quietgrl Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think shyness is the bigger problem, but as these guys age, they add even more obstacles. It's really sad. Dako, Yes! Yes Yes(add even more obstacles).I was playing cupid for these "never had a Gf " men and everytime it was time to meet a woman.These men said no and gave more accuses. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Square, The problem i have with"never had a Gf " men is these men complain about not finding a woman but when a perfect woman comes around.These men complain about her looks,weight,height, etc and over look these women. How are these men going to get a girlfriend if they're toooo picky. Link to comment
Leonhart Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well, if they're not attracted to them, you can't blame them. That in and of itself would make the woman no longer 'perfect' for them, as you said. We both know there is no such thing as a 'perfect' person anyway. That said, maybe these men have fears of commitment, intimacy and/or success, which may underlie why they're so reluctant to accept a date with the said 'perfect' girls. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I think what Dako and other said in their post is right on.Some of these men are scared to be in a relationship with women. Link to comment
grendel Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I guess this is not what the OP is trying to get at, but don't you think a lot of guys who never had a girlfriend just don't because they *can't* seem to get one, for whatever reason? It's not that they're picky. My ex-boyfriends and my husband were like this. I've dated 3 different 27 year old virgins, two of whom had never been kissed. This was not their choice. They were all trying to find a girlfriend, but women didn't like them that way. I liked them though, obviously, and I think they were all great people in their own way. One was very overweight but the others were conventionally attractive. None were especially shy. I just don't especially like to see people getting the idea that any guy who has never had a girlfriend must be too picky. I know the OP seems to have met some people who are like this, but not all are. Look up the term "incel" or "involuntary celibacy". Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 My most recent x is 32 years old, never had a girlfriend, and is still a avrigin-even after 6 months of dating (we just broke up). He is a workaholic, but on top of that, he was very shy with women. he tried often (online dating) after college, with unavailable women, etc...his sisters, too have trouble with relationships. his father mentally ill (never knew him) and so, i think the combination things. AFter sometime not having a gf, he became a little awkward with women-he was like that when we met, but i think he's beautiful. maybe my gfs don't, but i saw so much in him. He unfortunately had bad luck with women. but he was always confident enough to keep trying. i was so worried when we started dating. i assumed he was commitment-phohbe, workaholic, not interested in relationship, too picky, not good enough. I couldn't understand a man who is 32 and a virgin. He just had bad luck and not enough experience. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 My bf was 29 when we started dating...before that, he told me he was always just too insecure to approach women in that way. He didn't think he had anything to offer (looks-wise, he's about 5'6" and 270 pounds, and quite shy at first), so he basically got to know women as friends, hoped that he would prove his value to them in that way, and then of course once they were friends, that's the only way they ever saw him. I, on the other hand, was different. After six years of friendship, I realized just how much he had to offer, and succumbed to his advances. (Sorry, that makes it sound sleazy...it wasn't, it was very sweet). Link to comment
daisy77 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 My bf was 29 when we started dating...before that, he told me he was always just too insecure to approach women in that way. He didn't think he had anything to offer (looks-wise, he's about 5'6" and 270 pounds, and quite shy at first), so he basically got to know women as friends, hoped that he would prove his value to them in that way, and then of course once they were friends, that's the only way they ever saw him. I, on the other hand, was different. After six years of friendship, I realized just how much he had to offer, and succumbed to his advances. (Sorry, that makes it sound sleazy...it wasn't, it was very sweet). That sounds really sweet. Was he interested in you all that time? Link to comment
Donster Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I've never had a girlfriend...but then again I'm gay. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 LOL! Donster, you could have latent tendencies... Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 I've never had a girlfriend...but then again I'm gay. ok,Donster never had a boyfriend so are you picky. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 grendel, Most of my male online friends are either virgins or incel. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 grendel, You obviously have a rare viewpoint. How did you meet these lucky fellows? Just curious. Link to comment
txblues Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Square, The problem i have with"never had a Gf " men is these men complain about not finding a woman but when a perfect woman comes around.These men complain about her looks,weight,height, etc and over look these women. How are these men going to get a girlfriend if they're toooo picky. hey quietgrl, I'm one of those NHAGF. well lets see: 1)shyness 2)awkardness 3)small stature insecurities 4)strict parents 5)pickiness because of number 10 6)minority race insecurities 7)became 1 and 2 because of 3 and 6 8. was always content to pursue academics because of 1 through 6 9)negative self-hate because of 1 through 6 when 8 ended, reinforcing 1, 2, 3 and 6 10)self perfectionism complex its been said introverts are so difficult on themselves they hold others at a high standard. but i can't understand it. i've dated a few girls once or twice. just hung out with a girl where heavy flirting occurred and i liked it. the more signs i see from her that she wants more than casual flirting, the less interest i have. what's wrong with me? do i need mystery? do i like chasing waterfalls? i plan on hanging out more with her. I think i'm expecting the perfect romance with sparks and chemistry and butterfly feelings and sweaty palms to last. but already a few days after we hung out, the feeling of that night is fading. is this normal in dating relationships? my logical self says there is nothing wrong with this girl and i would be lucky to end up with her. Link to comment
grendel Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 grendel, You obviously have a rare viewpoint. How did you meet these lucky fellows? Just curious. Dako, I met them on internet dating sites. I didn't intentionally seek out incel guys, it just turned out that way. I'm extremely shy and never seemed to get to know people the "normal" way. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Good for you! These days, meeting online is almost the norm, isn't it? I know a number of couples who met online. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 txblues, I just think some NHAGF men are scared to have a woman in their life period because the turn on is getting a woman attention and once they do get it.The men move on to another woman. Txblues just enjoy a woman company and don't worry about sparks and romance. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I would say the reason is low stock value or something, nobody likes me that way that I was aware of and thus this was the result, simple as that. I'm not picky or anything, but the term girlfriend sounds mystical to me, like an angel or something. There is just no connection with the concept. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 That sounds really sweet. Was he interested in you all that time? Thank you, I thought it was sweet, too. As it turns out, he had tried to flirt with me a few times in the years that we knew each other, but never made a full-fledged move. One of our best friends--who I went to college with and he worked with, so she introduced us--said when we started dating that it was no surprise, that we had been an "emotional couple" for a long time. Link to comment
shy2cool Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 I've never had a girlfriend because I'm too shy to ask anyone out. I don't expect too much either. I'm just looking for a funny, nice and ambitious girl with average to good looks. I'm not expecting too much am I? Conversely, does it matter that I'm 23 and don't have any decent friends? will that be a turn off? I didn't get invited to a b'day that all my friends got invited to. That shows how much I mean to them. I know that sounds bad and that their might be something wrong with me, but I'm just a fairly ordinary guy who is just very shy, so making friends is very hard for me. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 I've never had a girlfriend because I'm too shy to ask anyone out. I don't expect too much either. I'm just looking for a funny, nice and ambitious girl with average to good looks. I'm not expecting too much am I? Conversely, does it matter that I'm 23 and don't have any decent friends? will that be a turn off? I didn't get invited to a b'day that all my friends got invited to. That shows how much I mean to them. I know that sounds bad and that their might be something wrong with me, but I'm just a fairly ordinary guy who is just very shy, so making friends is very hard for me. Are you against blind dates? Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Humm....girlfriend is a 'serial monogomy' concept, that means if someone wants to have a commitment version of sex, but stay with people for various short-term periods enjoying various activities together going to extreme types of intimacy like sex, just to break off at the end of the day and form a relationship else-where, then it would seem that's what it is. People classify 'relationships' where sex is involved, and 'friendship' where sex is not involved. Thus, since I'm not into this pre-maritial sex, or the 'sex-culture' it would be incongruent for me to have a girlfriend since there is no sex incentive. A girl-friend would just be a close friend at best with a potential of marriage and cant see any strong intimacy forming with someone where there is no intention to get married. Furthermore, I'm under my mother and cant stand on my own two feet, which I typically use as another excuse. Further than this I cant accept the idea of a girlfriend since the idea implies sex, and for that matter, it's dangerious since emotions and sex are involved and you are going to be dealing with more than one person in your life since every relationship MUST have a break-up, so girlfriend seems another temporary serial monogomous relationship. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 Luke, Before we talk about sex,I can't get my "never had a girlfriend" male friends to go on one date first.My male friends complain about not going on one date or having had one girlfriend but when i try to play matchmaker.I'm hearing is the woman cute,skinny and just excuses.Hello,I might have a woman who might want to go out with you .Who cares about excuse just go out with this woman and see what happens. Link to comment
shy2cool Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Are you against blind dates? Nah, I'm fairly open when it comes to that. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 I've never had a girlfriend before. If you were to ask me why, these are the reasons that I would give: 1. I was sexually molested when I was a kid 2. I put women on a pedestal, so they scare the crap out of me 3. I'm afraid of being taken advantage of or screwed with 4. Inferiority complex 5. Not confident in my attractiveness 6. Not confident in my personality 7. Don't like the whole "game" that people have to play to get into a relationship 8. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but I don't hold others to high standards, just myself... that often keeps me from taking action. I haven't been to first base with a girl... I haven't even stepped up to the plate yet. Link to comment
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