THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[babes23]

Day 3, No Contact

 

Somehow this feels better than when i did NC time and time again previously. It's as if someone as given me a huge reality check and i now realise that he wasn't treating me good at all. Who wants to stay in something like that eh and i'm determined to stick to the no contact. He'll expect me to contact him after a few days or so as in the past i have, not anymore though, i've washed my hands with it all.

[hulk7280]

im on day 1 again..

 

my ex text me last night.. she asked me to walk her dog at night and in the morning.. because she is out of town working and "whoever" was suposed to do it bailed..

 

it felt really good to say "i cant im sorry" LOL haha that was the best contact ive made since we broke up..

 

she text me back.. "ok.. np got it covered thanks!" .. she text me that right after i text btw..

 

so its like ? did u really have it covered or were us sayin that because you felt the slap in your face from me telling you NO?

 

i know it was something really small, but it seriusly felt nice to tell her NO .. i was happy the rest of the night. I cant believe she has the nerve to try and take advantage of how i feel about her.. its really sad. I used to do it all the time when we were together.. but she will no longer get my support, now that she has decided to move on!

 

I can see the light, i can now see a future without her in the pictuer and i can accept we will not get back together..

[greeneyedgal]

Good on you Hulk! So proud of you man! Don't let her emotionally manipulate you - what you're good enough to walk her dog for her at a moment's notice and not to have a relationship with?! Tell HER to keep walking I say!

 

Also babes, good on you for doing this - stick with it as I am, we are your support - he doesn't deserve you!

 

Deadhead, I have been doing the same thing with the dating site and I have had an open mind about finding someone caring and worthy of ME! Not the other way around for once!

[ApplePeace]

day 2 and its been awesome Im so happy not sure why but I been getting so many support from friends an stangers..it really helps I cried the day I brokeup and the 1st day of no contact but today as a 2nd day with no contact was great im happy excited, iv been told to stay away he dosent deserve me and I agree..everyone keeps saying im free as a flying bird haha god it feels good.

[hulk7280]

day 2.. agian..LOL

 

she called me this morning at 8 am.. didnt answer.. i kinda wonder what she wanted, but at the same time i dont care..

 

im moving on..

[waveseer]

I have 5 days on ena which is when I decided to manage my own healing process. I'm going to mark nc from there even though I wallowed for a week or two before then.

[ApplePeace]

day 3

 

im a bit sadden by what happened, I dont want him back its just hurts how can someone be so selfish... rude...im back to being hurt yesterday was so much better...

[hulk7280]

day 3

 

im a bit sadden by what happened, I dont want him back its just hurts how can someone be so selfish... rude...im back to being hurt yesterday was so much better...

 

yes the up and downs suck.. sometimes i feel great and ready to move on.. others i just wanna go over to her house and hold her.. hopefully with time those feelings will go away

[challenge]

Feel physically and mentally paralyzed with depression when I don't hear from her. I know this is 100 times easier for her, because she has a huge support structure. She'll get through it fine, while I wait for any scraps of attention. It's going to take a long time to get back on my feet. Just wish for some closure, instead of everything being up in the air, because even in the far-off chance that we do reconcile, I will be so bitter at that point that the relationship will be completely tarnished. Wish it would all end.

[ryan2000]

Day 13 (20)

 

The weekend was tough.

 

It was such a long way to fall off that emotional high i was on last Friday. The feeling of being wanted by somebody again. I'd forgotten how wonderful that felt.

 

To dismiss such feelings the next morning is something that I’ve never done before, but for the sake of our friendship, she suggested it would be 'for the best'.

 

I do know this, she is scared. She fears that if we have another 'encounter' such as the one we had last week, she may find herself 'falling' for a guy who is still so madly in love with his ex.

She is of course correct.

I am still madly in love with her.

 

However, the only time i haven't 'missed' her was when I was with (let's just call her' "L")

 

So now "L" is being protective of her own heart, something I admire.

 

Again, it's a hard thing for me to dismiss such an encounter. But for her safety i know that i must.

 

But it's back to me missing my ex and missing her i am.

 

 

I payed a visit to my Grandma this week. She is not well. Two months, maybe three.

But to see the smile on her face you would be forgiven for thinking that she was healthy and happy with many fine years ahead.

Sadly no, it's cancer and she is in pain.

She smiles because she'll soon be seeing my Grandfather, her partner of 60 years, who has been waiting for her since February this year.

 

I brought her some flowers. She loves flowers. Much to my amazement, she mentioned to me that Pa never brought her flowers. 'Huh-What?-Never?'

'Never' she says. 'Not even chocolates'.

 

My Pa was a beautiful man. A loving husband, a caring father and the best-damn Grandfather that his nine Grandchildren could ever have hoped for.

I have always looked up to him, and with me being the 'hopeless (& pathetic) romantic that i am, i just had to ask her the question.

 

'Grandma, tell me the most romantic thing Pa ever did for you!'

 

And she began to tell me a story of when she arrived at the docks to await my Pa's arrival. Pa had been at sea for 9 months. He was in the Navy, and boy did he look handsome in his uniform.

My grandmother waited for him for over an hour. She saw the faces of 300 other sailors, yet could not see his.

After a while, she gave up and caught the tram home.

 

As she approached the front door she was grabbed from behind. It was my Grandfather. He pulled her close and made up for 9 months of missing her with a kiss, a kiss meant just for her.

Grandma, completely in a trance at this tall uniformed naval officer, had to try and contain herself. For as much as she was enjoying this moment, she did have some sad news for him.

Grandma was actually seeing somebody else at the time my Grandfather was at sea. Sailors come and go, she told me, she never thought she would see him again, let alone still be in love with him.

 

So she told him. The look on my Pa's face though, was not a look of concern. He simply paused for a moment, smiled at her and said 'Well you better give him up, cause i wanna marry ya!'

 

And she did.

 

 

 

Nine months after his passing, I still find myself wanting to be half the man my Grandfather was. Sadly, I wasn’t as strong as he was. He stood there, un-phased and not a sign of concern when told of this ‘Other Guy’.

 

Me?

 

 

I cried and ran.

[hulk7280]

Day 1.. AGAIN LOL

 

Ok this is the last time i will be on day 1. The ex finally responded to my letter she said it was amazing and made her think but she says she needs her space. I told her I need to move on. So I am.. I told her not to contact me unless she changes her mind. so now im on the road to recovery..

 

im not that bad.. this isnt yoru usualy day 1.. we have been broken up for a month now...

 

oh well time to pick myself back up and move on with my life. I cant wake up everyday with that feeling in my chest and mildy depressed.. hopefully my therapy sessions will help excellerate the healing process..

[Robert013]

Day 5

 

My last post was Friday morning.

 

Well the weekend was easy at times but hard during others. I went to my sisters with my son for the weekend in Lake Placid NY. The four hour drive there was not pleasant in the least. Four hours of time to sit and think quietly not good. I tried to drowned it out by blasting the music and singing the lyrics out loud. My 7 year old son thinks I am nuts.

 

I had so much built up when I arrived I felt like I was going to burst. So I imediatlly started pouring it on my sister she did not mind and then I was calm again.

 

Saturday we we packed the day full of activity. First we all went on a short 2mile hike on a relatively flat trail. Then to a kids carnival in downtown lake placid. We then went to a farm and took a hayride to go and pick pumpkins with an old college friend and the kids she was babysitting. These kids were a handfull. We then all went out to dinner. This was nice I have not been out to a nice place with any other adults since the breakup. I need to get out more. I was sad and angry when i was at the farm. All I could think about was why are you not here girl? How could you miss this? Then i started to get sad thinking about all the other events she will not be apart of my son and my life anymore. I really missed her then. I really wanted to break contact to let her know what she was missing. I fought it.

 

Sunday we went on a great hike up a mountain to lake. Exercise does wonders for keeping your mind of contacting them, and also releases your emotion. Then the ride home another four hours this was not as bad because I had been releaseing my emotion all weekend I felt like the monkey was off my back.

 

Then there was sunday night after getting home my son and I took the dog for a walk around town. We saw her car at a strange house. This is where the new guy lives. This is where she has been staying and not being honest about it. This is all I could think about. I was feeling so good and then she just can kick you right back down in the dumps.

 

I am so mad at her for taking the easy way out by just finding a replacement to fill the void that i left. I wanted us to go through this together. If we didn't get back together then at least we wouldn't try to hurt eachother any more than we had to and move on with some class. This is how I feel that she is doing this just to hurt me more in an evil way. I do know that there is no replacement for my son to fill that void in her heart. He is a beautiful one of a kind all around sweet child. She will miss him dearly.

[cas]

What a lovely story, ryan2000. But I would do the exact same thing as you did. Cry my eyes out.

 

Hulk, good thing you finally got some closure. Now you just have to go NC all the way. But good thing that it made her think..

 

I'm on my third day of NC. And I'm actually doing allright. But it's also about 20 days since the break-up. I will see her at work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to how that will work out.

[ApplePeace]

day 4

 

Im so angry I just want to punch him,he is sooo stupid..im so mad I want him to see what he did but why should I, he dont give a damnn...

[Eirikr]

Day 26

 

Four days for the first month of NC. I began the day strong, convinced that the fact I know where and how I am had made me stronger. Right now night has come, and strangely enough that has put me down. I read about melrich's discovery on facebook and that put me rather depressed. Like a week ago I visited my facebook after many days of not doing so, and for curiosity (and against my best judgment) I searched my ex there. She's there. I didn't know she had a facebook account. That fact means that either she created it recently, or some time ago and didn't tell me. I have a bad feeling about it, and what if's just came flooding when I realized this. Naturally, it made me feel pretty bad.

 

Right now I feel pretty bad. My chest hurts a lot. Trying to stay calm and positive. Not assuming. No what ifs. This is about me.

 

It's staggering. I've never been so hurt. Mind you, hurt by myself. What are we, masochists? No, we must be better.

 

Tomorrow I have a project due. I'd say I'm halfway done, but who knows. I'll try my best to finish.

 

If last year my dad passed away and I managed to finish my thesis and graduate despite the pain, this should be as doable.

 

Damn my luck. Two years in a row that I have a major scar to my soul. But I'm lucky.

 

I won't let this defeat me.

[Stelinha]

Day 25

 

Wasn't going to write until Sunday but I had this terrible urge to contact him this morning so I'm posting here instead- thank god for enotalone.com!

Survived Uni yesterday but I could tell I wasn't feeling so good when a girl was being * * * * * y about other people and I had it out with her about being supportive and considerate of others until she was on the verge of tears! I felt terrible!

Uggh, thought it would get easier the nearer I got to thirty days. Like Eirikr I'm not far away but I could have easily sent him an email this morning sooo easily just to say 'hi, how are you?' after all, it's the simpliest thing to say!! Whta wrong with asking someone how they are?!!! aghh!!!!

It's funny how I'm such a control freak- I guess we all are to some degree or another. I hate 'messy endings'- I keep on thinking 'what if he doesn't think I still care?' so I feel the need to send this email so he knows I still care? I keep on wondering what he's thinking? if he ever thinks of me? why oh why oh why?!

I realise that this isn't letting go and sometimes I can't control 'messy endings'! Or I want to control how he thinks and feels about me! This 'control' issue keeps me in constant anxiety because I control bloody control anything!

I just can't let go even though I try saying millions of times a day '****** (my ex's name) I release you to your highest good'

I know he probably wouldn't have replied to my email but I really feel I would have felt better just to think I had done the 'friendly' thing even if he's hadn't. I'd then be back to square one again but I don't think I'd have the energy to start from day 1 again!

I'm trying to think staright and convince myself the only thing it would achieve is to boost his ego because he'll know I'm still there.

Yuk, hope the urge goes away soon.

 

Greeneyedgal- hope you're doing okay, haven't seen you're posts in a few days.

[greeneyedgal]

Hello all! *BIG hugs to all in hurtsville* Goodness knows I have been in the same boat. I cracked up today and had a huge barney with my parents but also resolved it well which I was proud of. Also my ex started to speak with me on msn - knew I should have kept him blocked. Well I said I was ok when he asked me how I was but had to go eat lunch and logged off. Phew!

 

I have been corresponding with a few people off the dating site so that has buoyed my spirits a little and also I visited a GP today about my depression and I have been put on one of the newer antidepressants on the market which is helping already. I'm starting on only half a tablet a day so I'm not so zombified! If any of you are seriously depressed I urge you to do the same - there's no need to suffer unnecessarily - visit a GP even if you don't get medication, you can get treatment in other ways. This is coming from someone who has been battling depression for the best part of her life - I've seen some really dark days but don't wish to revisit them ever! All the best to all of you struggling through this very trying time.

 

Good to see you back here Stelinha also - certainly we are here to support you if you need it but hang in there sister, you're nearly there! And you'll be able to tell yourself in a few days what an achievement you've made with great pride! ((hugs))

 

Ryan2000 your grandmother's story is enough to make the burliest bloke choke up with emotion! You'd be a great romance writer! hehe Hope you're doing well and all of the rest of you also! I read ALL the posts!

[hulk7280]

day 2.. again!

 

Well day 2 is going pretty good.. we have been broken up for a little over a month now. I have tried to make things work between us but there is nothing i can do, except let go.. I no longer have that pain in my chest and my headache is gone.. so all my physical problems due to the break up are gone.. but i stil think about her constantly.. she is in CA right now doing a photoshoot.. i keep thinkin about what time it is over there.. and wonder how its going.. i i know she is really excited about it.

 

I am going to my therapy appointment tomorrow.. i cant wait.. i cant wait to feel even better then i do now. i woke up this morning and looked and the mirror and realized everything is going to be ok.. with or without her.. and myabe just maybe if she does come back.. itll be too late and ill have moved on..

 

i will make it to 30 days!

[Robert013]

Day 6

 

She sent me a text message last night that said " I think there might be a couple pairs of my jeans at your house". That was it. I ignored it of course it was a bit hard last night. The mornings seem to be a little harder why is this?

 

The problem is we already did the exchange of items a month ago. I looked everywhere there aren't any of her jeans at my house. Is she just trying to suck me in or test me?

 

My problem is that I am contantly asking questions to myself that only she can answer. This needs to stop now.

 

How do I stop asking myself questions?

 

The good thing about the fact that she contacting me and I ignore it is i feel in control. I can start to heal now that i have some control and dignity. This is a good thing.

[digitaldiva]

Day 1

 

I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing right now. I feel like this is all my fault. If only I demanded more respect, didn't argue so much and bring things up from the past. Maybe that would have made him stop flirting with other women and pay more attention to me. I'm also so mad at him. He's just been using me as option for the past year.

I'm not ready to start NC. I'm not sure that I can keep it up. We only broke things off on Friday, but I know it's for the best if I want to heal Now. Even if we do get back together there's so much more pain you have to endure in order to get to that point. If I want a man to come back, breaking all contact usually has worked best. Not that he'd care, but you know.

 

So here I am. Day #1.

 

Wish you could block text messages.

[Mustang]

Guess who's healed? That's right.... ME.

 

I really do wish I'd listened to you guys and had the willpower to have stuck to NC in the early days. For so long I had false hope. I kept clinging to the idea of getting back with her. That false hope gave me some happiness to cling to. I had the thought of "we'll get back together one day" and as time went by and she seemed to be getting further away, I would get upset/angry and take it out on her.

 

She probably thinks I'm a nutcase. I probably was but I do realise it was because I loved her so much. Do I still think of her? Yes. But it doesn't dominate my lfie at all anymore. Do I still get sad about it? Yes. The other day, I came so close to contacting her the other day because I was thinking of her but that girl essentially died a year ago. I do miss her a hell of a lot but there's nothing left to say/do.

 

It's only been since telling my ex I am never speaking to her again a month ago that I've truly been able to let go. I had honestly hoped that we could've been friends because I'll always remember her and care for her. I can't help that. But I got sick of it being one way traffic and her not acting like a friend. I'd always contact her and she'd maybe reply every now and then. Sometimes she'd not respond for a few weeks and then text me saying she's been busy. Pfft. That's not a friendship.

 

Anyway, I'm on about day 34 now and just thought I'd let you all know where I was at. For all the * * * * I put myself through in the past year, I can safely say I've learnt from it. So at least there's something to be positive about.

[Robert013]

Can't you block his number through your phone service? It is not your fault. A relationship breakup involves both of the participants to some degree. It is very hard but the people on ENA are hear for you. Use it to be strong. You have to get through day 1 it can be the hardest one of all. Do not contact him okay digitaldiva.

[Stelinha]

I know what you mean Mustang,

One way traffic isn't fun I know, it tires you eventually.

I was going to add more but I'm sick of myself analysing stuff. I'm sick of thinking about the whys like a dog chasing it's own tail- enless and pointless.

I'm just staying on NC for myself because if someone doesn't think I'm worth the effort contacting then why the hell should I continue to make the contact with them?

Glad you're healing Mustang

[jak466]

[quote=Mustang;

 

It's only been since telling my ex I am never speaking to her again a month ago that I've truly been able to let go. I had honestly hoped that we could've been friends because I'll always remember her and care for her. I can't help that. But I got sick of it being one way traffic and her not acting like a friend. I'd always contact her and she'd maybe reply every now and then. Sometimes she'd not respond for a few weeks and then text me saying she's been busy. Pfft. That's not a friendship.

 

.

 

 

I am back at day 4 again.

 

The quote above echos my most recent inter-action with her. I think she was pissed when I told her I need to be a little more special.

 

 

I didn't want to be that friend you respond to when there is nothing else going on and noone else around. I'm worth a little more than that.

 

She brought up her new boyfriend and told me "well, XXXX is a good friend and will probably be a friend for life".

 

I couldn't help it. I lit her up. With everything we had been through, I asked her how dare she compare her new relationship to the hurdles I faced to be in a relationship with her. how dare she compare what I was there for for her while she went through the worst time of her life to someone whos only challenge has been to show up a couple times a week and be easy going. What did he bring to the party? What did he do to get a house ready to support you and your 3 girls?

 

Couldn't help it.

 

 

In great pain today...

 

Jak

[challenge]

I'm feeling a little bit better today. It's important to stay busy and social at times like these. I desire to have her contact me, but I know it would set me back more than anything. I am starting to forget about her, which is sad. I forget her face, her voice, and her personality, but I'll try not to agonize over what she's doing or thinking. It's not in my control. Still want total closure, to relieve the anxiety, but if she never contacts me I'll take that as a statement; I don't owe her contact if she dumped me and ignores me.

If this relationship is meant to be then it will still be there in a few months, I'm not going to rush into a conversation until I'm completely healed, because without a clear mind a good resolution will never be reached.

I hope there is no ill will from her in this whole NC situation. I know she felt hurt that I hadn't contacted her or answered her calls, but she left me, right?

Now I have to figure out what I want to do with my life all alone, which is actually really hard for me, because I tend to let women make my decisions. I hope when I finally figure myself out she is still there to care.

 

I have to admit I'm holding on to the hope of healing, then reconciling in a few months, after we've both had space. My gut tells me this is over, but I'll wait and see because I value the relationship so much. It's hard for me to make decisions right now without considering how it might affect our possible future together. For instance, would I move, if I knew it would remove any possibility of getting back together? Would I start a new relationship?

 

One issue on my NC, is she still has my house keys. I don't know how to get them back without breaking contact or seeming bitter. But that would cut the last thread that gives her security. Maybe I'll just let her keep them.. as a memento. "The door is always open.." Have to stop overthinking things, if you guys have any advice, I'd be glad to have others think for me, as I've been incapable of rational thought for the last few weeks..