Paying on a date

[Aurian]

Yup, that question again. Who pays?

 

Now I am more of the equality type woman. I am perfectly happy going Dutch, yet I will also accept someone paying my way on the first date to be a gentleman and all that.

 

But what about subsequesant dates? Do I assume he thinks he will be paying for them if he makes the date? I do appreciate the gesture, but I would start feeling like a mooch if he did it too much.

 

Guys, would you feel offended if you asked a woman out and she insisted on paying for some of the date? (Ie, he pays for sports tickets and she pays for dinner) I ask because on a first date, some guys look rather startled when I start paying for some things.

[Kevin T]

I think the person who asks for the meeting should be the one to pay for it.

 

I can understand wanting to shoulder some of the costs yourself, but going dutch is so unromantic and platonic. If a girl insisted on going dutch every time with me, I'd be thinking she's the wrong person for me.

[gfein347]

Well, I usually end up paying for my girlfriend when we go on dates but if we go out to a casual dining restaurant or to the movies, sometimes we'll split it, and sometimes I'll pay.

 

However, she'll occasionally offer to pay for our dinner and movie (or whatever we did that night), which I really like.

 

I also agree with Simon, who stated it very well: "I think the person who asks for the meeting should be the one to pay for it."

[Kevin T]

I also agree with Simon, who stated it very well: "I think the person who asks for the meeting should be the one to pay for it."

 

"Simon..." huh?

 

Thanks.

[gfein347]

Lol, the way I had the page scrolled down showed your avatar and not your screenname, but since it was such a great pic, I decided to run with it.

 

I'll edit it if you want...?

[pinkelephant]

If I went on a date where the guy asks me to split it, that's the last date with him.

 

 

However, if we were a couple, I'd pay for somethings too - depending on our financial situations.

[shikashika]

who ever asks should pay.. but after that I don't know if its a good idea to keep track on pennies.. if one person is ALWAYS paying.. then no

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

what if the guy really would like to see the girl...they aren't at the point of "hanging at eachothers apt" and he can't afford to pay ...what then?

 

ditch um?

[Derge]

"If I went on a date where the guy asks me to split it, that's the last date with him. "

 

okay Equal oppertunities for women not on the aggenda its time women pay for date lol. Only kidding!

[Batya33]

I typically offer to pay my share or to treat for part of the evening if it is a dinner/movie/theater kind of thing starting with the second date. On the first date I offer the majority of the time but not if it's just coffee or one drink because I worry that the guy might be offended if I offer to pay $5 or less. I will not have an "argument" about paying my way if he declines my offer but I may offer more than once in an evening. I make it clear that I am willing to pay my way, I go for my wallet sincerely, I might order the tickets to the movie in advance, etc.

 

In my relationship my boyfriend would prefer if I let him pay more often than he does. He pays about 60-70% of the time, give or take. He tries hard to pay 80-90% of the time.

 

I would not date a man who could not afford to go out for dinner at a moderate restaurant about once a week or to go to a movie, or something similar. It is not because I'm materialistic or expect to be 'taken out" but I am looking for someone financially stable and if he cannot afford to go out at least once a week (where we would take turns paying) I would be concerned about his financial situation and to some extent, his generosity. It was different in my teens/early-mid 20s before most of my friends/dates were working full time.

[Day_Walker]

Well the rule is whoever asks pays for the date. That being said I believe it is considerate of the other person to offer to put in.

[itsallgrand]

If you go with what is comfortable for you and can be flexible a bit to allow for some treating, I don't think you will offend any reasonable guy.

[sweetheart21]

I always let the guy pay on the first date because they get upset otherwise ive noticed

But every date after that I will pay half. And if they dont let me pay half I feel offended... because it makes me either think, that they think, i dont earn enough money or that because i'm a woman i need to be 'taken care of' which I dont like.

[laboheme]

I am all about going Dutch. Yes, it's not romantic, but until a relationship is established, I do not want to feel like I'm obliged to him in any way. If somebody pay for me, I go on a guilt trip...especially if I'm not interested in the person. So for the sake of my own sanity, I'd rather split everything.

 

Once things settle down though, it's easier if one person pays for everything, and I don't care who it is, since in the long run things sort of balance out. At least that's how it happened in my last relationship...

[Kevin T]

I am all about going Dutch. Yes, it's not romantic, but until a relationship is established, I do not want to feel like I'm obliged to him in any way. If somebody pay for me, I go on a guilt trip...especially if I'm not interested in the person. So for the sake of my own sanity, I'd rather split everything.

 

Once things settle down though, it's easier if one person pays for everything, and I don't care who it is, since in the long run things sort of balance out. At least that's how it happened in my last relationship...

 

That being the case, why not just take turns instead?

[Anathema001]

who ever asks should pay.. but after that I don't know if its a good idea to keep track on pennies.. if one person is ALWAYS paying.. then no

 

I once went on a date where we went to 2 different places.

I paid at the first pub but she INSISTED to pay for the second one.

 

As stupid as I am I let her pay ...

 

Error to avoid or forgivable ?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

The guy I am seeing prefers to pay. I asked about paying and he said he didn't like that I was worrying about money! LOL. I hope I didn't look like some kind of penny pincher! But I am also all about living a simple life.

 

So my plan is to get him a small present when I see him again. I just really need to be self-supporting through my own contributions in some way.

[sweetheart21]

Doesn't anyone feel like its incredibly sexist for the man to insist to pay all the time?? How can you be an equal in the relationship is they are treating you like you need looking after because your a women

 

I think that the men who insist, are also the ones who would expect the woman to stay home with the kids and cook and clean and not have a career.

 

Maybe some women dont mind...

[rocio]

I expect the guy to pay (but if he doesn't, I won't stop going out with him.) I don't think I'm sexist. I hope to be able to stay home with my kids in the future. And in the great majority of marriages, the woman does most of the cooking and cleaning.

[Batya33]

Doesn't anyone feel like its incredibly sexist for the man to insist to pay all the time?? How can you be an equal in the relationship is they are treating you like you need looking after because your a women

 

I think that the men who insist, are also the ones who would expect the woman to stay home with the kids and cook and clean and not have a career.

 

Maybe some women dont mind...

 

Not my boyfriend. He likes to pay because he likes to - nothing sexist about it or because he thinks he needs to take care of me. We both have very busy/active careers and if we were to marry and have a child, I would prefer to work as a mother for at least a few years (having worked for many years and saved a nice nest egg, that money would in a sense substitute for the loss of income on my part). He doesn't expect that.

 

His paying more of the time does not make it a less than equal relationship - that presumes that the person who pays for things has more power in the relationship. Perhaps that is true in some relationships but not in mine. I would not stay in a relationship where power was based on who paid for things. In a marriage, I don't believe you can measure equality financially because if one parent works at home as a stay at home parent that is almost impossible to quantify in dollar value (I don't believe it can be equated to the price of a live in nanny),

[Northalius]

Would I be offended? Not at all. I'd be happy for her respectful intent in not simply using me for my money. That would inspire me all-the-more to pay for everything!

 

Her not expecting me to pay for everything, and her respect for me, would be worth more than the money I'm shelling out for the date! That's all I'd expect from her: respect.

 

And her willing to pay her part is the action that'd speak louder than her word! I'd go the extra mile for her then.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I have no problem paying for dates. I think it's a nice gesture that a guy should extend, especially when he begins dating someone new. However, I don't think it's right for a woman to expect it, especially constantly. Let's be honest here. We all have ends to meet and bills to pay. If the dating turns into a relationship, I don't see any reason that one person should be footing all of the bills. It just makes more financial sense to meet eachother half way. Of course, every so often I will say let me get this one. I would hope that she would get me next time.

 

Speaking from my own experience, I have dated women who have that expectation that the guy should pay all the time. If I sense that a person is like that, I take her much less seriously. If she's that selfish, it usually does not stop with money, and that's not something I want to deal with in the long run.