Insidious1

I THOROUGHLY enjoyed this poem! You have much talen... GREAT job and beautiful post! I WISH i had the talent to create suck works...

INCREDIBLE poem! I'm in awe... it LITERALLY speaks to my heart and is precisely what i feel! You're VERY talented....

hey benjyh... I'm a personal trainer... if anyone wants/needs some tips or pointers about their diet or nutrition or workout routine.. i'd be MORE than happy to help! Just throwin it out there!

AWESOME!!! Loved it! Wish i had that special someone in my life to share that with.... unfortunately.. she left..... Great work! Keep them coming!

LOL! The "last one you dealt with"? Meaning your EX...? Or some girl you met? LOL... there are definitely some "crazies" out there!

Well Folks... I am going out on a DATE! LOL A cute girl i met last week.. got her number.... and am going out sometime early next week. I'm pretty excited... and WOW... woman DO take interest in me! (Sorry... i was beginning to think that i was "scarred" and woman could tell) P.S. Aldo.... you work out? I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY suggest working out! I sorta live for the gym right now! I am seein INCREDIBLE results (17 lbs in 8 weeks...). Give it a thought... it might help! I know definitely relieved some stress

I will second that MOTION!!! Damn, N.C. (though it SUCKS at first) feels SOOO much better! I broke N.C. the other day and feel the SAME way! The only good news is... its not like when the breakup first happened... and your heart tends to go back to "feeling ok" again quicker once you resume N.C. again! Hopefully in the next few days i'll be back to "semi-sorta ok" again! LOL

yes.. jsut a simple "thanks" will do! My ex did the same... be courtious.. but DO NOT say anything else than jsut "thanks" really... OH AND PEOPLE.. i'm back on the N.C. Bandwagon! Refer to my "Please PLease PLEase... NEed Opinions" thread in this forum for background info! LOL It makes for an intersting read! I plan on staying with N.C. as after speaking with her... though it was a pretty decent convo and i got out A LOT of what i wanted/needed to... it still brought back some emotions i;d rather not have and DIDN"T have when i was in N.C.! Back to me... and oh boy do i love the new me! (been working out HARDCORE HARCORE HARCORE for the past 8 weeks! Yikes!!!! I sorta want her to see the 'New and Improved' me... but that DEFINATEY won't be happening anytime soon! HHmmm.. BUT... maybe if a friend of her's saw me... and was like "DDAAAAAAAAAMNN!" .. LOL... sorry just wishfull thinking....)

***************QUESTION******************** Should i take her off my myspace "Friends" list. So long as she is on there.. she can see my page... view the comments and pics people leave me... etc etc etc... I SORTA want her to be able to see it as there are LOTS of woman and friends commenting on how good a time we have been having.... BUT... i also don;t want her to get the urge to know about me.. go on Myspace... and see me and what i've been up to. I DOUBT she has/does do this.. but i think IF she even thought about contacting/knowing about me. she would choose THIS path as it requires NO real effort from her. Any ideas? I DON"T wanna just do it out of spite. And its not exactly "Easy" to do. If she did try to look at my page.. it would be VERY obvious that i had done this intentionally. My profile is NOT set to private (which she knows) and she IS on my friends list (somewhere...). I would have to take her off my friends... and then go and change my profile to "Private" so she can;t see me. BUT.. her friends could see me as they are on my "friends" list too. So to COMPLETELY disappear.. i would have to go through.... find her and ALL her friends... delete them... THEN set everything to private. It seems like a bit of a hasssle... Anyone think that her seeing my profile is THAT big a deal where i should do this?

I think today ended DAY 8 of N.C. for me... I still love and miss the CRAP out of her. And i especially miss the good times. Sometimes i catch myself remenising on the good times.. and get a little bit resentful that she jumped into a new "serious" relationship so fast. But my grounding thoughts are that i have NO CONTROL over her or her actions. Only mine. Sure i made mistakes... and i have expressed how i wanted to make things work, and she opted for "space" (i.e. dating a new guy...). Life is ok... I go to the gym almost every day. It has become my new g/f! LOL I eat better, work out, study, and work. I have LOTS of free time, but i do my best to soak it up with stuff. Life will go on, i'll be ok. I DO love and miss her, and it sorta upsets me she hasnt attempted to call... but its ok. Mood: Bittersweet (reality of us never getting together again is sinking in). Optimistic of possible dates. Scared to move on. Depressed when i hear certain songs throughout the day, confused as to how she can turn off her feelings.... I find coming on ENA REALLY REALLY REALLY helped!!!! BUT, in some ways... i sorta like to take a couple days off here and there. So no updating every day.. as i realize it sorta makes me bitter as to what happened. I will come on and update accordingly... and can;t say thank you enough to EVERYONE!

Agreed! I WISH she would come back.... DON"T GET ME WRONG... But i am doing the same.. thinking the ABSOLUTE worse! I figure its easier to deal with it now... then hold my breath and deal with it later and be hurt! Do you think you will be getting a phone call from her anytime soon? I personally DO NOT expect any.... though i would like to atleast see she has. She has couple of things i would like back (i.e. a $100 key to my condo and my Ipod..... ). I WILL NOT call/nor break my N.C.... BUT... i DO expect that stuff back! lol I often catch myself wondering "maybe she is holding on to it to call me at a later time for some reason". LOL... I think i am fooling myself.

WOW!! LOL.. just realized there are about 5-6 people who are on their 5th day of N.C.! We better not let eachother down!!! LOL I know i won;t. No matter how much pain i'm in. I even deleted her number out of my phone! LOL P.S. Puck... if they DIDN'T have a good weekend... i KNOW she would have called me! LOL PLUS.. its been a week since their little trip.. and STILL no contact from her side. Something tells me this is gonna be a long relationship they are in together (even IF it is a rebound). She hasn't dealt with us ending yet... and she is putting her hurt and emotions RIGHT into this new relationship and he is telling her ALL the right things. BUT.. good news is... ITS OK! I have NO control over it... and as much i love her.. i must let her go and give her the space that she obviously needs. Plus.. we all know i need space too! LOL i am a mess!

DAY 5 ALMOST DONE! LOL I JUST got home from the Marine Corps base.... LOL.. wow... kicked my * * * * *! LOL Good distraction for two days though! I feel ok. sense of hopelessness and "there's nothing i can do" mode. I gotta go to work... which i hate.... and will be on later. Mood Today: TIRED!!!!! Hurting inside (Still hurting from the news of the "other guy" and their "wonderfull trip" to the keys together... but oh well. I can't change it... and she will make her own decisions. ) , anxious (to see if she'll call) , lonely , frustrated...

Will do..... Thank you....... (Thinks to myself.... if he's not "better",t hanwhy be with him and not me.....) SORRY!! LOL... thats the side of me thinking that i need to shut up! LOL I know guys.... and TRUST ME... i WILL not fail with N.C.! I can assure you of that

VERY VERY VERY true! My ex hasn't really made ANY contact with me on her own. Aside from the custmary "happy b day" text.. and stuff like that... there has been NO contact from her.... I shall do the same... and it DOES help that she is not calling/texting... that would tear me up!

Selfish? LOL I've tried to talk to her! I never told her that i "wasn;t going to talk to her" until she is ready to listen. I just feel that talking to her in her present state of mind is useless. She MUST be willing to listen to me. Talking to her PRIOR to that would do nothing but push her away farther. I am sick of saying stuff and thinking "crap... maybe it is best i haven;t said that!" LOL I understand the concept on N.C. I am doing N.C. and will not break it. I know i will feel better.. and plan on being happy again! TRUST ME.. LOL.. i'd love to hear from her... and talk to her. I want to apologize for some of the stuff that i may have done to hurt her in the relationship. But N.C. for 30 days will pass and i will determine i i am ready to talk to or not. I may need more time... And about her and the new guy... the info i have is not just heresay. It is QUITE accurate. But i am no longer asking/inquiring about her and what she is up to. It does nothing but hurt. I agree that a month can change a lot. I am/will work on me... That is my priority..... (i didn;t realize i was sounding selfish...)

SWEET! LOL I dont even think i will go for just 30. If she is still with this guy... who she decided to jump into a relationship IMMEDIATELY after us... Then a month is NOT enough time to make ANY impact on her feelings. She is diving HEAD FIRST into this relationship... and month is still the "butterflies" stage... and might only show "its been a month.. i still care... oh poor me" LOL So i will do the 30 days. But might possibly do MUCH more. There is so much to say.. but no point in saying it do deaf/unemotional ears. I will wait until she is ready to really listen... and MAYBE THEN communicate with her again.

Mood Today: Disbelief at times (can't believe its really over); hurt; sorta like all this is a bad dream..... Problem is... lol, i'm awake! I am ok though. About to go to work..... I hate work. That always puts me a little down and i kno i won;t make any money. But oh well.... Day 3 almost over. I miss and love her..... but must let her and "us" go. Thanks for being there for me everyone. Oh and congrats on reaching your goal Mac and Super.... Good luck with everything...

Well... its been since Tuesday that i last texted her. I WILL NOT text/call/email. I DID have a friend tell me a BUNCH of stuff about the ex that REALLY messed me up today! (Like... crying... depressed.. etc...) WOW... i feel better though. Its bittersweet. But i know there's nothing i CAN do. I am in the N.C. challenge... and plan on sticking to it. So technically.. 2 days since last contact.. but only 1 day since someone told me a bunch of stuff. I told them that what they said was enough.. and i appreciate it... but thats it for me. No more info is needed. it just messes me up. Ignorance is bliss.... (lets hope)

But thats ok.... HE WANTED to leave... let him mull over that. If it was in the LEAST bit as special to him as it was for you... HE WILL be thinking of you. I still think.. reguardless of who wanted to leave..... that his response is normal. As men.... we tend to NOT show how we feel. ESPECIALLY in situations like these. That doesn't mean he desperately wants to get back together or anything.... But it does mean that even if he DOES want to be with or has given it some though... he PROBABLY wont share that with you... ATLEAST not yet. It is still relatively early since you both came to that agreement. Try to keep your chin up babe... you seem really sweet... and you obviously care immensely about him. All we can do is move on and hope that maybe one day down the road... they will come back... the HARD part is realizing that it is a DEFINATE possibility that they won't.....

WOw.... Its like the opposite situation. My EX contacted me... said "How was your B day?" My repsonse was even briefer.... i said "Birthday went well, thanks". LOL... I guess she MIGHT have felt the same way you did by my response! (i am not making light into your situation, its just interesting to see how a woman responds when us men do certain things..) And NO... lol... she didnt respond to my text response! Anyways... i think what you did was fine! Maybe you should have stuck with N.C.... but you can't change that now! I think what you said is jsut fine. It shows your respectfull of his "space" and that you all will re-evaluate the situation at a later point in time. Secondly... his "brief" response wasn;t really that brief. Think about this as the flip side... I am a guy... i LOVE MY EX with all my heart (still... grrrr) and look at the text i send her when SHE contacted me! That doesnt mean that i dont care... i just don't know what to say.... i WANT to say A LOT! LOL But i didn't know what to say! There is a good chance that he is just playing his cards close to his chest. Try your best to not over analyze every little text/phone call... (i am having the same issue....) I suggest sticking to N.C. now. Let him have his space. DO NOT worry to much about what is already done. I KNOW it will all work out (one way or the other....) And in two months... you will be in a MUCH different state of mind. Good luck to you... and i hope this IN SOME way helped!

I;ve been reading your thread for a little while and been trying to think of a god explaination for all of it. Or maybe some comforting words.... Truth is... its a HARD situation. I DO believe he cares about you. Even as a guy... no matter how much we pretend to NOT care or how much of a scumbag we are.... there is a part of us that still cares! But i DON"T think he wants to be in a relationship with you anymore. ATLEAST not at the moment... The distance thing is a double-edged sword though.... Too much distance will only cause one to forget (atleast for the time being....) and move on. Too little distance will only PUSH that person away. It seems like you might have done the latter of the two... You were pretty needy and that can turn off someone who is in that "i don't know if i want this relationship anymore" state. Its hard to know JUST how much space to give someone. Some might say leave them alone for good! You must do the NC thing! PERIOD!". I agree and dissagree. I think NC is GREAT.... but it is MORE for YOU to heal. The constant reminder of the other person makes things EXTREMELY hard. It just so happens that the NC will sometimes cause the other person to re-think the loss the of the relationship. EACH AND EVERY situation is different! But one thing IS universal... Its hard to miss something thats ALWAYS there! Thats what i am going through RIGHT now! I just told my EX of 2 years that i know why and how she msut of felt and that i am sorry and i would do anything to be with her. I even told her that i had bought her an engagement ring just weeks before the breakup... Now is time for me to (as you had told me Never_To_Late) to sit back and let her digest this. It may or may not be a good response. We may or not not end up getting back together in the long run... but either way.. i will keep my head high (as hard as that may be!) I'd have to say the same for you. I haven't read EVERY post in here (LOL.. its 21 pages long!) but take this..... Maybe it IS best for a little more space. Let him know hwo you feel, but pull away. DO NOT suffocate him! NOT so much to get him back... but more for YOURSELF so you can function and be happy with or without him. I KNOW it sucks!!!! TRUST ME! But it might work out better in the long run. You can;t force anyone into anything they don't want to do.... And right now, from what you said, he doesn't want to be with you. Take those couple months off but DO NOT expect to get back together. That doesn't mean you WONT be together.. it just means to expect the worse. If he is truly done with the realtionship nothing you CAN do will change that. Maybe a couple months from now you'll feel TONS better and think "wow... i care about him a lot... but such is life." You seem like a VERY sweet person! I think you have A LOT to offer someone in a relationship... Maybe (even though you don't think so or WANT to think so..) there is someone out there who things might work out better with. Love is hard and it takes working at..... But you need TWO people to make it work. A quote i like is "Love is not a feeling or emotion.... but is a decision made from the heart". You chose to love him and put forth your effort. Right now he is in a different place. Maybe he will come around, maybe he won't. I would leave off with something nice to tell him..... but don't get too mushy. Trust me, HE KNOWS that you care! Don't go over-board! Take this time for you and i wish you the BEST! Come on here and vent and talk.. but don't keep texting and calling him.