    It's summer and work is quiet. I've taken a couple days off and extended the weekends. I feel well rested, caught up with some things at home, like cleaning out my garage and my closets. I've had time for my friends, my sons and myself. It's been really nice.

    I specifically noticed coming back to work this week how good I felt. I haven't felt this way in a while.

    I am trying to sort things out in my head and with S returning and full weekend booked I feel a little anxiety building. I will ultimately end up going back to work next week exhausted, drained and frazzled. I have felt this way for so long, I didn't know any different. It's been my relative normal. But now having had all this time to myself, the difference is pretty glaring.

    It may be a combination of a lot of things. Since my mothers death there has been a lot to take care of. Most, if not all of the loose ends were tied up two months ago. Though I still think of her all the time, the grief isn't as acute.
    I just feel more at peace with myself lately.

    I know I tend to detach in someones absence. I know S senses this so he tries harder. My enthusiasm to see him doesn't match his and feel a little guilty about that. I am almost not looking forward to seeing him tonight.

    I can't help but wonder when I do see him, if I'll feel differently. By the time I get home I have less than two hours that I need to be to sleep for the following day. 2 hours feels like 10 minutes when you have company.

    I have never been comfortable getting S to bed on my time schedule. He watches tv in bed while I try to fall asleep. I am rarely well rested when he stays over midweek. I'd rather only see him on weekends, but there are two people in this relationship so compromises are in order. One night of poor sleep can set me back for the rest of the week.

    Anyway. . I am just whining.
    I am also wondering if I am fit for a relationship sometimes.

    While I was cleaning out closets he made a joke about making room for him to move in. Yah. . I didn't laugh. I just don't think I ever can do that, not with him. Not with anybody. I've just been on my own way too long.

  8. #2237
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    You are being brutally honest with yourself. That means a great deal. It's all ok, all of this. It's who you are and I think you should accept that. Honestly if you need sleep for work and he still wants to stay over maybe sleep separately? I know kind of defeats the purpose but sleep is so important!

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