Post here instead of contacting your ex!

I still miss you. I missed you since we stopped playing together when we were around 10 years old. I still want you. I wish you would contact me.

I'm scared you're leading me on.

Does your new girl support your endeavors? Am I not supportive enough?

So- you dumped her?

I was doing so well... I can honestly say my long term x is resolved. I saw how wuickly he moved on and although it hurt, it opened my eyes to who he was. Along with many things that happened. Then I met n from Sacramento and I had fought so hard to make him be ready for a relationship and be over his x Bc of how special I thought our bond was.. But there were things missing and it probably wouldn't have worked. and now.. There's you.. Probably the most connected I've ever felt to anyone. The things we shared, the way I felt , I'm not sure how my life will ever be the same and now I can't have you. I hate my own desperate dance. The push and pull of my insides at the thought of me texting you , as if doing that will inspire you to open your walls for me.. As if your situation of 5 years will dissolve and this will make sense to you how it does to me. I don't have a magic wand but I would do anything to have one to have you I keep dreaming of you dropping everything and running to me to tell me you'd do whatever to make it work. I guess it's the romantic in me stuck there.. I'm stuck on that park bench w u, holding your hand w the ring you wore on your left hand Bc of me .... Every moment we spent was kismet and heaven for me but now I worry I'll always think of you. I haven't even let you go. I haven't been able to fully break my own heart . It's coming and I know it back to this forum I will go, it's the only vulnerable sanctuary for me.

There's nothing I can say that is bad about you.

Please don't stop missing me like when you used to care about me.

Giving me a chance at starting over with you doesn't mean compromising your principles, so be more generous with me.

Even though you no longer like me, doesn't mean you definitely wouldn't in the future. So, please don't say things in such absolute tone especially when you know what you are saying will hurt me for a long time.

Phew~

I'm on a rollarcoaster of ups and downs pain and pleasure.. I think I feel so high because of the lows... Because of how ty I feel right now I feel so much higher when you yank me the other way.. But it's just not fair.why is it so hard for you to message me back when I'm literally unable to sleep Bc all I think about is you. I think you've crossed my mind t least 2x every hour today. I guess at least today I'm not crying as much. Regardless of if I see u again or not, I need to take control tomorrow. If you text me, if you don't, I don't want to jump at the text. You need to wait. Doesn't matter what it says. You don't deserve me to be waiting around for your affections and then just disappear whenever for whatever reason.. I can't be happy like this only tormented. I'm just unsure how to live without you at this point . It's disgusting and this is why I hate feelings.. This is why logical and rational relationships can be appealing. No matter how much I sit up and analyze this, it won't be a magic potion to make u understand , or make u behave how I need someone to treat me. I don't like how u treat me and u know it, u just know u can get away with it and u don't really care how upset i get Bc I'll always answer u when u feel like reaching out. It's absurd. I'm not a child, I don't need you like candy that tastes good but ruins your insides. That's what you're doing to me, I want to purge these feelings and stop. Just go back to how bland life was befor I met you. Be stable.

Dear Andy,

I hope she spends up all your money.

We should of just stayed friends. I should of trusted my gut.. but I thought I'd take the chance. I'm sorry for ignoring you.. but I have to if I'm ever going to recover from this heart break. 8 years of friendship... 5 months of a relationship.. Thank you for the lessons, you're with someone who is a better fit.. as agonising as it is to admit. The thought of you two togethe is just... a sad.. low.. gut wrenching pain that I have to relive now and again.

I will stay strong and not contact you.. You've began something new.

I will miss you. In some weird way I hope my acceptance is rewarded..

What you cannot change, ignore. Goodbye baby.

I decided to engage with you. It was same as always, emotionally intimate, charged, boundary erasing. I am sorry for some of the news you shared, family times are going to be tough. You and your gf, yeah whatever. You're not breaking up any time soon, that's just drama that will remain with you.

Then I met a stranger. And the things we talked about, I disowned them. As always I deleted your thread. I want nothing, nothing from you that spoils who I am. Not even a memory.

I hope your father recovers. I do. I hope your rl resolves, why not. She has what you want,it's all a transaction, so what. You talk of being jaded, losing your friends. It's your choice. It's your addiction. To her. Or to drama. Or isolation. I don't know, I didn't bother to ask. It's your choice.

I was and remain done with you. You're a mess. A lovable, manipulative, mess.

Today is your birthday. We were supposed to be spending it together. That is why I bought you a plane ticket home with me. So you didn't have to be alone on your birthday. Instead, you broke up with me and later used the ticket to fly somewhere else. Even though I know it was for a very important reason, you still should have just told me. I would have understood. But not even giving me the chance to understand is exactly why this relationship failed. Because you couldn't just TALK to me, intimately. And it caused me to be the same way. It takes two to tango, and I talk half the blame for why this thing failed. But I loved you, and wanted more. I wanted to get deep. I wanted to be myself around you. But you made it so incredibly hard. Because you failed to communicate. Painting me as the BAD GUY because I simply wanted to get my money back was BS because there was no way for me to know what you were going through. BECAUSE YOU SIMPLY DIDN'T TALK TO ME.

Had a little bit of nostalgia today. Missed you for half of the day but then remembered you're a loser. Feeling good that I have no desire to speak with you at all, but still frustrated that I want to know what you're doing and feeling. I hope you miss me more than I miss you - I treated you really well.

I dated this guy too, lol.

Lol, made me smile. Scary thought that he exists elsewhere too...he used to say some awful things about others and I would always snap at him, "stop it".. so rude. Lord knows what nasty stuff he would say behind my back, back then, heck even to this day.

I just saw two pictures of you. What happened? You were so handsome, so fit. You getting a lot fatter made me feel a lot better.

Thanks, douche.

I'm glad your happy with your new gf I'm glad you are crazy about each other I'm glad you have moved on so quickly I'm glad you are enjoying your life

But I want it to fail I want her to hurt you I want you to be in pieces I want you to be unhappy and miserable I want you to spend time with your daughter I want you to be a better father

I just saw two pictures of you. What happened? You were so handsome, so fit. You getting a lot fatter made me feel a lot better.

 

Thanks, douche.

This is what I'm secretly hoping will happen to my ex.

This is what I'm secretly hoping will happen to my ex.

Wait and see, the lack of respect for people and the guilt do horrible things to your physical appearance.

Being here gives me peace. The idea of saying what I want and it being heard even though not by you. But I wouldn't want u to hear this, what good would it do me to beg you? What good could possibly come out of me being any more pathetic? I've already told you I've fallen in love with you and had you blatantly ignore it to my face. You know how much you being unresponsive kills me especially in this insecure time and you still do it .. I have to go back to the same place we met Friday to work a party and I hate that I'll be thinking of you. I hate that you control so much of my daily life, my thoughts my emotions my decisions and I'm a choice for you. It's a choice to consider me or reach out. Why is it so easy to fall for the wrong one and so hard to fall for the guy that wants you? So hard to fall for the one who will be just as invested as you are..

I vowed last night that I would start moving on and going back to focusing on me and my life. You were an escape from that in many ways. It seems like no matter how much I mentally prepare, I still feel hurt everytime I don't hear from you and you don't come running.. I hope it wears off soon. I hope I can convince myself it's over so I am immune to any more pain.. I know that's not possible but you've truly ruined all other prospects in my life. Dimitri, Seth all of them seem inadequate compared to what we shared in just a week... That makes it worse because you're still with her. And happy I assume. Well it can't be an assumption, if you weren't you'd leave and I would be the first to know . Instead I'm a toy you like to text from time to time for extra attention. It's so tough to accept I was the only one feeling quite as strong as I did, but I think the only way this will get easier is to look at your actions, not my feelings wanting to see yours as the same. You barely message me, your still w her, you're not sending me a ring .. You haven't booked our trip . You're heart isn't with me

Wow haven't seen you in 8-9 years untill today. You look amazing!!!! Just like you did so many years ago. Sry to hear your gettin divorced again. But pattern repeats itself again. Your last husband used to beat the piss out of you, now this one does the same. are you thinking?!?!?!?!? Maybe you moving back to FL is the best for now, but before you move back to Montana after thing 1 grads highschool give me and Kentucky a chance I might change your mind about Montana

Happy birthday, Sorry I had to block you on FB but its for the best of both of us. I miss you all the time and the happy moments I had with you. You were my best friend and I kind of miss how our days was spent, but now I need to be here for myself. I love you yes but I love myself too. I know you'd be proud of me when you see me now. I thought I was going to die from a heartache on the first weeks we split. I'm still hurt now, that is why I can't talk to you. I may not even be able to do so in a few years. But this is going to be worth it for you and me. I'm sorry I can't be friends with you anymore. Well maybe for the meantime. I'm still not ready, I know you arent too, who knows. I'm having this feeling that you are having a great time spending your birthday how you like it and I'll be happy knowing that you're happy. Wish you well

Against everyone's advice I texted you. I had to know. I sent one question... asking if you were happy with your decision. You were silent. And I was FREE. My lingering hope I was so sick of fighting, died. My respect for you also died. Because really, no response... what a low, chickensh*t move, especially from the guy who pleaded with me for some follow up contact when I put NC in place to begin with. Two days passed. I felt great. Happy. Lighter. More hopeful.

Now you reply. F'ing two days later, really? Errmm.. okay. AND you tell me you are not happy with your decision, but you "needed to make it", so you did. You are so confusing. Why are you like that?! Against my better judgment I engaged... and now we've been sporadically texting throughout the day. You tell me you miss me "all the time". You tell me I was the person you talked to about everything. You were that for me too. We've talked seriously and about other non-relationship things. It feels good. It feels easy. And I know it is dangerous as f*ck.

Everything would be so simple if you could just love me. Why I am worthy of so much from you, everything from you, except your love?

It's more than 2 weeks since you last tried to contact me. I won't reply.

Through the small network we work in, i have found out you are not happy. I have found out you are looking to move away from this city.

Grass wasn't greener after all, huh?

Here's the thing. I'm not that bothered about you anymore. Well, that's not really true. You still come to my mind when i see or hear certain things. I still wonder how you are. I wonder about the dynamic between you and the vile specimen that ultimately freed me from your abusive clutches.

People are seeing the real you now. I'm not there to counter it anymore. They saw it all those years ago and remained silent for my sake.

You can carry on with your smoke and mirrors routine for as long as you feel it takes.

But you will never be real.

I'm exhausted. I still don't sleep much. Not for the same reasons anymore. Not because my mind won't rest trying to work out who you are cheating on me with this time. Not because i wonder what mood you will wake up in. Not because i have no money to get to work for the rest of the month because you spent it all.

I don't sleep now because I'm processing the lessons learned from allowing someone like you to steal my soul. I'm trying to mentally arrange my free time and split it between all the people that have come back into my life since you left.

So carry on with your facade. Carry on with your smear campaign against me. Carry on pretending that you are something you are not.

To answer your question. The cat is doing just fine. She's eating properly again. She curls up on my lap when i read and she sits in the sink while i take a bath. She sleeps at the end of the bed while i toss and turn.

I think she was in mourning for the two months you had her after you kicked me out.

Cats mourn. Did you know that? I left as for work one day and never came back. How was she to know what had happened? I wish she could talk and share with all the lies she heard you tell the blonde about me.

As for me; I'm doing good.

Better than i was.

I can't put my finger on when i turned the corner. I turned it and that's all that matters.

Four months is not a long time given how long we were together. I'm told it takes years to get over the kind of emotional abuse I've been through.

I know this. I will get over it.

That's my focus. Healing the parts of me that allowed you to damage.

As for you. You are well on your way to being a carbon copy of your mother. Good luck to anyone that you manage to draw into your web of lies and deceit.

Remember, you said it yourself, i know you better than anyone.

Save yourself any future need to contact me by knowing that me and the cat are doing just fine

I'm sad and lonely today. It's a beautiful sunny day, and I'm sitting inside staring at the stupid computer, and "communicating with you" in the only way I can.

Eight weeks ago exactly, you dumped me. Nine weeks ago exactly, we saw each other for the last time. It seems like a lifetime ago. When you left, you kissed my forehead, not my lips. It seemed sweet at the time. Now I realize it was because you were done. You were already gone, you just hadn't officially left yet.

I haven't cried in awhile, but I did this morning. I was out with the dog and a couple strolled past me holding hands. And I just lost it. I'll never forget our second date, when you casually reached over and took my hand. We were in a crowded store and I was a little bit behind you. I was so glad for that because I had the biggest stupid grin on my face, and I couldn't make it stop and didn't want you to see it and realize what a dork I am. And how thrilled I was by your small action of taking my hand.

God I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you. It HURTS so bad today. I've been down this healing road before and I know there are ups and downs. Today is down. Wayyyy down. It's one of those days where I want to close the curtains, crawl back in bed, and just wonder what the exact point of life is now. Because I always thought the point was to be happy. And I am a really long ways from happy.

The worst part is knowing that you probably ARE happy. Secure in your decision to end things, busy with your crazy work schedule, hanging out with your bros, and yeah... by now you're probably dating someone new. You're handsome and charming. It wouldn't take long for someone to take interest in you. Women used to admire you when we were out, even with me right beside you! So yeah, I'm pretty sure you're dating. Have you kissed her yet? Made love to her? Fallen asleep with your arms wrapped around her? Do you pull her even closer and kiss the back of her neck, all while you're still asleep, like you used to do with me?

Have you forgotten me completely????

I miss you, and I love you, and I wish I didn't. Today I wish I could hate you. It would be so much easier. I wish you'd been a jerk and treated me badly. Then I wouldn't be thinking about how wonderful you are, and how well you treated me, and how now you're giving all of that to someone else, because for whatever reason, I wasn't worthy anymore.

Today is a very bad day.

I am feeling low. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I always end up falling for people who can't or won't love me back.. I miss you like crazy and I keep trying to predict when I will hear from you again, if at all.... Went out w someone to distract me last night, before going out I was bawling about you.. Then I dk if I just subconsciously really wanted to forget u or just because he was so good looking but it was a repeat of you basically.... We slept together ... Why did I do that I dk.. I wanted to I guess ... It was amazing , but he was verrrrry non chalant about me.. So much so that I almost left afterwards but ended up staying simply Bc I was still drunk and it wasn't worth it... This morning he barely hugged me goodbye and then made a joking comment saying you think it would've been better if we didn't hug... I wonder if it's Bc my self worth is so low that I attract people who treat me like garbage into my life .. I'm feeling torn, half of me wants to just back off like back 100000 feet off and "play the game" let him chase me and get anxious /excited and the other part of me is like screw it... Just stop giving a . Problem is whenever i think about that and seeing him at work, it makes me really sad and uncomfortable. But I have this weird intuition that no matter what I do, it's not going to end in me being happy I do think I deserve someone good, but it just isn't happening right now and I know I need to shift my focus to work and getting to LA, but it's so much easier said than done... It would be so nice to have these feelings and get to nourish them/be reciprocated... Doing things like cooking together and having fun.. Feeling how I feel now the excitement. Guess now just isn't my time.