THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Loris]

19days of no contact, 3weeks 3days since split - am progressing quite nicely, feel alot better, have been keeping busy with friends etc, have been going to gym and having massages etc.

 

His loss - I am an amazing person I am the most caring person he would have ever have met probably the best looking that would go out with him with a great body and fab sense of humour, most importantly alot of love to give out.

 

My ideal woman!

[bubblyblonde11]

Thank you. I am a very ideal woman for most men!!

 

 

[Benjyh]

wow back here again! well today is the first day of REAL NC i told her i dont want her to talk to me anymore, as i still have feeling for her, when i get home from work i will delete her from my msn and skype. time to get over her.

 

found out she has blocked me on msn now kinda odd but oh well.

 

move on benjy, move on now...

[Riley42]

Yesterday was 7 days of NC... She called me last night.. I didn't answer... She didn't leave a msg.. I don't think I should call her back... I don't think I'm ready, and I don't think that she has much to say otherwise she would have left a msg... But I'm still confused...

 

My story is out there and I'm really looking for more advice, especially since last nights call... Please help guys!!!

 

[surfjon]

Hi,

In an absolute daze since my beautiful wife of 19 years moved out with our kids 10 days ago.

Within days I had found this site, and numbly reading everything I've found.

This NC thing made sense, she wanted some time "away", we've both agreed it's best for a temporary split to work on our individual issues, but mostly she was the party to "pull the trigger", I would have begged her to stay if I thought it would have helped, so she went to a nice apartment and I'm alone in a house full of memories. Begging, emailing weepy sh*t, calling and texting, these will only further stress our fragile balance of healing/coping/breathing....

so I found it great to find this NC business here, my wife and I love each other that I feel we'll be back together at some point, neither want to "date", we've agreed that is one of our core rules in this. I'm so crazy about her and she knows it. I think she's still got it for me too, but.....................

 

Sign me up for the challenge!! I think I can do it.

[reluctantscientist]

okay, i'm on the boat.

 

it's been 3 weeks since the break up, and i haven't spoken to him or about him to his friends since.

 

HOWEVER, i've been checking his internet site (and thus making myself entirely miserable) and that needs to stop. i'm with everyone who says that NC can't start until you don't even look at their myspace/facebook/lj/whatever anymore. hopefully i can be that strong.

 

tomorrow is day one.

[BrokenBear]

Not sure what day I managed to get to, but it's back to square one again for me. She messaged me, even though I deleted her... but she just lost her cousin to a kayaking accident. I didn't even hesitate to tell her I was sorry for her loss.

 

It's been a tough little while as well, as one old friend of mine succumbed to his cancer, and another good friend's mother is in the intensive care unit with what looks to be cancer as well.

 

What a crappy year so far...

 

oh well, life goes on, and I'll be struggling to not contact her once again.

[orchidrose]

Just wanted to post and say that I've been doing NC. Been broken up for 2 months on August 8, but only in NC for a little over 3 weeks. He had wanted to be friends, I agreed, then realized there was no way that would work. I blocked him from AIM that night and haven't spoke to him over AIM/e-mail/phone/text, and (this has been the hardest) haven't looked at any of his online profiles or his away message. I've also blocked him on all of my profiles, except one, which is impossible to block him from -- he's looked at that profile several times since we went NC, but no other contact.

 

Though I still think of him often, I feel infinitely better than I did when I was talking to him.

[Tshwane]

Day 4...and I wrote more posts today than any day in the nearly 2 months I've been on ENA...really struggling but determined to get through this rough spot in which I broke NC and had indirect contact with her....yuck.

 

Day 2 - same boat here man, after 5 days of contact i cut all ties and now im back on the NC bandwagon. I've come to the conclusion that NC is the only way to heal.

 

This time im trying a different strategy, i won't talk or write about her anymore.

[bubblyblonde11]

Just wanted to post and say that I've been doing NC. Been broken up for 2 months on August 8, but only in NC for a little over 3 weeks. He had wanted to be friends, I agreed, then realized there was no way that would work. I blocked him from AIM that night and haven't spoke to him over AIM/e-mail/phone/text, and (this has been the hardest) haven't looked at any of his online profiles or his away message. I've also blocked him on all of my profiles, except one, which is impossible to block him from -- he's looked at that profile several times since we went NC, but no other contact.

 

Though I still think of him often, I feel infinitely better than I did when I was talking to him.

 

 

I am on day 20 of NC. Have blocked him and not looked online for him for a couple of weeks but like you I still think of him often, feel better than I did but still sad after everything it ended at such a naff time and in a bad way.

[jimbobdaley]

Day 2, broke NC. I should not have started cos i knew she was going to ask about some things.

 

But I'm still playing the game.

[tushboy]

Wow, I think I am ready. This is exciting and challenging and going to be HELL LOT OF DIFFICULT. But I need to get a life for myself. I am signing up for NC from today 1st August 2007. I swear to GOD and to myself that I will NOT CALL, MSG, EMAIL, ATTEMPT TO MEET OR FIND OUT ABOUT MY EX. I want to keep this on for a month. Please pray and wish for me that it works.

[Enn]

Argh wish I'd posted here before!

 

I'm actually really 21 days into NC (strict NC - and I work near him) but according to SD's rules this is Day One

 

A few weeks ago I was in NC with him cos he was behaving like a moron. He came back after week four. (And was still rude!)

 

Two years ago I went into NC for EIGHT WEEKS because he was a TOTAL moron (had been stringing along a few of us at once - but it was early days then).

 

He KNOWS I do NC proper (when he's dumped me) - trouble is, he also knows that when he comes back wanting to 'talk about us' I weaken. HOWEVER, this time I'M the one that split up with him - he went on a day out with this woman despite the fact I'd clearly said it made me feel rubbish. I was quite clear about why (too many close female friendships, general flirting, no plans for the future, never seeming to want to see me, nil respect).

 

Next day he rang 31 times (WHO, who is sane, does this?). I ignored. Next day he started ringing from 8am. Eventually I texted him saying 'I meant what I said' to which he replied 'I love you I want you I need you.'

 

He followed me to a gig a couple of days later and then seemed to think we were back together as I spoke to him, then when I reiterated that it was over later in the week I got a series of dramatic Facebook (yes, the very website he refused to admit to being in a relationship with me on) messages saying 'I can't envisage life without you in it' and 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you'. Followed by a pathetic 'I miss you XXXXXX' the next day. I think he may have called at my house a week ago (whoever did rang the landline at the same time as Caller Withheld - I can't think of anyone else who'd do that, and I've checked with all my friends). But there is NO WAY I am answering my door or my phone unless I know who it is beforehand! (Sadly he's been in our workplace this week, 5 yards from me - but I can ignore him).

 

Despite this - I feel dreadfully confused (I know he was DREADFUL, so why do I keep thinking I should have done something else and he must feel awfully rejected?) and occasionally panicked. Worst thing is I can see his screen at work - can see him emailing/messaging/facebooking women. Yes, I know many at least are just really good friends (and I'm sure he'll be doing 'Woe is me...she's dumped me' to at least one of them) but...he has done nothing to make me feel better about this. Not even a proper apology!

 

We are doing the right thing kids! I think it'd be best if I never saw this man again, but I am still amazed by how pathetic his attempts have been if he 'can't live without me'. Where is the lilac helicopter throwing flowers into my garden?! Where are the lengthy emails with protestations of love? The wounded bellowing?

[Coyote9]

Day 5 after indirectly having contact and breaking NC last week. Had a great day yesterday, mainly because I spent it with a woman I have met that I really like, even as we are just friends at this point and she lives 3 hours away anyway. After getting home very late last night, I realized I hadn't really thought about my ex in that intense, yearning way all day. A frist in 3.5 months since the last breakup. And yet, today, without the excitement and distraction of the new person, the feelings are back. The good news is I know not to contact her and I think have come to more full acceptance that she has truly moved way on from me and wants nothing to do with hearing from me anyway. Tough pill to swallow but I've finally choked it down I think.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Day 11 of NC....

 

Well, its been an ok few days. i have been thinking of my ex. last night i dreamt about him and the cruel thing about the dream was... it was one of those dreams that actually feels SO real, that when you wake up you think it actually happened. i dont entirely remember the dream, but i do remember waking up so happy that my ex had decided to contact me and i dont remember the rest. but i got up ready to call him (thinking we were back together) and then i was like... ooh noo.. wait, that was a freakin dream? nooo..it was..

 

ah well.. so that was my dream, i guess it happened cause i was wondering last night if he just stopped contact right away etc b/c he was going back to his ex. the usual paranoid thoughts you get when you are in NC right after the break up. but i DO have to say, the thoughts have become less, and the need to hear from him as well. SURE, i would love a call, but i am getting by pretty darn fine... another

apart from that i went to see the movie ratatouille (loved it), was very inspirational even though it was an animated cartoon. i have decided to persue my hobbied and become more ambitious after watching it

my soon new hobbies: gourmet cooking, playing drums (yes!! has been a dream of mine since young) and general fitness. so i have been really excited about those plans. slowlybut surely i will get myself on the right track...

[tushboy]

Its my day 1 of NC and am quite excited...hoping it goes well

[Benjyh]

day 3 for the 5 or 6th time...

 

well today is about the 3rd day again of nc, i have got to this point so many times before, but usually she contacs me, or i cave and contact her. but ive told her not to talk to me this time, and im staying strong..but really need to keep myself busy today, lots of thoughts and memories floating around today, its gonna take all my strength to get through today without trying to contact her.

 

found out yesterday she and her new boytoy are going to visit a mutual friend over the weekend, something we were going to do sucks ass, but im pretty sure shes using him for money and driving. but i need to not care, i just cant....grrr i hate my head!

[Iarra]

So I made it through the challenge I still have the ups and downs, but it's not as bad as the first few weeks. Here's the result of my self-evaluation:

 

Do I have the urge to contact him? No.

Do I still cry about it? Yes.

Do I miss him? Yes.

Does it still hurt? Yes, but it's not as bad as before.

Do I want him back? A part of me still does, but I am acknowledging that some trust has been broken. So I know that if he does come back, it won't be all rosy.

What did I do the past month? I signed up for a really good gym. I'm feeling good about myself, and I've been talking to a lot of my old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. My friends and family have been awesome. I also booked a flight to Florida, and I'm looking forward to fulfilling one of my childhood dreams: swimming with dolphins.

 

Conclusion: NC really does help you heal and helps you get a better perspective on what happened. So to all those who are just starting, keep it up. You can do this. You have to realize that as much as we want our ex's back, we are not in a condition to be back in that relationship, or any relationship for that matter. If we're gonna try again, we have to be able to differentiate feelings from facts. We have to objective about it. Things have to change. Otherwise, we'll be back to where we were before. Take this experience for what it is, and make the most of it. This is your opportunity to shine and show the world what you're really made of.

 

Now, where's my medal?

[Riley42]

congrats Iarra... and thanks for sharing your findings... I broke 8 days of NC cause she called last night... She asked if she could call tomorrow and I told her NO, reiterating that she could call me when she had clarity on her feelings for me and intentions for our relationship moving fwd... we're close to marriage, so in a way I can understand wanting to be 100% sure before you take that next big step... But I expect a good dose of NC in the forseable future... I have no intentions of breaking it.. I've been strong and grow stronger each day... I'm heading to Vegas in about 7 hours for a bachelor party, so my mind will not be fixated on the ex for the next 72 hours!!! now that is something i can look fwd to... ;-)

[Iarra]

Enjoy your trip, Riley! Take it one day at a time. It does get easier

[CoverDrive]

Hey, well done Iarra!

 

It sounds as though things are turning around for you

 

 

[Iarra]

Thanks, CoverDrive! I'm not over it yet, but I will get there

[lrw301jl]

Well, I finally did it! This time I'm going to start NC for real. I told my ex that I need time to work on myself and hoping that she can respect my wishes. I love her and her daughter, I will miss them dearly. However, I love myself more. I will get through this and only time will tell what will happen between my ex and I.

 

DAY #1 of NC

[Pending]

Well actually its due to this site that its somwhat on my mind...

 

Its my birthday and I keep seeing posts concerning ex not contacting them durning their birthday. Well its the night of my bday, i'm half cut but a part of me is a little hurt that thseres no happy birthday from my ex. Its been like 4 months since I contacted her( a month and a half since her last msgs which I ignored).

 

I've seen remarkable progress in the last few weeks. Finally out of a semi-self pity stage i've put myself in all summer and really am moving on. Still this really marks the last real bridge for me. Any doubt about where we stand is confimed.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Day 12 of NC...

 

Finally went to the gym today after 'god knows how long' of putting it of.

and since i am not working at my part-time job anymore, i finally feel like i did something productive again after some time. Especially for me and my health. Great feeling

 

I still think about my ex of course and kinda want him back and still think there is a chance for us though Not now, maybe not this year but I still (sadly) think its possible seeing the reason we aren't together anymore. BUT i'm living for myself and helping myself get ahead in life and learn new things (about myself too).

 

the fact that we were both NC right after we stopped dating has it's good and bad side for my moving on route.

good: i had no chance to make a fool of myself and say stuff to look overly needy and all that stuff.

really bad: i keep having paranoid thoughts, that he really did let me down gently and in reality he went back to his ex, didnt like me anymore, etc... i just keep having a whole bunch of scenario's popping in my head whenever i remember him, and its awfull, well at least is not based on facts.. and thats pretty much the only thing that puts a temporary small damper on my mood.

But aside from that, its been a good day.. and many more to come i hope