quietgrl Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I have a serious question for men who have never ever had a girlfriend in their life.I'm noticing a seriuos pattern between you guys.Why are you guys soo picky?I was playing matchmaker for some of my male"never had a gf in their life" friends and the men had this long list(looks,weight,she had to work out).Why are you men soooo picky? Link to comment
Dako Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I have some guesses. It justifes remaining alone. It's easy to be picky when you don't date. It keeps you in your solitary comfort zone. Unfamiliarity with the more hidden qualities of women. Unabashed male ego. "Nobody's good enough for my high standards." Anger at women. As guys get frustrated, resentment builds. Peer pressure. The imaginary perfect woman as status symbol. Just some guesses. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Dako, I agree with your post.I'm in the same boat with these "never had a girlfriend" men but i'm not picky with men. Link to comment
88cookie Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 they have to live up to this imaginary standard. im almost 19 and i never dated anyone up til about 6 months ago. since ive done that i culdnt imagine being alone again since we didnt want to have a relationship. this new girl im with definatly has a standard to live up to although you can say ive never been in a serious relationship. Link to comment
MrCrazy2u Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I held high standards for a long time and couldn't get a gf until my senior year in hs... I found a girl who met those standards (for a while anyway)... after she broke up with me my standards are even higher. I had (and a lot more now) confidence in myself knowing I had a lot to offer someone. If a girl didn't wanna date me then it was her loss not mine, and it's the same now. I'm not gonna lower my standards just because I don't have a girlfriend for a while... Nonsense Link to comment
88cookie Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 ^ see thats 'awhile' opposed to never having one. there is a differnece. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm not picky, I'm shy. And I did have one, a loooong time ago in junior high. But she and I simply weren't meant for each other and didn't last long. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Mr Crazy, I think the OP was regarding men who never had a GF. Often these fellows talk about their dreamgirl with the guys, but never say a word to a real woman. Link to comment
ScreenagerX Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Is this situation actually more prolific than I first thought? I mean I've had girlfriends for as long as I can remember, I think my first was when I was 5 So when a guy is saying hes never had a GF he means ever? Like not at all? I'm just having a little trouble grasping this Link to comment
88cookie Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 my first 'more than friends' she was way more than i expected out of a girl, now my new girl has an even higher standard to live up to. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Spader, I've known guys like this, and it puzzles me too. Right now, I know a guy on Medicare who's never kissed a girl. Honest. Link to comment
ScreenagerX Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Spader, I've known guys like this, and it puzzles me too. Right now, I know a guy on Medicare who's never kissed a girl. Honest. So what is it then? Too Shy? Too picky/high standards? I mean I don't have low standards but I don't have unrealistic standards either. I like female company yet I don't need it either. I've been out with some girls who I (and others) considered drop-dead gorgeous & I've been out with some fairly plain girls aswell. Some were pretty on the outside, some on the inside. None of them I regret, some I regret losing but all were a learning experience. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think shyness is the bigger problem, but as these guys age, they add even more obstacles. It's really sad. Link to comment
Leonhart Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well, it doesn't apply to me, but I can guess. Maybe they refuse to settle for someone whom is of a different religious background, maybe they are selective about certain personality traits in a mate, maybe they don't want to date girls who have habits they don't like, e.g. smoking, maybe they don't want to date someone they are not sexually attracted to/lack chemistry with, etc.? It could be any number or combination of those, plus other things I forget to mention why some guys are picky. I don't really think it's a bad thing, unless it comes down to the guy refusing to date ANYONE at all because 'no one is good enough' for him. It's good to know what you want, but also be willing to give people a chance. I went out on a date a little while back, with someone I met online. We talked for a couple weeks and got along superbly. I saw her picture and wasn't attracted to her at all, but I decided to get together with her anyway and see if maybe that would change in person. So I gave it a chance. But when we met in person, the spark wasn't there, the flame was gone and the attraction was dead. So we emailed each other and bid the best to one another and haven't spoken since. Being attracted to the other person and having that spark or flicker is important. Link to comment
ScreenagerX Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think shyness is the bigger problem, but as these guys age, they add even more obstacles. It's really sad. It is sad. Perhaps they need to stop & re-evaluate what it is that they are doing; Trying too hard (always a turnoff), looking in the wrong places (can't find love in a bottle or a brothel), not getting out enough (can't meet anyone if you only frequent the house or work). I mean I'm shy, I'm better than I used to be but I'm not a big ball of personal confidence either plus I'm certainly no male model either, I don't dress in the latest fashion, I hate shaving so I rarely do, I'm weeks overdue for a haircut, I don't have a high paying job, I drive a stationwagon & I'm a weekend dad yet I've had 15 odd years of unforgettable female company & experience, including 10 years with one. Honestly online dating is the invention of the century when it comes to meeting people. You can filter pretty much anything; age, sex, location, interest, making it easy for you to find a starting point. Then the hard part; starting a conversation. (just kidding about the bottle/brothel comment btw) Link to comment
MrCrazy2u Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Mr Crazy, I think the OP was regarding men who never had a GF. Yeah, I understand that. I think people just misunderstood my post. I was trying to explain why I had high standards before I found her and why I was ok with being picky even though I had never had a gf before. I had plenty of girls approach me about dating before I actually found someone I liked, but they didn't meet my standards and if a girl doesn't meet my standards I'm not gonna "pretend" to like them. They're my standards... if a girl doesn't meet them it's very hard to fake any kind of attraction or romantic interest in them Link to comment
Dako Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I understand what you mean. Before I had a gf, I sure knew my preferences, and I got fussier with age. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I didn't get my first long-term girlfriend until I was 25. I had also never dated until then. 1) I was shy 2) I was not confident and never asked women on dates 3) The dating environment at my college was non-existant and only promoted hookups 4) I wasn't looking for a relationship (see number three) 5) 1-4 made it to the point that I was somewhat apathetic about the situation Link to comment
SquareWheel Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well, it certainly seems to makes sense that being too choosy would make it difficult to find a partner. And I would suggest that choosiness is a product of excessive thinking. Thinking too much can make you choosy; over time you build clear, detailed fantasies about what you want, and they become progressively more important to you. As time passes, you become increasingly fixated on finding just what you've been fantasizing about for so long. I can speak from experience here; in my case, I'm in my forties and have never had a girlfriend or even a date. I am very much a thinker and brooder, and I certainly do have a very clear (and possibly not very realistic) vision of my ideal woman. But realistically, I'm not at all picky; I'd be happy with any decently appealing woman, regardless of her background or personal traits. And my definition of appealing is fairly wide. My point is that choosiness isn't the only thing that can prevent a person from finding a partner. In my opinion, access is probably the greatest obstacle. No matter how willing or attractive or socially competetent you are, you can't find a partner if you're never in a position where you can approach women (or men). Link to comment
88cookie Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 if it were soo easy, there wouldn't be any single ppl then Link to comment
ScreenagerX Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 if it were soo easy, there wouldn't be any single ppl then No I think thats an overstatement as even if you went constantly from one relationship to the next there would still be a 'single' period in between Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Maybe you wrongly think that guys who are shy and quiet have high standards and play hard to get. I know a guy who is super shy and all the girls think he is always playing hard to get. He really isn't, but ya..... Link to comment
mintblossom Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think these men have commitment issues or internal issues that prevent them from really caring or valuing someone else. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think these men have commitment issues or internal issues that prevent them from really caring or valuing someone else. I always thought that was true of players, not eternal virgins. Link to comment
spirits Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I don't think there's anything wrong with being picky. In fact, i think it's a good thing to know what they want. But they really have to actively search if that's what they wanted. Not waiting for some women with the criteria to come accross the ad's and phone him. *shiver* Link to comment
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