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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

SuperDave71

By SuperDave71
in Getting Back Together

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Pisces_Princess Enthusiast

Pisces_Princess

Posted
Posted

Hi PapaL,

 

Happy Valentine's to you!

 

Tell me about it...I was 9.5 stone to start with and by Christmas I was 6.5 stone, I looked really ill and people who didn't know about my ex and I breaking up were really concerned that I had some terrible disease. My hair must have been falling out, I didn't notice at the time because it's long and thick but a few days ago I was looking in the mirror in a really well lit bathroom and noticed tufty bits where it is actually growing back. You really can't beat the heartbreak diet for making you look and feel awful xxx

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rsxguy520 Enthusiast

rsxguy520

Posted
Posted

day 39...its valentines day!?!? and???..hah joke. well today is looking great, i plan on seeing one my ex's from high school. i promise her we'd hang and chill. since we're both single and just got out of a ltr at the same time, i thinks its ok for us to hang and have fun. i seriously can not wait to restart school again. haha the past 4 days all i have been doing is drinking and socialize like crazy, trying to get my network done before i transfer to my other school. man! i love the college life..i swear im so happy now that i don't have a young nieve girlfriend to deal with..lol like its the craziest feeling ever, its really hard to explain. its like the feeling between getting a new car and getting straight a's type of feeling. well i gotta get ready and head over to my doctors and i'll post updates later.

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Parsley Rising Star

Parsley

Posted
Posted

Ah dammit!!! I completely forgot to go and get my chocolate and smirnoff Got completely distracted firstly by the adorable-ness of my nephew, then spent the whole afternoon building a wardrobe with my sister and didn't get a chance. Sigh. So instead, I'll be eating curry with the fam, then filling aforementioned wardrobe. Let's hope I find Narnia eh?

 

I heard my phone go off earlier. We all know the first idea that popped into my mind. The second one was "It's obviously going to be Nicola wishing me a good day because we are both single blah blah blah" But then of course, as I'm sure you all know, I didn't completely believe myself. BUT! I did no acrobatics to get to the phone. Which I incidentally would have needed to do - wardrobe is really quite big and was between me and the phone. No - I just carried on with the hammering and all that jazz and when I could get to the phone I did. It was Nicola - lol. But still, I'm mightily impressed that I didn't die even a little bit when it went off.

 

Agh. Am now majorly craving some big chunks of chocolate. The most we have in the house are 'snaps' which, quite frankly, are rubbish.

 

Haven't been tempted at all to contact the ex. The whole concept popped into my head last night but I just went "No. Definitely not. There is no way you are going to text him on Valentine's Day. There is no way this is a good idea, because you think it's a good idea and it's also night-time. We've learnt the hard way about ideas at night haven't we? If you absolutely must text him, ok, but NOT tomorrow"

 

How ridiculous is it that I made a false bargain with myself? Lol...I had to convince part of me not to do it by saying I could later, knowing full well that I wouldn't then either.

 

Feeling quite good recently. I think maybe because my nephew and sister and brother in law have been staying at ours since Sunday night - so I've been completely distracted by them the whole time. My brother's visiting this weekend (it was his birthday yesterday) - going to see Hot Fuzz on Saturday then having yet another playstation and/or peep show extravaganza. Woop.

 

How's everyone?

xxx

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TijuanaJones Enthusiast

TijuanaJones

Posted
Posted
Does NC include not talking to her parents? I was told by our counselor not to talk to them, but I want to thank them for everything, and to let them know I am supporting them.

 

Let me know.

 

Im sure they know...

They'll understand if you want some space between you and your ex's life, which includes them...

I love my ex's parents, but the relationship is over... they understand...

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TijuanaJones Enthusiast

TijuanaJones

Posted
Posted

Well, today is a good day.

I will be probably going out with this amazing girl I met at the gym. She is cute, funny, calm... she is adorable! and she just broke up with her bf two days ago... I want to be her friend for now, she just needs to grieve before she can consider someone again.

The problem is that a friend of mine also liked her a lot, and he is very competitive, so he wants to give it a shot with her, even tough I met her first and told him I liked her.

And probably I shouldnt be posting more about her because I told her last night about ENA and she may read this... I think she may figure out who I am looking at my nick haha... I guess there are not a lot of people from Tijuana posting here...

 

Anyway, I convinced her to meet me and my friend at the gym today for a V-day workout... afterwards we might go to a coffee shop or something like that... with our gym clothes still on, of course.

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boston23 Contributor

boston23

Posted
Posted

Hi everyone!

 

Day 24 for me. It's going, and then this day will be done with! It is pretty much the grossest day ever here...snow, then slush, then rain, all mixed up in this horrible brown mess that you have to navigate through. I am now inside again and hoping not to go outside anytime soon. I was invited to a party tonight by a guy friend, not sure if i want to go or even leave the housse. I'm not even going to the gym tonight.

 

So yesterday at the gym there was this guy that looked a lot like my ex, and so I spent about 40 min thinking it was him. 40 excrutiating minutes. And then...hahah I realized it was some other guy. I had my eyes checked out the other day and I definitely need to get a much stronger prescription, and I think this proved the point. But although the experience sucked, I think that the next time I do see my ex there, I will be that much more prepared.

 

Parsley, I totally know what you mean about making fake bargains with yourself!! I've allowed myself to think that after the challenge I can contact my ex, but we'll see if the date keeps getting pushed farther and farther back.

 

I sent a valentine's day card to myself through the mail. It was the cheesiest thing ever but now I have this giant card that says "For My Valentine, You Fill My Heart with Love." Hahah and it actually makes me feel like, yeah, I'm loved. I'm loved by myself and that's really important. I also wrote this paragraph inside that sounds like my mom wrote it: "I'm so proud of you."

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Siro Rookie

Siro

Posted
Posted
Siro: Do you want your ex to have a Happy V-Day? I think you can skip saying it, but still be polite for the sake of your son.

 

 

NAH I don't want her to have a happy one

 

but I still had to see her and speak to her a few times car Battery died had to use our AAA card

 

when I did drop our son off rather cold as expected

I bet shes feeling to day too,

 

a friend of ours spoke to her last week

 

asked what was up with US? And she started to cry Hum! she acts so together in front of me but crys in front of my friend

 

I'm past the crying stage HA!

 

AND I see the light!!!!!!!!! Takes time

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Rosie007 Explorer

Rosie007

Posted
Posted

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. Glad to know I'm not alone on this day -- that you're all here. It's also good to know my purpose today: NC

 

I wish I'd understood this in December, but perhaps it wouldn't have mattered then either. I think I have an inkling about why this has to be about me, not him. The idea that NC could be a link back to him, or a strengthening of our bond, is not without its appeal. But I'm not sure there was ever a link between us in the first place. Just his loneliness and mine, and a time we shared together to combat that loneliness.

 

I just read a book by Dean Koontz this weekend, "Brother Odd," and a young man in a special care hospital, who was developmentally challenged, but artistically gifted referred to a person in his past who'd hurt him terribly as the

Neverwas.

 

I suggested yesterday I would call my so-called "Ex" the name "Rex," but perhaps a more apt name for him is my Neverwas. A person I spent seven months with, willingly, eagerly, even though I knew he didn't, or as he put it, couldn't, care for me. We slept together (biblically and literally), we ate together, we watched TV together, we sometimes -- not often -- went out together. We were physically close, but never emotionally. I was conscious of the wall that separated us at all times.

 

And still I went back.

 

I can't cast him as some kind of villian here. He never tried to mislead me. He was always "honest" with me about his emotional unavailability. I was rebound girlfriend -- although he would never have referred to himself as my boyfriend. And make no mistake, I spent hours and days researching what a dismal thing it was to be "rebound girlfriend." But I wanted so badly to end my loneliness that I ran back for more. Prayed for more. No matter how much I knew it was unhealthy.

 

I'm not excusing his behavior. Its unreasonable to be with someone for so often and so long, and expect that person to be unaffected. I'm just trying to own my own behavior. And my behavior was unhealthy.

 

I do think it was important for me to experience my first adult relationship. There's a long list of reasons why I'm single for so long that I'll refrain from describing. I believe this relationship helped me spotlight some thought patterns and behaviors that I'd been shielding from myself and that I now need to address and learn to reprogram. So all is not lost, and the extreme pain at the end, and the other pain along the way, was not for naught.

 

I've heard it said there are only two things in this world: blessing and blessings in disguise. So I'm trying to comfort myself with the thought of the blessings I may recognize from this situation some day.

 

Don't get me wrong. I love him. I want him. I crave him. I see him so clearly in my mind. Never before in my life have I envisioned the children I could have and wanted to have -- with him. I even allowed myself to imagine our wedding, and our guests in attendance, or at least my friends. I didn't really know his, just one or two, even though I've known this man for 14 years. He's a friend of one of my dearest friends. I actually made a list of our wedding guests and imagine how our wedding would be, with young children running about joyfully, which in 44 years of living is something I've never allowed myself to do.

 

But it was just my imagination ...

 

So that's where I am today. Still sick with bronchitis. Practically isolated for the last week because of my illness. Trying not to entertain thoughts of the Neverwas. Trying to be productive as best I can be in my deenergized state.

 

And though I'm feeling sad as I write these words, and tears started rolling down my cheeks when I wrote about my love for this person who doesn't want me now, and probably only did in the most superficial of ways then, I'm still hopeful about the possibility of love in my life some day (and I'm not referring to him, or at least not completely). And I'm proud of myself, too: At least I took a chance.

 

Plus I do believe one thing: I am worth loving. I've got so much love to give, and I want so much to be loved. And I don't believe his life was untouched by my presense in it. My love or tenderness might not have been what he needed in the long run, but it was still important.

 

So that's it for today.

 

-Rosie

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Pisces_Princess Enthusiast

Pisces_Princess

Posted
Posted

Day 14 NC!!!

 

Well I survived Valentine's Day and to be honest it wasn't so bad considering every person I saw was carrying huge cards and flowers...

 

I had a big shopping trip and bought flowers and perfume for myself (I stopped short of buying a card saying 'I love me!')

 

It's my birthday in a few weeks and that will be all of the landmarks done...Christmas, New Year, Valentines, Anniversary...

 

On the other hand though, my ex has stopped contacting me. I feel a bit strange about that. Makes my resolve a bit shakey about keeping NC XXX

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Rosie007 Explorer

Rosie007

Posted
Posted

Congratulations on Day 14, Pisces_Princess.

 

I bought myself flowers, too. I think it's a good idea. Shows a commitment to one's self and the resolve for self care.

 

Hopefully the strength of everyone here can help you continue NC and tough out a rough patch.

 

All best,

 

Rosie

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papalazarou Community Regular

papalazarou

Posted
Posted
Thanks Rosie, sounds like you are doing well too.

 

Shaker...I am surprised at you! So glad you didn't make that call. I am proud of you.

 

I need a bit of support at the moment, I am starting to wonder is NC is a mistake x

 

I dont know Pisces. You have come a hell of a long way by initiating NC if you read your posts, so is it a mistake as such - probably not.

 

Hes probably not contacting you because he has given up for the moment , out of interest if you did contact him or he contacted you and you answered, what would you say/do?

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