He TEXTED the WRONG Girl - OOPS!!! -

[bigheart09]

weird to me! I am from Europe and there is no such thing as exclusivity talk in my country.

As well as saturday date is only for couples! weird to me again.

 

Hehe, now I see a lot of people offended, but looks like in America people are really way too much into multiple choices.

It feels like having hyper capitalism (with multiple chioces, a lot of spending), not only in your economy and at spending in your supermarkets, but it in relationsips too. I feel this dating is more like a business in states.

 

Syrix,

This is totally on the money. That is why relationships fail so frequently in America. We have gotten so caught up in money, material things, jobs, etc that we forget to take care of ourselves and our well-being. I agree with you on this one.

[Batya33]

That's a fairly broad statement, don't you think? I have had half a dozen long term relationships and none of them failed because of any of those issues - and I don't know of any that have.

[Batya33]

In my experience even if you are very interested in each other, most couples do not decide on exclusivity until dating a month or two - they need to get to know each other first to see if they should be in a long term relationship. I do not have s_x with someone without exclusivity because that wouldn't feel right to me. In my current relationship we were exclusive from the beginning because I had known him for a long time beforehand.

[fnlyfrei]

Yeah Syrix....sometimes I think that we american women go against our instincts and better judgement... we try to be like some men and pretend that being sexually intimate doesn't matter to us...when really, deep inside we do not really usually sleep with anyone unless we are hoping for more. I have had first hand experience with women who CLAIM they don't care...they are like "I am so totally COOL with him doing whatever he wants!" But then when (she) found out he had dated me at the same time...she sent a scorching email about him and what a creep he was...so much for not caring! I think females act that way thinking a man will think they are so secure that he will drop everyone else and just date her. When she finds out that isnt the case..he is a liar and a creep. And I am talking about men we REALLY are attracted to...not ones we really do not. Case in point for both sexes...if dating and sleeping with whomever you wish is so cool...why have I seen posts stating that "We are not exclusive, but I do not wish to know about anyone else the person is dating simultaneously." Why not? If you are so dang secure why not tell each other about everything you do? Or is that, perhaps going against basic human nature and the quest for a life mate? A certain amount of jealousy is there for a reason...and I am sure it has to do with basic primordial instincts and mating and the gene pool...as well as some social familial aspects. Unless you are a swinger or really have no attachments emotionally..I do not think it is possible to be completely secure and not give a rip. I just think women and men PRETEND so. It's a load of hooey.

[Siriana]

Makes perfect sense to me fnlyfrei!

[Batya33]

Yes, but a woman pretending to be secure is not the man's fault and does not make the man a jerk. I've never pretended- I simply have not been that intimate with a man prior to exclusivity. Did wonders for my continued positive attitude about men in general - both as platonic friends and in relationships - and on the whole it means that I have been treated with respect because I treat myself with respect and it's obvious in a dating situation (so I've been told).

[CaliGirl77]

I feel like I am the one who dodged the bullet! I know for a fact I am not drama, all I did was see a red flag and walk away. I listened to my gut instict and I followed it. It has never failed me, so far.

 

There is a chance it could have been his sister, but I seriously doubt it now. His reaction read to me, "Damn! I got caught! Oh Well. Bye." IMO, he knew he got caught and cut his losses with me. And yes, I want honesty. I don't care if calls Minnie Mouse, he seems very out-of-it, or disorganized, or just plain dumb for sending me someone else's text. The whole thing looked bad. It's not that hard to operate a cell phone. And, on top of that......all the texting. All the time. Obviously, that's his MO, and if that's the case, he should get it right. He lied, thereforeeee, he is not a friend of mine. Sorry, but my "real friends" face the music and take responsibility for their actions, and even tell me when my butt is getting big, or that I have food in my teeth. And I like that. IMO, it's idiocracy.

[Siriana]

Yes, but a woman pretending to be secure is not the man's fault and does not make the man a jerk. I've never pretended- I simply have not been that intimate with a man prior to exclusivity. Did wonders for my continued positive attitude about men in general - both as platonic friends and in relationships - and on the whole it means that I have been treated with respect because I treat myself with respect and it's obvious in a dating situation (so I've been told).

 

Yes, I agree, but some woman are not that smart yet (I have the same values as you do on this matter), they are in the process of learning.

And when someone is upset because of recieving that lesson it's understandable.

I also think that just because a guy is a guy, that is not his excuse to sleep with you when he knows that your expectations are higher than his. And usually they do know because they're not stupid.

[fnlyfrei]

Yes, I meant that she calls him a creep and a liar..I did not mean he was one. I just meant that a woman who turns on him after claiming open dating was cool is actually the dishonest one. She is hoping he will change his mind for her because she is so "awesome". I know I have felt poopy like that...so I stopped dating unless it WAS exclusive. I know for me I cannot handle it. I have stated that upfront to anyone I have been interested in. If he wants to not date me then, it is his choice.

[Batya33]

Yes, I agree, but some woman are not that smart yet (I have the same values as you do on this matter), they are in the process of learning.

And when someone is upset because of recieving that lesson it's understandable.

I also think that just because a guy is a guy, that is not his excuse to sleep with you when he knows that your expectations are higher than his. And usually they do know because they're not stupid.

 

I disagree with the last sentences. A man (and a woman) are entitled to rely on the other person's statement that he/she is fine with a casual relationship/no strings attached s_x. He/she is not required to tell the other person "I know you say that but I don't believe you mean that and for your own good I will not sleep with you." And I don't think he/she should say something like that - that is patronizing. I also wouldn't want to be seen as so "weak" that I needed a man to tell me what was good for me. (again this is all hypothetical as I know I wouldn't like casual s_x).

[Batya33]

You are entitled to your standards of course. Having mis-sent e-mails myself I have some sympathy for the guy.

[Northalius]

Making a mistake by sending it to another person, isn't what I think was wrong. Deliberately lying about who he was sending it to originally, is what gets me.

 

Heck, he'd have been much better off saying something like: "Sorry. That was meant for someone else, since I 'multi-date' when I'm searching for the one I want to be with; if you'd like to further discuss this issue, I'm more than willing to comply.

 

That's what a mature adult would do. What he did, was plainly childish.

[longhaircats]

But we still don't know if he was lying or not. I would be upset too if I get that text, but I wouldn't jump into a conclusion without talking to him in person. I would just let him know that I am upset and ignore his text and see if he put any effort to contact me in person. That's more "mature adult" behavior to me.

[Caterina]

I agree. Especially since it really could have been his sister. Even if it wasn't, why do you care so much about him thinking that you are dumb? Besides, people lie all the time to smart people.

If this happened to me, I could have very well reacted angrily.

 

But if I had reacted that way...later reflection would have revealed that I'd made a mistake. Basically, like previous posters said, HE OWES YOU NOTHING because you weren't exclusive. But if he replied the way he did to you...like he doesn't care that its over...I'd cool down and realize that it probably doesn't matter...and I'd understand. Because personally, no one is attracted to someone who starts yelling at them for what seems like a very small reason. You say you are only angry about lying...but I think that its a lot more then that...no one gets that mad about feeling dumb about being lied to.

[CaliGirl77]

Perhaps you should re-read my posts........maybe you missed the fact that no one was yelling, and you are pointing out things I have already acknowledged. And I know for a fact that your last sentence is wrong, because I am one person who does.

[Mythical_Suicide]

But we still don't know if he was lying or not. I would be upset too if I get that text, but I wouldn't jump into a conclusion without talking to him in person. I would just let him know that I am upset and ignore his text and see if he put any effort to contact me in person. That's more "mature adult" behavior to me.

 

I couldnt agree more..

Noone will ever know if it was to his sister or not, except him and well whoever received it but if you wanted to be so "mature" about it you would have confronted him about it instead of sending a lame message. I'd have the same reaction he did had you jumped to conclusion like you did to me. I would have been quick to say "bye!" to you as well and it doesnt mean he's "guilty" of anything it just means he was tryin to avoid farther arguments and drama.

[DN]

This thread has reached it's natural conclusion. Thread closed.