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I just wanted to say F you! I just can't believe how you toyed with my heart. You ruined my life completely! How you decided to come into my life... Knowing darn well about my PAST problems. If you didn't want any relationship, why did you waste my time? why vow we'll be together forever? Why did you beg? It was you who wanted commitment! Now, two f-ing months ago, you hit me with "This can't work. However, I do plan on talking to you in the future. Just give me time" because someone else caught your eye. Be a MAN and say the truth.

 

NO! You cannot come and exit my life whenever you want! Just incredibly selfish of you to even say. I am really starting to HATE, hate, hate you! It's so temping to not get revenge and ruin your life like you did to me! Don't come back, you know damn well the hurt is not fixable at this point. If you come back, you really feel I'm that dumb! Another thing, I finally went on a date... Yes, a date...And he treats me better than you ever did! The sad part is... I can't get over the "hurt" and "embarrassment"...

 

 

I am officially broken. I don't think you realize how much I'm hurt. You don't even care..

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I really wish I could talk to you right now. I keep trying to tell myself I miss the companionship, not you, but maybe I really do miss you. I dont know anymore, I feel so lost. I'm struggling so badly, I wonder if you're struggling too. Everything will get better when I move, that's what I keep telling myself, but I dunno if I can last that long. You make me hate myself.

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Hey,

 

I kinda miss you today, but you're not really worth missing either. You left me after I opened up to you about abandonment issues. We dated for almost 3 years and you moved out and told me via text, you broke up with me in a letter, and you called me out in public. I can't take your wishy washy feelings and try to come up with a conclusive conclusion. That's impossible. The sands are shifting too much lately to even try to gauge where you were or are coming from.

 

I sometimes think about how you'd come over unexpectedly and just hang out. Sometimes while I'm in bed I look over and you're not there and I wish you were. I miss you sometimes and other times I don't. I realize the psychosis you made me feel over the years and I'm finally trying to get a grip on life.

 

I don't need sleep medication anymore, I haven't taken any for the last week or so and I'm feeling better. I started needing it when we started dating. I lost 9lbs since we broke up since I have been exercising and I look pretty good. I've gotten a few numbers and I've been getting out with friends and working on myself, you'd be proud..but it doesn't really matter right now.

 

I think sometimes you miss me...the sex we had wasn't half bad and I made you meals that you loved. I realize I blamed you for the messy house but maybe it was me who made the house messy..but I don't get mad at myself...

 

What were we doing? Did we just waste our time? I don't know what I was looking for and I still don't and we can't blame each other for that...it's just life. Who knows what they want? Who can be so sure? When you know, do you just know? I don't know..I'm confused and working through it.

 

I will get better...in time.

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I want you to know that I will regret everything that I put you through for the rest of my life. You are my everything and I would give everything I owed to get one more chance. I would live under a bridge if it meant having you back by my side. I'm sorry that I was unable to be as great as you. I'm sorry that I let my depression get the better of me. And even though I was the happiest woman by your side I never showed it like you did. You showed me love like no one else everyday and made sure you did everything to make me happy. You cared more about me than yourself and I just wish that I could have seen this before. It's too late now but I will never forget our time together. I will be lucky if I ever find someone half as good as you. I will forever miss what it felt like when you held me tight against your chest and made me feel like my world was complete. Safe and loved.

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Hey N, how are you? Miss you a lot this morning. Im sorry for how things went between us, I really miss you and how things were and the house feels soulless and completely empty. Id love to just be chilling out together again on your couch or planning a weekend away and would love to just talk to you, but I know none of that will happen. Was out yesterday for the day with the guys and had a fun evening which felt great at the time, but has made me miss you more now this morning. Still find this hard to understand, but I accept it. I hope all is going well for you and your family as always. Have a great day!

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I'm going on almost a month of NC. It was a relief in the beginning and I felt wonderful. This past week has been pretty brutal I don't want to get back together with him- we are not meant to be, it's just that I miss him. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend so I've been feeling really lonely. I have great friends and family but the connection isn't the same. I know I have to stay busy and I'm not tempted to contact him, I guess I just need someone to listen. Thanks.

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Repeating old bad behaviors in a relationship .. didn't learn a thing from what happens when you hide a person you love from others who should be apart of your life. Who does that even once in their life but twice, wonder if you always did this and I just assumed it was only done with me, but maybe in your early 20s you did that too, idk. It just isn't normal. I hope this person never learns you are doing this to them, not for your sake, but for theirs. #Gutless4ever.

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You've just popped into my head for some reason, just like last month Im approaching the 1 month mark of NC and its getting very hard at times. Ive been great all morning, but the past 15-20 minutes I cant stop thinking of our last exchange, thinking of what you said and what I said, wondering how things are as they are. How did you get to this place youre in so easily? Why have I regressed so much? At times like this all I can think of is if we just met face to face at any stage in all of this we would've worked things out. But you insisted on text messages.. I know theres no hope for reconciliation or even just talking again in the future, and from experience I think getting back together after a break up is never the same and never as good. But here I am still. Do you ever miss me or regret things, I wonder. But I try not to; the worst part of all of this thinking is that it leads to the same conclusion; call you and work it out. Which will never happen. Anyway, I hope youre happy and that life is going well for you and your family as always.

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1st day of no contact I'm really struggling guys I just want to text him and tell him I love him. I did msg him yesterday and told him again how I feel and that I want him back but he says he's having difficulties with himself and he can't do it anymore. I asked him what's the difficulties and yo talk to me but he read it but ignored it and didn't reply So I've deleted his number and I'm gong to try and move on I miss him so much it's like 3 years have ment nothing to him.

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Almost officially a month of no contact. I dont know why I'm struggling so much, I thought it was supposed to get easier? I think I finally have to admit that I miss you. Going to bed at night is the worst, I miss sleeping next to you so much. I miss resting my head on your shoulder, I miss waking up to you giving me a kiss on my shoulder or cheek. I wonder if you miss me too. Or was I so insignificant that you dont notice me gone at all? I probably never meant anything to you after all...

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For some reason, missing you today. I know it will pass, but Im feeling nostalgic. I won't contact you but I wonder why I haven't gotten you out of my system yet. I am doing all I can do, yet you persist. I guess I need to accept that you're not going away easily.

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I miss you. It's hard for me, but I know that I was the one who ruined the relationship, the one that wasn't good enough. If I had been a better girlfriend maybe I wouldn't be as sad, as I would know that I had tried my best. But I didn't. I took you for granted and now I'm left alone. I truly loved you, you know? From the bottom of my heart, I've always thought that you were the best person that I have ever met. I don't know why I didn't act like it more. And now you hate me, no, even worse, you regret being with me. I'm really sorry for how this ended. I wanted to hurt you because you hurt me. I guess my immaturity just shows you why you didn't want to be with me in the first place. I'm really sorry that I didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated. I don't know why I was like that to someone I loved. They're all empty meaningless words now though, I know.

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Dear B,

 

This is a hard letter for me to write. I have so much I wish I could say, yet I am not sure how to express it all. So, please just bear with me and I am sure you will understand what I am trying to say by the time I am finished writing this letter.

 

I want you to know I hold no anger or resentment toward you for not being in my life right now. I completely understand these are the consequences of my actions. There have been many times when I have wanted to call and talk to you to apologize, but have been scared. I feel like I don't know what to say. I know it will take time to receive forgiveness from you for my immature, disrespectful actions. I am truly sorry for all the wrong I have done that night. I am regretful for the way I behaved and for the way things ended on such bad terms between us. I hope you realize that was not who I am, and I have taken steps to make sure something like that never happens again. I was humiliated and ashamed, and I lost my self-respect that night.

 

I care for you and hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe one day we can talk on the phone or meet for a coffee to catch up and let bygones be bygones.

 

Regretfully,

me

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Bad idea to post the email I wanted to send my ex earlier--too many curse words and insults I was overcome with so much anger that I had to write it, save it, and not send it. It's going in my 'back pocket' for if I finally decide she is worth the hurt that this email would bring upon her. I know she deserves it, but that means stooping to her level. It's quite the dilemma I face when I go through that anger. It also fascinates me how I feel completely different within hours.

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Ah screw it, here she goes...just "a little" rage rant. I have so much pent up pain that's turning into rage. I want her to feel every bit of pain she has inflicted on me.

 

Well, time to move on in the way you wanted me to. I'm *beeping* done trying to be the bigger person. I don't need to prove that to you. I already have. This is just another reaction to another one of your poor decisions. I'm *beeping* done with you. I wouldn't even wipe my *beep* with you. You've really showed how much of a lying, gold-digging sack of *beep* *beep* you really are. You really must think I'm *beeping* stupid huh? It's been so *beeping* obvious you left me for money. Who the *beep* would wanna be with that stupid *beep* *beeping* looking mother *beeper* you call a boyfriend if it wasn't for the money and shoving vibrating snowmachines up your *beep*. It's also been so *beeping* obvious that this "wall" you've put up against me is to block yourself from that feeling that what you did was so *beeping* wrong and unfair and has nothing to do with how I've acted. You know DAMN WELL I'VE BEEN RIGHT THE WHOLE *BEEPING* TIME AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHUT ME OUT! You couldn't *beeping* handle how right I was. I've *beeping* looked at our conversations, and EVERY *beeping* time I started to tread closer to the truth. SURPRISE! You'd put up your little *beeping* "wall" and ignore me. I was understandably hurting, and never deserved to be treated like that. There's a lot you could've said that gave me closure and would have set me free--I've given you so many opportunities to do that, but you refuse to say whatever the truth is because you don't want to believe that your such a *beeping* *beepy* person. You're convinced that if you don't admit it, then it's not true. Well guess what? IT IS *BEEPING* TRUE! BELIEVE IT! You're a cold-hearted, money hungry, narcissistic, selfish, childish, unloyal, untrustworthy, liar that only gives a *beep* about yourself and no one else. The very worst of the worst types of people. So what was the deal? You get to ride his snowmobile in exchange for some *beep* sucking? Kind of reminds me of when you met me--you wanted to ride the *beeping* snowmachine with me at work. What was the matter? You weren't able to do that this winter so you *beeping* jumped ship on me? Why the *beep* else would you feel guilty about going out with your friends? I never stopped you from going out and having fun riding snowmobiles, quads, or whatever the *beep*, so yes, you ARE a *beeping* terrible person and I HOPE you feel like *beep*. You deserve it. I ACTUALLY LOVED YOU! YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY YOU DID! At least I have the *beeps* to say this *beep* to your face unlike you and your mother talking *beep* behind my back. I hope this makes you feel half as *beepy* as you've made me feel just so you can experience a fraction of the hurt I've went through. You *beeping* led me on BIG TIME. I actually thought you loved me. That was the biggest *beeping* lie ever. You checked out of our relationship long before you even broke up--you even admitted this--you *beeping* strung me along so you wouldn't have to feel lonely, for GOD knows how long until you found out this new *beeping* wannabe hillbilly *beep* was a sure thing. Makes me wonder what else was a *beeping* lie. Was I even your first *beep*? Probably not. You would think that if I was your first, I would've meant a little more to you than what you've shown me. It clearly meant *beep* all to you. You're so *beeping* narcissistic and have your head shoved so far up your mom's *beep* that you couldn't even *beeping* see that I was hurt and was trying my best to salvage ANYTHING out of this mess you AND your mother caused. Nope. I get *beeping* blamed. In the true form of a couple of *beeping* narcissists. I wish I could wish you happiness but I can't. I tried to, but why the hell do you deserve it if you don't wish the same for me? I can't wait until this relationship of yours exposes itself for what it really *beeping* is--nothing but a meaningless hollow rebound relationship to get your little *beeeeeeeeeeeep* from the vibrations of snowmobiles and quads. And then guess what happens? You lose one of your bestfriends when you bail for the next new flavour of the day. *beeping* poor judgement call on your part dating your friend's brother. You now have so much to lose, and I have everything to gain. When your future is crumbling apart, and you most-likely get knocked up, and have to drop out of college...GUESS WHAT? I will be rising from the ashes from this poor excuse of a joke I once thought was a meaningful relationship like a majestic-*beep* phoenix, and my life will be so much better than yours. I will be happier than you'll ever be. I don't *beeping* need money for that. Clearly you do though. So until then, you and your two-faced mother can go *beep* yourselves and have a nice day! Wait...have the worst *beeping* day of your life...for over 2 months straight...everyday...and counting...and see how that *beeping* feels! Congratulations! You earned it! Oh yea! Why don't you show (we'll call him "Mr. T") this too. Let's see if he has the *beeps* to stick up for you like I would've done by now.

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Dear ex,

 

I have been trying to find reasons to be angry at you. I guess I couldn't find much. You've been a big part of my life and I am trying to have as much dignity to leave you be. I love you so much that I am respecting this decision. It hurts me everyday. I thought it was suppose to get better. It just comes in waves. I don't think we could ever be friends because I'll always love you in this way. I am sorry for pushing you away. I am sorry for taking you for granted. This has been so painful and although you've told me that you're not getting rid of all chance of return, I feel I don't deserve it. I feel like I didn't treat you the way you deserved and I am so sorry. I know I was a mess but I'm picking up the pieces and getting it together. You did so much and endured a lot. I am sorry every day. Thank you for treating me so good and letting me know what it feels like to be loved and cherished that way. I keep beating myself up for losing someone like you. I can't believe I didn't recognize all the signs and I wish I had taken it more seriously.

You leaving was good in that it's given me a wake up call. I'm sad to have lost my best friend. And now I'm going to find me. Again, I am sorry for all your heart had to endure.

 

Love always,

B

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Hey N. Just in work and again you've just popped into my head this morning!! Lucky me! I keep wondering how you've moved on so easily. Then is hits me; we just weren't a good match, but I hate that. I hate that we cant speak or have any role in one anothers lives, was I really that bad? I guess I mustve been to you. I don't think youre happy with that either or believed how what you said to be necessary.

 

Frankly I think the way things went down and the stuff you said, you were being a scheming, petty and vindictive bit*h. Don't like to say that, but its all I can think. You dangled reconciliation and when I finally bit you up and disappeared and sent me a lovely text in your wake. You really wanted to hurt me and you succeeded. I know your last ex treated you like rubbish, but Im not that guy so I don't know why I was dealt with like him. You wouldn't even speak to me over the phone, you kept sending me barrages of texts making out I was responsible for everything. And thanks for blocking me before I could reply to your last one..

 

Anyway, I hope the grass turns out to be greener.

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I no longer want to be with you. Your ways disgust me. how are you going to get a buddy the same night you break up with me? How can you go from being the best thing in my life to the worst? Why are you so ing stupid.

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Still in my head! It would be nice to hear from you, just to close things off and get things off my chest if nothing else. I cant be the one who reaches out tho from how things are, and theres no way you ever will, so that's that. I hate that you've made me feel like this and did what you did, but then I just get angry that I cant seem to not want to see you. Why were you so nasty? Were you trying to make me angry thinking it would end whatever I felt for you or did you feel you needed to get even and settle a score over something? I don't believe youre that cold, but I cant make sense of any of this. Oh well, todays just a bad day

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I'm an idiot to think you'll ever come back. The whole reason why I initiated the breakup was because I thought you gave up on us. I'm foolish to think you'll try to fix things once the relationship ended. You crushed me and you're fine...that's not fair. You may or may not come back but if you ever do, it will be too late.

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