He TEXTED the WRONG Girl - OOPS!!! -

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe that was his knee-jerk reaction. I've been known to lie once or twice, when caught in a situation and not known how to handle/deal with it.

 

Maybe you should give him a second chance, consider you are not looking for a steady relationship from him.

[in_the_mirror]

yeah i don't know if he was lying. i mean a lot of my girlfriends brothers are like that toward there sisters when they haven't seen each other in awhile. you said yourself that he doesn't see his sister very much, and in his text he said that she was 45 to and hour away, maybe that was why he doesn't see her often.....

 

on the other hand i see how you can think your being lied too...i think you should confront him not via text. i mean if you want a relationship with him...i think you said you did, if not i'm sorry if i missread it, it doesn't hurt to know about things for sure. just ask him to be completely honest about the dating thing.

[DN]

I can only think of this.......I am the type of person who gets offended when people treat me like I am dumb - and people who are not honest with me. I guess it's too much to expect the same from others........

 

Oh, by the way, I didn't say I DIDN'T WANT to be exclusive, I UNDERSTOOD and acknowledged that we are not exclusive.......sorry if I didn't get that accross right.

There is a difference between doing something dumb and treating someone as if they are dumb. Maybe he just reacted to what he had done in a dumb way because it was the first thing he could think of. I would not assume that he was so calculating as to believe you were dumb.

[Batya33]

I think you were too harsh. He probably lied but it was an awkward position for him to be in once you put him on the spot. He wasn't cheating, right?

[Belle]

Yes, very much so. Like I said, it's really not my business.

 

Then it would have been an "honest mistake" and we would still be hanging out.

 

Something about this doesn't quite ring true. I think you're trying to convince yourself that you're cool with casual but your emotions aren't letting you kid yourself. Most women aren't cool with casual. And when I say most, I mean I've only met one woman in my life that was supremely confident with it and really couldn't care less when she slept with someone.

 

Besides, I believe that if you were really cool with it, you'd understand that it would be natural for him to lie so as not to hurt you. Especially since your'e not exclusive and he doesn't owe you a full explanation.

[CaliGirl77]

Something about this doesn't quite ring true. I think you're trying to convince yourself that you're cool with casual but your emotions aren't letting you kid yourself. Most women aren't cool with casual. And when I say most, I mean I've only met one woman in my life that was supremely confident with it and really couldn't care less when she slept with someone.

 

Besides, I believe that if you were really cool with it, you'd understand that it would be natural for him to lie so as not to hurt you. Especially since your'e not exclusive and he doesn't owe you a full explanation.

 

IMO, being cool with "casual" and being lied to in order to cover up a mistake are two different things, in my eyes. The issue here, is the lying. I guess I am different, because I see that as a deal breaker for a friendship OR relationship. And as far as I'm concerned, he made this (partly) my business for accidentally sending me that text. The OOPSIE!!! is on him, not me. Call me brash for replying with the "what?".........I suppose I could have done nothing, but that is just not me. Bottom line is I am not cool with lying.

And you are right, he does not owe me an explanation at all.......but insulting my intelligence with the sister story is shocking because what trust and like I had for this guy is now gone.

[DN]

Two questions:

 

How would you feel if it turned out it really was his sister?

 

Have you never lied about anything to a partner or prospective partner?

[Northalius]

Two questions:

 

How would you feel if it turned out it really was his sister?

 

Have you never lied about anything to a partner or prospective partner?

 

I think he'd try harder to keep her if he was telling the truth about it being his sister; but, all he said was "If that's what you want. Bye"

 

That's almost proof he was lying and just doesn't care. He's a player. Good thing she learned this before she got too emotionally involved with him.

 

And lying about something as small as this, when merely dating, not even a serious relationship? That's just a total sign that he's bad news in the long run, imo. Again, he's just a player, I'd bet.

[Batya33]

If I am dating someone non-exclusively and he asks me point blank what I did on a night when I had a date with someone else, I do not tell him I had a date. I tell him I went out with a friend, or "I went to see a movie" - etc. Is that lying? I suppose so but it is none of his business who I see when I am not with "mr. casual." If he asked me point blank whether it was a date I might very well dodge the question or let him know that that was not a topic for discussion.

 

He sent you a text by accident - you put him on the spot which he didn't deserve since he doesn't owe you an explanation, and he felt cornered and caught off guard. Perhaps he wasn't lying - we won't know - but on your end, you could have given him the benefit of the doubt and not said anything or let him off the hook. We've all sent emails to the wrong person or called the wrong person, etc.

 

Obviously you are entitled to your standards of honesty but I suspect something more is going on here - given how easy he ended things my guess is that you sensed him backing off and wanted to be the first to pull the trigger or perhaps you were concerned that you were getting attached to him - since after only a few dates you are singing his praises as if you know him well/have known him for a long time.

[annie24]

Nope Cali...your reply was absolutely right!!!!

What a jerk!!!! A date with his sister????? LOL

I have heard it all now!!!

 

 

DITTO! What a jerk..... I had a guy do something similar to me. I posted about it last year, here is the link:

 

 

 

EDIT: I do think DN and batya have brought up good points. I would bet money that he is dating or pursuing this other woman, and told you the text was meant for his "sister" (much as how my phone call in that post was meant for the "teammate") But, you two weren't exclusive, so he didn't do anything wrong.... so I take it back, he isn't a jerk, just a bad liar.

 

I agree with batya, if I am seeing a few guys casually, and one asks me what I did on saturday night, I don't tell them about the date, I just say that I went out with friends.

[Clementine orange]

Ok, I'm probably gonna get flamed and hated here but I just have to wade in. And no offense intended here but we are supposed to be open and honest in this forum and that's what you want right?

 

If I was this guy, I would feel like I just dodged a bullet (regarding a future with you). I think you totally over-reacted and there is nothing that guys hate more than major drama from some girl. You cut off all contact because he may or may not have contacted someone besides you? Wow, there's trouble!!!

 

The reality is that it _could_ be his sister. Even if it isn't, the first reaction is to lie or at least spin - I mean do you really want to hear him say "yes, I am also seeing/trying to see this other woman who is waaaay hot".

 

You do not own this guy, you weren't exclusive. I've been in this situation before and I really wouldn't want to know the whens and wheres of what the girl is up to and who - tell me a white lie....please...

 

 

Of course all this is different if/when one decides to be exclusive.

 

Watch me get shredded here - but hey, this is how I see this

[annie24]

yeah, I think you have some good points there.....

 

but wouldn't you have a bad taste in your mouth if some woman sent you a text that seemed like it was meant for another man she was dating? would you keep seeing her? or figure that she was disorganized and rude?

 

Where I work, we were looking to hire a new person. A guy sent us an e-mail inquiring for the job and he sent the e-mail to "Mr. Smith." (there is no Mr. Smith where we work, but he was clearly looking for the job we were advertising.) he got an automatic rejection.

[Batya33]

I agree that he was careless and this is also why I'm not a big fan of texts when a man is first courting a woman - it's too casual, too informal. If he only called her there would be little risk of him thinking he was calling another girl and saying what he did.

[DN]

Where I work, we were looking to hire a new person. A guy sent us an e-mail inquiring for the job and he sent the e-mail to "Mr. Smith." (there is no Mr. Smith where we work, but he was clearly looking for the job we were advertising.) he got an automatic rejection.

link removed

[Clementine orange]

yeah, I think you have some good points there.....

 

but wouldn't you have a bad taste in your mouth if some woman sent you a text that seemed like it was meant for another man she was dating? would you keep seeing her? or figure that she was disorganized and rude?

 

 

 

Oh for sure, I'd be a little put out. Taste and decorum requires us to be cautious and diplomatic in these endevours, however I feel his crime (if there even is one) is carelessness.

I'm not sure if I'd "dump" her over something like this. Think less of her? yes, but not a firing offense.

I still say over-reaction - especially without all the facts

[Clementine orange]

link removed

 

Brilliant! - I love it!

[annie24]

link removed

 

lol! true!

 

But the job we were advertising for requires extreme precision, a very detail oriented job. no "oops" moments. it is a good job for a person who is anal retentive, and addressing the e-mail to the wrong person showed he wasn't the man for the job....

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Call me crazy...but i dont think he was lying...there wasn't anything in his text that suggested it was a date... - maybe it was the "hang out" comment.

 

My cousin and i text like that all the time.

 

I dont know maybe i'm too trusting...lol Imagine that! lol

 

I think maybe you like him and you are getting a little freaked that you arent exclusive.

[longhaircats]

IMO, being cool with "casual" and being lied to in order to cover up a mistake are two different things, in my eyes. The issue here, is the lying. I guess I am different, because I see that as a deal breaker for a friendship OR relationship. And as far as I'm concerned, he made this (partly) my business for accidentally sending me that text. The OOPSIE!!! is on him, not me. Call me brash for replying with the "what?".........I suppose I could have done nothing, but that is just not me. Bottom line is I am not cool with lying.

And you are right, he does not owe me an explanation at all.......but insulting my intelligence with the sister story is shocking because what trust and like I had for this guy is now gone.

 

I would be totally upset if a guy told me "oops, it wasn't meant for you." If it were a lie, I think he did it because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. If your friend is wearing ugry cloths but you don't want to say "you look like * * * *" because you don't want to hurt her feelings, right? Telling a truth is not always the best way, especially in a situation like this. I agree it was a bad lie, but I don't think he challaged your intelligence. I think you were a bit too harsh on this guy.

[Siriana]

I still think you've done the right thing!

 

It is not polite to make that explanation through text msg. If he was interested enough he would call to explain "the mistake".

 

Also I don't think highly of guys who date multiple woman and have sex with them (if he was lying really). If he was lying he just showed a lack of interest - sleeping with you and asking someone else on a date.

Multiple dating is o.k. IMHO if you choose not to be sexual with other persons until you make your choice who you're going to date.

Or if that's impossible, than at least try to hide the evidence!

 

So once again I think this guy was a jerk.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine if two consenting adults want to sleep with more than one person - particularly here where the OP has only been out with him a few times and (I assume they have slept together, but it's not clear) agreed to have no strings attached sex. I would never do that/be involved with that but the OP seemed fine with that part of the arrangement. I don't think it's fair to call a person a jerk just because he or she decides to casually date and sleep with more than one person, as long as everyone involved knows there is no exclusivity/monogamy. Adults can choose between themseves how they want to arrange their relationship.

[Siriana]

O.k. I was projecting my own belifs. I admit.

 

But if a guy is really interested in you and you show him your interest too while dating, I really doubt the fact he will be sleeping with you and having other dates too at the same time (or possibly sex). To me this means he's still searching and doesn't see a relationship with you.

 

I don't know if this is me being stern, traditional, naive, different culture thing or something else, but I would be very much offened the same way as the OP is.

Maybe from different reasons, but still offended.

 

My point here is the same: I think he wasn't interested enough.

Why:

1. He decided to just text her the explanation

2. He backed off way too easy when she was angry

3. He was sleeping with her and dating someone else (possibly sleeping too) (looks like she's shure he was lying)

[annie24]

maybe in europe, is it a cultural thing? i have heard from other friends in europe that once you are dating someone, you are exclusive. in the US, you assume that he/she is dating others until you have the "exclusivity talk."

[Siriana]

maybe in europe, is it a cultural thing? i have heard from other friends in europe that once you are dating someone, you are exclusive. in the US, you assume that he/she is dating others until you have the "exclusivity talk."

 

weird to me! I am from Europe and there is no such thing as exclusivity talk in my country.

As well as saturday date is only for couples! weird to me again.

 

Hehe, now I see a lot of people offended, but looks like in America people are really way too much into multiple choices.

It feels like having hyper capitalism (with multiple chioces, a lot of spending), not only in your economy and at spending in your supermarkets, but it in relationsips too. I feel this dating is more like a business in states.

[Clementine orange]

My point here is the same: I think he wasn't interested enough.

Why:

1. He decided to just text her the explanation

2. He backed off way too easy when she was angry

3. He was sleeping with her and dating someone else (possibly sleeping too) (looks like she's shure he was lying)

 

Maybe he just backed off because he doesn't like women who go into high drama. I am tempted to bail at the first sign of clingy, controlling, prima donna/diva type behavior (and believe me, I've seen lots). It's possible he was looking for an excuse to ease his way out of this arrangement anyway. Sleeping with someone you work with? Not a good idea.