Well, this sucks

[EvaGina]

HI PEOPLE

 

Scount and Batya, you are both right... I see what you are saying, Batya, with the whole "one drink turns to 30" kind of thing.. but we spoke about it... we arent going to become binge drinkers, we will ONLY drink on fri or sat night if we are going to a party or something, we wont just get drunk for the hell of it.

 

I think if Macca thought "omg, I can never drink again" he would freak out and not even try, it would be to hard. but for the meantime, just waiting a few days/weeks till the next party is a way to cut down his alcohol intake 170% without scaring him

 

I know how hard it is to quit, and I know how it works for me... so I will be fine, Macca hasnt quit before, he needs as much support as possible.

 

Scout, I agree totally with what you say... we have planned to go for a long walk tonight, he will be stressed from studying all day and we both want to get in shape, so we will exercise instead

 

And AA wouldnt work for us, its too flashy, too intense... we probablly wont tell many people about what we are doing, his mother would talk about it a lot and he gets all funny about that (shes lovely and only wants him to be happy, but you know how mothers are )

 

He also drinks for the social aspect... so until he can control it himself better, I will be picking him up from work, we might still sit around and talk with people, but he has to get out of needing booze to socialise (so do I, but I know I can do it, I have done it before)...

I was scared he would start to resent me for it, when he is withdrawing, but we spoke about it and he WANTS to stop, so he doesnt think that will happen

[ghost69]

maybe the people he hangs with influence this behavior.

[Locke2121]

so until he can control it himself better, I will be picking him up from work

 

image removed

 

His social life is now in your hands!

 

 

MWWWHHHAAAAAHAHAHAHA! *cough*

[EvaGina]

^^ haaha, all his friends love me anyways

 

Ghost: everyone is influenced by their social circles...

I have known him for 8 years, he has always been into drinking and smoking... and hes a 23 year old eng student who has been traveling for years... its part of his culture... his family drinks a lot too.

 

but all of that kind of goes without saying

[ghost69]

^^ haaha, all his friends love me anyways

 

Ghost: everyone is influenced by their social circles...

I have known him for 8 years, he has always been into drinking and smoking... and hes a 23 year old eng student who has been traveling for years... its part of his culture... his family drinks a lot too.

 

but all of that kind of goes without saying

 

so you want him to change something he has been doing for 8 years? all i was pointing out is that maybe he should change his social circle if he wants to get out of it.

[EvaGina]

so you want him to change something he has been doing for 8 years? all i was pointing out is that maybe he should change his social circle if he wants to get out of it.

 

its not that easy

he only has a handfull of friends in this city too.

Not to mention that hes just started a new course at tech and he is still forming those friendships.

[Batya33]

I had a handful of dates and was friendly with a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. He told me he had to change his social circle as part of recovery. When I met him he had been sober for 8 years and had plenty of friends. It is not easy but it can be done and for that person it allowed him to have more time and energy to pursue his arts-related passions.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if one chooses bars as the vehicle to make friends, then one is choosing friends who drink as their main social activity... not a good choice for anyone trying to control drinking.

 

if struggling with the drinking beast, it's best to stay out of the the beast's territory... plenty of people do things like meet for dinner at restaurants rather than bars, or go to movies, or meet at houses etc.

 

and no one can put a drink in your hands but yourselves, plenty of people who don't drink because they don't like it or because they have trouble with it, just stick to sodas and non-alcoholic drinks. if you both have trouble with drinking, PLEASE don't justify your 'drinking with friends' excuses to each other.... just make a pact not to drink, and stick to sodas if in situations where there is drinking. invite friends to dinners, not bars, otherwise you will both be sliding back into it before you know it.

 

you don't have to do AA if you don't like it, but you DO have to stop drinking, period. set a goal for yourself, no drinking for 6 months, and see how you get on with that. you might discover life is just fine, in fact better wihtout the drinking involved.

 

so the first step has to start with making a commitment to NOT drinking, anywhere or anytime...

[EvaGina]

He works in a pub, and he cant get other work seeing as we both live out in the wops and he studies full-time.

 

I have nothing against getting tipsy on the weekends, this isnt about not drinking at all, its about regulating it, learning his limits and controlling his drinking.

 

We both realise why we drink (apart from the physical addiction), and we are planning on going to a party compeltely sober some time in the future. But cold-turkey isnt the way to go at the moment.

[TheFoglifter]

"Quitting cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds" - Homer Simpson.

 

I'm glad you guys are both on board, and tackling the issue as a TEAM. That will make all the difference in making it work.

[ghost69]

so he should hang out with the influential friends because he doesn't or can't find any others?

[TheFoglifter]

It doesn't work that way. The two of them need to make it work.

[ghost69]

i tend to shy away from people that i know are affecting my life in a bad way.

[TheFoglifter]

I do too, they don't last very long around me.

[Scout]

we are planning on going to a party compeltely sober some time in the future.

 

Just a suggestion here...don't even work it up into your mind as a big deal you won't be drinking, and don't tell everyone else at the party you're not drinking, either. Just say you both have to get up super early the next day, if it's noticed - but people probably won't even notice if you have a cup of something in your hand. (By the way - without a god-awful hangover, you probably will be able to get up early the next day and go do something FUN!

 

You will be surprised to realize you actually are having a better time than you thought you would. Yeah, it might seem a little weird at first, but just wait...you'll also get to observe how very different people get when they're loaded. It's a good exercise in observation if nothing else.

[EvaGina]

Just a suggestion here...don't even work it up into your mind as a big deal you won't be drinking, and don't tell everyone else at the party you're not drinking, either. Just say you both have to get up super early the next day, if it's noticed - but people probably won't even notice if you have a cup of something in your hand. (By the way - without a god-awful hangover, you probably will be able to get up early the next day and go do something FUN!

 

You will be surprised to realize you actually are having a better time than you thought you would. Yeah, it might seem a little weird at first, but just wait...you'll also get to observe how very different people get when they're loaded. It's a good exercise in observation if nothing else.

 

I have been through all of this before, I know how werid it is

But he's having a real hard time with it. I have been here over 3 months and he has only NOT had a drink after work twice (he normally has more than one, too) and they were both when he was so hung over he was vomiting.

 

Last night his boss poured him a beer without him asking for it... he gave it away!!! He texted me this as I was on the way to pick him up... he was so, so proud of himself, it was fantastic!! He said it was really weird, and we talked about it.

 

His mates wont notice/care if he's not drinking, hes still heaps of fun!

I just hope he doesnt start smoking more weed... I would prefer he drank!!

 

and about his friends... he cant get away from boozy mates without becoming a hermit... he has to learn to do it within himself, build the strength... not run away from all temptation. what happens if he is at a wedding or something and hasnt learnt to control his drinking?

[Daligal83]

That's a great suggestion Scout. I'd even add on to that and say actually plan something for the next morning. It makes it easier to not want to drink when there is an actual purpose for waking up early the next morning. You could go for a run together, or go to the public market. Something exciting that you would look forward to.

[EvaGina]

That's a great suggestion Scout. I'd even add on to that and say actually plan something for the next morning. It makes it easier to not want to drink when there is an actual purpose for waking up early the next morning. You could go for a run together, or go to the public market. Something exciting that you would look forward to.

 

 

the market thing is something we do anyway, but we will think of something.

[Daligal83]

It sounds like you've both god a good grip on this. I hope it all works out well for you guys!

[EvaGina]

It sounds like you've both god a good grip on this. I hope it all works out well for you guys!

 

thanks, I hope so too!!