THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[thedude27]

Yea ok I'm hopping in here finally...I'm currently on Day 12.

 

This after my last phone converstaion where I was told I deserved the treatment I got because I would have hated it "if we talked and felt like I had a chance". Lucky me, I have such a concerned ex. Odd how the easiest thing for her is also whats best for me. For someone who acts so tough, its funny that she is too cowardly to have a simple discussion.

 

When I started explaining why I didn't choose to move things forward at the time, she tells me "I can't talk about this now" gives some BS about being busy(shes been SO busy lately, yea right) and then says "you're going to look at this as me avoiding things(well yea because that is what you are doing) but I'm not ready to talk about it". Pretty much its "lalalalalalala I dont want to hear I might have made a mistake lalalalalalallala I had no fault in this lalalalalalalala I dont want to tell you to go away I might need you later lalalalalala"

 

I still dont think the new guy knows about me.

 

I'm feeling decent about not having her in my life at this point. I've given myself permission to give up any responsibility I felt I had for her. And my apathy, which doesnt approach hers in any way is at least growing a bit.

[thedude27]

Damn Robert, your's is really something. She's going to implode, stay out of the way. I think she has realized how much she has destroyed her life and she's losing it.

 

I hope you went to the party and had a great time.

 

I went out this weekend and had a blast.

[Robert013]

Day 4

 

I am starting to feel much better about this. I know that I am only on day 4, but I have gone several weeks with very limited contact. After that episode in my parking lot with her on Saturday I am looking at her in a totally different way. I am glad it happened no matter how crazy it was. The mornings are still a bit touph until I get here to post, but even they are getting easier. I did not walk around feeling like there was something on my back yesterday. Something has changed, i think I am letting go and have finally accepted that we will and should not get back together.

 

To thedude27. Yes, she is something alright. CRAZY! Thanks I did have a great time at the party. Hung out with college friends I have not visited with in over 6 months, and also my sister was there. It was a great time. I think you are right about her finally realizing that she has destroyed her life, and I am sure she is starting to feel something now. She didn't get her way like she always did in the past. She also hasn't visited or talked to my son in over 3 weeks.

[digitaldiva]

Day 2

 

ONE MORE REASON FOR NC...! PLEAS READ

 

Funny thing. A lot of times the ex contacts you or wants to see you to make themselves feel better about hurting you. It doesn't really have anything to do with them trying to make you feel better. Then, after you give them that ego boost. Poof, they say thanks, then leave you again.

It's a thin line trying to get an ex back. If you support them too much in their independence, they'll walk all over you while they get their ego stroked. You're just making them stronger and making them feel like it's okay that they treated you bad.

When you go back to them before you healed you may not be able to defend yourself if they try to manipulate you. You'll be jumping through hoops before you know it. For example let's say you want your ex back but you aren't healed. They call you at 2am to come over but you have to work at 7am. Or, they call you out of the blue and ask if you want to see a movie, it starts in 15 minutes. Or they want you to come and hangout. When you get there they introduce you as the ex and then go to the bar to pickup other dates. You may agree to some of these things b/c you want to see them so bad.

 

These are all extreme cases. I'm just saying that I've seen first hand (last Sunday) that it's harder to be strong and not wimpy around your EX when you haven't healed. Use every second you have to build yourself up so that when you do see them you will feel confident, secure and sure of yourself. If you don't try and build yourself up, when you do see them or talk to them again, your mind will start to race, stomach will get queasy and you'll want to do or say anything to be back with them.

 

You're like a boxer training before your big day! Although we will not box our exes!! We'll love 100% while keeping our dignity and self-respect.

[Venomite]

Day 3 (again)

So its day three of NC. It's actually the third "Day 3", with my maximum being 13 days. It probably won't last much longer because I plan on sending her an e-mail or giving her a letter. But once I do this, if I don't get a response I will be starting NC for good.

I feel like I'm being eaten up from the inside, and so I decided to make an account and post my situation. I have a big midterm in 5 hours which I am woefully unprepared for, yet have no desire to study for. I miss her and keep thinking of our memories. Everything reminds me of her. Earlier I got a email about Kris Kringle that a bunch of our friends usually do. Not seeing her email on the list made me sad, and made me think about last Christmas. Every girl I look at in school gets compared to her (physically wise) and they all come up short in my book.

I know that it gets easier, because unfortunately I've already gone through this with this same girl. /Sigh

[babes23]

Day 2

 

He still hasn't sent my money through the post, he supposed to have sent it last tuesday!! He said on Sunday he sent it Friday then backtracked and said he sent it Sunday. Arrrggghhh he makes me so damn mad. He as the money, it isn't a lot, but it's the principle of it and i want it back. Not going to contact him though, i'll wait a couple of days and if it hasn't turned up i'll get a friend to text with a reminder. He's a a**hole and if anything this makes me even more determined to do the no contact, no going back now!!

[thedude27]

Day 2

 

He still hasn't sent my money through the post, he supposed to have sent it last tuesday!! He said on Sunday he sent it Friday then backtracked and said he sent it Sunday. Arrrggghhh he makes me so damn mad. He as the money, it isn't a lot, but it's the principle of it and i want it back.

 

 

Send him this:

 

image removed

[babes23]

Send him this:

 

image removed

 

Lol, i would but i'm determined to stick to the no contact this time

[digitaldiva]

Don't send the letter!!! When the time is right, discuss the breakup. But her emotions are still raw and she can't handle it right now.

[unsurescot]

Woke up this morning and felt a pang of lonelieness.......my ex stayed over alot when we were together and I'm still finding it weird walking up on my own....tried not to dwell on it and hopped in the shower. Work was fine til lunch.....surprising how I'm managing to concentrate (it's usually the first thing that goes when I'm upset).....however went to get lunch and as I was walking out of the deli, my ex was walking up the corridor.....we both looked up at the same time and I kept walking. My heart started beating and I felt teary in the lift up but managed to keep it in and the feeling past relatively quickly. Saw her once again after that, similar reaction (minus the teary eyes). Rest of the day fine, driving lesson, home now watching tv and feeling ok. Miss her alot but determined to keep NC up til the end of the month and then see how I feel.

[funkymonkey3]

5 days. It took me entirely too long to walk away. All of the signs were right there in front of my face the whole time. I just really wanted to believe her. She's a total coward. She sat there and watched me go back and forth on my feelings when she could have just let me go by telling me the truth. But that's what she was afraid of right? She knew that I cut people out of my life that wrong me. She wanted me as a fallback. It's been extremely hard not to send her anything now. I want so badly to tell her off. Three months I've questioned whether it was me that destroyed our relationship or her. Three months of sleep deprivation, crying, and missing her. But I wont give her the satisfaction anymore. Someday when she calls she'll be in for a big shock. She's sitting comfortably, probably in a new relationship thinking she's got me in her back pocket. I still love her but I won't ever subject myself to the pain and suffering that she leaves in her wake...

[onemanband]

5th day today.

 

Keeping my head up, as it's my birthday tomorrow (er... today I guess). I don't have my hopes up for a call.

 

Keeping on track though. it's really hard, and I'm trying my hardest to let go.

[WlknCntrdiction]

 

 

Day 2.

 

Yesterday I wasn't feeling so good wondering if I had done the right thing. Today there's no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do, I had to get out of there before I lost my mind and stayed around even though nothing was going to change. At least now I haven't fallen in so deep that it's hard for me to get out. She still has me on msn as I saw her online when I got on, didn't have the urge to talk to her like I used to, I put my foot down and said we can't talk, if I did I would go back on myself and appear weak, I tell myself this everytime I get the feeling to want to talk to her.

 

I'm going out with other girls so it's not like I don't have other things to occupy me, she's always in the back of my mind though, however she's right back where she belongs, in the deepest, darkest reaches where I won't think of her so much.

 

All in all I feel good.

[Robert013]

Day 5

 

I had a good night last night. I went to the gym and lifted, and did cardio for about an hour and a half in total. This is what really releives my stress and anxiety. Then I went out with some friends for a few hours. I only had a couple drinks then switched to ice water for the rest of the night. I am limiting the my alcohol intake at one time. I have to be sober to get through this mess. Every time I have had one to many I would try to contact her. Being out with friends made the night go by without a problem.

 

I was hanging out with one of her best girlfriends who is one of my best friends wife also last night. She invited me to go out of town for a night with her and visit a friend. I agreed to be the DD and we were going to go out to all the clubs. They say the best way to get over an ex is to live well, so that is what I am going to do.

 

She said she is sick of the whole situation because we both are close with them. She is not happy with my ex. for jumping into this new relationship so soon. Niether her or her husband can stand the guy. He is not allowed at there house anymore. I told her that I am moving on without my ex. That is when she invited me to get out of town with her.

[Tyler82]

Day 4 of NC.

 

If you exclude the very straight to the point texts and emails leading up to me moving out of the condo, outlining what time I am moving etc, it has been longer. But full on no contact with her has reached day 4 and its ok. My bday is tomorrow and I know Im going to miss her like crazy as she wont be around. I went by our condo on Monday to pick up a few things I left behind. She wasnt there so there was no contact but she left a letter telling me to have a great birthday and try not to think about things and just have a great day. She said she thinks its best that she doesnt contact me on my birthday so she is telling me now.

 

So, Day 4 of NC! I miss her tons but plan to stick to the NC thing. I hope to be here tomorrow for day 5.

[digitaldiva]

Day 3

 

Today, I am angry.

One of the members of enotalone recently got back with her bf. I asked her how she did it. She said she started to work on herself and change the things he didn't like about her. She didn't tell him, but everytime she would see him, she'd make sure that he saw the changes. That sounded easy enough! Then, I started to think of all the things my ex said he didn't like about me and all the things that he said he wanted in his ideal girlfriend. It makes me feel humilated and angry. I don't think I could ever find the strength to be in his presense knowing how he feels about me unless he said he felt differently and was willing to work with me on us. How do we bridge that gap? I don't know and I'm not sure how much I care about that right now.

 

I wish I wouldn't have seen him on his birthday. On that day I blocked it all out so that I could try to have a nice time. He must have thougtht I was an idiot. After all he's said and done to me, I'm still happy in his presense.

[hulk7280]

thats why you have to heal yourself b4 u can see your ex again.. because if your not healed then you will never be "yourself" around them

[digitaldiva]

thats why you have to heal yourself b4 u can see your ex again.. because if your not healed then you will never be "yourself" around them

 

But I am afraid if I just cut off contact, too much time will pass between us and we won't be able to get back together!

[hulk7280]

But I am afraid if I just cut off contact, too much time will pass between us and we won't be able to get back together!

 

well think of it this way.. do you have a better chance of getting back together in the state you are now?

 

or do you think u will have a better chance of getting back together after you are healed and can be a better you?

[thedude27]

(month ~3) Day 14 of NC

 

Still thinking about her pretty much constantly but in the back of my mind. Anyone else like this? I mean shes pretty much "there" the entire time I'm just not actively thinking about her and not so much in a "I gotta get her back" or "I hate her" sort of way.

 

I figured I would forget about her between the times i am actively thinking about her and not have the blanket thought of her in my head. I do get that on occasion (when I'm playing my guitar, riding my motorcycle, or any other involved activities that take some concentration,etc)

 

This is much better than the first month where it was INTENSE constant thought. Am I werid or is this normal?

[cas]

But I am afraid if I just cut off contact, too much time will pass between us and we won't be able to get back together!

 

That is exactly what I am thinking aswell.

[babes23]

Set back, Day 1 for me tomorrow, god give me strength......

[cas]

How are you doing, babes?

[hulk7280]

(month ~3) Day 14 of NC

 

Still thinking about her pretty much constantly but in the back of my mind. Anyone else like this? I mean shes pretty much "there" the entire time I'm just not actively thinking about her and not so much in a "I gotta get her back" or "I hate her" sort of way.

 

I figured I would forget about her between the times i am actively thinking about her and not have the blanket thought of her in my head. I do get that on occasion (when I'm playing my guitar, riding my motorcycle, or any other involved activities that take some concentration,etc)

 

This is much better than the first month where it was INTENSE constant thought. Am I werid or is this normal?

 

yes its normal.. only time will help

[babes23]

Crap He still didn't send my money, just a general headf*ck, tomorrow will be a brand new day. I know all that i need to know now that nc is the only option for me.

 

How are you doing cas?