babes23 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Last time i tried to do the nc i got all those urges too, and you know what? It didn't get me anywhere. Yes, we got back together but just for a few weeks or so, i didn't leave it long enough to see whether he genuinely wanted me or not. But now i give up the hope of that, nc is the way forward it's just learning how to control those urges. Every day without contact is an achievement, we can do this!!!! If we give in then we'll just be in the same position time and time again, i don't want to be like that, do you?? Link to comment
Eirikr Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 How can you go from not being able to go a day without someone, to suddenly live on like the other person has never existed?? I just don't understand... :sad: Exactly my feelings. Link to comment
cas Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 :sad: Exactly my feelings. I'm sorry your going through the same, Eirikr. It sucks! Her best friend even told me weeks ago that she still cares a great deal for me. Then why the * * * * has she not contacted me? Is it because she cares too much for me, so that it would be too hard for her, or is it just because she is cold as ice, and has already moved on?? Sorry you guys, I'm just having a rough night.. Link to comment
cas Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Last time i tried to do the nc i got all those urges too, and you know what? It didn't get me anywhere. Yes, we got back together but just for a few weeks or so, i didn't leave it long enough to see whether he genuinely wanted me or not. But now i give up the hope of that, nc is the way forward it's just learning how to control those urges. Every day without contact is an achievement, we can do this!!!! If we give in then we'll just be in the same position time and time again, i don't want to be like that, do you?? You're right, babes! And this is why I probably won't break NC at the moment. I know the dust will have to settle, and I will use some time to ponder about the relationship before getting into contact. Let's do this together! Link to comment
babes23 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 You're right, babes! And this is why I probably won't break NC at the moment. I know the dust will have to settle, and I will use some time to ponder about the relationship before getting into contact. Let's do this together! It's a deal let's do this for ourselves. We'll post here daily, if we get the urge to contact then we'll post here where hopefully someone can slap us into reality. It needs to be done and lets do it now before the year is out, start a new one afresh, giving us a couple of months headstart so we'll start to feel better for then, little goals, little steps forward and we'll get there. xx Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I know that he's thinking of me and possibly misses me, but he feels like it isn't going to help either of us if he calls me. So he doesn't. He has been through this many times I think. I think he just sees it as another failed relationship. Special? Yes, but just another drop in the bucket. It isn't going to do me a lot of good if he calls b/c I know how he is. A lot of times he would call and I would think he was going to ask me to do something, but he was just calling to say hello. Just to feel special and needed. So now, I assume that he's calling other people to get that ego boost because he can just get that good feeling from his female friends when he's not in a relationship. I just can't do that. Maybe I could if the few male friends I have were hot? I've never had to have a lot of male attention to feel good about myself. It hurts but I just remind myself that he does not want me. If he did, he'd call me and tell me. I think he could just be with anyone. I'd say, I love taking showers with you. And he'd say, Yeah, I like taking showers with people too. Or we would just lay around in bed and he'd say, I haven't gotten to do this with other girls. Link to comment
cas Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 It's a deal let's do this for ourselves. We'll post here daily, if we get the urge to contact then we'll post here where hopefully someone can slap us into reality. It needs to be done and lets do it now before the year is out, start a new one afresh, giving us a couple of months headstart so we'll start to feel better for then, little goals, little steps forward and we'll get there. xx Sounds great. My first goal is to do NC for 30 days (I'm on day 10 now Then time will tell how I'll be feeling. 30 days here we come!! Good luck, babes. My thoughts are with you.. Link to comment
babes23 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Sounds great. My first goal is to do NC for 30 days (I'm on day 10 now Then time will tell how I'll be feeling. 30 days here we come!! Good luck, babes. My thoughts are with you.. Day 10? You're doing great, i can't wait till i get to that stage. Mine too is 30 days, then i shall keep on going until hopefully i won't need to count the days anymore and i'll be getting over it. Thank you, you too x Link to comment
challenge Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 This will be my 4th day since she broke contact, so I started over. Today I felt like $#!+, but yesterday was worse. I always thought people with suicidal thoughts were ridiculous, but I've thought about it every day. Not just the breakup, but everything else in my life is equally miserable. So many sources of mental pain at the same time so suddenly is not easy to cope with. I've never been so genuinely happy as I was with her. But I know that if she felt halfway as strongly as I do (or halfway as miserable) she would be here with me now. But her life was improved by the breakup as much as mine was destroyed. The only person in the world you can depend on is yourself. I hate being so dependent on somebody else for happiness, but there you go. Exterior conditions influence one's happiness. Would drink if I could afford it. A low day for me. Link to comment
Eirikr Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 34 (but soon will be back at 1) I'm human. I caved in. I did though with a strong reason in my mind, even though perhaps in other's eyes it's another lame excuse to break NC: I sent her an email telling her that even though I said I needed NC, she may contact me to talk about us. It might be for nothing, but I had that doubt in me just torturing me. Now, no matter her response (or lack thereof) I'll have the peace of mind that I told her that. I confess myself rather jumpy and nervous (just sent it a few moments ago). I know I'm truly far from being ready for LC, as I'm still too emotional, even though it has been over a month. All in all, I want to believe this will set a milestone for either better or worse. Perhaps hope finally dies, or perhaps it'll be justified. I'm trying to expect the worse. That case if it's bad it won't be so bad, and if it's good... well, great! Well, what's done is done. I'll get the reward/punishment for my action. For once, I dare say it, I don't think I'll regret doing it. I just felt it had to be said. Now there is nothing in my mind that I could do. It's all on her. Meanwhile, I truly focus on myself, on moving on. Link to comment
greeneyedgal Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Well I've had a few aborted attempts at NC and here is my report: My ex contacted me the other day via email saying: How are you etc etc? Did I fall to pieces? No. Did I write back pouring my heart out? NO! When he consequently messaged me did I sit there with baited breath? HELL NO!!! I commented on what he said with indifference. I have also stopped counting the days.....officially and unofficially. Indifference is a beautiful thing sometimes. It is the gauge by which you can judge your attachment to your ex. If what he/she does and says ceases to affect you, you can tell you are moving on. Yes, I have started to work on myself, also I have started to seek out other people to date so I can't lie and say that this has nothing to do with it however, I now have the clarity to see that my pining for my ex was not an undying love I would wither up and be rendered useless without but an actual real need for affection, for a close and meaningful bond with someone else. I have met someone who is offering me all the things my ex never did/could and I'm starting to realise I deserve better than the offhanded crumbs of affection I was being doled intermittently when it suited him. Also I see that I deserve better than the indignity of pining for somebody not worthy of my best self and for this reason all this was a valuable lesson. I'm sure a lot of you will not agree or are at a different place currently and that is fine but I just wanted to share my observations with you. It's time to start believing in yourselves people and see there is life past NC with or without your ex! 1 Link to comment
Stelinha Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Oh greeneyedgal you are one smart Australian lady! I am inspired by your post and I only wish I was at your stage of clarity. To feel Apathy and indifference are what I aspire to! You hit the nail on the head when you said that our indifference as to whether they contact you or not shows you are moved on. Good for you in remembering that you are worth more than the crumbs he doled out when the urge takes him. Why do we just put up with such * * * * ? Why do we settle for less and unvalue our own worth thinking our lives are drained of any colour without this person? I can say, yes, unfortunately I am at a different place but I aspire to be where you are! Link to comment
In Limbo Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hi Everyone!! First day on.Since our break up was imminent & i have already dealt with a lot of anguish and suffering & ridden myself of those suicidal thoughts.I am breathing easy & i am really really determined to give NC and my career everything.Will fight hard. Sometimes i might face weak moments but i know i will sail through!! Link to comment
In Limbo Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I am not actually hurt or having trouble with NC .Whats painful is the fact that now that she is here for a break(mine is an LDR), she did not even bother to meet me.Did not even ask me for a meeting.I did not even get a chance to meet her personally to finally discuss things for one last time.Heartless woman that she is.. She will be gone on 1st ..& I think am never gonna see her again..My first love down in the abyss. Its now hurting like hell..Words can't even come close..I am in a catatonic state. Link to comment
babes23 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 2 for me, still feel crappy, but this is the whole process right? Link to comment
Robert013 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 5 I keep waking up during the night because of dreams. I will wake up and my heart will be racing and I will have to calm myself down before I can fall back to sleep. My dreams are becoming so weird. Some of them are her and I from the past but are dealing with the new issue. Some seem to be in the future but we seem happy and fine. Some are okay but some are real bad. It really does suck. I can try to control my thoughts when I am awake, but I have no control over my dreams. I want to let go so darn bad. It has been 6 weeks since we broke up with little contact. I just want to get her out of my head. I started doing the what if's last night without realizing it. After about 15 minutes I asked myself what the heck are you doing? I need to let go! Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 10 I am shocked she hasnt tried to contact me, even though i told her not too.. well i am still thinkin about her a lot but i let go.. sometimes i let my mind wonder and i know i shouldnt do that.. I am getting to the point were i no longer miss her, i just think about her more often then not.. and yes i cant wait until im at that indiffrent stage.. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 9 HE CaLleD!! **shudders** Help me!!!! He has been out of the country at a funeral for the past 7 days. He just came back on Monday and called me on Tuesday. I have been having issues with my cell phone. He called and sounded very frantic. He gets really scared when he doesn't hear from me for more than 3 days or so. I don't know if I'll be strong enough not to call him back. I don't want to hurt his feelings by not returning his phone call. He will know that I'm punishing him and that will pi.ss him off. How will this work if I want to get him back? Maybe I should just stay in the reconciliation forum. I'm confused but I feel so powerful right now. I hate that the message made me feel good. I have an extra boost now. I literally feel like I just took a sip of wine on an empty stomach. I'm even being friendlier to people at work. I know he probably doesn't want me back but it feels so good to hear his voice. Ok, I'm going to go and sit in a dark corner and listen to the message over and over again. LOL.. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I'd call him back. His best friend just died correct? You can support him in that way, then back to NC if things don't go your way. Good luck Diva! Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I'd call him back. His best friend just died correct? You can support him in that way, then back to NC if things don't go your way. Good luck Diva! Day 9 Ok Ok!! sigh, I'm going to call... Link to comment
Thalor Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I have a lot of anxiety right now. I see my son playing and it makes me feel depressed. I want my family back together. She called me before I went into work last night. I didn't answer. I figured if it was real important she would leave a message or text me. She didn't do either which was sad in its own way. After I got out of work I set a small goal for myself. I challenged myself to not check my phone to see if she had called for the 15 minutes it takes me to drive home. I waited until I arrived, she didn't call. I have a lot of things I should be doing today. Yet I can't find the will to do them. Sigh, this sucks. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Day 9 now back to Day 1 I called him... That was really hard. I tried to be strong, and sound happy but I was so nervous!! I should have waited until I got off work today. Maybe I wouldn't have been so nervous by then. Or maybe I would have, who can say. Link to comment
In Limbo Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Ok.. Digital Diva you start with me! I hope you won't have to call him again. My first day would be over soon.Right now i am actually feeling serene! Link to comment
fiffy Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hi everyone Today is my day 1 I have had five months of going from a break to needing space to completely over to him hating me. All that happens if I call is I get needy beg cry plead he sees me as weak puts me down, lowers my self-esteem then tells me to f**k off! I have tried to initiate no contact so many times but too often I give in. The longest was 7 days now I average at 3. Sometimes he just e-mails hey hope your ok after 3 days no contact which just infuriates me and makes me contact him so I have to learn to be stronger. Its so hard for me I want to believe there is still love there by the fact we still speak but looking at the amount of people posting on here I think its a bad sign. I want to have 30 days no contact to see if it would save our relatonship. Does everyone else have that hope? Does it ever happen? Either way I have to do something to regain control. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Ok.. Digital Diva you start with me! I hope you won't have to call him again. My first day would be over soon.Right now i am actually feeling serene! Glad you're feeling good. I called him because he just returned from a funeral. His friend died in a horrific accident. Link to comment
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