My girlfriend wants a straight male roommate to move into her apartment

[sophie274]

i don't see how this roommate thing is overshadowing the fact that she is a cheater. that should be enough to get rid of her.

 

Well, he did choose to date her while she was still with her boyfriend.

[rocio]

I don't think you know how things work in Saudi Arabia, this would not be an issue because once the man said no, that would be the end of it. I am also pretty confident that there are not many, if any McDonalds in Saudi.

 

Clearly I know more about Saudi than you do, because there are 71 McDonalds there.

 

Why do you feel the need to question my knowledge?

[EvaGina]

I wouldnt want to live with girls. I would probably only flat with guys, I cant stand girlish drama.

Guys are easier to talk to, they dont try to sabotage you, they dont take it personally when you yell at them, they mow the lawn and take care of creepy crawlies for you. They get the lids off jam jars, they will tell you HONESTLY what you look like, they generally listen to better music, they wont whine at you if your too tired to do your dishes and they will let you wash their towels.

 

I like living with men. I would definitely seek a male flatmate. I woudlnt care about their sexuality tho.

[ghost69]

i don't think i'd date a girl if her roommate was swingin from the other branch. i'd feel weird being over there and sleeping in her bed or something.

[TheFoglifter]

OK, you googled that. 71 McDonalds in Saudi could be considered "hardly any" given that there are thousands of them in the US.

 

I've had many friends who are either Saudi themselves, or resided there for decades. The fact still remains that in Saudi Arabia, if the man says "jump" the woman jumps until he says "stop". If you want to have a lightning round about Saudi Arabia, I'm more than happy to do it with you in PM.

 

To answer your second question, I feel the need to question your knowledge because mine differs from yours, and I believe mine to be correct. I'm not sure why you even brought up the idea of McDonalds in Saudi Arabia as it relates to this guy not wanting his gf to live with another guy. But its fun, so thats cool.

 

If you are perfectly fine with your boyfriend living with another girl, then that is fine. Understand that not everyone (including the OP, and several other people in this thread) are NOT fine with it. Even ignoring the cheating, which we've been asked by the OP to do, it just seems too much to risk. It would be extremely stressful to worry non-stop about what is happening when she goes home.

 

As someone mentioned before, what if the male roommate comes home drunk one night, and angry over an unrelated rejection. What if he sees the OPs gf and decides that he isn't going to take no for an answer?

 

My cousin once lived with 2 frat guys despite the fact that I begged her not to. Now I hate frat guys, I think they are the scum of the earth, and these guys actions did nothing to alter my belief. They failed to fulfill several duties outlined in the lease (lock on her door, full cleaning prior to move in) and they screwed her out of her security deposit over some technicality, and she was so anxious to get out that she just complied to get it over with.

[EvaGina]

OK, you googled that. 71 McDonalds in Saudi could be considered "hardly any" given that there are thousands of them in the US.

hardly a comparrison, according to google, 23,513,330 people in Saudi

298,444,215 in America.

 

I've had many friends who are either Saudi themselves, or resided there for decades. The fact still remains that in Saudi Arabia, if the man says "jump" the woman jumps until he says "stop". If you want to have a lightning round about Saudi Arabia, I'm more than happy to do it with you in PM.

Generalisation, I know plenty of first generation indian and arabic ladies who would never put up with that kind of thing and didnt in their native countries. Things are improving.

 

As someone mentioned before, what if the male roommate comes home drunk one night, and angry over an unrelated rejection. What if he sees the OPs gf and decides that he isn't going to take no for an answer?.

worst case scenario..,. overly dramatic and completely pointless, one cant spend ones life in fear and one would assume she would meet her potential flatmates first to see if they were compatible.

 

My cousin once lived with 2 frat guys despite the fact that I begged her not to. Now I hate frat guys, I think they are the scum of the earth, and these guys actions did nothing to alter my belief. They failed to fulfill several duties outlined in the lease (lock on her door, full cleaning prior to move in) and they screwed her out of her security deposit over some technicality, and she was so anxious to get out that she just complied to get it over with.

again, ONE example out of thousands of possible outcomes. There is no need to instill needless fear or to play the drama queen. Over generalising and I assume exaggerated to "prove" your point. how could they "screw her over" with a technicality, if you follow procedure, things turn out fine. (dont answer that, its rhetoric, I do not care to enter into dicussion about rent)

[enotjcalone]

If she cheated on her ex and didn't feel guilty then she might do the same to you too. Why would she still insist on having a straight male roommate if she knows you feel so strongly against it? Seriously 2 people of the opposite sex living together like that, if not sooner then later, something will probably happen, you know what I mean.

[BellaDonna]

Please stay on topic, for the sake of the original poster.

 

Off topic posts on Saudi Arabia, and off topic posts in general that do not address tru8lue's original question will be deleted from this point forward.

 

BellaDonna

[CharLit]

Where I went to uni, the university does not provide accommodation, so all students find rooms in shared houses around town. Pretty much all houses are mixed, and on the whole, I preferred male roommates to female - with the one exception that the female ones were usually better at keeping the place clean Reasons I preferred guys:

 

- less drama

- the girls i've lived with tended to want to be friends with their housemates, which was fine by me of course, but unlike my other friends because we shared a house they felt they could just show up at my door at any time of the day or night and then stay for hourse. Guys wouldn't act all hurt if I just told them I didn't feel like hanging out right now. More respectful of personal space.

- more chilled out

- more space for my products in the bathroom

 

So yeah, given the choice, I'd also go for a male. though if a girl came a along that i felt a click with i wouldn't mind living with her either. Now of course I live with my lurvely boyfriend (whom I was also with when living in these student houses), and I don't want to live with anyone else ever again.

 

I've never had a male roommate try to make a move on me, nor have I ever been attracted to one. I do know of a few cases where people did get involved with roommates, and sometimes longterm relationships developed and flourished.

 

However, I don't see why people you share a house with are in any way more threatening to a relationship than people you meet at college (shared interest, meeting of minds, shared study projects) or at work (if it's a nice job, again, shared interest, possibly shared evil boss etc.), in a bar (possible alcohol involved, people are often out looking for someone to hook up with). In fact, I'd consider housemates less of a threat than pretty much anyone else, because people tend to avoid the potentially explosive situation of starting something with a flatmate. So I don't buy into the suggestion someone made that guys would live with girls for the sole purpose of getting into their pants without the hassle of dating them - even though every single one of my friends was living in a similar situation, that never happened to any of them.

 

Well, you wanted women's opinions, I've given mine. I don't think it solves your problem though: she wants to do something, you don't want her to do it. Neither one of you is more right than the other, you just want different things. One of you is going to have to give, or both of you are going to have to compromise, or you can decide that you are incompatible and part ways.

 

Btw, i don't know how old you two are so I'm not sure if this applies, but while i had no problem living with males and females my own age in my early 20s, nor with my boyfriend doing the same, I would be mistrustful of a 40-something guy who

a) needed to share a flat (financial situation, is he going to pay the bills?) and

b) wanted to share with a far younger woman. Eew, creepy!

 

A friend of mine was in that situation when her landlord moved a far older guy in without consulting her. He'd silently stand behind her when she was cooking, and hang around outside the shower while she was in there

.

[EvaGina]

Off topic posts on Saudi Arabia, and off topic posts in general that do not address tru8lue's original question will be deleted from this point forward.

 

Fair enough

 

OP, as I said earlier, you obviously dont trust her, neither to NOT cheat on you nor to be able to look after herself if a guy tries to force himself on her.

 

I suggest you address the issues in the relationship, not her domestic set-up

 

Guys wouldn't act all hurt if I just told them I didn't feel like hanging out right now.

 

good point!!

 

My flatmate is a 38 year old guy... im 23 and female. We have no problems.

[ghost69]

well all past things aside, i'd say let your gf move in with a guy. i see no problem with it. but now that this other information has been provided, i'd say no. actually, i'd say no to her altogether and move on.

[BellaDonna]

I just wanted to add- I've seen an example where a woman with a heterosexual male roommate worked out just fine.

 

My sister-in-law has been living with a man for the last 3 years. There is nothing sexual going on. She is in a long-term relationship and her boyfriend thinks very highly of her roommate. The guy she lives wiht has a girlfriend as well.

 

My sister-in-law and her roommate barely even see one another, as they have different work schedules- he is not a pervert trying to have sex with her- just an average guy who can't afford to live alone and who gets along with my sister-in-law. Both had failed attempts with roommate's of the same sex before-needed to find a place fast-and met through a mutual friend. Both realized they wanted to live in the same city, so they decided to move in together and give it a shot. They respect each other's space and never fight about petty things.

 

Its not always a sexual situation- If the people involved can be trusted

 

BellaDonna

[ghost69]

that can always be the case BD. no sexual anything. but given the other facts here, what do you conclude though?

[thisisjustsowrong]

I personally wouldn't like my bf to have a female roommate, but I would deal with it if he chose one. If he is going to be faithful to me out of lack of opportunity, that doesn't mean much.

 

I accept that she should at least try to compromise since you are obviously very uncomfortable with it.

 

But i'd like to invite you to look at this from another perspective. I think her having a male roommate may not be a bad thing. You say why put yourself in a situation that can lead to temptation. But there are always temptations around. Do you want your girlfriend to be faithful to you out of lack of temptation?

 

And to all the people who say he shouldn't trust her because of her history of cheating, I'd like to remind that he was an accessory to that crime. For him to label her as cheater..., well that would be the pot calling the kettle black.

[Rabican]

As a guy who has housemates both male and female and has mainly had female, I would say let her have a guy housemate. Most guys are not so stupid to think that there is any sense in dating/sleeping with a housemate, I know damn well that if I was to do this its going to end with tears. Trust her if you really do trust her becuase it really does takes 2 to tango.

 

You obviously dont know MOST GUYS if you think that probably.... half of all men wouldnt sleep with their roomate. Lets put this into a scenario:

 

Jane asks if you want a beer, sure Ill have one. 5 beers later, you and jane are joking around, drinking beer... and you are horny. Jane kisses you... uh oh

Are you REALLY going to make the moral stand, or avoid the mess of sleeping with your roomate? Probably not.

 

That is why, people in a commited relationship need to take that into account BEFORE they get their new roomates. I am in a relationship. Lets say we had to live separately (we live together now). I would NOT bring some hot girl into my apartment to share the rent. I would get another guy, or some girl that I wasnt attracted to at the least. Not becuase I would do anything, but because Id make sure to keep the fox out of the henhouse so to speak. Avoid the whole sitaution where trouble could arise. Furthermore, the girl in question had a history of cheating, correct? So why trust her this far? Id only trust that girl as far as I could throw her... not very far. So to say sure, turn out all the lights, and lock the doors and drink some beers with Greg, no problem.... I dont think so.

[Rabican]

... I trust her completely, I don't trust guys"

 

I have always felt this is a valid statement. What it really means is that he trusts her not to INITIATE anything, but he does not trust that the guy will not make a move. The male roommate has an ideal situation -- a live in hottie. The worst that can happen is she rejects him, and then he seeks someone else. But given that he stands to gain a live-in friend with benefits, its well worth the risk. Plus, how would you feel if YOU were the one paying to take her out on dates, but HE was the one getting free sex.

 

I agree completely, and even if she turns him down... its still not a situation I want someone that I care about to be in. Men, especially when thinking with the wrong head can be a little.... pushy. So shes there, its late, doors are locked, hes like... hey 'jane' how about we (fill in the blanks) jane: sorry I have a boyfriend... I cant.

 

There are two places this can go, he accepts it... or he tries to push the issue. I dont want my fiance in that situation, alone with another guy. Its gonna make me stay up all night worrying about her. Even if you feel 100% that she wouldnt cheat, unless you can trust the guy. And why on earth would you TRUST a roomate that you dont know. Theres lots of bad guys out there these days....

[Rabican]

Quite possibly the most well spoken, to the point, simple way to handle this that anyone could ever post.

[CharLit]

I agree completely, and even if she turns him down... its still not a situation I want someone that I care about to be in. Men, especially when thinking with the wrong head can be a little.... pushy. So shes there, its late, doors are locked, hes like... hey 'jane' how about we (fill in the blanks) jane: sorry I have a boyfriend... I cant.

 

There are two places this can go, he accepts it... or he tries to push the issue. I dont want my fiance in that situation, alone with another guy. Its gonna make me stay up all night worrying about her. Even if you feel 100% that she wouldnt cheat, unless you can trust the guy. And why on earth would you TRUST a roomate that you dont know. Theres lots of bad guys out there these days....

 

Again, almost my ENTIRE circle of friends lived in mixed student houses (and yes, sometimes houses with just 2 people, 1 male, 1 female) thoughout uni, some still do (most of us are recently graduated), and this situation has never come up with any of us. However, it happens to at least one of us pretty much every single goddamn time my female friends go to a bar or club. I've had people try to kiss me against my will - and I just shove them off of course.

 

Some people did cheat on their partners, but that pretty much always happened, again, in a bar or club. One friend was assaulted, but that happened waiting for a red traffic light, not in her house, and not by a roommate.

 

Maybe boyfriends/fiance's/partners should forbid all women to go anywhere they might have to interact with men, because god knows what guys will try?

 

Personally, I'd be quite insulted if my boyfriend displayed such a lack of trust in my faithfulness, or my ability to say 'no' or stand up for myself. Yup, sometimes women have the extreme misfortune of running into a truly bad guy, and horrible things happen. However, I am not going to let the fact that something might happen dictate the way I interact with men, whether or not I go out with my girlfriends, who i choose to befriend, who i choose to live with.

[TheFoglifter]

Lets try something else.

 

Can the male roommate be a dude with an even hotter girlfriend than yours? Could he also be a "tame gay". What is her objection to a gay roommate anyway? I can understand the really dramatic kind, but there are plenty of low-key people out there.

 

Thank you Rabican for agreeing with me.

[ghost69]

would you feel better if it was a woman? what if she was bi?

[TheFoglifter]

Ghost, obviously he would. If it was a straight woman, there'd be less of a risk of cheating. If she was bi, then the gf would also have to have curiosities. If there was the possibility of a 3-some, the OP would probably be totally in favor of it.

[ghost69]

well, when finding a roommate, is she specifying the nature of the other's sexual life? is that a criteria?

[TheFoglifter]

If not done carefully, one could be sued for discrimination.

 

The issue is still that a straight male roommate is more likely to provide a threat to the relationship than a straight female or gay male.

[ghost69]

descrimination for finding someone you WANT to live with? no way. then everybody in classified ads would be sued.

[TheFoglifter]

In America, whoever has the better lawyer wins.

 

I said "if not done CAREFULLY". You have the right to specify what you want in a roommate.

 

Its irrelevant though because the gf has made it clear she wants a straight male. I wonder if we'll hear from the OP again.