THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[boston23]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to check in because I had a really good night and I wanted to share the good vibes I got together with a friend from college for dinner and a movie, and it was soo nice to get together with her. We watched "Music and Lyrics" with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. It was pretty much the same Hugh Grant movie as usual, which was absolutely perfect for me tonight.

 

At dinner I didn't have this need to drone on about my ex at all. I didn't actually say anything about him the whole night; the only mention about it all was the fact that it's been tougher to get through a break up than I had imagined, but I'm getting through it. I really think that I'm starting to lift my head again and realize that as much as I wanted him to be great for me and great in general, he's not, that's the reality, and I don't need to worry about it anymore. He was fluff and I'm looking for and deserve someone that's soo much more than that.

 

Yay! It's good to realize this and to write a happy post again Especially looking back at some of my posts from the past, I recognize that it really does start getting better with time. And although I still have more time to go, I can definitely see that I will get through this all and feel absolutely wonderful and better than before it. Everyone really do believe it; it does get better...slowly, and in cycles....but it definitely does get better.

[Rosie007]

Been reading the posts all day. It's nice to see so many familiar names and read about everyone's progress -- both the ups and the downs. I'm about halfway through the beginning of this thread. The support for each other I read here is so phenomenal. When I read how Comfyshoes have Sandy come to her rescue, even if in a dream, I could understand how that happened. When people write from the heart, share their "experience, strength, and hope," it touches people on a deep level. Anyway, that's how I feel it's affecting me. I'm glad people share their fears and pains, because it helps me know I'm only human when I feel mine. And I need the hope, too.

 

Boston, I'm so happy to read your spirits are feeling lighter today. Sounds like things are starting to shift for you. That's nice to hear. Cycles will do, I reckon. I've always heard the only thing we're guaranteed is change. And thanks for the movie tip; I love a proper Hugh Grant movie.

 

Parsley. When you wrote, "He let me think I was the one acting weird," I was reminded how in the beginning of my time with the Neverwas, I would start feeling really shy and disconnected, and I thought something was wrong with me. It took me some time to realize I was having a reaction to him pulling away from me. When logically I should having been feeling connected with this man I was so close to, instead I felt disconnected ... I guess because he was putting up walls; however, subtle, to keep me out.

 

Initially I was surprised when TijuanaJ was urging Stephz not to break NC. But after thinking about it, I guess I agree with him. I suspect because the ex was only saying I've been busy (like making an excuse) and I miss you -- but not the most important thing -- "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together." -- That communication might be premature. Ultimately, I guess we need to go with our gut because the truth is inside of us if we get quiet to hear it.

 

I had a bit of a rough day. I'm still so sick. I really don't feel like I'm getting better. Perhaps it’s because I've had to keep going out in 20-degree weather to walk my dog every day, usually three times a day. But that's not what made my day particularly difficult. The tears came when I was walking my dog in the evening. This is the second Friday when I had a little meltdown. I guess that's because we were usually together Friday. It hurts so much to think he's probably with her, whoever she is. I can just picture the way he's kissing her and loving her, the way he did me. I remember being with him so vividly. As I'm writing these words it's making me weep. I just know in my heart how easily he'll replace me, because that's how he used me to forget his ex, the woman he actually loved for three years. Not me. He never loved me. That's the toughest part of all I guess. Because deep down inside I feel I'm not lovable. That no one ever wants me. I don't come from a loving family. I come from a home filled with screams and yelling and breaking glass and no one ever caring about my feelings or safety because they were too caught up in their own drama. I've worked really hard to heal the damage done to me, but whenever I'm at my lowest point, whenever I lose my center, I just feel so alone. SO unwanted. So hopeless. I know these feelings aren't true. I've learned not to judge myself by the way I feel, because sometimes when I'm feeling my worst, I might be at my strongest. So I guess I was really strong today, because I've really been feeling bad.

 

I guess the good news is this too shall pass. As the saying goes: the only thing I'm guaranteed is change.

 

I just have to hold on for the ride.

 

-Rosie

[mr_echo]

I'm only at 2 days but I definitely feel better - she's the loser not me! In fact she's done me a huge favour. her sense of self-entitlement is so huge... i'm outta here! Yay!

[ahhh2jz]

Day 44 NC - yeterday was kind of a hard day and I thought about her a lot. Thank God as these days go by my strength is building up to stop me from going into the corner and crying. Some moments are kind of hard still; and at this point I thought they would go away for good, but it's still too soon. I've been doing good though overall. Thanks to the gym it is my escape, and it will continue to be.

[Shaker]

Day 27 (?)

 

Sunny Saturday. Feeling good. Caught up with my family. Happy about the return of 'hope' in my little world.

 

What I'm doing to keep afloat (sorry, SD: I sometimes forget to include this bit): playing music, exercising, eating healthy things, hanging around happy people, helping out less happy people, sleeping when I can, trying not to beat myself up over my current limitations, working hard. Thinking consciously about what I appreciate. Doing things to make my community better in small bursts so that others can appreciate things.

 

Yep. That's what it boils down to.

 

Love you guys, and reading about your experiences. Welcome to those of you that are new to this NC challenge, or just started posting.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 4

 

This weekend will be hard because I know that my ex will probably consummate her relationship with her new boy this weekend. Boy will that be a disappointment!!! I have been thinking about how good things were in bed with the two of us, and came to the realization that she had NOTHING to do with it.

 

I am on some meds to take the edge of the situation. It helps but I fear I am just avoiding the emotions. When the meds start to wear off, I am overcome with fear and anxiety.

 

My ex's sister contacted me yesterday via email. She was sad to hear all of this and I think it is hitting her that her big brother is no longer there. I've been around her for 1/5 of her life, so it will be hard for her as well. I hoping to talk to her sometime to let her know I am there for her.

 

I have been keeping busy, and even though it is too early, I am going on a date in a few short hours. I'll let everyone know how that works out. I'm not expecting much and am not going to push it. I understand I am on the rebound.

 

My feelings today are: fear, sad, lonely, hurt, nervous, and angry!

 

It is nice to see most of you are doing well.

 

MK

[kate111]

I'm in no contact but friends are not in no contact with ex and his friends.

 

What is the best response/ attitudes for my friends to have?

[boston23]

Yup Shaker, Day 27

 

I'm at my parents house for the weekend, which has actually turned into a really nice thing to do. I like being home and being around my parents (and it's always a good reminder as to why I don't live here )

 

I've been having a good day. I'm really starting to feel that I'm letting go of all this fear that I've been holding in. Fear of the future, fear of losing my ex, fear of never being good enough, fear of a lot of things. And the funny thing is that I don't think of myself as a fearful person at all; I've always thought as myself as someone who was willing to approach things head on and somewhat confrontational. I've come to the point in this healing process that I recognize what a wonderful opportunity the break up afforded me. I'm getting to know myself better and I'm getting to change things about myself and my life that I wanted to change but didn't have the guts to. I feel as if I was on a path in the woods and I was forcefully pushed off of it (by the break up, I suppose), and as I've been trying to crawl and limp my way back to that path, I can now see that there are hundreds of other paths to choose from, and many of them so much better than the one I've been trying to get back to. It's still scary to get on a new path, but now I have the strength (and a new perspective) to see those paths and to be able to choose what I really do want.

 

All that being said, I did find myself crying once or twice today (I was studying and my mind was wandering), but the tears are really just because it's tough to let go, but now I can see that I can let go and that I'm ready. One thing that I think actually helped me was prayer. I'm not exactly a religious person, so "prayer" is not quite the right word, but I think that having very specific thoughts about what I wanted has helped. At the beginning it was "Please make him come back," but what has happened over time is that I just mindfully think about my ex having a wonderful life, and that he can get over these hurdles that he's facing right now. And it's easy to think those things, because I really do still love him, and thinking good thoughts makes you feel good (whereas thinking desperate pleas makes you feel desperate).

 

It's taken me some time to get to this point (and if you look back at my posts a lot of anguish), but I'm honestly feeling so much better about everything in my life than I was before any of this happened.

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend! And if you're having a tough time, go to the mirror and fake a smile. Trust me, faking a smile actually does make you feel better.

[Parsley]

It's so great to see you so chirpy Boston! It really really is.

 

I know what you mean about still crying because your mind wanders. I find that happening a lot recently. And I don't know if I actually feel that sad when it happens? The whole relationship has turned into a bit of a blue now. Unfortunately, the truly good times appear stained and tainted now, because of what happened later. I had hoped I'd have at least some decent good memories! Maybe one day.

 

I digress...

 

Get back to enjoying your weekend! Changing your surroundings I've found helps me so so much. I don't get to do that very often at all, making it all the better when I can!

[sandyv]

Hi all, haven't meant to be a stranger, but I've been struggling with the demons mostly, I get sick of myself whining lately, I even get bored with me.... can anyone understand that? I miss the ex lots... but still am I really helping myself obsessing on it?.... But yet sometimes still... I need to rant... other times I just make myself shut up... ya know... I'm still confused and lost even.

 

Got asked out by a guy a couple days ago.... nope not ready for that.... I still have a pain in the brain... y'all prolly know how that is... just want everyone.... specially Shoes, just want you to know I haven't forgotten.... no, not at all... Shoes I'm there with you, ya know? ....

[kate111]

You should go on the date Sandyv.

[Rosie007]

Day 4 - Saturday, February 17, 2007

 

Today was a rather calm if uneventful day. I'm still sick. Still coughing. I'm going to take a Reiki class tomorrow, and it's possible that may help me feel better, too.

 

The Neverwas was often in my thoughts, never far away, but I wasn't particularly effected by that today.

 

I stayed up until after 5:00 in the morning. Got up around noon, and then napped some more. Later I went and spent too much money at Best Buy. I finally bought myself a printer, something I haven't owned in about six years, which is odd for some a computer nut as myself. I generally just print things at work.

 

I'm going to try to go to bed early because my five-hour class starts at 11. The teacher already knows I have bronchitis, and I will go armed with cough drops and water. Hopefully there won't be too much jumping up and down because I get dizzy sometimes from my coughing fits. Oh what fun.

 

I'm going to go make a list of all the qualities I want in my man. I've already done two similar lists. But the first list was when I had my last longest term relationship (six weeks, about five years ago), and it was in reaction to the things I felt I was missing with him. And the second list was written right before I started seeing the Neverwas. I'll bet not a single thing that would describe him is on that list. It will be interested to see after I start the third list tonight.

 

-Rosie

[rsxguy520]

day 42..the day went really well until i got home just about an hour ago. day work out, shopped at ikea and what not. well when i got home i got more threat messages from the ex's b/f and keeps telling me, "watch out im going to hunt you down, blah blah blah..." seriously its starting to get annoying. and its pretty sad too, he message me saying, "i'm dumb, i've been doing your ex since june while you were with her..." ouch...speaking from the guy that says he loves her and what not...i knew thats what he wanted. im not dumb. but yeah my question to you eNotaloners is this..

 

Should i file a restraining order on him. my mom thinks so but i don't know really. i really don't wanna waste my time on him and stuff, but yeah he is annoying me.

 

well i'll keep this situation update. i swear i don't know why this guy is wasting his time. and he's mature for a 24 year old..ha!

[ahhh2jz]

damn that guy is crazy seriously and an a-hole. personally, I would file a restraining order against that guy; is it from text or voicemail? save em just in case you need them later. Gosh, as if the situation with you and your ex isn't trouble enough, and this guy just adding to it; I feel for you man, be careful

[rsxguy520]

lol myspace man..if perfect too... got the pic and message...WOO you gotta love the print screen button. cause no joke you can't lie about that.. but yeah one little thing i put on myspace which was never directed to him, blows it out of his mind and writes an entire novel about me.. i swear this guy litterally thinks i give a crap. honestly..woo im sad...are you kidding me through myspace. i do agree with superdave and all those ppl that are against myspace, it is drama. i mean i made one for the sake of my college friends too keep in touch, and this moron searchs for me..huh? 24 years old and sending threats to a 20 year old. and keeps messaging me and thinks i give a crap about you..huh? wow i never meet anyone that knew so much of me..i honestly i think my ex just got herself into a trap. this fellow seems like a guy that won't let her go reguardless. sad but hey, it ain't my fault.

[ahhh2jz]

i hear you on the myspace thing man; its "a place for threats and relationship breakers" based on what ive read and seen; keep us updated on this and the NC progression of course! lol

[rsxguy520]

ahhh2jz, definitely i'll keep you guys updated. as of now i spoke to my cousin and she told me just stay quiet and let it be, but the minute he comes near me or my "street" then yeah i will force a restraining order yet i will bust the news to her parents. come on now, honestly would you think her parents will side with the new guy of what less than a year versus someone they've known for 4 years? you tell me. reguardless im blessed to have parents who have my back on this. and i know one thing is for sure, you f with my dad, game over...

 

my goodness it funny, this guy knows to much of me, which kind of freaks me out. one thing is for sure reguardless of what is going on im still in nc with the ex. thank you GOD! for giving me the the insight of the eX! i know 1000000000% sure i'll never ever go back to her if there was a chance. there is someone out there for me who i will be compatible with and someone who won't carry their drama lugguge! Thank you eNotalone, GOD, everyone for putting some sense into me. i don't need the EX and its true! finally i got the answers i need to solve the puzzle. all i know now is Game over for this. this will be my first i will not going back to relationship reguardless of the history we have for me. can't repeat that mistake with this ex. yes im a happy official happy, moved on, pysch. thank you very much!

[mr_echo]

Day 3 of NC. Going through the blaming myself stage now. Feel like a total moron for losing it.

[Parsley]

Ok definitely shoot me.

 

Right. I don't know if you remember, a few weeks ago (quite a few weeks ago) I found that I could check the address my ex used to send to without feeling weird, but myspace still felt a little odd. Well I got that feeling that I could do it again, but because I had carried out my little plan regarding that email and my friend, I couldn't find out. I use it as a kind of mark. So this time, I was checkingmy own myspace, and saw that he had posted a bulletin. I hadn't bothered to remove him for various reasons. NOT to hang onto anything. So I thought, right I wonder how I feel now? I thought I'd turned a corner the other day. So I looked at his profile...and now I'm not sure how I feel at all. At first I felt fine - then I noticed a comment. So I've just found out that he has been with someone else...and in fact got dumped on Valentine's Day.

 

You have no idea how much I want to swear right now. Part of me is so upset that it's happened, though I knew it would. I guess when he told me he missed me I just didn't think that he could also have someone else at the same time. And now I'm also kind of scared that someone else was in the picture beforehand. Another part of me let go of something. Maybe the hope? I want to punch that guy so much right now. Also...tell me if you agree, you wouldn't say you got dumped if you were with someone less than 2 weeks, right? He contacted me on the first of feb (I remember, cause I had literally *just* changed my calendar) so something is very definitely wrong with him. Agh.

 

I feel so completely conflicted. I'm so upset, but I'm kinda really happy too.

[Siro]

LC DAY 15

 

During the week I felt a void when I thought of her.Is the hurt over I thought !

Then today I'm missing her again weekends are hard.To me it was family time

 

Today I spoke to her to see what time I could pick up my son,she picks up the phone theirs some small talk and she seems to rush off the phone

 

I know, she broke up with me why would she want to talk to me

 

It's rough with a child involved. we see each other so often and speak almost everyday

and I have to here the new BF name when he comes around from my son

t sucks

 

I'm not doing to much with myself now so I lot of time to think about her and my son and what could have been.The fact that she has my son.How can I plan my future. There was talk about Florida in the future. (she seeing a guy that lives there)

I can't be with out my son and I still feel i love her and miss her

 

Having a rough one today

[macgyver4ever]

Day 5

 

Feeling pretty damn good today. Went to church, and regained focus. The meds I am taking for anxiety are freaking awesome. If people are having a lot of problems, I highly recommend this as an option. I am finally able to think clearly without emotions and illogical thoughts clouding the way. I can see so clearly now (except for the dizziness!!)

 

I went on a date yesterday. A great girl, very nice, very sweet, and cute as well. I don't have the same feelings I had when I was on my first ate with the ex, but I still had a great time and could see us being together for awhile. I'm going to take it very slow, and let her know that. I am going to enjoy being single, go out, and do things I normally wouldn't. Try to become the person I always wanted to be, instead of the person my ex turned me into.

 

Today I feel: empowered, hurt, hopeful, and a little sad.

 

Thank you to everyone for their support.

[Parsley]

Well this is unexpected! I feel really good. REALLY good. I shouldn't feel this good! What's going on? I've put on my "Happy' playlist, not to cheer me up, but because I'm happy. That hasn't happened since...umm October/November?! Maybe even before that.

 

I think I've got delayed rebound going on...when we first broke up, just the idea of being with someone else was completely unthinkable, but now I want it really badly. And it's not just as a result of what happened earlier, I've been feeling like that for a few days. It's not going to happen - I'm just not i a position to do anything like that. But still. I prefer this feeling. I have a feeling the ex is well and truly off his pedestal. I do have very very strong urge to throw said pedestal at him, but no. GBH wouldn't make me feel better (for long).

[Shaker]

Day 28 is almost over.

 

I feel really emotionally tired. Physically tired. Mentally muddled sometimes.

 

Doing much of the same as I have been, which means a lot of telling myself it's okay to be less______(productive, sexy, energetic, engaged, friendly, open-minded) these days...but not letting fear drive my bus.

 

I'm still dating my new squeeze, and it's serious, and it's quick, and I'm happy. All extremes. But...I don't feel like I'm rebounding. I feel like I'm bounding.

 

That's why I'm tired.

 

Sandy: thanks for the update. Nice that you poked back in to the challenge space. Really nice. Like, made my day nice.

[Rosie007]

Day 5

 

I ended up sleeping about 15 hours today, give or take when I took the dog for a walk and a shower. I was invited to friends for a dinner tonight, but I'm still coughing too much.

 

I'm sad today because I don't think the Neverwas will contact me again. The day he told me (via IM, thank you very much), that the day I'd asked him to tell me about ... that he had plans to sleep with another was approaching ... I actually confessed my love for him. (I'm fighting the urge to write "pathetic, I know" ... oh wait, I guess I just wrote it). He told me he was sorry but he didn't love me, and he also said it was a bad idea for me to continue to see him if I loved him.

 

I know it would be a good thing that he doesn't contact me under these circumstances, unless he shares my feeling, which he doesn't, but for some reason it's bothering me today. In my head I know it's better to let him go, extricate myself from this unhealthy proposition. But in my heart, I want him. So much. Even if that's unhealthy. Even if he doesn't want me. I can't get pictures of him out of my mind today. Quiet moments together. What's wrong with me? Why do I love someone who didn't treat me his best, and who doesn't love me back? I don't want to be this way. So broken. So needy. So foolish. I hate it.

[rsxguy520]

day 43 nothing exciting happen. just church, bought some clothes after and lunch with the folks. currently watching the NBA allstar game. had a talk with my pops about the whole ex's b/f situation. he ain't a threat to me..but the minute he steps up to my face or come to my "block" then i'll take matters in the most mature and professional way. well i'll post later after the game!