$100+K in 12 months given, but I'm still "mean" and "stingy", she says

Really need advice, please.

Let me say first, "I love her." If I didn't, I wouldn't be writing this, but I guess that is obvious. There isn't a problem with sex here, or unfaithfulness.

It's about money.

I'm 50, male, reasonably fit and ok looking, worked hard all my life, worth $2m (most of it in very liquid assets, only mentioned as sadly it's relevant…), divorced, kid 18, good independent ex-, no problems at all there. I've very little income because my work has dried up because of the recession/depression; so income comes almost all from my investments.

She's 40, pretty, East European, divorced with son 13 (her ex- is abroad and pays nothing), met her in winter 2009 on a dating site, started living together at her place (son's school nearby) after 3 months. She'd lost her financial services job in early 2009, living off state benefits of about $1,400 pm including homeloan interest since.

I'm told she has no real savings, but I have no way of knowing (she knows my position very exactly). She owns 3 properties, one apparently in the name of her son and where her ex lives abroad, another is rented out and breaks even, and the third is where she lives.

Her son and I get on terrifically, so this isn't about him at all. Unfortunately, he's aware of the issues here, and tells me (heart-rendingly) how he would really, really like to help.

OK, here we go.

In our first year together, and not counting even a solitary dime that I spent exclusively on myself or on my house which is far away, I spent $101,000 on her. Yeah, $101,000 in exactly 12 months. 70% of which came from selling investments when their value was still rising. My spending on myself, my house and my kid in the same period was under $10,000 (not included in the $101,000).

I can't afford this. The stockmarket's probably peaked, things are on the way down, it is a time to conserve and not burn money.

I only worked the $101,000 figure out in desperation, after she just would not stop spending on creditcards, of which she has had half a dozen. She'd keep saying the total was much less (spending someone else's money is easy!) This $101,000 includes all the food, utilities, traveling, paying off a big loan she'd entered into before meeting me, and over $35,000 on clothes, bags and shoes. Plus she had gotten state benefits too, so the total amount she had coming in that year was $118,000 with no tax deductions.

If she'd done the grocery shopping, rather than me, the total would have been a lot higher still, as she "has" to have the very best of everything. If there's a jar of jam that costs $3 and another that costs $20 but with a fancy label, it "has" to be the second one. I gave up with this and took over doing the weekly grocery shop.

I've cut back every possible way on things I want to spend on myself.

Even after I proved to her on paper how much I'd spent, she kept arguing it was much less, and I'm even embarrassed to repeat some of the nonsensical arguments she used (which made no accounting, finance or maths sense).

All along this time she would complain I'm mean, stingy, "never give her money" etc, and her constant threat was because of my alleged miserliness she'd have to get a job, which meant, she said, giving up the relationship because it would be a high-powered job and she'd given up trying to juggle home life and business in the past. So this was a bit like blackmail. Also, given what has happened in the financial services world since 2007, I think the kind of job she talks about barely exists and she could. I repeatedly said I had no objection to her getting a job, that I'd do (even) more of the housework, I'd be as supportive as possible, and that the vast majority of women who didn't have small kids worked. I'd never had a relationship with someone who didn't work.

She has no female friends who were born in the country, all her circle were from the same East European state as her, and I think that's part of the issue. They are so unrepresentative it is unreal. Most of them allegedly don't work except on shopping and have husbands who allegedly give them whatever they want (I kinda doubt the last bit, though).

I only met one of these "friends", probably the one with the biggest influence, and found her appalling, as she made it clear she despised the man she was with and once drunk over the phone cursing him for some imagined infidelity asked me how she could screw him out of all his money. I was told he "did nothing for her" and "owed everything to her" (he was rich long before he met her, actually) but I found out he'd actually bought this friend a house in her own name. Obviously, that counts as nothing. This is the most influential friend by far, sadly.

Back to the GF. She "needs" a lot more sleep than I do. I work, she spends maybe an hour and a half per day with me on average, but I'm told I'm the cause she never has any time to accomplish anything.

As 2009 ended, I turned down the $$$ tap, and this caused break-ups. Since then it has been very rocky, with short stays together, rows etc.

One of most riling things is that she has the nerve to BLAME her wildly irresponsible spending (over $35,000 on clothes, bags, shoes in one year, you remember) ENTIRELY ON ME. Yes, she says if I'd have just given her the cash instead of paying her endless stream of creditcard and other bills, she'd have invested it instead. This is like unreal, as at any point in time from spring 2009 there were 3 creditcard bills owing and about 15+25=40 days of her spending on each of them (she just would not stop; even holidays were marred by her insistence she HAD to go and spend say $1,500 in some tourist-trap shop selling vastly overpriced, poor-quality junk; when "that perfect jacket" broke its zip within a week of the holiday ending, do you think she'd have learned? Not at all.).

Partly or largely because I've worked really hard teaching her son, he's managed to get a scholarship for a new school. She's given me the clear impression that I "owe" her the school fees saved, since otherwise it would have been down to me to pay them.

Why, you may ask, didn't I set a budget and refuse to pay for more? Well, it was clear that whatever I set and gave her would be spent as she chose, and it would have been left to me to additionally pay for all the essentials, as I repeatedly pointed out. So it wouldn't be "all inclusive" at all.

Seven months into the relationship, she has begun to insist that the relationship cannot go on like this, "we cannot go on living like this". She clarified this means she, coming from a very traditional background, needs to be married. Her siblings lived with their partners for years (in one case, over 5) without being married, but…

So, I swallowed my fears and said fine, let's get married. I said we'd have an all-inclusive spending budget of $4,100 a month, but that had to include food, gas etc.

Then the tune changed somewhat, to first there has to be a financial settlement. She proposed I pay off her mortgage of about $350,000. I flat-out refused. It then changed to I should pay her two years' worth of budget up front (so $4,100 x 24 = $98,000) which she would invest and also use to pay for household things from month to month. But what's to stop her just dumping me as soon as she gets such a lumpsum, and who says she'd use the money as agreed? Note this is even before marriage. What later, then? And when her benefits dry up - she's pointed out how much she'll lose and that I must make that up to her financially.

I've said I do not buy a woman. I deserve better, and it is below me, and should be below her, but that doesn't cut any ice, and it is presented as further "evidence" of how bad, uncaring, mean etc I am, and how insecure I make her etc. This forces me to calmly repeat how much has been spent, that it cannot go on, etc.

The latest is repeated reminders I must start the promised $4,100 per month allowance immediately, but it has just been revealed that I should also make pension contributions for her at the same time. So, "all inclusive" is not at all "all inclusive", and there's other add-ons, so the idea of limit or budget is an epic fail.

I am unendingly reminded she spends "all (her) time on (me)", but IMO that it is BS. She basically does what she wants, off dancing several times a week, shopping, endless chats with her innumerable friends. No doubt she's a good mom to her son, but that isn't relevant. She cleans obsessively, and probably I'm a bit messy, but I do more housework then most men. (Yes, she wants a maid…)

Her latest pattern is to calm down, settle me in, and then re-start a fusillade of complaints against me for my meanness etc. (In total since we started dating in winter 2009, so counting the first few months too, and the start of 2011, my spend on/with her, not counting anything just for me, or all the state benefits she collects, now totals well over $115,000 in 16 months – how the Sam Hill is that being "mean"?).

The threat that she will "go back to work" (a job that exists only in her imagination, they're laying-off fast in the banking sector, hardly recruiting) and therefore end the relationship is often repeated. The job she would be likely to get, and I do know this sector well, would give her at most $30,000 per year after taxes and traveling.

I have never ever been in anything like this before. I've never before been told I'm mean, selfish, stingy and that *I* LOVE MONEY FAR TOO MUCH. Well, it is solely my careful ways with money (I worked 100 hour weeks for much of my life) that permitted all her spending sprees and extravagances. And now it is that she "cannot trust me"… boy, do I see it the other way around. Who paid for everything?

She flat-out refuses to come to joint counseling, saying the counselor will not be of the right class and will not be able to understand.

I have tried to interest her in running a joint business (IMO half the problem is she's got too much time on her hands) which I could buy as a going-concern, but her interest in this is near zero. She wants get-rich-quick schemes (no end of books on this), not hard work that will be needed. She's never run a business (I've run four).

I have been getting suicidal. The world's in for and experiencing bad times, and a lot of this is down to greedy bankers. (Oops!)

Needless to say, there have been some great times. But.

When I try talking to her that this is abnormal, it is not how it happens in the West (I'm pretty certain it doesn't happen in East Europe either), I get told I am talking nonsense and that she has a headache. Heard that a hundred times. If I ask how this panned out in her previous marriages, she says then she was naive, now she is not.

Whatever I do is not good enough for her.

I can hand her $2,000 cash on Monday and on Tuesday she would say "You never give me money."

IS THERE ANY HOPE OF SALVAGING THINGS?

It is not that I think I can't find anyone else. I'm fitter, better-looking and kinder than many 50 year olds.

Am I just making the inevitable hurt even worse by dragging this out, hoping against hope?

Advice, please. Say the obvious by all means. Perhaps I will show the replies to her and perhaps it might make her see some sense, or even make me see that she is right (?)

Thanks. I am desperate at her endless threats to end things. )-:

you are a sensible man, I'm sure. So I'll put this into terms you might understand...

Let us suppose you made an investment two years ago. After two years, you've lost 100k, and it appears that's just the beginning. Do you stick with this investment, or do you let it go?

You are too kind, and I assure you, there is a girl out there who will appreciate you without your money. If you stay with this girl for much longer, you may very well be looking for this other girl soon, anyways!!! She will bleed you dry and drop you the second you can't give another penny.

This girl knows you have money, and she won't be happy until she has it - probably ALL of it - and then gets rid of you. Don't fall victim to your own trap! Because you are free to leave Right Now. I would not think about this for another day, either, I would go back to my place and spend a good solid three months recuperating. And then, I would re-engage the world with a new vigor!

She will never see sense - she sees cents - so it's you who might do well to see the sense of what's going on here. You base much of your relationship on money, which is probably perhaps where this one went wrong from the start. Money attracts the wrong kind - it's like a women's beauty, it also attracts the wrong kind. Try again, gon't give up - but with this woman, don't keep feeding yourself to the bear!!!

The next woman, do not be so forthcoming with your portfolio. Money has a way of poisoning the innocent mind, and in the early stages [first 6-12 months] it's really not appropriate to say anything beyond "I'm stable."

Drop her like a hot rock.

So many figures in one post. She measures your love by money, and apparently you do, too. When you start measuring love with something else, this issue you have with her will cease to exist.

Based solely on your post, she measures your love to her with money. I am sorry but not the kind of person i would want to be with. You either tell her in plain english about your financial situation and for her to be aware of the economic situation or you walk away.

Personally, I would not want to be with someone solely of how much money I have. You deserve someone who will love you for you, not how much you have.

Good luck

Money can get you a woman.

But money can't get you love for who you are.

Sorry to hear you have nabbed a gold digger.

I personally think you have given much more than you should.

What I see is she has a man who should be treated with respect for what he has given and shown.

But for some reason she wants more of what is already a dream for most people.

Let us suppose you made an investment two years ago. After two years, you've lost 100k, and it appears that's just the beginning. Do you stick with this investment, or do you let it go?

Of course, I understand your analogy.

Reality is even worse, the 100+K was just for 2010, not for "two years".

It is just 16 months since we were first together, and the spend in that time by me (not on myself, my home or kid) is 115+k.

I have never before had to measure love/relationships in terms of $$$$ but how she has behaved has forced me to take out a calculator (before I ended up broke).

In the passage above, I mistyped I turned off the $$$ at the end of 2009 - I meant at the end of 2010.

She will never see sense - she sees cents

But all this is against her incessant claims that it is I who is obsessed with money.

in the early stages [first 6-12 months] it's really not appropriate to say anything beyond "I'm stable."

We had been living together for 2 months when she first asked me to pay off her loan (then about $30k).

She measures your love by money, and apparently you do, too.

The first part is apparently true (though her previous husbands apparently gave her little or nothing according to her, but now she's better advised by her friend(s) not to be naive, to "value herself" properly, etc.).

The second part is true only because she has forced it to be that way, forced me to keep track of spending (something I haven't had to do) out of fear.

I am 50 and I have never been here before with anyone. I've had 4 significant relationships (including marriage) before her, so I am not as experienced as many.

When you start measuring love with something else, this issue you have with her will cease to exist.

I do not drink, smoke, chase or look at other women, use swear words, laze around doing nothing, leave chores to others, lose my temper or shout. I am never physically or verbally even the tiniest bit violent. I am loving, and keep reassuring her with words of love.

I have put down a lot of the problems to cultural differences. But from everything I can tell her mom and dad have a superb marriage, and (living in Eastern Europe) are careful with money.

Again, I never measure love by money. But here I'm forced to go on about money, because (i) I'll end up broke her way and (ii) if I wasn't specific about amounts it would sound as if she was right. Saying "he never gives me money" sounds heart-rending (till you find out he paid $115,000+ in the first 16 months, including 12 months of living together...

I think she's seeing you as a cash machine and not much else - sorry to say

Based solely on your post

Honestly, I haven't left anything out that would mitigate, as I'm looking to fix if possible, not break.

tell her in plain english about your financial situation and for her to be aware of the economic situation

DONE, many many times so many I'm thoroughly sick of doing this.

I know the economic crisis is huge, a $15 trillion ($15,000,000,000,000.00) national debt is probably irrecoverable-from, and it's mainly the greedy bankers who got us into this. Oops, her job was as always as a banker, and she thinks my views are extremist, too pessimistic etc. I do not. I think we're f**ked as a country. She just assumes that future income will roll in for me, so there's no need to do extinction accounting (that means calculating how long before I run out). I disagree. I am a lot better at numbers than she is...

Good luck

Thank you.

But is there some way of salvaging this and getting her to see sense?

I have many times tried to encourage her to have what I'd call "normal" friends, not all of them female emigres from her East European homeland who (whatever she claims) have somehow ended up with wealthy men.

It isn't wrong for a woman to seek security, but when it is at the expense of the man feeling at all secure...

As to giving her lumpsums (I already did by paying off her loan #1 , by then $26k, which was only 5 months after living together), I see ZERO evidence she is better at managing $$$ than I am. I played (it isn't "play" in any sense - it is really tough, and nerve-wracking) the stockmarket since the start of 2009, and while 90% of private investors have done worse than the indices, I've done better.

Unfortunately her parents cannot speak any English at all, before anyone suggests help from that quarter. She point-blank refuses to tell them (I think she knows in advance what they would say).

She claims I am using her up. She claims I am denying her opportunities (for this IMO non-existent fantasy job that would, in a sector which is laying-off, mysteriously manage to provide a similar level of money for her). She claims I am more demanding than others (???? I really can't see how, I'm usually totally busy working at what I do, and hardly disturb her)....

Help.... )-:

Drop her like a hot rock.

Easier said than done, I do love her else I would not be on this site.

While I appreciate your directness, is there anything you can offer which can make this work, please?

The next woman, do not be so forthcoming with your portfolio.

Money was her job (ex-banker) so she was pretty shrewd about working things out. When she guessed in the right ballpark when we'd been out just a few times, I didn't deny it.

Money has a way of poisoning the innocent mind

Innocent? Don't understand.

When I met her (mid-50s) female friend before we lived together, I figured then it was because my GF wanted a second opinion, maybe not trusting her own judgment in a foreign country. She (my GF) genuinely has not had any relationships before besides her 2 marriages, of that I am certain. btw she is not after me for citizenship, she already naturalized.

unhappiest, you can't change her because she has no incentice to change. She does not love you, she wants your money. When your money is gone, she will be too.

Love her all you want, but think about it. You've effectively paid her $100,000 to be your girlfriend.

If you want to know someone, look at their friends. The only friend you've met of hers (in two years...) is a complete gold digger. There's a reason they're friends.

She now says that "(I) have never financially done what I promised.".....

HOW THEN AM I $115,000+ down in 16 months??

She now says that "(I) have never financially done what I promised.".....

HOW THEN AM I $115,000+ down in 16 months??

Do you really think that someone here can offer you some words that your gf will be so amazed at that she'll start clipping coupons out of magazines and going to charity shops for clothes? It isn't going to change.

So on average $9,500 a month? Do you really think she'll drop down to a reasonable amount after that? It absolutely infuriates me that women (and some men) can treat people like this. Over the past year I have gone without food so my children can eat, I have sold jewellry so they can go on school trips, I don't have a car so I walk everywhere, I'm starting a second job tomorrow cleaning (I have a degree) so I can pay for my divorce. Sorry, self absorbed rant over! But your gf doesn't know how lucky she is to have a decent guy who is solvent.

It's only going to get worse, please don't think about marrying her and do not get her pregnant!!!

I'm from eastern europe and also in easter europe we call women like your girlfriend.. gold diggers!

There is no cultural difference that justifies her behaviour, she is just using you - VERY OBVIOUSLY.

There are many of these women out there, everywhere in a world.

You either agree to be their sugar daddy or you don't.

For yours sake I hope you dont.

You worked hard to get were you are, why woud you "invest" it to someone who is not really appreaciting you. You deserve better.

You seem like a generous, reasonable and patient man - I am sure you would find someone who really deseves it within a heart beat.

Drop her, she wont change, she has to maintain the status in front of her "friends"

Your worrie about your future, the stability etc.. don't fit in her plans.

Instead of throwing money at her, go out buy something nice for yourself as you worked 100hr a week for that or give it to charity, makes definitely more sense than 35 000 dollars worth of clothes in ONE YEAR. Visualize how much less stress you woudl have without her in your life.. and then find a place on your own and leave her.

First, I am sorry to hear of your struggle. I know things are very tough and for many will only get tougher in the oncoming depression/recession. There's nothing Obama or anyone else can do. It is FUBAR.

Do you really think that someone here can offer you some words that your gf will be so amazed at that she'll start clipping coupons out of magazines and going to charity shops for clothes? It isn't going to change.

One good thing that did come from this friend of hers was this: While my GF had pointblank refused to ever come to garage sales with me ("below her", "only crap found there" etc.), she did go to a big one with this friend, and since then realized that often really great stuff can be found there and at a very low price.

So on average $9,500 a month?

No, not on average over 16 months since winter 2009.

$115,000/16 = $7,100 a month, but that includes about 4 months when we were only together a little of the time.

And $26K was to do with settling her loan 5 months into the relationship, which is just expense for me I know (the loan was taken out by her for a harebrained business idea that she abandoned after I encouraged her to listen to an accountant, and she'd managed to spend most of it).

So actual spending on luxuries/essentials/consumables/utilities was $115K less $26K, i.e. $89K. Over 16 months that averages to $5,500 a month, rounded down.

But your gf doesn't know how lucky she is to have a decent guy who is solvent.

As she makes clear to me at every opportunity, there are no end of such people in the circles she could move in.

please don't think about marrying her

Why?

and do not get her pregnant

No chance of that, she definitely doesn't want another kid, and I would only consider it in a stable relationship where the woman really, really wanted it.

By the way, another common complaint is that I am the cause of the instability. When it seemed each day for months the house doorbell would ring and it would be another big parcel for her from some top-end shop, or she would come back with big shopping bags filled with luxuries for her (in contrast I've spent maybe $200 or less on clothes for myself in the last 4 years; I've plenty) - it has to be the LATEST fashion or gadget - even though I was begging her to slow down, right from April to December 2009, that somehow does not qualify as her introducing instability

Am I nuts, or wouldn't most other guys have turned off the tap sooner, EVEN IF THEY COULD AFFORD IT?

Buying a GF is like having a wh*re, and I never have done that. I keep telling her it should be beneath her.

I have only one complaint about her (unlike her; she has many complaints about me), and that is the incessant money requirements. "all-inclusive" doesn't seem to have any meaning to her that I can comprehend...

I'm from eastern europe and also in easter europe we call women like your girlfriend.. gold diggers!

There is no cultural difference that justifies her behaviour, she is just using you - VERY OBVIOUSLY.

There are many of these women out there, everywhere in a world.

You either agree to be their sugar daddy or you don't.

Thank you for your candor.

I am 50. According to statistics, I'm in the top 1% for liquid assets. If I wanted to be a sugar daddy, I'd choose someone 25, maybe even 30 years younger than me, right? Not someone merely ~11 years younger. As I love her, she is beautiful to me, and she is an expert at makeup, clothes and looking good.

I have no problems in bed. The one time I tried V1agra purely out of curiosity I was left with a scarey hardness that lasted nearly a day.

For yours sake I hope you dont.

You worked hard to get were you are, why woud you "invest" it to someone who is not really appreaciting you. You deserve better.

You seem like a generous, reasonable and patient man - I am sure you would find someone who really deseves it within a heart beat.

I am not looking. Unlike some (most??) men, I can't be in two relationships at the same time or even end-to-end.

Drop her, she wont change, she has to maintain the status in front of her "friends"

Your worrie about your future, the stability etc.. don't fit in her plans.

The absurdity is, the friend upon whose advice she places so much weight and reliance (I can't tell for sure, all her phone conversations are in her own language which I can't understand, though I'm willing to learn) is herself desperately unhappy. That was evident to me from the F2F with her, and the phone conversation where she spoke of screwing this (older) guy who bought her the house, because she found some incriminating (in her opinion - in mine it could have been simple casual flirting by another woman) SMS on his cell.

Instead of throwing money at her, go out buy something nice for yourself as you worked 100hr a week for that or give it to charity, makes definitely more sense than 35 000 dollars worth of clothes in ONE YEAR. Visualize how much less stress you woudl have without her in your life.. and then find a place on your own and leave her.

The $35K wasn't all clothes; including accessories, handbags, shoes, gadgets, I really don't know what as all I would typically see would be the ~3 creditcard bills each month (she rotated cards).

When she was busy disputing my numbers (the $101,000 in 12 months figure) she expressed horror when she saw MY creditcard bill, which was exclusively at the local grocery stores and for gas. "How could it be so much?" was very ironic given that if it was her going and doing the shopping, it would have been almost 40% more as I knew from experience.

At least she's stopped insisting on expensive mineral water (dry humor there) when I showed her a dozen reports that, local to where we are, the tap water is a lot healthier than the mineral ones, some of which actually contain live bacteria at point of sale! Well, that saved $100 a year. Another $50,000 to go...

I own a house of my own; big, structurally A-OK but needs a woman's touch VERY badly, as well as $10K or so of redecorating. I'd hoped, as she isn't working, she'd help me get it into a fit state. In the last year, she has spent exactly 8 hours there helping me...

People don't change if the don't want to change.

This also applies to you..

You allow her this behaviour.

You know what.. In a fantasy world if I were you, I would come home one nite, rather late, looking depressed.. and say that you lost everything. EVERYTHING! Makeng up some lame excuses! Saying you are in a really bad place right now and you really really need her now, a loving woman. Then I'd give her a week or two. If she is still with you, going through some job offers, hugging you so you woudl stay strong.. I'd be happy as a bee! But most likely she would be on her way out..

In real life these games dont work.. but think about it. Just think whether he would stay with you if you would one day loose it all. Is she in a relationship for you or for the money?

If you have doubts about that and you still want to marry her.. you two deserve each other

At any rate.. if you stick with her and really believe she could change, there is only one thing you can do. Don't give her more money than you feel comfortabel with. If she complains tell you had a chat with your financial advisor and this si your new budget so you coudl continue having a comfortabel life in the future. Be a strong man, assertive and rational, end the conversation and leave the room.

Good luck!

Alright, I would walk and not look back. I am not your age but in a similar boat financially and am basically financially idependent at 37. There is NO WAY I would put up with it for one second. I don't care who the woman is, what she looks like or how good the sex is. There are 3.2 billion women on this planet and there are AT LEAST a couple of hundred thousand of them that would be better. Walk now. You sound like you can get women with or without money as a lure (good shape decent looking) so go with that. If you have this going for you and the money too why would you subject yourself to the misery? To her, it reeks of desperation - whether true or perceived.

BTW - you need not worry about the market "peaking"...play both sides of the market. That is where the real money is...

Good luck man!

Thanks for your kind words, I'm cool and kind of upbeat about everything!

Well it looks like everyone here thinks you should leave her except yourself, which is fair enough as we don't love her but you obviously do. So is the advice you're seeking just to get her to curb her spending? I haven't a clue how you'd approach that as she seems so unaware/head in the sand about it all!

Alright, I would walk and not look back. I am not your age but in a similar boat financially and am basically financially idependent at 37. There is NO WAY I would put up with it for one second. I don't care who the woman is, what she looks like or how good the sex is. There are 3.2 billion women on this planet and there are AT LEAST a couple of hundred thousand of them that would be better. Walk now. You sound like you can get women with or without money as a lure (good shape decent looking) so go with that. If you have this going for you and the money too why would you subject yourself to the misery?

Love?

To her, it reeks of desperation - whether true or perceived.

Is that ambiguous?

Are you saying she thinks I am desperate?

Or do you mean is she desperate?

Or both?

Please, clarify - thanks.

BTW - you need not worry about the market "peaking"...play both sides of the market. That is where the real money is...

Tried shorting, derivatives, spread betting... sticking to what I know and am good at.

Good luck man!

Thanks!

To her, that we lived together with 6 months and did not marry shows I am "not serious" (she speaks approvingly of a couple, lady from the same background as her, married a man after 17 days physically together).

To her, that I paid off a $26k loan of hers within 5 months of us starting proves nothing positive about me, the amount was "inconsequential" and that most men would do the same.

it looks like everyone here thinks you should leave her except yourself, which is fair enough as we don't love her but you obviously do.

I am hoping that another wave of opinion may happen as more people read the thread, so I can get a proper second opinion.

Nothing is one side.

For sure, she would argue with my above account of events. I've invited her to put her POV down, however hurtful to me. In fact I begged her too but she says it is not worth the effort.

she seems so unaware/head in the sand about it all!

All in the last hour or so:

"I do not need your money." (said many many times before too)

"You never gave me money" (said many many times before too - but ditto with her lady friend, who I was told never had money from her man, but then I know he bought her a home)

"My creditcards never totaled more than $3,300 in a month" (she seems to forget almost all the essential spending was via my creditcards, plus bank transfers by me - because of her Social Services / benefits position, most obvious ways of funding were not viable)

"I need stability, you do not give it" (see above)

"I am not interested in how you twist things." (but I invite her to put her POV accross here or anywhere she wants)

"I want someone who is ready to share with me, not you (who are mean)"

"If I wrote down my side, no one would listen to you" (but she won't take up the offer)

"Next time only look for a woman who is 50, maybe she will give you money" (????????????????)

I don't understand how you ended up spending that much. A single person or two adults can be fed and sheltered for way less than $20,000 unless they have rediculous mortgage. Even if you were buying everything for her, you must have been buying diamonds and funding her spending sprees. I say dont spend another dime on her. Since the son is level headed - fine if you want to spend money taking him to lunch, etc. Acceptable. But cut her off money wise immediately and do what you can to maintain the investments that you still have.

Everyone has debts. It is appropriate for you to have bought food or you pay HALF of the monthly rent or mortgage because you live with her, but bailing her out of a 26K loan is not something you do for someone unless you decide to do it for a child or your wife who shares assets with you. It is not something you do for a 16 month girlfriend unless you are trying to "buy" her or impress her with your power.

I think in some ways it goes both ways - yes she is a gold digger, but would she really refuse the opportunity if someone offered to bail her completely out of debt? I know I'd have a hard time not jumping up and down and saying "yes". I would have to get my head on straight and say "no, I am fine" which I might ultimately do but there would be an instance there of thinking it was too good to be true.