THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Rosie007]

Hi Boston,

 

Thanks for your nice note. I actually deleted what I wrote about being long-winded before I read your post because I felt vulnerable for writing it. As you can imagine, I'm having some major rejection issues right now.

 

Also, I don't think you sound whiny at all. In fact, you really brightened my day with your lovely words, and I really appreciate it. Sounds to me you had a tough day and you needed a place to talk about it and be understood for what you're going through. I've cried so much in public since I started seeing the Neverwas, I've almost forgotten it might be considered odd. As you can imagine, I can relate.

 

Stay warm. Take care of yourself. Know you're OK. Better than OK, even. Thanks for reaching out

 

-Rosie

[steelsabre]

i think its a great idea... sign me up eh

[Pkittie]

Hi Dave,

 

I have not even chatted with my ex bf whos in India since last oct. he send me a x'mas wish & I told him that I can't handle being frens...his b'day is on 25th feb .I'm itching to send him an e card. Plz advise...

 

Poochie

[Pkittie]

Not able to get over my ex, need advise.... ( 1 2)

Poochie Here is the thread to the conversation...

[comfyshoes]

I just wanted to write something before i go to bed after a long hard nightshift. I had a dream about the ex yesterday. it was very vivid. I was in her old house and was planning a party for her son. Mother and her aunt were there but she was not to begin with. Throughout the entire dream i could hear a voice telling me to leave, that things were not right. It was noone that i knew or recognised.

As the devil woman with no soul entered the room, she tried to kiss hold me and kiss me. As she did so the source of the voice became obvious to me. It was Sandy! Sandy form this forum. I have never met her, heard her voice or seen anything of her other than her picture that goes with her posts. it's been some time since i even saw her post on here. It just goes to show the benefits of joining ENA!

After the dream, i have been thinking a lot about the devil woman with no soul but it does not have the same effects on me that it has had before.

 

My therapist asked me the other night what did i get out of the relationship. I really couldn't find a positive answer to give her. Sure, i saw some amazing places on my trips to visit her that i might not otherwise have had the chance to. But i paid for all of those. I paid for damn near everything in the relationship. I paid airfare from the uk to usa three times a year. I paid for her to com here several times. The last time she was here i took her to Amsterdam for four days. Paid for the whole damn lot, including her weed! She never bought me as much as a cup of coffee!

 

Maybe one day i will be able to send her an email or letter just to say 'hey', find out how she's doing. But for now, i have to continue to get my self back. The person that i was before she manipulated me and changed me into the person she thought she wanted me to be only to break my heart over and over again.

 

I will survive this and i will come out the other side as the person i was before she broke me down, destroyed me.

 

I just want to say thank you to Sandy for appearing to me in my dream and giving a kick up the * * *!.

I ain't seen you for a while. If you read this, i hope you are well and staying strong in your own struggles.

 

Shoes

[papalazarou]

Hi Parsley!

 

Sorry I have actually had to do some work recently, which is most annoying as it eats up into my Enotalone time!!!

[Parsley]

Disgraceful! Actually I think because I have all of absolutely nothing else to do ever, I'm here more than I really should be. Dear god do I need a job...

 

You doing ok?

[papalazarou]

Im doing fine at the moment mate...we have recently been taken over and they are implementing a new computer system. Its a nightmare!!!

 

I think you are doing very well at the moment personally babe, Im still lurking you know!!!

[Parsley]

I feel better. I think I probably would have felt this way a lot earlier if I'd had something real to distract me, like work, or if I was still at uni. But hopefully that will change soon and I can get back to having a normal life without the ex on my mind!

 

Good luck getting to grips with the new system!

[craigm]

Okay, I'll do it. When I get home from school I'll delete her from Facebook, MySpace, MSN, my phone, everything. I can do this. Thanks Dave.

Craig

[papalazarou]

No. She is messing with your head my friend.

 

If she wanted you back she would have said " I want you back in my life please can we try again"

[Shaker]

Day 26:

 

My lips are chapped from kissing, winter walks, and windy days.

 

I'm feeling better, like I have my head on straight, and for the most part the restlessness I've been struggling with is finally starting to settle down again. This time, I think it's for good.

 

I'm nearly done the challenge. For those of you that finished, is there a Day 29/Day 30 craze that happens when the end is in sight that I need to brace myself for? I'm worrying about all the ways I set myself up for failure....

 

I haven't seen, heard from, or even heard about my ex in quite a while now. I don't feel curious; I do feel angry, sometimes, and detached most of the time.

[Parsley]

Shaker - I didn't feel a thing when it came up to the 30 days. It felt like every other day really! Brace yourself anyway though...it can't hurt. I'd stay braced for a good long while actually! I think after I got to 30 days I thought "Well I haven't contacted him in 30 days, he hasn't either - this is it, if he was going to he would have." But then he did. Like...3 days later. Kinda weird - almost as if he'd been doing the challenge as well...

 

He's not....right? Lol, I think I probably would have known about it by now.

 

Good luck with the next few days. Glad to see everything is so good for you now. I wish my lips were chapped from kissing, but alas...just from the cold.

[Brooke657]

Ok, I'm not getting this. "NC" is kinda weird. Come on be a little more mature then that. You should be able to at least be civil and say hi to them if you see them around or something. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

[papalazarou]

Ok, I'm not getting this. "NC" is kinda weird. Come on be a little more mature then that. You should be able to at least be civil and say hi to them if you see them around or something. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

 

 

 

No offence taken. Indeed in other posts you will see that people have asked what to do if they bump into an "ex" accidentally.

 

The advice is simply be civil to them and be polite - just like you have said!

 

NC comes from making contact with them deliberately, my take on it is that you may just head something you dont want to "please leave me alone" or "I hate it when you keep ringing me begging me to take you back" or WORST of all "Im seeing someone else".

[Brooke657]

well that makes more sense then

[boston23]

Hi Brooke--It's not about giving the cold shoulder to someone really or giving them the silent treatment. It's really just recognizing that the person is not interested in being together in a relationship and if they don't want to be in a relationship, then we need to move on from that. NC just makes it easier to move on. If at a later time we feel ready and completely over them, then it's totally fine to contact them. I think if my ex were to come up to me and say "hi" I would definitely say "hi" back; but when I saw him in the gym I didn't go up to talk to him (as much as I wanted to), because that just would regress my healing. (As it was, he didn't come up to say hi to me either). It's a tool to help people move on.

 

Day 26 for me.

 

Haha, so today I woke up thinking, "Oh look at me, I'm not thinking about my ex." jeesh. You can't really not think about someone if you're thinking about not thinking about them.

 

So it's been 2.5 months since the break up and I guess looking back to right afterwards I have definitely made tons of progress. Right after the break up, it was tough to pretend everything was fine (although strangely enough I could pretend in front of my ex). I was probably crying/weeping at least 8 times a day (and that's tiring!!) Now I think that I probably play it all off and no one has any idea how upset I am sometimes (like the tears have moved inside and are slowly slowly drying up). I feel like the pain has diminished a lot, but I didn't know it would take this long to happen and that it would happen so slowly. I guess 3 months sounds like a while to me, and I'm impatient with myself to get over this quicker. At the rate I'm going, I'm not going to over him for another year at least.

 

But if I fast forward a year, I've moved on, he's broken up with his current gf, and has realized who he lost when he dumped me...and then realizes that I'm now completely unattainable. Sucka!! And I can say to him (in a sacrine voice), "You know, ex, what we had was really special to me, but honestly I've moved on. I was depressed during our relationship and my life has changed considerably since then, and I'm happy without you. I do wish you the best in all that you do."

[Brooke657]

Haha, so today I woke up thinking, "Oh look at me, I'm not thinking about my ex." jeesh. You can't really not think about someone if you're thinking about not thinking about them.

 

lol no you cant

[Parsley]

Boston - Woop! You sound fantastic! And I am ALL about fast forwarding a year. Frequently more than that. It's a major part of my coping system!

 

Brooke - That feeling like it's being immature is SO annoying. I think that instinct kicked in big time when my ex contacted me for the first time. I didn't want to act like a child...and ultimately that meant that I was setback about a fortnight (or more). Incredibly frustrating.

 

So today is 2 weeks into my second lap of the NC challenge.

 

Seems like a lot longer ago that all that blew up in my face. Like I said the other day...him contacting me and saying what he did planted the idea of us together again into my head. I honestly didn't consider it for a second from the break up until that point. But once it got in...whoa did it take a lot to convince myself that I didn't want it. Actually, I don't know if I have removed it completely. I did find myself crying earlier, but I think I felt more sad about losing him as this person i my life. We got along so amazingly before we got together and it hurts a lot to know that I won't ever be that comfortable with him again. How can I after the way he chose to go about things?

 

I started thinking the other day "Would I have acted like he did if it was the other way round?", then realised, that's exactly what I thought was going on! He let me think I was the one acting weird...and I did everything I could to change. I apologised to him...acknowledged that soemthing was wrong and went all out to stop acting that way. God, I changed medication for him!! And his plan was to let that carry on. (Does that make sense...?) So I couldn't possibly ever love him again. Right? So why bother thinking about it. Just look forward to finding someone who won't choose to put me through a lot of pain to make it easier on himself.

[ahhh2jz]

Day 43 NC - will update later!

[macgyver4ever]

Day 3

 

I got on some anxiety meds last night so I can finally sleep. They seem to be working great. I feel a little weird, but it is very nice to finally be able to control my thoughts and emotions. Now when I feel a panic attack coming on, and I can just stop thinking about it. Amazing!

 

Here is a question:

I have a very, very strong feeling with my ex is going to consumate her relationship with her new boyfriend tonight or tomorrow. I know I cannot talk to her, but if I could what would I say to make her stop and think about it before she did it?

 

Today I feel scared, sad, and lost. The meds are making me feel cross-eyed.

 

MK

[mariab.]

day 10 and also tomorrow is a month to our break up. he emailed me yesterday about his unemployment check that is coming. i dont feel like spending the money on mailing it.its hard all i want to do is see him

[lightlight]

This is my first post! I've been lurking on the forums for a while just reading. OK here is my story...sorry to go on!!

 

Fell for a guy who was in my crowd after he started flirting with me. We hooked up a couple of times after he split from his girlfriend. Then he went funny on me and we didn't speak for a while. Although disappointed, I moved on and started seeing someone else...this failed. We ran back into each other about 6 weeks later and it was obvious there was still chemistry. We had a heart to heart and he explained why he distanced himself - he was having a lot of problems that were now solved. However, he now had a new girlfriend but said it wasn't serious. We started hanging out again just as friends with the crowd but we'd always just end up talking all night just the 2 of us. Then we kissed. Then the flirting/texting/emails/closeness continued till I decided enough was enough and put my foot down as he still had this new girlf who he hardly seemed to spend any time with. So I kept the friendship but started playing it really cool. He got drunk and started trying to pick an argument with me to get attention. I got a little upset so left the club early. Met the next day to discuss this and I put my foot down telling him if we had any chance of friendship he had to stop leading me on cos I wanted more. Next time we saw each other was 2 weeks later. We practically ignored each other all night but ended up sleeping togther - all initiated by him. Spent the next day together but at the end of the day he always went back to his girlf. Next time we were out in the crowd was before Christmas - I met a nice guy in the club and he stormed off jealous - first time he'd seen me with anyone else. The next week was my new years party where he turned up at my flat with his girlf at 3am....obviously trying to prove a point. Enough was enough. My heart was broken not to mention how bad I felt for her. I didn't want to be the type of girl who chased after others boyfriends.

 

This "friendship" of our had been going on now for about 7 months...I mean get a grip - I'm trying to do NC on what isn't even an ex still it has hurt me just as bad - I really fell for him.

 

Anyway I implemented NC as of 1st Jan when he texted me chit chat after bringing her to my flat with no warning - i ignored his text. I know this bothered him as he was going on about it to our mutual friends but I think this was more just guilt than anything else. Kept NC till last weekend when I returned from hols and saw him in the crowd as I had no choice for this night out. It was awkward...neither of us discussed what happened but we got on OK. I have kept NC since. There is no future for us as friends as our feelings are not platonic yet he isn't being true to his feelings or choosing me.

 

Time for me to start the challenge. I need to move on and find someone who really wants to be with me...and only me.

 

Thanks SuperDave...your posts are awesome!

[rsxguy520]

day 41. im back home. and im happy im back home..school will resure for me March 26..hopefully i enjoy my newly acquired vacation. lol.

[TheGetUpKid]

No. She is messing with your head my friend.

 

If she wanted you back she would have said " I want you back in my life please can we try again"

 

Thanks papalazarou your 100% right.

 

It seems like Im always going in circles with my ex. We were actually talking about getting back together a few months ago and she did flat out told me that she was in love we me and that she wanted me in her life. However actions speak louder than words and she never really made the effort to be with me.

 

So I get another txt message today: "So I take it your ignoring me"

 

If I hadnt gone through this situation a million times with her already I probably wouldve responded. But I know better now and if I do nothing will change and I will just end up feeling worse.