THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[blujay]

Wow, sounds like my ex. He says he wants to be "best friends" as he obviously has no romantic feelings for me anymore. I had an sort of ephiany when reading another post on here about dependancy. I relise that I had lost myself in our relationship and all my validation was coming from the fact that I thought he loved me 100%, despite my flaws and issues. Now i relise i have to concentrate on finding myself again (even tho i had very low self esteem before we started going out). I think my love for him was based on his love for me. Dont get me wrong, he was a fantastic person and was caring, and I did (do) love him as a person, but he is very young. This was our first major relationship and we had some fantastic times together, but i can't see us hanging out as friends until I find myself again and full realise that he is not the right guy for me.

 

I was sorting out My Pictures on the comp today and came accross a video of us on holiday. I swore was was not going to cry about this again, as I'm sick of feeling drained and depressed. I didn't actually watch it, but even the first frame was enough to make me start crying. I can't wait for this feeling to end. Sigh, days seem to be dragging on.

[waterbaby07]

Day 17: Holding up well here at home with the family. Im so thankful for them. I talk about him everyday- good memories mostly. Because he didn't meet my family i almost feel like our relationship wasn't that important, even though we lived together and dated almost one year. Funny though, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I was so unsure about him and our future together. I would have ended up the breadwinner, catering to his friends who were his entire life. He was never able to reassure me and say, "honey, we can do this as long as we do it together." No confidence whatsoever. Such a gentle soul, but i need someone with strength, someone who can overcome the hardships that life and relationships throw at us. I do feel so lonely, but im really going to take this time to do things i've been putting off for the last year.

Congrats to those of you who have made it past 30 days! the first month is definitely the hardest.

[Tshwane]

Day 40 sumthing - Still doing good, no positive of thoughts of her. Finally i'm seeing her for what she was i.e manipulative pathological liar. I want nothing to do with her anymore.

 

NC does help.

[spaced]

day 12 - im in a dark place - weekend was horrible. I just cant see me ever recovering from this - one problem is things seem to me fairly open for reconciliation in the future, i have no closure..my plan is to do the 30 days and give her space then i want to meet her again and see what happens..

[1guygirl]

day 30 odd...

 

well seeing his profile didnt help matters and felt down today even tho there was nothing i didnt know already - still i found an old letter from him and this note he wrote saying 'i need you' and it was with some bits and bobs in an envelope that he picked for me like flowers etc from places we went in the first few weeks of dating ....ouch. but...i then decided to root through the rest of my apartment and its amazing how much stuff you dont see that belonged to or reminds you of them....so i got it all together and BINNED IT (including our unused wedding rings) saying GOOD RIDDENCE TO BAD RUBBISH. see tshwane...my ex was like yours a manipulating pathological liar - i reckon theyd make a good couple! anyway glad you feel ok! and you keep up them 30 days spaced and see how you feel after that - but be warned - if theyve moved on, contact can feel like youre getting eating alive very slowly by a pack of pyrana fish...

[blujay]

Sorry about the long post! Hope you have endurance enough to read thru it all!

 

Day 2 I have written a letter/note to him that i'm not going to send but thought I would post it up here. I'm actually feeling ok tonight, have planned to start living a more healthy life and when i am at a better weight, i'm getting a tattoo to reward myself. Been thinking about getting one for a while and am going to save it for a special occasion. Also going to friends house tomorrow and also will be visiting parents. This is going to be hard as I haven't talked about it to Dad and Stepmum yet (I live with my mum). I also have to drive past where he lives, which will be upsetting. I'll post what happens tomorrow.

 

Here's the letter:

 

"I lost you because I lost myself in you,

You lost me because you didn’t want to face up to the hard stuff.

Thank you for sharing my life and loving me when you did,

You’ve made me the person I am today,

But this isn’t necessarily the person I want to be

 

We are both young and need time to grow

You need time to mature,

Enjoy your life and don’t feel guilty about wanting to go it alone for a while,

Find out what you want and who you are

 

Yes you hurt me and part of me isn’t going to forgive you at the moment for not knowing how much you would hurt me.

Especially the way you chose to tell me those things,

I’m disappointed you couldn’t have been ‘more of a man’ and told me what was bothering you when we were together, or even when you were breaking it off

I would have thought that 4 years together (and being best friends), I would deserve better treatment from you, and you would want to know what is hurting me enough to make me hurt myself

But I’ve come to the conclusion that you weren’t ready for that kind of effort that it takes to make a relationship work,

Or maybe you were scared that I would still want to make it work and you didn’t want to.

You had had enough, and nothing was going to make you change your mind

I think that this is probably a very good thing for me,

I need time to love myself enough to become the person I deserve to be,

You would have found this out if you had talked to me,

Communication is what was missing, and was missing for a long time.

 

As for being friends, I don’t think this is going to happen for awhile,

Hard as I am finding it at the moment, no contact is what will work out for the best in the long run

I need time for me now,

I was only concerned about what I was defined by us.

I care for you deeply and I’m concerned that I can’t just be friends.

If I take it too quickly, I’ll end up hurting myself more and more.

I know you understand this, and if we care about each other enough to be friends, you’ll be there waiting for me.

 

Good luck in your future and I hope you find happiness"

 

Glad to hear that everyone is being strong! 1guygirl, your comments abut my ex moving on is what is keeping me from looking at a forum he posts on and I know he is talking about the break up on. I can't take that right now. He already posted that it wouldnt bother him if I dated another guy as he wants me to be happy. But no way can i move on that quickly.

[laugher]

day something or other...had to break it yesterday cause I needed to know when she was coming to pick up her stuff. Kept it short, sweet and to the point.

 

To busy planning my move to really think about her much....tho she does creep into my mind now and again.

[smickey]

Day 6

 

Had a good weekend away. Ran into one of his friends at the airport last night and we had a drink while we were waiting for our flights. We talked a little about my ex - he reiterated that my ex was worried about the commitment stuff because of how his parents split up when he was younger. Great - my relationship ends because of something that happened 15 years ago...At least it confirmed what I already knew. Feeling a bit dejected and bitter about it all but hopefully that feeling will pass.

[The One]

Day 20, Doing better then I expected.

 

Every Day I'm feeling stronger and happier. Been dating, spending time with friends and family. Havn't had the urge to look at my myspace page or my ex's. Looking forward to the Day 30 milestone lol.

[baden]

Day 8

 

Today I woke up angry more than sad. So I guess that is a start on the road to recovery. I am angry that she gave up when I was more than willing to work harder on the relationship. My hope is starting to run thin...

[smickey]

day seven

 

Feel pretty good today. My ex rang me last night but I didn't hear my phone as I was in the supermarket so picked up the message later. He didn't call back and for a second I felt tempted to return his call, but only for a second!

 

Life is very busy so I'm just trying to keep on top of things really - good distractions though and plenty of other things for me to think about.

[blujay]

Contacted and visited ex yesterday. Had an extremely good talk about how we are both feeling and what went wrong, which should have been said before. Communicated better than we had for a long time while we were together. I know that we will not be getting back together, and being friends atm, whilst being slightly painful, will be a good thing to help me heal. I know this sounds paradoxical, but towards the end of our relationship, we were more friends with benefits than a couple and the release from our relationship, whilst painful has given me the opportunity to concentrate on myself.

 

We are going to take the friendship slowly, and if i feel uncomfortable at any point, i know to pull away. Talked very easily to each other about what we've been doing and mutual friends.

 

I'm enjoying spending time on myself, i've started to draw again which I haven't done in a long time. Spending time with family and other friends has been great.

[Iarra]

Day 8

 

Today I woke up angry more than sad. So I guess that is a start on the road to recovery. I am angry that she gave up when I was more than willing to work harder on the relationship. My hope is starting to run thin...

 

Hey baden,

 

I feel the same way. I'm pissed off that he's not willing to work at all for this relationship. I never demanded, never asked too much, just that he spend a little more time with me (we didn't see each other for more than a month). His solution? Break up before it gets worse. (What the ???????)

 

I still have some of his stuff that I need to return, but once I do, I'll be joining this challenge. Watch out for me, guys

[spaced]

day 14 - really bad few days - then felt better today until i made the mistake of taking a detour past her work in the hope of bumping into her - let myself down - lesson learnt. Reading these posts helps me regain my focus. thank you all.

[waterbaby07]

Day 21: I made it 3 weeks and Im really proud of myself! Still having thoughts of what he'll be doing on the holiday today (BBQ, drinking with friends, probably hooking up with a girl Sorry for the negativity! I really can't think that way, huh? Im going to enjoy myself with my family and think happy thoughts.

[tree]

the day nc was broken

 

i've stayed away from skype/contact since jun 20 and today, i really didn't want to go on it and checked if he was there and he wasn't but i needed to use it with my family, so, i had myself as invisible. but for some reason he called me twice. according to nc, i should ignore it, but i've healed enough and i'm more of an lc person because to ignore him on purpose is just mean. i apologized and said i was engaged in another call. he said, don't apologize. talk to you soon. a couple of hours later when my other call ended, i saw he was online so i just asked if he still wanted to talk. i waited for ten minutes, no response and i really don't mind because it's either he's away from the computer or busy flirting with his ex. either way, i'm not bothered. so i said, 'guess not. well, i'm off. take care!' i think this is pretty good. he can send me an e-mail to apologize or he can not do anything and i'll still be fine. back to nc for me for now simply because i've nothing to say to him and he should come to me, really. meanwhile, he's still in contact with the ex and it doesn't really bother me anymore because i'm not going to dictate whom he can and can't have in his life. i want him to have all the people he wants in his life in his life. i want him to be happy. i love him and the day he wants my love, he knows where i am and if he decides he doesn't, then, he doesn't. no one's ever going to make me like horseradish until i want to like it. same diff!

 

good luck, all on nc! really, we're all just a bunch of human beings who will expire one day. don't let things get to you too much, hm?

[The One]

Day 22, Spending time with my family, havn't looked at the myspace, had the urge to call last night but I resisted.

 

Hope everyone is doing good, and stay strong!!!

[heynowwww]

day 1 starting tomorrow

 

just sick of bs and being put on the back burner. I want to go at least 3 months. so heres to no contact.....

[andy5128]

day 1 starting tomorrow

 

just sick of bs and being put on the back burner. I want to go at least 3 months. so heres to no contact.....

 

Hi Again Mate

 

Well done for giving this is bash. It will really help. So give it your all..

 

Andy

[iamconfused5302]

Day 8 for me and will keep going

[baden]

Hey baden,

 

I feel the same way. I'm pissed off that he's not willing to work at all for this relationship. I never demanded, never asked too much, just that he spend a little more time with me (we didn't see each other for more than a month). His solution? Break up before it gets worse. (What the ???????)

 

I still have some of his stuff that I need to return, but once I do, I'll be joining this challenge. Watch out for me, guys

 

I have found that most people take the easy way out for everything in life...just pure laziness to be honest. Others can't handle conflict even if its the healthy kind where you learn your partners boundaries.

[Muzatsu]

I'll try this challenge, though I don't think I'll make it past 2 days lol.

Here it goes...Broke up on the 8th of June, but been on a break since the 25th of May. Last time of contact was on our would-be 3rd anniversary, July 2nd.

 

Starting from Independence day (4th)

to august 5th, I will take this NC challenge.

 

However, on Saturday I am going with my friends to a once a year anime event, and my ex might be there. I don't want to miss out because of him, so I will ignore him if he is present, or make small talk.

 

I hope for the most part i can stick to it.

[smickey]

day eight

 

Mostly doing ok - just puzzled by his behaviour really. He hasn't rung back after leaving a message 2 days ago. I know I shouldn't care but it's hard not to wonder what is going on in his head. Luckily things are busy for me so most of the time I can put it out of my mind.

[celebros]

Days 9 through 23

 

Well, it's been quite a long time since I've logged on and updated. But here's a long overdue post!

 

I've been holding up pretty well over the past 2 weeks. I have been having a great time on the weekends with friends, and spending some more time with my family.

 

Probably the most difficult thing to deal with is when it is late at night. On occasion, I do feel a little empty when it's getting close to bedtime. It is strange having the whole bed to myself. It is also a bit weird not having that person there when waking in the morning.

 

It was a little hard to get her out of my mind yesterday as we always looked forward to celebrating July 4th together.

[kgirl]

Had a great time last night, even kissed one guy and gave another guy my number. Hey, I'm single! And they were cute!

 

But today, feeling kind of low and obsessive. Annoying that meeting good guys makes me think of my ex, and when we met, and how much I wish we could meet each other again. Really want it out of my mind but am unsure how. Day 23 NC for me. Baaah. Haven't heard jack from him since he commented on my blog on Sunday with something cute he used to say to me. Wow, he's not making this easy--just throwing me enough scraps to miss him...