EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 He said he would be over tonight.... he would have finished work at 10... I expected him around midnight... its now FOUR IN THE MORNING and hes still not here It means hes probably not going to turn up... Why didnt he contact me and tell me he would be super late? I feel bad for getting angry, what if hes been hit by a car or something? I cant get in touch with him, as he has lost his celphone and I dont want to wake people up if htey are asleep and NOT out with him... (plus, its embarrassing) so Im just sitting here, knowing I have to get up in 2 hours and go to work anyway, freaking out. So... I dont WANT to break up with him, I love him... but I said I wasnt going to stand anymore of this kind of behaviour... I dont think Ill go to work tomorrow... this is too hard Link to comment
zippitt Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I am sorry Gina, there is nothing worse than not knowing where your SO is or doing when they said they would be in contact. If he was in fact alright you have every right to be upset. Most people that have any consideration would let you know if they could not make it or not instead of leaving you hanging. I personally do not stand for this behavior in a relationship. It just creates unneeded stress and anxiety. If you have already talked about it and he doesn't change, well, ultimately you accept or change it yourself by getting out. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yea... I think ill just emaill him tomorrow, tell him to drop my stuff around and pick up his stuf, BEFORE I get home from work, and then instant NC... He said it woudlnt happen again, there isnt really any excuse for this. man.. this hurts... Link to comment
Ash Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yeah ... it does. Sounds like a raw deal. Maybe he has a reason. But still given the situation as you describe it, he should realize he should try to get some kind of a message to you if he can. I hope somethings happened and it all works out ... but you seem pretty resigned that it's not something gone wrong but that it's his behaviour and you know the situation far better than the rest of us. I feel for you. *hugs* Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I'm sorry EG. That's not right. I don't know why a guy would do that. I hope you are OK. Link to comment
Siriana Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I don't know your history...but i would call and wake up everyone. Even just to teach him a lesson. If this happens often - he needs to be dumped. Link to comment
jengh Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 awww, eva... what a tool he's being... you don't deserve to be stood up like that and treated like that. you've put SO much into this relationship. he should be putting in the same. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yea... sent him an email saying its 4.22 in the morning, you arent here, I assume you arent going to show up. Ill leave my key out. If you could find ALL my stuff and drop it off, while picking up ALL your stuff, before I get home (6pm) that would be great. get it over and done with, y'know? if he even wants to TALK to me again... he;ll have to do somthing pretty spectacular... he KNOWS Im the only person he could ever build a life with (that said, hes the only person who gets me, too, but I dont mind being single forever) so if he wants me... he has to work for me... and that means no more booze. its his choice.. Im not going to do ANYTHING, no messages, ntohing... its up to him now Link to comment
jengh Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yea... sent him an email saying its 4.22 in the morning, you arent here, I assume you arent going to show up. Ill leave my key out. If you could find ALL my stuff and drop it off, while picking up ALL your stuff, before I get home (6pm) that would be great. get it over and done with, y'know? if he even wants to TALK to me again... he;ll have to do somthing pretty spectacular... he KNOWS Im the only person he could ever build a life with (that said, hes the only person who gets me, too, but I dont mind being single forever) so if he wants me... he has to work for me... and that means no more booze. its his choice.. Im not going to do ANYTHING, no messages, ntohing... its up to him now damn, eva... im sorry i can't imagine how crappy you're feeling right now. Just hold your ground and hopefully he'll come around... and if he doesn't, then we can start planning our life together Link to comment
Dako Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Sorry you're going through this hurt and anger. If he's just out boozing and stands you up, he's an idiot, even if he wiggles his way into your good graces. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 that sucks. why are you up at midnight if you have to work tomorrow? i'd be alseep. if this happens a lot, don't accept any excuse from this bum this time. he could have called. even if he was asked to work late. no job will say "no, you can't make a call." pffft Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 your breakin up with him for something as little as him not showing up at your house? i hope theirs somethin else to this.. like another thread of him doing something similar, because i never knew of anyone who would have a break up like this Link to comment
Ash Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 your breakin up with him for something as little as him not showing up at your house? i hope theirs somethin else to this.. like another thread of him doing something similar, because i never knew of anyone who would have a break up like this Like she implicity states in the initial post, this isn't the first incident and he's on notice. The line was already drawn, he crossed it. Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yeah, she's been hurt so many times by this guy and they came to an arrangement which he once again broke. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 yeah, but she said it happens a lot. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 Atticus... no, its not an isolated incident... Im pretty forgiving and laid back, but being stood up is not something I stand for... if you read my threads... anyways, he turned up at 6.30am, he had fallen asleep on his mates sofa... I dno, he never said what time he would be at my place, but then he also didnt tell me he was going to have a big night out... I wouldnt have minded at all if he had just called me and told me what was going on. Im at a loss now... He honestly thought that it was ok, becuase I knew he would go out and have a few drinks..., but he isnt trying to make excuses and now he knows im REALLY angry and that its not ok for him to keep me worried like that... If this wasnt the first time, then we would both be half-right, half-wrong... but its this consistant lack of communication, lack of consideration... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Eva, I'm so sorry you've been put in this situation. It's not fair to you at all. I know it seems like just falling asleep at a friends is no big deal..but it still doesn't sit right with me. If it's because he was out drinking, well it seems like you've made it clear that his drinking is a part of the problem so that doesn't make it any better. If he was just tired...he definitely could have found a phone to let you know he was going to crash there. Did he ever get your email? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 no, he woke up and came straight to my place. I know what you mean, I really, really do... he wants to come over and talk to me tonight... Im going to talk about the booze thing. This is so hard, and I know exactly how I look and I know exactly what I would say to someone else in my shoes... When I am with him it all seems so trivial! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 no, he woke up and came straight to my place. I know what you mean, I really, really do... he wants to come over and talk to me tonight... Im going to talk about the booze thing. This is so hard, and I know exactly how I look and I know exactly what I would say to someone else in my shoes... When I am with him it all seems so trivial! It sounds like two things. First, he is unreliable despite the drinking - because the fact that he chooses to drink which he knows risks him blowing you off/acting unreliably is in itself unreliable. Second is the drinking problem and his drinking problem is part of the package deal you have to accept or otherwise since it doesn't sound like he is trying to or wants to do something about that problem. If he does want to it likely will be the better part of a year before you know whether he can stay sober. The when you are with him part is fine but that depends on whether you're ok with having a day to day relationship where you accept the good times you have when you are with him and accept that you may or may not see him again and that in between times he may be drunk or otherwise unreliable. Figure out if the stress of those times is worth the good times you have when you are with him. That is a completely personal decision so my opinion is irrelevant. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 I agree with you totally. at this point in time the good times do seem to make up for the bad ones... I hope I just dont look back on this and feel like an idiot... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Hey - look- that's always the risk, right? We do the best we can and we hope that we don't cringe too much later. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 Hey - look- that's always the risk, right? We do the best we can and we hope that we don't cringe too much later. yer I told him Im not stupid, that I know everyone gets hurt in relationships... but that if you really care for someone, and they tell you a specific thing hurts them... then wouldnt it make sense to make a huge effort NOT to do that thing? On an up note, he didnt offer any hollow promises or anything, I was upset and asked him what the hell I was supposed to do... he didnt say anything because he wants to TALK tonight, no rush... which is amazing, he hates talking. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I think you'll make the right decision Eva. I've seen a lot of your posts on here and it's clear that you are extremely intelligent and level-headed. The only other point I want to bring up, is that if you want to have a family (and if you don't want children then this comment is irrelevant), then you have to consider his behavior in that context. A lot of people hope that when their partner becomes a parent things will change, but it's usually not the case. You have to base your decisions off of his current behavior, because those are the facts. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 I think you'll make the right decision Eva. I've seen a lot of your posts on here and it's clear that you are extremely intelligent and level-headed. The only other point I want to bring up, is that if you want to have a family (and if you don't want children then this comment is irrelevant), then you have to consider his behavior in that context. A lot of people hope that when their partner becomes a parent things will change, but it's usually not the case. You have to base your decisions off of his current behavior, because those are the facts. I never wanted children before being with this guy... I totally see what you are saying but you should see him with kids... he has always, always wanted to be a dad, but he knows that he isnt ready yet. but I do see what you are saying, and I would never, ever bring a child into the world if I didnt think it would get the optimum upbringing... I dont NEED children, so Im not fussed if I dont have them Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 He can be great with kids, but it's still not good for a child to have an alcoholic father even if he does get along with them. Because he's getting along with them sober, not drunk. But it sounds like you know this, I just can't keep myself from preaching haha. Does he want children? I think it'd be a good idea for you to sit down and write out what YOU want from this relationship and won't settle on. Figure out your dealbreakers and let him know about them. Then you just have to decide...can you live with his behavior or not? And not just right now, but in the long term? Does his behavior, the way it is now, fit into what you want with your life years from now? Link to comment
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