THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[reiny]

I sympathise with you fully. I feel the same way.

[surfjon]

I screwed up big time. I live east coast Fla and do some work on the other coast, a 4 hour trip each way, it was a particularly brutal weekend, I'm a surveyor and it was hot as hades, you could cut the mosquitoes with a knife, and site was flooded from rain so cottonmouths were everywhere. After a full day Sat/Sun, I was feeling tired, low and broken. I fought it best I could, but on the long lonely drive back I texted her simply " I am sorry, but I miss you so bad". I got no reply, I didn't expect one either. I knew once I hit "send", I had made a mistake.

 

We were married 19 years, I've been a surveyor my whole life, I've been with Meri just as long. She was the one I couldn't wait to get home to when I do these away jobs, she was always there, warm and sweet, beautiful and wonderful to come home to. Thinking of coming home to our empty house just got me.

[shellov]

I am IN! Today, I just finished what I would say as a symbolical "funeral" of G, my Ex. I drove through and at times walked by the place we met, had coffee at, etc, and said out loud, "I release you". I feel good. I also wrote him a goodbye letter, read it to myself as I stand by his apartment building (of course, all the while I'm praying that nobody I know, including him, will see me; otherwise, I can be accused of stalking-- yikes!). I felt that I needed to do it. It was cleansing. I no longer feel attachments to the objects that remind me of him (I could easily throw or wear that necklace he so asked me not to rid off when I was cleaning my apartment and getting rid of "clutter"). Although i miss him still and still hope that we'd be back one of these days, I know that I have taken the first step to healing and now I have the BIG chance to work on ME.

[koalabear]

Day 1 part two:

 

well, i started NC at 6 this morning, after an awful drunken evening of soul baring confessions (only mine, his soul seems to be buried and has not been bared for quite a few months). he emailed me at 8 this morning and was very understanding, telling me he didn't want me to disappear. i know that i need to, but i emailed him back, thanked him for his compassion, apologized again and declared that yesterday was rock bottom. i feel good, feel like i said what i need to say and am ready to give this 30 days a go.it is 11 pm on august 13th and i am doing this for me. to heal and let go. it's on.

[bubblyblonde11]

Over 30 days now, prob something like 32 or so.

 

For me the NC is easy. Everyday the closure is getting nearer, the thoughts less and less.

 

His loss

[Benjyh]

1 day more than yesterday

 

well still feeling down, i think this week is going to be a hard one, most of my friends are away at the moment and i really need to talk to someone. for some reason she is in my head alot more this week then the last 2, and i dont know why. i raelly miss her, i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to, like i did before.

 

im very tempted to write a short simple email to her, to see if she is still mad at me, and to see if she is ok and life is going well...but not sure if i should or not, so will probable sit on it another week.

[surfjon]

Ben,

Don't do it, I caved Sunday and it even made me sadder. Last nite I got panicky too, I took my computer to Starbucks and got online to read some posts and be around people. My "good friends" dont come by or call, I must be too depressing to be around or something, but still.........what friends drop you when you need them most. I have a cat and all you people. That's it now. Ben, take the advice I took, join a gym, ride a bike, go for a walk, I've quit drinking in the last 3 weeks, and sometimes it's harder to fight that urge to text or email her, than it is to keep from slamming a bottle of Beam and hittin the floor.

 

Stay Strong, clench your fists, yell, anything.........................

[bubblyblonde11]

Over 30 days now, prob something like 32 or so.

 

For me the NC is easy. Everyday the closure is getting nearer, the thoughts less and less.

 

His loss

 

Was talking BS my loss too

[siennalou]

Didn't post yesterday - Day 2 - still NC.

 

I kind of feel like a fake tho because he is out of town. I did drive by his fiance's house (she lives in my neighborhood, our mailboxes are near her house) and swore thru the window at her house. I need to stop doing that.

 

How do you stop the anger? How do you channel it elsewhere? I need to channel it into doing things for me.

 

: (

[Benjyh]

Ben,

Don't do it, I caved Sunday and it even made me sadder. Last nite I got panicky too, I took my computer to Starbucks and got online to read some posts and be around people. My "good friends" dont come by or call, I must be too depressing to be around or something, but still.........what friends drop you when you need them most. I have a cat and all you people. That's it now. Ben, take the advice I took, join a gym, ride a bike, go for a walk, I've quit drinking in the last 3 weeks, and sometimes it's harder to fight that urge to text or email her, than it is to keep from slamming a bottle of Beam and hittin the floor.

 

Stay Strong, clench your fists, yell, anything.........................

 

i had my first beer in 4 weeks on sunday, and im not going to drink very much.

 

in about 20 mins i have my first gym session which is cool, and i cycle and im going swimming with a couple friends tonight, and to the pub afterwards. gotta stay strong i am better than her, and she has missed on something/someone amazing and its her loss! HER LOSS!!!

 

strong is what i must stay but its hard!

[Insidious1]

hey benjyh...

 

I'm a personal trainer... if anyone wants/needs some tips or pointers about their diet or nutrition or workout routine.. i'd be MORE than happy to help!

 

Just throwin it out there!

[StayingPositive]

Made it to Day 30 of No Contact!

 

Each day revolves around less and less thinking of her and more of me!!! Going to the gym a LOT more and doing things for me now, buying things for me, trying new experiences, starting to be more confident around girls again!

 

Still tough on the weekends because the potential of running into her while I'm out with my friends is very high. Hopefully, I will soon get to a point where I don't even think about potentially running into her and then I will know that I am closer to being ME again.

 

Confidence of knowing that there is something great out there for me is key...

[thouse]

This is what happened. He called on Sunday, and I did not answer the phone so he called again, and left a message saying that the kids wanted to know could they go swimming in my pool. These are not our kids together but in the 4yrs that we have dated me and the kids have grown very close. Anyhow I now know that was his way of just getting me to answer the phone for him. I called him back and we made arrangements for him to drop off the kids. He never showed up and when I called him back he did not answer. This annoyed me so today I called him and asked why he did not bring the kids, and further more why didn't he have common courtesy to say hey I changed my mind about bringing them over. He was giving lame excuses so I just hung up on him. Directly after I felt stupid for calling, and even stupidier for thinking he would give me an honest answer.

[Coyote9]

NC is a way of life now after 4 months, but the problem has been I've not been focused on the "what next" and instead have tended to drift. Part of that has been due to being off of work and health issues that hopefully I've finally been able to correct. There's just a big hole where she used to be and even though I know how to move forward in my mind, I've done little so far to do so. Getting back to work in a couple of weeks will help, as well being able to finally get back in the gym after about 7 months.

 

I am doing the essentials but that's about it. Feeling uninspired to really have any ideas about how to again reinvent myself, as I have after every breakup one way of the other the last 15 years. First things first, sleep better, eat better, get some things done around my house I've negleted all summer. I have little interest in dating and find my greatest relief often comes from writing or reading here on ENA....somehow that sounds so pathetic, even though I can give myself the same advice about being gentle with myself, trying to be positive and look ahead instead of the rear view mirror. It's always easier to see how other people can make that happen that it is to actually to it yourself.

 

I am grateful for this time of reflection and a reawakening of a greater self awareness, but I wish I spent less time thinking about this stuff and more just getting on with my life. I know that moment will come but I don't seem to be able to make it arrive any faster than it will.

[shellov]

I've had a withdrawal and had to get a kick of the drug today. contacted the Ex. But I'm glad because now it will be his problem getting me off his back (He insisted on being "friends" and asked me to contact him when I feel and need to) .

 

I think when someone you still want asks to be your friend it can sometimes backfire at them.

[koalabear]

Day 3...Well, I'm on day three moving towards day four. coming here really helps. I feel like I have a new perspective thanks to coyote's post about listening to NC. Of course throughout the past 3 weeks I've felt this kind of perspective and it seems to go as fast as it comes. I'll say this, NC is easier when they don't contact you, but I have a feeling as soon as he sends me a silly email I will have a really hard time not responding. These emails never say anything important, usually just a link to something that I don't really care about. Hopefully when that day comes I can restrain myself.

 

Shellov, I agree with you about how somone asking to be friends can backfire on them, I've often thought the same thing...but I think we both deserve better friends than this and do we really want to be spending our time making people regret their desire to have us in their lives? I've done it sooooo many times with the logic "well I'm miserable and I want you to be too."

[Muzatsu]

Day one, again.

 

I removed him from top eight but hid my friends so he couldn't see on myspace.

Now I have no way to so call "check up on him" so I won't be able to contact him at all at this point.

[bubblyblonde11]

It's been over 30days NC now and I don't ever want to contact or hear from him ever again so I am officialy signing myself off of the NC challenge.....as this is posted in GETTING BACK TOGETHER and I have no intention of ever going or trying to get back to him it seems the incorrect forum for me.

 

Good luck to all you NC be strong keep up the great work

 

 

xxxx

[Benjyh]

few more days of nc for me, taking me close to 3 weeks i think not to sure anymore, been out with friends last 2 nights, got another gym session and then swimming with friends tonight.

 

come to realise its a bit like going "cold turkey" from a drug, with ups and down from full contact to no contact. i still with to remain in nc, but would also like to appologise, and try and be friends in the future, im not sure anymore what i want, im kinda lost in a boring same routine. we shall see!

[koalabear]

36 hours since I last sent him an email. heading into day 4. The longest I've been able to go is 5.5 days. yesterday I received one of those silly emails with links I don't care about (it didn't even contain actual words, just a link!) and it has been incredibly easy not to reply.

[thouse]

Today is Day 2 of no contact, and I have been so busy that I really have not had time to really even think about him. Last night I did have some depressing thoughts of maybe he's dating someone else, but then I just went to the Y for a yoga class and I felt better.

[CrapAtNC]

See username.

 

She became much friendlier after 11 days of complete NC, and now she's coming to work for me.

 

NC might be a bit tricky now, what with there only being three members of staff in our office. ](*,)

 

Sorry, guys. I let you down. But I'm happy we'll be working together. We can rebuild our friendship from there. I have no ambitions other than that.

 

For what it's worth, I'm certain that we would be together by now if I had gone complete NC from the start. Oh well ... add another one to the ex-become-friends club. :splat:

[JeckyllNHyde]

Day 26 of Nc...

 

Haven't posted in a week.Been mostly going to the gym,hanging with my friends,trying to reach my fitness goals/eating healthier and these last 3 days SHOPPING.. yay! new stuff for me/uni (to wear).Had a lot of trouble falling asleep until 6am sometimes,but am trying to get it under control.

Nothing better then buying new stuff (ONCE in a while) to make you feel better eh? For some reason new clothes make you feel somewhat "new" and ready for a better you/life.

 

Am aproaching day 30 of NC soon.I admit,feels like its been way longer.

The things I noticed so far:

-still really miss him and talking to him.

-don't care to go clubbing for now out of fear of bumping into the ex and also not in the mood to go out drinking and meeting guys.

-have finally set out to achieve loads of goals I had put off (not b/c of this guy but just lack of motivation).

-i dont want to date at the moment,which is definatly a weird feeling to me think even though we didn't date long I am just feeling disappointed with my dating life upto now that I would rather focus only on me.This break-up finally gave me the motivation to finally make the decision and stick to it.Feels like a weight has been lifted off my head,b/c seems in the past I would just get over it,move on and date someone new,get my hertbroken and then repeat the cycle in search of that "special someone".So now I am finally not out looking for a replacement and ending up with another disapointment.DEFINATLY a break thru.

 

Sorry,just REALLY needed to vent.

[thouse]

This morning I sent a text telling him I missed him, then directly after I sent it to him I sent him another one saying I was dumb to have sent that message and to disregard it. My feelings are a little different I am not so madly in love that I can't move on. The bottom line is I am mad about being rejected. All this time (4yrs) I have been giving my all to this person, and he can just so casually tell me that he is not ready for a serious relationship. Anyhow he did not respond to either of the messages so I guess I will start NC again today. I just really hope I get the chance to reject him the same way he did me, that's what would make me feel better.

[tushboy]

One thing I realised today is that keeping NC is easier said than done. Its easy to come here on the forum and say it, but the moment you log off and get into your room, thats the very moment when the applying it starts. I have broken NC some four times till date, and learnt some really really harsh lessons---->

 

If its a break up then it means its broken ! Period.

 

I have to internalise the fact that its going to HURT a lot

 

Now its only one person who's still in love, thats me, so its NOT a relationship

 

I can decide for myself, and NOONE else can how I conduct myself

 

I still love him, and I want him to be happy, and keeping NC is making him happy, so be it

 

I am not ready to date, socialise, I am still vulnerable and I won't resist being hurt, cause I may in the future.