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I dont miss you but im sick and tired of thinking about you i never want to speak again and will happily remove you from my life forever. But i really really need to stop this habit of thinking. Day 2. I know it will pass in time and I will meet someone new and nicer and forget all about your evil fake love. Ive been down this road before. You were such a waste of my time.

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This thread is a godsend. No one needs to read this but here we go:

 

I'm sorry I am hurting you right now. I'm sorry that it seems like this relationship ending feels like your life is being ruined. I never wanted it to be this way. I moved cross country three years ago to be with you, with such high hopes. That letter that you found from before I moved here proves the amount of love and aspirations I had for you and our relationship. It just didn't pan out. I spent three years uncovering lies, lying to myself, feeling unhappy, unwanted, broken. And when the day came where you finally broke up with me for real, I had to remain in that apartment with you, and resist any urge to fight or be close. I cut myself off from affection, but I cried any time I got the chance to be alone. Despite it all, we still shared amazing, happy moments. And finally one day, I woke up and decided this was the end. How could we possible go on? How could we possibly fix this? We lived together "broken up" for close to a year, just sitting in some pseudo-relationship until you decided it was time to get back together. Normally, I'd willingly accept. This time it was different. I said no. I told you my feelings changed, that I didn't trust you. I broke you. I broke myself. I don't see anyway around it anymore. We must separate.

 

It is so difficult to watch you cry, to hear you beg, to see the pain I am causing you manifest itself on your face each and every day. You have always meant the world to me. I have always loved you. But sometimes love just isn't enough. You may be able to change. You may become the guy that would make me happy and treat me the way I deserved all those years, but I waited all those years for that to happen. It is now too late. I know you will hate me, and that breaks my heart even more. I am shattered into a thousand pieces. I feel pain and remorse for someone whose hurt me, but I spend so much time forgiving people their faults. I wish I could just walk away and feel nothing. I wish I didn't feel guilt, sadness, pain. I wish things could be different.

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My partner of a year and half break up with me and a week after return with baby daddy. She left our house without even having a conversation with me and have refused to talk to me at all. I stop contacting her after she admitted to be back with him a week ago, but since I'm still in her apartment (I need time to move to another apartment with all of the furniture as she don't want to keep them at all). These two past week she got in contact with a friend of mine saying that she wants her apartment back and me out, the two times that she contact my friend was when she saw picture on Facebook of me and a girl at the apartment "Having fun" (cooking, dancing, etc)

 

I started the NC on Monday did feel good those days, but yesterday (our month anniversary) felt the necessity to see her picture and went back to depression, seeing her happy, doing her life without me, while I'm here with hopes. So, I'm going to start today the NC and my NC plan includes not visiting her Facebook website and asking or talking about her at all. I'm going to also delete my Facebook website as she created a new one and we have some common friends, the plan is disappeared completely! Let see what happen and will keep you guys updated.

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Please call me. I miss you terribly

It's summer now. There are so many fun things we can do

You're the only one I want. But if you're completely done with me then please just tell me instead of leaving me here in limbo. I'm going crazy. I can't function. Or enjoy my life. I miss you. You're my world. I'm so sad.

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I don’t know where to start. It has been 4 months, which isn’t very long at all yet it seems like a lifetime.

I am so angry with you. So sad from you. I feel dead inside. People keep telling me that I am still me that I haven't changed; I've just gone through yet another hard time. But I have changed. A piece of me is numb or dead. There are some major scars inside that I don’t know how they will ever heal.

In the space of 10 days, we went from love you miss you, to dead silence and ignorance to sorting our stuff out between us to move out to finding out you were sleeping with someone else. 10 days, less than really considering you were already sleeping with her.

I cried so many tears for you and sadly I still am. I tried to fix things in my life. I tried to work my out and move on and get back to it. But I couldn’t. I still haven’t. I’ve moved two states and back in with my parents to work my life out.

I’ve gone from not eating or sleeping from the heartbreak to stuffing my face to avoid anything to do with you. I’ve left my friends and family behind to start again from scratch yet here you are still invading my thoughts, my sleep, and my dreams.

The only thing I have ever asked from all of this is for you to say goodbye. You cant. You wont. You told me it was because you will always have feelings for me or that you don’t want to say goodbye to what we had. I know you are refusing purely because I am asking. It’s not the first time you have ignored my requests. But why? Why can’t you be a man and just cut the cord and let me be. Do you enjoy knowing that you cause me so much heartbreak? Haha probably!

I had wished you well in the past, but I take it all back. I don't want you to be happy, because the only person who deserves to be happy after everything you have done... is me. I deserve to enjoy nights out and the company of someone amazing, someone tall and gorgeous (not another short Irish guy). I deserve the sleep depriving nights of passion. I deserve all the things I craved and you promised and never delivered on. Someone who loves my quirks, my lists, my bad jokes, selfies and cool cat mannerisms. You were never enough for all of me. You just worked out a way to make it my fault.

I wasted two years of my life, let go of countless friendships and left a life behind for you. I put myself on hold to support you with your daughter, your business, your plans. And all I got in the end was the blame for it not working out. I refuse to bear that burden. You failed as a boyfriend and a partner, as a friend and a lover. I made a massive error of judgement letting down my walls for you. You were not worth it. You are not ever going to be worth it. My memory of you and our relationship will forever be tainted with hearing you at her house 10 days after we broke up. Yes I regret being with you. I regret the pain it caused me to learn the hard way that I should never be less than who I am to make someone else happy.

I may still hurt for you but I know I am making a way to dig myself out of the dirty pit that is your memory and regret. I will take my time. I will make a few mistakes along the way but that's for me to judge. You can't be in my life anymore. I can't keep you anywhere in my thoughts. You don't belong there. You belong in the trash.

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I dreamed about you again last night. I'm really tired of that happening. It leaves me feeling so weird when I wake up. As usual lately it wasn't a good or bad dream, nothing sexy and nothing dramatic. I actually think we were roommates or something. I was looking at a 'to do' list written in your handwriting, and you came upstairs and said "a boy" was on the phone for me. You made it sound like this 'boy' was someone interested in me or someone I was interested in, and that it was not a problem in any way between us. So weird. Probably this all ties in to my hope that someday we can be friends. The kind of friends who would be fine with watching each other date. I don't know if we'll ever get there. Maybe.

 

I did have you on the brain last night. I was making plans with a friend to walk over to the hot air balloon festival tomorrow evening. We will stay late enough to watch the balloon glow, and that will mean walking back home in the dark. And I remembered last year, going there with you. Walking home in the dark, holding your hand. Your strong, warm hand. And you had a flashlight and your gun because you're always Mr. Prepared For Anything, and I felt so safe and protected with you. Part of what I still struggle with is this sense of vulnerability now that you're gone. That once again it's only me, and I have no one to look to but myself. I wish I felt more up to the job....

 

Also I'm starting to notice men. I'm not flirting or doing anything that "advanced" yet, lol... but I am noticing good looking men in the world around me. That's something I never do while in a relationship. It's not a conscious choice, I just become sort of oblivious. But now I see them again. And they see me. And if they smile, I smile back. I'm slowly coming to terms with the realization that someday, there will once again be a man in my life. And he won't be you. And that's your loss, not mine.

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I had a horrible nights sleep. I kept imaging you out with your friends. Happy and smiling. I don't want to get up but I cant fall back to sleep. So it's another day without you in my world. I was having really bad thoughts last night. Do you have any idea the pain I'm in?? Please call me today.

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You sure surprised me! I guess I really bought into your mask. I thought you were thinking, maybe, I'm so happy that she gets me, and accepted me. Almost, what the truth is, you were thinking, I can't believe she bought this act. What a rube!

I thought when we were hanging out and talking and laughing-you were enjoying my company as much as I enjoyed yours, but what you were really thinking was...I'm not getting into anything with her, I like her, but I don't like-HER-

And then there was the drops, when you would drop hints in the middle of a conversation about something completely different, you said "just one month and that's it".

What a life, I would hate to be the person to awaken a person's loving and caring while thinking the whole time of some kind of way to break it off with them. I didn't reply to the one month thing because of course, I didn't get your stupid games.

And I was in the middle of laughing about something funny you said.

But, you went on a trip, and since we weren't really together, only just getting started, I didn't think I could say anything about it, just be 'cool', what could I say anyway? It was obvious you took that trip with someone else, I wonder how she would feel about knowing that you and I had been together literally hours before you left? I bet she was looking forward to that trip for a long time.

Then when you came back, I didn't have my friend anymore, you had been erased, everything about you was hard and cold and it felt like the light had gone out. Like I was very very alone, and didn't even know you anymore.

That's why I think the whole thing was an act, a lie. I was just something to keep you busy for a while.

As much as I sometimes wish that I could witness karma here and see you get exactly what you give, I don't think you would feel it like I do. And I would not want to waste one more second of my life on you.

Not one more thought, not one more feeling. Not even one more word will I give you, starting NOW.

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I miss you, love.

I just feel empty every morning now, not being able to tell you "goodmorning beautiful". I miss our conversations, and God I miss your voice. You were the only one I know who I would call and could calm me down if I was anxious. I miss the way you used to say "i love you". And it all just hurts so much to think that I was never enough for you. That when you said "you're more than enough for me" you were just saying it to make me feel better. It hurts to think about another guy holding you. Maybe by now you two have broken up, maybe you're thinking about me too. Probably not.

 

I miss you, love. Even though you can't see me anymore. I'm still here. Like I said to you so many times, baby. I'm still here, but you're not.

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I f*cking hate you. Seriously. I cannot believe that you could throw 3 years away as if I meant nothing to you. Thanks. You don't deserve the constant thoughts I'm having or the anguish I'm going through. You're a sad little person who can't feel good about himself without another person, and that will follow you for the rest of your life. I'm a wonderful girl who will eventually find her confidence again and get back on her feet and move on. I have the privilege of knowing I acted with dignity and respect for you throughout our break up, while you lied through your teeth and cheated. I hope it haunts you for the rest of your life.

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I'm moving on. I've said and done everything in my power to make you see what a mistake you made. Hope you are enjoying your new dating prospect or do you have a girlfriend by now. Hope she can provide the excitement you felt you were missing. I'm looking forward to being with someone who is just as into me as I am into them. I am hopeful because I am a good catch and you are missing out on someone pretty special. Good luck out there finding a genuine and caring person who would never lie to you.

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I want to talk to you. I can't believe that you are out of my life and with him. I used to wake you up every morning at 3:40am to make sure you get to work on time. Some days I was so annoying of you waking me up, but your lips just made my days! I sent you everyday a picture of our son after I got him ready to school (although is biological yours). On my way to work I will speak with you and if you noticed I was mad, you calm me with your sweet voice. You called me everyday at 2:30pm, after work, telling me how was your day, and what you was planning to cook that day, take our son to the park or wash the clothes. Than you will always call me at 5pm telling me to hurry up and go home, that our son want to see us, that he's waiting for me, and you waiting for me to get home. Than 7pm after you did the dishes, while I was helping, you wanted us to go to sleep as you have to wake up at 3:40am the following day. Everytime we went to sleep you slept in my arms or in my back and for me my life was just as complete as I always dream. Than one day, because of all of the arguments, all of the stress with taking baby daddy to court, you decide to leave me without even telling me and a week later you went back with him. It's been a month you left and is so sad to realize that in reality I had no wife and no son. What a fool!

it does hurt to remember all this, but I needed to take it out.

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Hey A,

 

It's been nearly 6 months, and you are still withholding my belongings (Ha). However, these belongings are not worth breaking 3 months of NC. I will NO longer boost your ego by pleading and begging like the "crazy girl". You just want POWER. So keep the belongings...I am proud of myself for sticking with NC. It feels good to have my dignity back.

 

I enjoy waking up without worrying about you. It's less stressful and I'm feeling great that you're not in my life. I regained my self worth and pride. It feels good beginning the journey of dating MYSELF.

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