EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 I've had the same problems in the past, I can do some head hanging there too...Too bad when all you want to do is be with them, regardless of what they are doing! But it just isn't good for anyone. How do you think you might meet new people? Are there interests you could take up? I have made a few friends, thanks to the net!! I looked around for groups and things but there isnt anything thats free that I am interested in or is for my age group... Ill keep looking tho, Ill have a look at the library and things like that. it will be good when I get to uni next semester Link to comment
caro33 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 For sure. Uni should make a huge change - how long to go until the next semester? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 another 3 months or so!! Ill figure something out... I jsut hate bed time, knowing I cant sleep... btw, he texted me and said he wouldnt see me tonight... has to the the uni work he was supposed to do last night, but he didnt cos he was drinking. makes me feel awesome he said he will come over tomorrow. Link to comment
caro33 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 That sucks, sorry EG. You're a top chick, have some faith in yourself. Can you go out tonight with someone else? Even take yourself to see a movie? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 That sucks, sorry EG. You're a top chick, have some faith in yourself. Can you go out tonight with someone else? Even take yourself to see a movie? If I had the cash!! Yeah, I went to a friends house at lunch today... it was nice Link to comment
caro33 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 You guys are 4 hours ahead of Aus EST aren't you? Yes, lunch for me now.... Hope you feel better, get some time to think and plan out what works for you. It will all be okay, he loves you. He's perhaps just being a bit lazy and perhaps a little scared of responsibility. You guys can manage your way through. Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Hi Eva: You have been so level headed in helping me with my issues that I can't believe that you are at a loss for dealing with this. Anyway, you do know what to do in your head even if your heart won't admit it. You need to have an open honest conversation with your guy about your relationship, his drinking, and feeling used. After what recently happened in my last relationship, I've resolved that communication is always the best policy. You owe that to yourself not to be on someone's backburner as a smart, beautiful young woman (your words not mine I'll say of you feel like texting him, (I would call), then by all means do so. I still think u need to talk even though he texted you (at least about his drinking and his being stressed) Good luck and a great big ((HUG)) Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 You better stick around Eva! Who's going to help me continue recover from my nasty breakup? I need you to be one of the firsr to hear about my first meeting with the ex and his new GF. Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 -hangs head- you are completely right... Its hard becuase I would PREFER to spend time with him over others... he is so much fun... but I know if I revolve around him Ill just drive myself insane... I do need to meet new people. You need to build a separate network away from your guy so you won't become codependant. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 lol Im so distraught I forget htat hes probably fine, not realising anything is up... Ill talk to him tomorrow night... Ill tyr make it light hearted, and instead of whining about what he has done, or pointing out faults, Ill jsut tell him straight up I would like him to contact me a bit more, that it feels one sided... that I get really upset but its easy to fix and although I know he will mess up, Ill always give him the benefit of the doubt Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 LC isn't a game sis...its putting the ball in his court, thats all. Just lay everything out, then let him make the next move. He'll know your feelings, and know that it anything is going to happen, it'll have to come from him. Link to comment
treefrogkate Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Good luck Eva. You've already gotten a lot of good advice in the thread, so I don't have much to add, other than to ask if you've ever been to a counselor. I worry about the cutting and suicidal thoughts, and I understand that that was a long time ago, but still it could be good to talk about that. You can do this, you can talk to him. If he cancels on you again tonight, let him know that it's important that you see him. You might also want to talk to him about his drinking. If he's going out drinking with the guys instead of doing work, it may be a problem. Good luck, you're a great person, and you'll do just fine talking with him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 I agree entirely with the previous poster and wonder - since you are affiliated with a university is there some sort of free support group for significant others of those with drinking problems/alcoholics? Sure sounds like he has a problem. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 It may also be a sign that he uses booze to blur emotional pain. You've talked about his attitude about the ex, like he doesn't seem to care and is over her...maybe her breakdown effected him more that you think. Link to comment
SummerGirl38 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 its time to start thinking of yourself. You need to pull away from him a bit, solidify your own life. Do a light NC where you don't contact him. He HAS to come to you! To me, it sounds like your sacrificing your life to be part of his. Thats not a relationship sis. A couple walks side by side through life...not one tagging along behind the other. Exactly!!! Going through a somewhat similar situation myself Eva and this is the new plan I have adopted. I am taking back my own life, just in case. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 thanks guys I have a really good support system, I spoke to both my mum and a good friend last night and they were really cool, I can tell them anything. I have been suicidal/cutting since I was 15... Its been worse, but Im still here I know what to do to get myself through it nowadays. Ill be okay, thanks so much for all the support. Its up to him, of COURSE I will still be here for him, but although I love him and I think he loves me, it doesnt feel like hes ready to be the kind of partner I need. and I do want a partner, not someone whos just tagging along for the ride. I dont want anyone else, so its not like Im going to cheat or anything, or do anything MEAN... but if he isnt going to treat ME like we are serious, then I wont treat him like we are serious either... Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 *Kiss* Thats my Eva...don't take no crap. ......I have to ask...why cut? I've never understood it. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 *Kiss* Thats my Eva...don't take no crap. ......I have to ask...why cut? I've never understood it. I dont know It just feels good I used to love getting into a hot bath afterwards, or taking off my jeans if they has stuck to the scabs... I have scars eveywhere... I didnt used to cut to bleed, just to hurt... I found ways that had maximum pain with minimum damage... When I was with Macca ages ago I didnt even realise when we were arguing I scratched a HUGE strip of skin off my arm, from my wrist to my elbow, still have the scar... and when I was with Matt a few years later, I had huge scratches from my eyes down my cheeks... that one was embarrassing... its almost like a tic, like an extreme version of digging your nails into your palms... Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 image removed image removed Link to comment
Rabican Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 3 months.... girl that doesnt sound like you have so much invested that you couldnt walk away from this one. I didnt read the whole thread... just the original post but it sounds to me that the staying out drinking and blowing me off alone would be grounds for a kick to the curb. Im sure you can find a man with a whole lot less drama and problems. Its not like you have 3 kids and 3 years and marriage holding you back. Go find better! Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 3 months.... girl that doesnt sound like you have so much invested that you couldnt walk away from this one. I didnt read the whole thread... just the original post but it sounds to me that the staying out drinking and blowing me off alone would be grounds for a kick to the curb. Im sure you can find a man with a whole lot less drama and problems. Its not like you have 3 kids and 3 years and marriage holding you back. Go find better! believe me, I am NOT one to hang around if Im not happy... this is a special case. I am normally the first to send them packing... but there is a lot of history with this guy and he is the ONLY person who makes me feel the way he makes me feel... that may sound silly, seeing as Im only 23, but I have been around a lot Link to comment
DN Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Make sure that you talk to him properly and tell him what you need, as non-confrontationaly as possible, before you start any sort of pulling away from him. Even then be careful. Just because he may not be at the same stage of the relationship as you right now doesn't mean he won't catch up - but it will be hard for him to catch up if you put even more distance between you. It is unwise to project how you would act in a specific circumstance onto how he will act. If he is still in the process of deciding if this relationship has a potential to be long-term pulling away may just push him in the wrong direction. Proceed with caution. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Wise words DN... Of course Im not going to pull away completely... but I am getting WAY to hurt and he doesnt seem to notice nor care... I need to put space between me and the situation so I dont go insane its not like Im going to ignore him when he is here or anything! I wil try to talk to him, Ill try as hard as I can... but if he refuses again, then I dont know what I will do Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted April 6, 2007 Share Posted April 6, 2007 Eva, if this is only a 3 month relationship, and you ALREADY feel as you do, then its probably best to make a clean break. If you are feeling taken for granted this early on (man, at 3 months, even MY gf was still in honeymoon mode) then what is it going to be like at 6 months? You seem more than capable (from what I've read in your other threads) of landing a much higher caliber of partner. It might be best to break it off from a position of strength -- tell him everything you've told us, but take an "I'm tired of feeling like" standpoint. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted April 6, 2007 Share Posted April 6, 2007 Its already been fixed Foglifter. Link to comment
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