THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[hulk7280]

Day 3..

 

I am day 3 whoo hoo! 27 more to go!

 

I am going to see my therapist today so that should help. I feel ok.. not great.. i was feeling great yesterday... i almost felt like i was complety over her yesterday. When I went to sleep I didnt even think about her at all.. which was nice, but when i woke up this morning i thought about her.. i hit a little traffic so i was stuck in bymyself and let my brain wonder..

 

oh well I know I will be ok.. i finally let go over her and do not care if we get back together anymore to be honest.. so to that.. BRING ON DAY 3!

[Robert013]

Day 7

 

Last night I didn't sleep well. I found the jeans she had asked about in a text message in the back of my closet. They must have been there a year. I baged them up along with some other things i found and gave them to her friend to give to her. I did not want to break no contact by dropping them off at her house and run the risk of seeing her.

 

I was thinking this was an attempt to contact me, but when I found the jeans I realized it was exactly what she had said and nothing else. She was only thinking of herself and not me. I need to stop all of this wondering and questioning. I can't influence her feelings with contact in anyway. I also can't answer the questions that i keep asking myself over and over. Only she can. I need to stop this and clear my head.

 

I do not expect her to try to contact me again. I will stay strong and keep my distance.

[hulk7280]

good job man.. i know its tough now.. but one day you will finally let go and then u will wake up and feel so much better!

[digitaldiva]

DAY 2

 

I don't really consider this NC. He's out of the US at a funeral and probably would not call much anyways since he is out of town until 10.27.08. I'll really consider it NC a few days after he returns.

I don't have one relationship in my life that I can look back on and wish that it would have worked out. I hope I don't regret this one.

[Robert013]

Day 7 still luckily

 

She emailed me for some stuff that she had forgotten about at my mothers house. I went during my lunch hour and gathered it up and dropped it at her dads house. I knew she would be at work so I would not break the NC challenge.

 

I am boiling. In her message she wrote "I need you to be an adult. Stop ignoring me I just want my stuff." She gave me the list of things that i had no idea were at my mothers and I dropped them off. I dropped off the other things she asked for last night to her friend so i would not break NC. This is acting like an adult right? Isn't the point of no contact to ignore them? I told her this when I initiated it why does she pester me about ignoring her? She has the right to ask for her things but not insult me expecially when i get them to her without hesitation asap so i don't have to dwell on it.

[digitaldiva]

Good Job. The point of NC is to heal. When you want to get back with your ex every contact makes you want more and more. When you realize the obvious, they aren't coming back, you're back to square one all over again. This happens every time you contact them. You're doing the right thing.

[ryan2000]

Day 16 (23)

 

The last words i heard her say to me, 23 days ago, continue to echo through my head, each time delivering a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. It repeats, over and over and over.

 

It's all too much.

 

I am not tall enough to ride this emotional roller-coaster, i should have never gotten on.

 

23 days and i still hurt. I still hope. I wish. I pray. Yes - despite the fact that God clearly has it in for me this year, i still pray. Wishfull thinkings of heartbroken fool.

 

So much work has been done on 'Me', yet it is never enough.

 

The last words she said to me delivered a punch that sent me flying to the canvass. 23 days i've been trying to pick myself up. It's just so hard.

 

I still see my friend, the one i was intimate with just a week ago. But we are strict on it being a once off only. We needed it, that connection. Selfish, perhaps, but we both understood each others position.

She made me feel wanted, appreciated, even sexy. I needed those feelings, i needed that attention. But, when reality kicked in as hard and as fast as it usually does and i realised it wasn't her (My Ex), the minute amount of confidence that i had fought so hard to regain quickly diminished.

 

Constantly i try to remind myself that i am a decent guy. I treated her well, cared for her immensely and loved her dearly. She was my world, my future and the reason i am who i am.

I would live to feel her presense next to me, it would make my heart beat that much faster and my smile extend that much wider.

 

Damn you Ryan for thinking you could move on so easy.

 

So, where to from here? What happens when i sleep tonight? How will i cope when i wake tomorrow after yet another dream that delivers my heart with more false-hope?

 

Damn you Ryan, you fool.

 

Again, i am not condoning this, but wine does indeed help.

 

I think i'll try a Red tonight, just to be different.

 

GreenEyed? Care to recommend me any cheeses to accompany my shiraz?

[challenge]

Ryan, I know exactly how you feel. For somebody to just throw you away, especially when you love them is that much worse. Like a piece of spoiled meat. It makes me jaded about love, and ever wanting it again. Don't want to exist right now. Even the best, most caring person can destroy the person they love without flinching, and that scares me. I wish she could taste even a tiny portion of the hell I'm in right now. Yet even with all the pain, I promised myself I wouldn't let her break me, so I'll keep going. Can't wait to go to bed, my dreams are my only escape.

[Eirikr]

Day 28

 

I totally get Ryan and challenge. The pain of being just discarded is deep. But their loss. Say it. Believe it. They don't know what they're missing.

 

For me, today was a good day overall. Haven't gone for meds, as suggested. I didn't finish my project on time, but worked hard today (for some reason today I could THINK) and turned it in, if only a bit late. After turning it in, I began to work on the other project I have overdue, but found myself wanting to finally take a step back and relax.

 

It's been a hell of a month. Been working around the clock, with the progress of a snail on sedatives. Or maybe on pro-depressants. Yep, pro-depressants, which are antidepressants's arch nemesis whichIjustmadeup. Today I find myself alright. I still feel pain, still miss her, but it's not the horrible pain that makes me unfocus, sick and wishing I could dig a hole and hide there forever.

 

A friend suggested me to start casual dating. I confess myself mostly against it. I know I'm not ready, and (believe it or not) feel like I'd be cheating on my ex... which is silly but... it's just how I feel. Cheating on my date too. I love someone, and that love hasn't faded.

 

If only that love was returned.

 

Hence my friend pushes me to date. To focus on someone else. She helped me build my profile in two dating services, despite my uneasiness about it. But I'm grateful that she's helping me out somehow.

 

Maybe she's right.

 

So far one girl has shown interest. I find myself rather torn about it. If only my ex contacted me...

 

All I know is I don't know anything. I want to focus on ME, but truth is, I've -always- had trouble being selfish, in anything. My ex knew it well. Well, she knows me well. So well.

 

-sigh-

 

One day at a time. Almost a month. When two months are reached, guess I'll think about my options.

[Stelinha]

Day 27

 

It's comforting to read other posts and know that, just because we're nearing the 30 days, doesn't mean you can magically feel better like I'd envisaged initially. Funny how sometimes you become so introspective that you believe only you are feeling that way when others are going through a very similar experience.

I sort of now realize that I didn't want to deal with my own life and unhappiness and so I'd cling to that tattered security blanket of my ended relationship as a distraction or an escape.

The thing is I think I'll never escape dealing with my own life and I have to be brave and try and do the best for myself- independent of any considerations of him anymore.

[hulk7280]

day 4 for me..

 

everything is going pretty good.. i am excited for this challenge..

 

She hasnt contacted me in the last 4 days so the true test will come when/if she contacts me.

 

I cant wait for the day that i can think about her and not have any pain or bitterness.

 

I feel like I am almost myself again.. prolly 80-90% I am not back to my normal 100% self but i am a hell of a lot better then i was a couple of weeks ago.

 

I have finally let her go in my heart and have moved on and now I will erase from by brain..

[Robert013]

Gosh darn it back to DAY 1

 

We acidentialy ran into eachother at the grocery store. I live in a town with about 10,000 people so the odds are there. I had my son with me and he saw her and ran to her. She was there with the rebound kid (guy). I restrained myself. ( I did not rip his short skinny little a** in two) I was cheerful, but I initiated a quick conversation. I asked for a photo album of my son that we were compiling together. That was it but it was freaking contact so day 1 it is.

 

To tell you the truth I thought it would have effected me alot more than it did. Other than holding back the violent rage I have torward the rebound it was okay. I slept well knowing I can control myself. A heavy bag would be nice though.

 

I told my son that we have to treat her like a stranger until we no longer feel the need to have her in our lives. He has strong feelings for her, but he seemed as if he was over it almost instantly. How the hell does a 7.5 year old kid do it? He does not talk about her anymore like a few weeks ago when she first broke up with me and left us. He has already put it past him. It is simply amazing. She was like a mother to him for 7 years. I guess the father son bond we have is just to strong to let her interfear with it.

[hulk7280]

Gosh darn it back to DAY 1

 

We acidentialy ran into eachother at the grocery store. I live in a town with about 10,000 people so the odds are there. I had my son with me and he saw her and ran to her. She was there with the rebound kid (guy). I restrained myself. ( I did not rip his short skinny little a** in two) I was cheerful, but I initiated a quick conversation. I asked for a photo album of my son that we were compiling together. That was it but it was freaking contact so day 1 it is.

 

To tell you the truth I thought it would have effected me alot more than it did. Other than holding back the violent rage I have torward the rebound it was okay. I slept well knowing I can control myself. A heavy bag would be nice though.

 

that sucks.. my ex works out my gym so i know i will run into her sometime.. hopeuflly not anytime soon though

[digitaldiva]

Day 3 for me

 

Hi, I'm very sorry about your loss. One of the things that destroyed my relationship was dating too early after my past relationship. When I met my new guy, I constantly compared him to my ex. It frustrated me that he didn't say things like my ex, have the same hobbies or just little things. I couldn't completely appreciate my new guy. I don't want to date again until I'm over my ex. If I meet someone I will tell them that I'm not ready to date because I can't love someone else or date when I'm still very torn over another individual. It's also unfair to the person you're dating. There's a chance that your new person will make you feel like new again. Then you'll leave because they've filled that void and make you feel worth again.

 

Good luck in your journey.

[digitaldiva]

Day 3 of NC

 

Why are the mornings so hard after a breakup? We didn't live together. This morning I just thought about how I reacted when he told me, "I have something to tell you and you're not going to like it." I said you want to break up don't you?!! He said we tried that and it didn't work... the rest of what he told me is a blur. I think he was trying to think of something to do besides breaking up. I can remember bits and pieces of the conversation, but not in sequence. I cried, coughed and started to shake. I could barely hear anything.

 

The conversation could have gone like this. Him, "I have something to tell you and you aren't going to like it. I don't feel the same"

I could have been calm and said, "Ok let's try just taking a break over November then, come back together and see how we feel."

That would have shocked the pants off of him. He was used to me crying and being overly sensitive when we tried to have conversations. I'm thinking about taking an anger management or conflict resolution class.

[greeneyedgal]

I don't know if any cheeses can assist with this one Ryan! Maybe a nice Brie? I don't even know what day I'm on and I don't care - he chatted to me on messenger y'day and I replied - Bleh!

[Stelinha]

Greeneyedgal,

I think I'd find it hard not to respond to someone if they contacted me expecially when I care about them. I'd feel rude! I don't know what the solution is?

Maybe we have to become thicker skinned? harder? I don't know if I could do that without feeling guilty? I seem to be cursed with a permanent overdeveloped sense of guilt (and I'm not Catholic )

 

It's day 28 for me for me and, to be honest, I don't feel much better at the moment- it really feels like I can never feel better and never fully let go](*,)

I am sick of the UK at the moment and just want to go back to countries I've lived in before- run away and catch a plane to somewhere and escape this life and these feelings.

It's that Pilates class again tonight so should keep me occupied- it's laughable me trying to do it but it's just such a good way to chill out at the end of the week!

[Eirikr]

Day 29

 

Tomorrow I'll have reached the first goal: a month of NC.

 

It feels like it was a year a go that I started this, in a way. After being with her for almost two years (and one of those years as a couple) I feel odd, as if half my life left me.

 

It's so horribly sad.

 

It's hard to understand that that part of my life is over. I can't understand it. How to understand when something so precious and beautiful ends so abruptly? Mind you, it wasn't truly abruptly, but it felt that way. One day we were together, the other she didn't want to be my love.

 

My mind tells me that she did the right thing. We couldn't be together in the short term. Of course, she didn't truly give it a chance for starters. Add to that my belief that anything is possible as long as you truly want it, and I understand the whole thing even less. I would've moved to her, done anything to make us happen, because I believed in us and our love.

 

But she didn't.

 

I've read people saying that when you love someone, nothing can stop that person to try to reach the other. No matter how many obstacles are ahead.

 

The fact she saw the obstacles and gave up is a clear indication she didn't feel the same way anymore. Months ago she swore to me she'd love me forever, that we'd be together and share our lives. That we were soulmates, and she couldn't see her life without me.

 

It's so sad only I could keep my oath. When I talk to her about this, in the far future, I'll suggest to her to never promise that again, not when she can't say if she'll be able to keep it. Of course she did mean it then, but now...

 

Now I'm at my place, alone, thinking of her and wishing she'd jump the single obstacle that I put between us. The wall of NC is nothing but a curtain, really. It's so easy. An email or a phone call. It isn't hard at all. It doesn't take more than a minute. The email is even free.

 

I can't make her jump over the obstacle. If she doesn't want to...

 

... perhaps she doesn't deserve me.

 

Maybe she's afraid. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. When I reach my second month, I'll try to decide what's best for me. I do want to talk to her if only briefly, just once, and then go back to NC, but without telling her (unlike now that I told her I was going NC to heal). That'll tell me if she truly doesn't care. That's the plan so far.

 

Time will tell.

[kevin456]

Day 5

 

Eirkir I feel exactly the same way...my ex made similar promises, I wanted to hold true to them, she didn't. I have a similar plan as well. After two months, brief contact, and then back to NC. We can do this buddy, focus on ourselves and we'll come out of this stronger than ever.

[hulk7280]

Day 5!

 

This is the longest we have had no Contact since we met a little over 7 months ago.. we have been broken up for a little over a month.

 

Today has def been a good week, i think i have made some great strides. This morning i had some mild anxiety.. the thoughts came into my head that i know shouldnt.. what is she doing.. is she thinking aobut me..blah blah.. I really cant wait until that goes away

 

I have a htought in the back of mind that im going to get an email from her.. telling me made amistake and wants to work things out.. but i know thats never going to happen.. i have for the most part let go.. but for some reason a piece of my heart just wont.. In time it iwll.. all in time...

 

I dont have an urge to contact her.. but i wonder if she will contact me.. she knows the deal.. i told her i cant talk with her right now and need my space, but I would still like to see a text or email or something to know she is thinkin about me.. of course i would igrnoe it ...LOL

 

oh well.. 5 days in.. 25 to go!

[Robert013]

Day 2

 

I was on day 8 I wish I was still there. I was starting to feel okay with myself. Stupid grocery store and accidental contact. Now I am back in hell again. Well you know the saying "when your going through hell, keep on going". This is the only way to get out just keep on going.

 

I went for a long walk last night with my son we were venting to eachother the whole time. He is not taking this very easy, and niether am I. She was like a mother to him for 7 of the 8 years of his life. It is just not fair that I have to deal with two broken hearts. Someday's I just don't feal strong enouph. How do you tell a 8 year old that he can't see her anymore? The answer is always why not Dad? How do you tell him that he has to let go of someone he loves so dearly?

 

I was getting stronger but now I feel as though I am getting weaker again. I need a slap in the face from a friend again. A wakeup call. A little motivation and a pick me up. Something to change my mood back to where it was.

 

I was alway's the stronger one in the relationship. I was the glue. Now I am reduced to a mear reflection of my old noble self. This rebuilding process is going to be a long hard road to walk down. I hope I can endure this mountain of a task. It seems so unatainable at this very moment.

[challenge]

Not sure of the day, probably around 13 or 12. I feel better today, but on edge. I feel a little stronger, like after this is all over nothing will be able to get through to me. It's a hardening experience, like I just want renounce that beautiful, funny, wonderful b!+c# and forget about love altogether. I really am going to work on my own life after all this, and forget about the female species. I might screw 'er sometime down the line, but I don't feel like I could open up my heart again, after having it skewered and stomped on. If she could do this to me, ANYBODY would.

 

On a side note, I noticed that listening to comedy improv really has a positive effect on me. It's the only thing that gets me to smile. If anybody's interested in some good mood-lifting comedy send me a note and I'll get back.

 

My mind is clearing up a little bit, and when I get the urge to cry no tears come out, just a sort of dry heave, and an empty pain. woe is me.. Seriously, I've cried maybe 5-10 times in my entire life. Now I cry daily. Didn't even realize the extent of my feelings for her.

 

If things don't work out between us, I'm really going to miss her. Luckily I'm blessed with terrible memory.

[cmsajon1]

Day 2

 

Having spent 2 weeks reading other peoples posts I thought it time to post my own and see if anyone has any advice.

 

2 weeks ago my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me, it was a case of either moving forward or splitting up and she opted for the latter. I hadn't prompted the talk and hadn't been putting pressure on her at all, she said though that she was under pressure from herself because she knows I want to move forward and we're not because of her.

 

Anyway so she calls it a day and cries when I say I'm not sure if I can stay friends as I love her and want more. Last weekend we spent a little time together, just shopping etc and then watching tv in her Mums. After a nice weekend she again reminds me that she doesn't want things to go back to normal and she thinks I'm getting the wrong impresson, that was Monday.

 

Thinking there would then be instant NC, she phones me at lunch on Tuesday to say hi, Tuesday night to see if I'd joined the gym, and again Wednesday to say the tickets had arrived for a concert we have planned to go to next month, and asked me if I would still go with her, I of course said yes.

 

Since then there has been 2 days of NC from both sides. I can see for myself that things look bleak, after all if she wanted to be with me then she would be with me. Question is, do I stick to NC now until the concert (3 weeks) or try to act like I'm fine and stick to being cool around her with an act like us being friends could work, sending her the odd text and email to see how she is?

 

I love her more than anything and deep down I'm hoping that being grown up about it and not pressurizing her with make her look at us differently.

 

Thanks in advance

[hulk7280]

i hate to tell you.. its a bad idea going to the concert with her.. me and my ex broke up before a trip we had planned together.. we went on the trip anyway and let me tell you it sucked.. do u know how hard it is to be strictly friends with someone that you used to be so affectionate with.. i would stay away man.. you need time to yourself.. i know its hard but its the truth, i only wish i would have done it sooner..

[cmsajon1]

i hate to tell you.. its a bad idea going to the concert with her.. me and my ex broke up before a trip we had planned together.. we went on the trip anyway and let me tell you it sucked.. do u know how hard it is to be strictly friends with someone that you used to be so affectionate with.. i would stay away man.. you need time to yourself.. i know its hard but its the truth, i only wish i would have done it sooner..

 

What I feel like I've done by agreeing to still go is taken away the impending thought she might of had that she would never hear from me again. Its gone from hearing from every day to now nothing, she knows I've agreed to this convert and maybe the heat is off.

 

Thanks for your comment, I do agree with you and agree that I can imagine it will be hell. Whereas before I was taking each day at a time, now I can feeling the impending doom that the concert will be. I'll spend the evening trying to be cool and make her feel there is no pressure, I'll get my hopes up and then she'll kill them with "see you soon"!!!! auugh I hate that line!!!

 

:sad: