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Hi Miri, this is the first thread I have found which is similar to my own situation. I can relate to your pain and what you are going through. What happened when you saw him? My ex-bf was orphaned over a year ago when his mum died and his dad had died 15 years before. At the time he did not deal with his grief and tried to stay strong for his siblings. It hit him 6 months later and he broke down. I got him to see the doctor and he was put on antidepressants whcih helped a lot but did not cure the underlying grief or issues. During this time we were strong, buying a house and focussing on the future. Then he decided to come off them cold turkey wthout seeing the doctor and since then his personality has changed - completely. He quit a very good job, ended our relationship out the blue and moved back to his hometown (4 hours from where we lived) and wants to be very close with his siblings - almost to an OCD extent - hard to explain. His siblings are not children, they are in their late 20's and have their own lives and are moving forward but he is moving backwards. To others he seems happy on the outside but I know it won't last forever and the grief from his mother's death and other issues will catch up with him again. He turned on me, the person closest to him. He left 3 weeks ago and now he is starting to contact me again but he told me when he left that it was over and showed no emotion ending it - 3 months before we were putting an offer on a house together and he told me he was sure about us and our furture. Miri, it leaves us in a difficult situation. We want them back like you wouldn't believe. In addition it is difficult to carry out "no contact" as advised on other threads on this site as I know that he needs me and I don't believe what he says or think he is thinking rationally. Very difficult to move on - I feel your pain.

sorry may sound naive...but I understood this to mean we would not go on any more than 7 dates within 3 weeks. Now I'm having doubts andmaybe it means wait at least 7 dates or 3 weeks until something physical/sex/?? I dont know. I wouldn't have considered sex before 3 weeks anyway...infact pobably much longer than this. Arghh now I'm confused....anyone else heard this term and know what a guy means when he says he wants to do this? In context he says it is probably the opposite from most guys natural reaction. Thanks for any ideas.

NC 16 days (previous NC 39 days)..fell out new years eve...seen him once since. Wow have I turned a corner! Got a group email from him today trying to arrange a group get together (compltely out of character for him..normally waits for others to arrange).....not the slightest bit bothered and it went straight in the deleted items bin and I didn't think any more about it the rest of the day. To top that off I have met a guy on an online dating site. We have been emailing for a while and really stepped it up recently. He's smart, funny, sensitive etc etc ...and today he asked me when I'd like to meet up. haha so excited! Been on a few dates with guys I met online..not felt like this about any of them. I have a good feeling about this.... Wouldn't say I'm completely over the neverwas...but today and the weekend has been a significant step forward. Before that I would have taken him back...now I'm seriously doubting it. Wow...what a buzz. Stick in there folks....this NC rocks! Rosie how are you? PS. I am now visiting the dating forum as much as the 'breaking up' one. Never thought I'd reach this point a couple of months ago.

Been doing well...except every now and again I get a moment of weakness and an urge to email him back (I never replied to his last email - it was just chit chat and he has pretended nothing has happened). Part of me feels I won't really heal until I have closure - i.e. I explain to him why I can't be friends and the no contact is not just because I am in a huff with him about what happened at new year (I know he will think this is what it is all about). Should I contact him to explain this to get the closure I need? My friends don't think he will give me that closure as he will say/imply something to keep me with a string of hope so I will be there as his safety net for when things go pearshaped with his current gf. This has happened before. I really miss him and his friendship. At the moment I'm feeling like I just want to get to a place where I feel I can have a platonic friendship with him adn not feel attracted to him - I just wish I could get there soon. I'm missing out on the group too....we all had such fun together and becasue of the tension between us the group has not been as tight - probably becuase I was the key organiser and I have stopped that now. Arghhh...please give me some words of advice/a slap to wake me up! I'm on the verge of sendign that email..... Thanks Day 11 NC (previous NC 39 days)...you can read my story in previous post but basically he was a 'neverwas'.

Has anyone heard of the book "The Complete Book of Rules"? It's the girl's bible to playing it cool and knowing what to look for to avoid heartbreaking situations and find mr right. I started reading it when I was getting messed around and started applying them...I think that's what brought my situation to head but I know it was for the best -he was treating me with no respect. I found this book so helpful in restoring self-confidence and knowing what to look for to avoid a similar situation. It's pretty funny too. I got all my friends reading it. Would appreciate anyones comments on it if they have read it....it has been controversial amonst my friends but I think it's going to work for me when I start dating someone new! I swear this is no plug..I just read my post back and it looks that way!

hey rosie. Sorry to hear this. Please be strong. Your posts have helped me a lot as I was in a situation with a 'neverwas' (more details can be found in my other post)....not as long or intense as yours but it has been of great benefit to me to read your posts. Like you I was feeling like I didn't have the right to be upset etc as we weren't even in a comitted relationship. It really sucks...to want someone who never really wanted you properly in the first place... can't even call him my ex. Lowest of the low really. But time to move on ....there are men out there that will give us more than scraps. I think for me I think I miss him..but actually it is probably my ego missing his intention adn my 'infatuation' for want of a better word was more because I could never quite get him...thrill of the chase and all that! Keep strong....you never know how things will turn out but for now you know what is best for you. Day 2 of the challenge for me but day 7 of NC (previous NC of 39 days)

Hey Zaphod I agree. Where I am it is bebo that is the problem - especially as you can have someone as 'your other half'. When it all goes wrong and the 'other half' is removed it is just so public! My 'neverwas' (thanks rosie- I stole your phrase - perfect for my situation) was checking out my bebo page even though he wasn't on it himself...I just made it private as I don't see why he should get an insight into my life when I know nothing about his. He made his choice...he doesn't get his cake and eat it. My advice would be to remove any exes from these sites to avoid the temptation of visiting their site. Last thing you need when doing NC is the temptation of having their life and comments right there.

This is my first post! I've been lurking on the forums for a while just reading. OK here is my story...sorry to go on!! Fell for a guy who was in my crowd after he started flirting with me. We hooked up a couple of times after he split from his girlfriend. Then he went funny on me and we didn't speak for a while. Although disappointed, I moved on and started seeing someone else...this failed. We ran back into each other about 6 weeks later and it was obvious there was still chemistry. We had a heart to heart and he explained why he distanced himself - he was having a lot of problems that were now solved. However, he now had a new girlfriend but said it wasn't serious. We started hanging out again just as friends with the crowd but we'd always just end up talking all night just the 2 of us. Then we kissed. Then the flirting/texting/emails/closeness continued till I decided enough was enough and put my foot down as he still had this new girlf who he hardly seemed to spend any time with. So I kept the friendship but started playing it really cool. He got drunk and started trying to pick an argument with me to get attention. I got a little upset so left the club early. Met the next day to discuss this and I put my foot down telling him if we had any chance of friendship he had to stop leading me on cos I wanted more. Next time we saw each other was 2 weeks later. We practically ignored each other all night but ended up sleeping togther - all initiated by him. Spent the next day together but at the end of the day he always went back to his girlf. Next time we were out in the crowd was before Christmas - I met a nice guy in the club and he stormed off jealous - first time he'd seen me with anyone else. The next week was my new years party where he turned up at my flat with his girlf at 3am....obviously trying to prove a point. Enough was enough. My heart was broken not to mention how bad I felt for her. I didn't want to be the type of girl who chased after others boyfriends. This "friendship" of our had been going on now for about 7 months...I mean get a grip - I'm trying to do NC on what isn't even an ex still it has hurt me just as bad - I really fell for him. Anyway I implemented NC as of 1st Jan when he texted me chit chat after bringing her to my flat with no warning - i ignored his text. I know this bothered him as he was going on about it to our mutual friends but I think this was more just guilt than anything else. Kept NC till last weekend when I returned from hols and saw him in the crowd as I had no choice for this night out. It was awkward...neither of us discussed what happened but we got on OK. I have kept NC since. There is no future for us as friends as our feelings are not platonic yet he isn't being true to his feelings or choosing me. Time for me to start the challenge. I need to move on and find someone who really wants to be with me...and only me. Thanks SuperDave...your posts are awesome!

sorry to delete this