"Never had a girlfriend" men(why)

[scotty77]

There are a lot of reasons that my love life has basically been nonexistant.Obviously the no.1 reason is me.I have always been painfully shy,quiet and introverted.I was a small kid who matured late physically, and despite being reasonably attractive now I still carry around that image of the small kid who was picked on because of his size/shyness.I simply don't approach woman and ask them out for dates,I guess my fear of rejection keeps me from doing that.I also live in an area where it is hard to meet women.The only place to meet women[single] here seems to be the bar scene.However when I go out to the bars I just do the wallflower routine.Most of my friends have moved away so I am going out to the bars alone and I am also not much of a drinker and I can't dance so that kind of makes it hard to meet women.I have had women who were interested in me ,in the past and they tried to get the ball rolling[initiating conversations] but I usually always wait too long to ask them out ,despite being attracted to them.I wait too long and then the moment is passed.I also tend to get fixated on certain woman ,I don't consider this being picky because in a lot of cases the women that I fixate on are not overly attractive in general[just to me!!]I hope I can try and find the courage to try and change my life but it is hard to break lifelong patterns of introversion and shyness.I guess the one thing I do have going for me is the fact people tell me I am attractive all the time[i know this sounds arrogant....sorry!!] and I look much younger than my actual age but even with good looks if one combines social awkwardness,a lack of experience ,and a very poor environment for meeting women,it can be extremely hard to meet women.I hope I and others in this thread can find the courage to change our lives.

[quietgrl]

me too scotty

[emit_remmus]

I tried. Can't say I didn't. So my intimate proves to be no one.

[quietgrl]

Emit,

 

I would keep trying

[iwishiknew]

I have a serious question for men who have never ever had a girlfriend in their life.I'm noticing a seriuos pattern between you guys.Why are you guys soo picky?I was playing matchmaker for some of my male"never had a gf in their life" friends and the men had this long list(looks,weight,she had to work out).Why are you men soooo picky?

 

I never had a gf yet..I am not picky at all..I am a fun, caring, outgoing guy, I would love to date ever week but its not easy..Its not easy because of the way I get judge because of my looks and height..Ever since I was in Jr high, high school I have always been rejected and turned down, I never been to a school dance, and I never danced with a girl yet..I have always been judge by my looks and appearance..I have a condition called exostosis, which isn't to attractive all..My exostosis is minor just on my knees and my arm, its still noticeable and I have been turned down because of it..I just have that feeling women don't want a relationship with me because of my looks and having exostosis that theres a 75% chance that the offspring could get it..Still today, I only been out with 3 girls, 2 of them I got stood up and the other has no more interest in me..I called several times and no response back..I gave up..I try to think positive all the time, which most of the time I do..Buts its hard sometimes to think due to the past and being turned down and rejected..I never get any chances at all..It always turndown and rejection for me..Why me?? Why does life have to be like this? Why can't I have dates? Why do I get rejected and turned down? Why don't I get any chances at all? Everyday I still wonder if I will ever get a gf or even kiss a girl, I just don't know

[iwishiknew]

Thats not crazy..Being 28 and never kissing a girl is totally crazy!

[ProtestTheHero]

I'm a senior in high school, and I've never even so much as dated, let alone had a girlfriend. I can't say I'm disappointed or even really care, but I can answer why.

 

It has nothing to do with high standards. I've had girls that were interested in me, but I just didn't care. I like my alone time more than the company of others. I don't really feel like changing to accommodate the needs of another. I can't give girls the kind of attention and intimacy that they deserve, because it's not something I'm familiar with -- and I really don't care to learn. Plus, as I age, it will become less and less feasible. Meet the 25+ year old guy who hasn't so much as kissed someone not related to him, lol.

 

So I guess it's just a personality defect. For some guys it might be high standards, shyness, etc. etc. I guess for most guys like this, though, it's a personality defect. Someone has to carry the cross for the negative genes.

 

I guess I'm just not a fan of serious relationships in general.

[Leonhart]

I was the same at your age.

 

But as I got older, that changed dramatically. Especially if you 'accidentally' fall in love with someone without meaning to. Even if the relationship dies, you never lose that craving for companionship.

[Leonhart]

well, women are picky too. most girls of my age, or let's say (15-25), it's mostly about looks. let's be honest. most girls dress provacative (yes, tight pants are provacative too) and i've never seen any one of those girls with an 800 pound boyfriend. just look around, good looking girls want good looking men.

 

alot of guys are guilty of this too but between the two sexes, girls are typically the ones with a vanity issue.

 

Really?

 

I thought that men were more focused on looks than women.

 

That has always been my understanding.

 

(But what do I know?)

[afrodite79]

well, women are picky too. most girls of my age, or let's say (15-25), it's mostly about looks. let's be honest. most girls dress provacative (yes, tight pants are provacative too) and i've never seen any one of those girls with an 800 pound boyfriend. just look around, good looking girls want good looking men.

 

alot of guys are guilty of this too but between the two sexes, girls are typically the ones with a vanity issue.

 

I don't know if it's always vanity. Everyone wants to be with someone they're physically attracted to even if they say they don't care. I had a roommate who used to say she didn't care about looks. She was full of it. I'd never seen her date an "ugly" guy except for one. She was using the guy for sex and he was pretty gross (and had horrible hygene ) and she kept that hush hush. She didn't want anyone to know she was sleeping with him because even she thought he was gross. She was embarrassed.

 

I think that it gets out of hand when someone has a really long list of things that are just superficial. Everyone's entitled to have standards but I've seen some crazy ones. I've seen guys who basically think any woman over a size 3 is fat. Then I've seen women who won't date a man unless he's buff. I think there are a lot of people (probably younger) who only want to date people for show. They want a GF/Bf that they can show off to their friends and other people.

 

I myself don't want to date a man I'm not attracted to. I don't think I have crazy standards though. My standards could actually be a little higher.

[iwishiknew]

well, women are picky too. most girls of my age, or let's say (15-25), it's mostly about looks. let's be honest. most girls dress provacative (yes, tight pants are provacative too) and i've never seen any one of those girls with an 800 pound boyfriend. just look around, good looking girls want good looking men.

 

alot of guys are guilty of this too but between the two sexes, girls are typically the ones with a vanity issue.

 

Yes, thats correct its mostly about looks these days..Its so tough these days..I don't go for high standards because I know I will get rejected so I go for average cute girls but there not interested in me and I still get turned down..

[txblues]

I have a serious question for men who have never ever had a girlfriend in their life.I'm noticing a seriuos pattern between you guys.Why are you guys soo picky?I was playing matchmaker for some of my male"never had a gf in their life" friends and the men had this long list(looks,weight,she had to work out).Why are you men soooo picky?

 

its not just superficial issues either. it depends on feelings and emotions. butterflies and sweaty palms, racing heartbeats, etc... are these feelings suppose to last?? or after a while, do these new emotions get replaced by something a little more tender?

 

as a guy who never had a girlfriend when the newness of a budding romance subsides..that first embrace, the first holding of hands, first kiss..i'm afraid of becoming jaded and bored and wonder if i weren't so shy and dated more would i find someone who will give me those perfect feelings all the time? or should i continue to build something with this person who is cute, fun, smart, accepting of me??? i don't want to pursue something when my feelings may not be true, or feel like i'm settling because i'm too shy to meet other people. i want to be with someone because i have a strong feeling this person is for me. does this make sense??

[kailola]

I'm not picky. Not picky at all. I only ask for one little thing, and that the girl likes me. She doesn't have to love me, or smile at me, or heaven forbid touch me in any way. I'd settle for simply liking me and perhaps talking to me occasionaly. That is all. And still that standard is too high. Hmm. So perhaps I'm picky after all?

 

Good luck with your pattern.

[LightbulbSun]

I'd love it if someone played matchmaker for me. In fact, I'd love it if someone set me up on a blind date!

 

My issue is that I'm always too shy to do it myself, and since nobody will do it for me, it's like nothing ever happens.

[Spacecapsule]

The reason why I never have had a girlfriend is simple I wasted my opportunity in high school and college. I was like by several girls but never had the guts to break out of my pattern and ask them on a date. I usually covered this deficiency by convincing myself I was a cool lone wolf type that women would just fall over themselves for ... well guess what I was not I was just merely embedding had to be home by five, eat at six, watch tv, sleep. Then when I got a job in a male dominated industry it was all over for me. 4 years later I am pushing 26 and realize the window has closed on me. I will be the true 40 / 50 / 60 / 70 year old virgin

[LightbulbSun]

I will be the true 40 / 50 / 60 / 70 year old virgin

 

I don't think you will be, if you get started now. Just don't admit to any inexperience, fake it until you make it, and don't even treat your virginity with any significance (until you're in the bedroom, at least.)

 

I know I'm going to try my best to not be a 40 year old virgin. I want to be married with kids by age 40. That gives me 12 years. Even if I don't reach that goal, I don't have to give up...until I'm dead, at least.

[wsim]

It is easy for people to accuse me of being too picky, but I would highly disagree. I don't ask for much, my requirements are quite straightforward and many girls qualify without much difficulty: Same background (Asian), not overweight/fat, preferably university educated, within the same age group, have some things in common, friendly and at least average-looking (physical attraction is still important).

 

Why have I never had a girlfriend before? I don't really know the answer myself. But no girl was ever interested in me, rejected by every girl that I asked out, tried online dating and failed. More importantly, I didn't meet the right people in university, as they were very academic and career-oriented, therefore, did not go out much and I hardly ever got invited to parties. Like LBS, no one ever offered to set me up on a blind date or tried to help me meet people. Meeting new people is a lot more difficult once you are out of school. To change my fortunes, I will have to do this alone, since I have little faith that anyone else can point me in the right direction.

 

Simply put... single girls that interest me are too few and far between, I am just not meeting them or they aren't interested. Most are unavailable anyways. I've tried and had nothing but zero luck when it comes to this. I still wonder when will I ever get a girlfriend? I may have to accept that it might never happen. When it doesn't happen, even after making a fair effort.... what are you supposed to do? Can you blame me for having no experience? I never EVER chose to be this way at all.

[Spacecapsule]

I don't think you will be, if you get started now. Just don't admit to any inexperience, fake it until you make it, and don't even treat your virginity with any significance (until you're in the bedroom, at least.)

 

I know I'm going to try my best to not be a 40 year old virgin. I want to be married with kids by age 40. That gives me 12 years. Even if I don't reach that goal, I don't have to give up...until I'm dead, at least.

 

At one time I shared your optimism. I would love to go out tonight meet a girl then invite her dinner and just get involved with a relationship. I find myself driving home listen to music I have never a driven a woman anywhere, I do not even know how to kiss ... how pathetic is that. People can sense when you are behind the curve and the stench of weakness permeates the air around. I am by no means hideous, I personal believe I have decent looks. It is just that I am quiet, low key, keep to myself, and prefer individualism. That is the kiss of death for any hope or optimism I might generate. So I am condemned to be unable to go to any restaurant, store, gas station anywhere without seeing a guy who has less going on for him than me with pretty woman he is having sex with often. That is what hurts.

[LightbulbSun]

Dude, I am three years older than you, and I haven't given up. There are 40 year old virgins who haven't given up.

 

You shouldn't give up. I'm sure you have plenty of good qualities, that could add to a girl's life. And that's basically what you need to look for. Your problem is that you're looking to fill a hole in your life, and that never works. You need to find something you love - something you genuinely love - and then involve a girl who also loves it in it. And then you'll have common interests and stuff like that.

 

Guys like us, we're not as good looking as the players. So we can't just walk up to a girl and expect to get a date. It just doesn't work that way for us. However, we can go the route for shy, introspected guys...which is finding a common interest, and involving a group of people in it. Which will lead to you meeting someone down the line (or at least being in the position to meet them.)

[Starrgrl]

Lightbulb, it ain't about the looks. You put too much emphasis on that.

 

Players are players not bc they look good, it's cos they have swagger. I've seen short ugly guys that are super popular with girls. It's ALL about confidence and that little sth.

[Starrgrl]

Alot of people who are popular with the opposite sex have inner confidence, so bc they think they are the 'shh' , soon, others will think the same way. It's just belief in yourself really.

 

I saw a pic of you, you're not even ugly lol. You just have a really negative attitude toward things.

[Spacecapsule]

Alot of people who are popular with the opposite sex have inner confidence, so bc they think they are the 'shh' , soon, others will think the same way. It's just belief in yourself really.

 

I saw a pic of you, you're not even ugly lol. You just have a really negative attitude toward things.

 

His pep talk to me did not seem that negative.

[bulletproof]

It is just that I am quiet, low key, keep to myself, and prefer individualism.

 

You do realize that this behavior is a choice, right? You do not have to remain quiet, nor do you have to keep to yourself. These are choices. It is also your choice to change it and it's completely possible. People do way more difficult things all the time.

[Spacecapsule]

You do realize that this behavior is a choice, right? You do not have to remain quiet, nor do you have to keep to yourself. These are choices. It is also your choice to change it and it's completely possible. People do way more difficult things all the time.

 

Again, I have given up on trying to have a normal life you know married 2.5 kids. Yes, that is a choice, but it is one that I have made. I am tired of being rejected said reasons. What irritates me (and I saw quite a great deal of this) are the women who end up with and stay with abusive people. Maybe I should change and be more aggressive maybe go around get drunk, and then take out on my old woman.

 

I think I would rather just fade out of society. I am tired of your pseudo psychoanalysis.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I think what Dako and other said in their post is right on.Some of these men are scared to be in a relationship with women.

There's some truth to this. I think I was kind of scared of women while in my early 20s.