THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[kevin456]

Day 13

 

A third of the way to my goal. I can feel myself getting stronger. I know there will be ups and downs, but I will get through it.

[Johnathan]

I think I'm close to day 50.

 

sucks.

[chiyork]

In 3 days, will be two months...no contact whatsoever. But for one time I got on Yahoo Messenger but my ex was there. I signed out immediately. After we broke up, I never signed in there till then. I don't want to see or feel any existence of myself. She has a new bf and I think strict NC is my best choice.

[Thalor]

So I need this support group to keep going.

 

I think we all find posting her comforting, I know I do. Reading other people's stories and advice has been wonderful. Just be open about your feelings and we can all help each other out.

[In Limbo]

Day 4

Day 3 went by without a fuss.Today plan to study harder & sort a few domestic issues out .Hope it goes nicely as well!

[fiffy]

Day 2/3

 

Day 2 was ok. Had to be in London all day and was rushing everywhere to different appointments. Spent the evening with sister and her friends so it was relatively painless.

 

Day 3 was terrible was on the edge of tears for 4 hours on a train was close to calling him, feel so jealous by all the girls who are now his friends on facebook so have deactivated my account to save my pain.

 

I usually cae in by day three so I am happy to have reached day 4!!!!!

 

Can't wait to beat my record of day 6!

[fiffy]

Hi Babes23

 

You mentioned that you too struggled to get past day 3.

 

I was wondering how long you have been split up? I have been struggling so bad and feel crazy. I split from my boyfriend 5 months ago. He initially just wanted a break and some time and space but I drove him to the edge with constant obssessive calling shouting accusing everything. I am a sane person so I cannot understand why I behave like this.

 

I was just hoping to find someone who is in a similar situation to me who could help and support.

 

Do you want reconcilliation or are you doing this to banish him from your life?

 

If you want to chat my hotmail account is faykfaith@hotmail.co.uk

 

best wishes xx

[cas]

Day 1. Again.

 

I ran into her yesterday at a bar, and I accidently told her that I missed her, and if we could meet up some day. She told me it should only be as friends, and if we could talk about this some other time.

 

I think NC is the only way for me now.

[hulk7280]

Day 1. Again.

 

I ran into her yesterday at a bar, and I accidently told her that I missed her, and if we could meet up some day. She told me it should only be as friends, and if we could talk about this some other time.

 

I think NC is the only way for me now.

 

its ok man.. it happens to the best of us.. u got ur answer the best thing to do now is go NC.. take some time for urself..

 

then i want u to do something for me.. the next time u see an attractive girl.. go up and say hi and introduce urself..

[hulk7280]

i dont think im going to log into the challenge anymore..

 

i dont struggle with contacting her anymore.. i still think about her, but its getting better.. and i will be better..

 

i am taking this break up as a chance for me to really work on myself and fix some of the problems i have.. so i will be a better person

 

good luck to everyone..

[cas]

its ok man.. it happens to the best of us.. u got ur answer the best thing to do now is go NC.. take some time for urself..

 

then i want u to do something for me.. the next time u see an attractive girl.. go up and say hi and introduce urself..

 

Hehe, hulk. I will do my very best. I know I have to work a bit on my shyness, but I can do it!

 

i dont think im going to log into the challenge anymore..

 

i dont struggle with contacting her anymore.. i still think about her, but its getting better.. and i will be better..

 

i am taking this break up as a chance for me to really work on myself and fix some of the problems i have.. so i will be a better person

 

good luck to everyone..

 

That's good news. But please keep in touch now and then, so we know how you're doing..

[Thalor]

I'm pissed off yet I feel good about myself.

 

My ex is angry at me. She decided to go out with friends to a dance club. She fully intended to get wasted and have a good time, this she told me before the NC. Her parents watched our son for the night. Normally either I go pick him up from her house or she drops him off at my house on Saturday. We usually alternate week by week. Because she was going out and had taken work off Saturday we agreed that she could have him for another 3 hours that day.

 

She calls me this morning around 11:30am. She actually called several times but I ignored them because I was sleeping. I had to work late last night. Finally I answered it because she only calls that many times when it involves our son. She wasn't feeling good this morning and wondered if I would mind meeting her parents half way and pick up our son. I said, "Yes, I would mind." She immediately got mad and wondered what I was doing. I told her that it didn't matter what I was doing. She went out drinking and got a babysitter. They are her parents and it is her responsibility to deal with them.

 

She then brought up court papers. She has full physical custody. We had decided that was the best way to go because we didn't want mandated times. We came up with a way to split time with our son that worked well with our schedules. She said that based on the court documents that if I wanted to have our son I had to pick him up.

 

I told her I was not going to do it. She told me that she wouldn't help me out this month financially. In they eyes of the law my ex has our son full time when in reality it is about 60/40 in her favor. So she gets full time child support when in reality she doesn't have him full time. We came to a mutual agreement that she would kick back some of that money because I'm going to school full time and can only work part time.

 

I'm pissed off for the following reasons:

 

1. I still have feelings for her so the idea of her going out and doing who knows what is infuriating. (I know, I'm working on it)

 

2. She is using me. I'm expected to clean up after her mess. She is feeling sick because of her actions and so I'm supposed to take over her responsibilities

 

3. She threatened me legally. When we were figuring out the whole custody thing she said that she would never use our son against me. That is why I went along with her having full custody.

 

4. She is trying to spin it like I'm a bad parent. There is more than one way for our son to get to my house. If I don't pick him up I'm not endangering him or unnecessarily burdening my ex. It is not about him, it is about her.

 

5. I need that money. The court doesn't care that I go to school. It bases the child support off of full time hours. The work and school schedule we created before the breakup was intended for me to finish my degree. The plan was for me to get a job and support our family while she finished up her schooling. So much for that.

 

Despite my quite rage I also feel good. I finally said "no" to my ex.

 

I'm interested in hearing everyone's thoughts on this. Do you think I did the right thing here?

[franfran]

Day 9 of overall NC. Still wondering whether or not he misses me, or thinks he made a mistake. Don't know cause he won't contact me. I guess that makes the whole NC easier for me then. I guess I should consider myself lucky. I'm also trying to not be addicted to facebook anymore.. it's just too GD easy to login and search.

[enchanted771]

My LDR broke up w/me Thursday by email. Nice huh? well it didnt end so good. I was so angry with him because on Tuesday he said if I changed my behavior we could go forward. Well I did! so, I guess he decided since he is moving to Italy it wouldnt work. But what made me mad, is he isnt even moving yet, and he could have waited. But he has too much on his plate now to deal with it. Since, I emailed him Thursday night and he didnt get it until Friday AM (probably?) today is my official first day of NC! ugh.

[digitaldiva]

Back to Day1

 

I answered an unknown number yesterday and it was my ex. He was calling to tell me that he lost his cell phone and see what was going on with me. I don't think it counts since I didn't know who the call was from! I was so glad to hear from him though... It was so great talking to him.

[unsurescot]

My relationship ended last night but my ex only left this morning, haven't had any contact since we said bye this morning.

 

Read somewhere that it takes 1 week per month together to get over someone, we were together for 15 months so I should be over her by the end of feb 2009

 

Hope it gets easier!

[enchanted771]

Its going to be a long two weeks!!! =(

[challenge]

unsurescot, I have heard that it takes two months for every year, but in my experience it takes about twice that, though the wound is always sore to the touch, no matter how much time elapses.

Tonight is hard because I didn't plan any activities and am stuck with my own thoughts.

I have a question for those out there wiser than myself in these matters. I know that No Contact is NOT a solution to win an ex back, but my question is, what if I DO want to reconcile with her, should I be in contact in a few weeks, or just ignore her completely until I heal? I guess it depends on the situation, but I don't think I'll be able to heal by the time she intends to give the relationship another try in a few months. She just wants some space right now, but she's really missing me. Feel bad not being there for her, since she's there for me if I need to talk.

She stopped by my house a few days ago, bereft and desperate to know if I was angry. Ofcourse I wasn't but it felt good to know she cares.

I have alot of issues to take care of with myself, which could take years, career-wise, home-wise, ect, so I just hope if I try my hardest things will work out. I pray they will, and hope for the best for you all too. Gotta believe things happen for a reason in times like these.

[happyforyou]

Hi SuperDave! Sign Me UP! My son has a medical problem so I must see my ex at the hospital and various doctors appointments. However, I believe I can be successful with the NC challenge and move on with my life! I have been reading your posts and find them very helpful, as I am sure many others do too. Thanks!

[hulk7280]

you feel bad about not being there for her.. but she didnt feel bad when she dumped you..

 

why would u give her what she needs when she is being selfish and not giving u what u need?

[hulk7280]

day 14.. its been two weeks since me and my ex have had contact.. i still think about her but im getting better.. i know i will be ok.. it will just take time..

 

I think the one thing im realizing is i want to find someone and settle down and have family

[Thalor]

I didn't have any plans last night so I rented a couple of movies to distract myself. It worked for the most part. Yet I had my phone by me the entire time hoping in the back of my mind that she would call. Yet she didn't. I feel so powerless. At least when she calls I have the option of responding.

 

I posted in the "Just One More Thing Before I Go" thread by SuperDave71 but I'm curious to know what you all think. I wrote a letter similar to SuperDave71 but I never sent it. I don't want my ex to think my NC is me being cruel or petty. Of course I'm not completely over her but I feel at least this way she knows where I'm coming from and where I plan to go. Keep in mind that we have a child together so I have to see or hear from her every day.

[onemanband]

Hi All.

 

first post here, but I've been reading through the threads for a few weeks now. It's obvious why I'm here, and why I'm posting. Maybe I'll post a thread with the story behind it all. Sad for sure, but I'm ready to turn it into something positive.

 

So, as of breaking NC on Thursday, I'm posting here to join in on the challenge.

 

Oct 31, 2008 I began.

 

I will send a short Happy birthday via email the day before her birthday this month.

 

we'll see how it goes.

[In Limbo]

Day 5

A v nice day.I feel like crying right now, not because of any longing but just that i am feeling drained out and bereft.Strangely i feeling overwhelmed and lonely ,perhaps because my relatives have all left and my sister will be leaving early in the morning tomorrow.Just a little stressed about my exams and studies as well.Nights have become colder now..!

 

Hi Thalor

i read your post .I think you can write that letter if you are feeling totally detached of the outcome!I suggest go ahead and write it!Good to clear the air but remember-"Be detached of the outcome'! Good Luck!

[unsurescot]

Got up this morning, managed to watch a number of episodes of greys anatomy (season 3) before I got a bit teary. My friend called over at noon, filled her in on the last couple of days events....had another good cry and then spent the day with her, having lunch and shopping.

 

Home now, my ex is on my mind but still no contact either way.....gonna watch more tv, tire myself out and go to bed