Iarra

Thanks, CoverDrive! I'm not over it yet, but I will get there

Enjoy your trip, Riley! Take it one day at a time. It does get easier

So I made it through the challenge I still have the ups and downs, but it's not as bad as the first few weeks. Here's the result of my self-evaluation: Do I have the urge to contact him? No. Do I still cry about it? Yes. Do I miss him? Yes. Does it still hurt? Yes, but it's not as bad as before. Do I want him back? A part of me still does, but I am acknowledging that some trust has been broken. So I know that if he does come back, it won't be all rosy. What did I do the past month? I signed up for a really good gym. I'm feeling good about myself, and I've been talking to a lot of my old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. My friends and family have been awesome. I also booked a flight to Florida, and I'm looking forward to fulfilling one of my childhood dreams: swimming with dolphins. Conclusion: NC really does help you heal and helps you get a better perspective on what happened. So to all those who are just starting, keep it up. You can do this. You have to realize that as much as we want our ex's back, we are not in a condition to be back in that relationship, or any relationship for that matter. If we're gonna try again, we have to be able to differentiate feelings from facts. We have to objective about it. Things have to change. Otherwise, we'll be back to where we were before. Take this experience for what it is, and make the most of it. This is your opportunity to shine and show the world what you're really made of. Now, where's my medal?

Bump. Thought this would help a lot of people.

I have 2 more days in this challenge, but I think I'm gonna need more. As of last week, I was still in the roller coaster. My state of mind went through the following: 1. Ok : I felt I was ok. Even if he doesn't come back, I'll be ok. 2. Hopeful : Who knows? Maybe one day, he will come back. 3. Dreamy : Wonder how he'll come back? (I think of different scenarios of him saying he's so stupid for letting me go) 4. Back to reality : That was just a dream. Maybe he won't come back. 5. Depression : There's a big chance that he won't come back. 6. Anger : Why doesn't he want to come back?? 7. Repeat #1. Yesterday, I checked out this gym near my place. It was good. After my workout, I was feeling a rush of endorphins, and I was actually happy. And then it dawned on me. My ex has been doing a lot of physical activity lately. No wonder he doesn't miss me.

This is one heck of a roller coaster ride. The past few days were just bad. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I've already planned a lot of things that I could do, but I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I think it's because the first week after the breakup, I immediately had to go on a trip, so I held it in. The week after that, I had family over at my place, so I had to hold it in again. Last week, I just started to let my guard down. I was ok the first few days, but it just really hit me this week. I was depressed, then mad. I had those "Why did he do this??" moments. I already know the answer, and I know it's for the best. But it doesn't make it easier. I've started looking into the things that I wanted to do, and little by little, I started looking forward to them. The key really is to keep yourself busy, and focus on what makes you happy. I'm feeling better now, but I think I need more than 30 days of NC

Feeling weak today. I thought I was doing ok. I think that brief encounter yesterday messed up with my brain. Did he look sad when he smiled? Yeah, he did look kinda sad. Or maybe he just didn't know how to react and he's just mirroring what I did. Nah, he sounds happy when he talks on the phone. Arrgh. I should stop over-analyzing. And it doesn't help that I can hear him talk on the phone, making plans for the weekend. I know it's a guy trip, not a date, so that makes it better. But I gotta.... stop... eavesdropping!!!! Hi, earphones. You're my friendssss..

I'm feeling good today. I still think about him, but he's starting to feel like a distant memory, even if his cube's right beside me. I bumped into him for the first time this morning. Since we made eye contact, I smiled a little. I think ignoring him would send the message that I'm not doing ok. Since I am, I didn't mind smiling. He did, too. Then we went back to our own businesses. I think I handled that well I had to pass by his desk a while ago, and he looked up at me (I didn't really look at him, just saw him in the corner of my eye). We used to do that when we were still together (just looking up if the other passed by, and then smiling). He stopped doing that when we were on a break, since he's "keeping his distance". I picked up on it and did the same. So it's interesting that he's doing it again (a couple of times yesterday, too). But I don't want to get back to square one on my healing process. So I'm won't make anything of it.

I've had those thoughts too, but the fact is, our ex's didn't try a little harder. We can mull all we want about shoulda's, coulda's and woulda's, but it wouldn't change our situation, would it? As for my ex, everything was fine. We didn't have compatibility problems or anything like that, but he left. Life is sometimes not easy. There are always gonna be problems. Some are life-altering, some are not. But some people have managed to stay in their relationships. He ain't seen nothin' yet and he already left. That is not something that I would want in a lifelong partner. If he was ready for a relationship, then I know in my heart that we can work it out. But the fact remains that he doesn't want to. There's nothing else I can do but to accept it. I think acceptance is a very important part in the healing process. I work with my ex. His cube's right next to mine. I can hear his voice every day when he talks with our other co-workers. I even hear him talking to his buddies on the phone. So believe me, I can understand how running into your ex, seeing her house, etc.. can hurt. The way I deal with it is, I just sort of block his presense in my mind. I can't really explain how, but it's sort of like pretending he doesn't exist. He's just another guy at work. For some people, changing their routine to avoid the ex can help, but to others, it can have the opposite effect in that you know you're changing it because of her. Only you know which is better for you. As for me, I don't want to change anything about how I do things. I don't want him to have that effect on me. But I also mentally prepare myself for cases where I DO bump into him. In fact, I just bumped into him for the first time this morning. Since we made eye contact, I just gave a little smile. He did the same. No biggie. I've also prepared myself on how to deal with it if, say we had to take the same elevator. If it's just the two of us, I'm ok with asking him how he's doing and making small talk, since I feel it would be more awkward if we don't say anything. The key here is to treat him like any other guy. No special treatment of any kind. He's out of the circle (if you've seen Meet The Parents/Fockers, you know what I mean In your case, if you run into her again and she asks how you are, then be polite, just like you would to any other person. She's just another girl now. Even if you still have feelings for her, it doesn't do you any good to treat her differently. I know it can be hard. It takes a some mental preparation, but you can do it. It's ok to think about these things so that when it happens, you're not caught off-guard. But, like I said, don't think of her as special anymore. Remember, she doesn't have any power over you. If you let your world come crashing down because of her, you're giving her that power. It's normal to still feel down about it. I still have these moments too. But don't dwell. Snap out of it. Don't let ANYBODY (not just your ex) take away your happiness.

These things are good. Keep doing them. Now that you're working on the outside, it's time to work on the inside. What I mean is, change the way you think. These bad feelings that you have... They're from within you. Work on this. Stop thinking that you need her in your life. You don't. You don't need her to respond to your texts. You just want her to respond. There's a difference. Her not responding is not all-important. Your life does not depend on whether she talks to you or not. She didn't respond, and that's ok. It's totally ok. Don't beat yourself up over it. Breakups tend to destroy our self-esteem, since we feel so rejected. But think about this for a while. People all over the globe get rejected all the time. It could be a job, auditioning for a school play, American Idol, etc... So why shouldn't we? The fact is that everybody goes through some sort of rejection in their lives. And it's ok. Don't think of it as a big blow to your self-confidence. Remember the good qualities that you have. List them down if you want. And BELIEVE that you are a good guy and you are a blessing to people around you. If she doesn't see that, it's ok. The way you view yourself should not depend on what she thinks of you. So the next time you bump into her, act happy. Act positive, even if you're not feeling that way. You can grieve later, but don't dwell. Make a conscious decision to be happy. Don't submit to your negative feelings. These feelings come from your own thoughts, and you can control them. Be what your name says. Stay positive

TMinCali, Hahaha! I've actually thought about that, when he first mentioned the break. Yes, I have an eeeevil streak It may have worked when he still didn't want to let me go. But he already made his decision. He's young, and he wants to have his fun. Roses wouldn't change his mind, I don't think. But it's still a fun idea. Maybe when summer's over (and he can't go outdoors), the roses will have a better effect hehe

TMinCali, We went out for about a year and a half. The connection was amazing. We never fought. I gave him a lot of space to be with his buddies, to do his hobbies, etc.. But he's gotten so busy since March that he doesn't have time for me. It was hard for me because I'm not demanding, but it doesn't mean it's ok for me not to see him every now and then (and I'm not talking about seeing him at work, you know We went on a break for about two months. He had a lot of stress, but it hurt me that he had time to party and go to the gym or whatever, but not to see me. I told him I can wait, but not forever. If this goes on too long, I will take it to mean that he's just not happy with me. He felt that he would be like that for a long time, so instead of making it worse (his words!), he decided to be "fair" to me and end it. He's 25, I'm 27. I didn't think our age was a big deal, but some people have said they have gone through some sort of identity crisis, where they didn't know what they wanted, at that age. So it could be that, or it could be that he's just not that into me. It doesn't really matter now. I don't work directly with him. He's on another team. But his cube's next to mine So I can sometimes hear him on the phone talking to his buddies hehe. He didn't come to work last Thursday and Friday, so I know he most probably went climbing (he loves mountain climbing). In a way, I think my situation is easier than yours in that I don't really have to talk to him. Although his projects affect my team, I only have to email his boss for concerns, and not him. I can pretend that he doesn't exist hehe

I work with my ex, so I thought it would be a bit tough to do NC. But it's actually easier, since he's doing it too! It was lunch time, and I had to pass by his cube to go out (he's beside the door). As I walked by, he was standing up. As soon as he saw me, he sat back down. I was looking at the floor the whole time, so we didn't make any eye contact. So although he's still online using the IM software that we use, he's also avoiding me. I guess it's a good thing that he's allowing me to move on. But a part of me is hoping that he doesn't want me to (?). As I said before, doing NC is not hard for me. But it's the actual letting go part that's tough.

Ahh, Muzatsu. We're thinking along the same lines. I'm also scared that I might hurt someone since I'm not over him. Which is why it's very important to REALLY get over him, because only then can we truly move on. Yes, love is patient and kind. I have thought about being patient, too. Sometimes, I ask myself, is this being patient or is this being stupid? How do you know if you've waited long enough? I don't know, but I do know that we should just continue to heal and not put our lives on hold for our ex's.

It's totally alright, Muzatsu. If you don't want to see other people, then it's ok. Sort yourself out. That's something we need to do every now and then, anyway