THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[BrokenBear]

I wish my ex were so happy to hear from me, Fineberg. The last time I tried to talk to her, she shut me down, cold. Probably why it hurts so much for me... feels like I never mattered to her any more.

 

In any case this was Day 9, and I'm feeling a bit better today. Didn't have much quiet time, which for me was a good thing, less to think about. Bought myself a new digital keyboard, figured after 15 years of not playing piano, I'd go back and re-learn/play for myself.

 

Found a shirt of hers in the laundry, the last remaining item in here - I think. I am considering just burning it though.

[petepetterson]

Thanks for the great post. I haven't read all 400 pages of replies, but I have to say it really helped me feel better after my breakup.

[tree]

my contact has been sporadic but the last time was 6 days ago and today feels like day 1 (and you broke us up in bleeding april!!) because i'm really not going to think about your existence today. my friend is pissed at me for being in pain and it's just too much stupidity for me to handle right now. i seriously hate you for meeting me because i was a happy girl who is now having to record how many days she hasn't spoken with a boy. you're a doodoohead. so unless you contact me you better believe that this is freaking it.

[WorkoutAddict]

It's Day 7.I actually think he's going to come back to me. But I don't.. That might make no sense at all.. But I really believe he's coming back even though I don't. I don't know how to explain it, but maybe someone knows where I'm coming from?

 

I do. Sometimes I am 100% sure that he will come back too, maybe it's just that we don't want to lose hope and we want to think that not everything is lost. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[spaced]

Me too - day 6 for me.. I think my ex will come back eventually - she loved me so much...but i messed up. Now she says she needs to think everything through..but this may take weeks, months or even years..so the best thing is to assume its over for ever and i know how hard that is but we must all move on..could you really put up with the pain for the next 18 months hoping to get that call?

[papalazarou]

Guys (and girls)

 

The ONLY think you can do is get THROUGH this. Not round it or over it but THROUGH it.

 

Do things that you ENJOY. No matter how hard it is at first. It really is easier said than done but it does get easier as the days, weeks then months pass.

 

You will think about them less and less as time goes on.

 

To anyone going thru a break up my one piece of advice would be this

 

Keep BUSY. Dont let the mind wander. Keep on moving on.

[Interested]

I want to sign up for the NC challenge.

 

I did really well at the beginning at no contact - and would really only have the odd text message here and there - which didn't help - but was doable.

 

However, I've just got to the stage where its started to really do my head in, and after 1.5 months of being broken up and going over and over in my mind whether we will or won't get back together I think I've finally realised that it is over. I won't be going back. Not least as I found out he lied to me a lot. Which is even more hurtful as he was supposed to be a close friend beyond anything else.

 

Anyhow, beyond all this. What do you guys do when you just start getting that over whelming feeling that you need to speak to the 'ex'. I have tried calling friends, but sometimes it literally feels like unless I send that text, or speak with him - it hurts. Yet, when I speak with him it hurts even more. It just seems a no win situation.

 

I am signing up today which is 26 June. I am not even telling him what I am doing so if he does get in contact with me, I am literally going to ignore him. After all the lies I don't owe him any explanations and I need to do this for my own sanity as its driving me nuts.

 

It doesn't help living in a flat on my own and never really getting the chance to speak to anybody in the mornings - which I always find is my worse time. Drinking alcohol also makes me blue - but is such a large part of what I need to do to keep busy - in terms of meeting up with friends etc.

 

I can't wait for this feeling to go away and I know that everyone says that unless you embrace it head on, it won't - so I guess that is what I am doing and I know that it can't go on forever and I don't feel bad about my other ex's.

 

I suppose its just easy to doubt yourself and worry about what is wrong with you when you break up with someone.

 

Horrid. Anyhow, sorry for warbling on. No contact it is. Sign me up. 26 June 2007.

[lrw301jl]

Day # 1 again

 

After one day of NC and I called her because I just wanted to get things off my chest. I told her that I always love her and her daughter. I will never forget them. I told her that I'm sorry for all the pain that I have caused her and I can't take the past away, if I can, I would! I wasn't doing any pleading at all, I was just getting thing off my chest. Now I can really start my journey of NC and focus on myself. As tears falling down from my eyes. I hope one day I will be able to forgive myself for all the things I have done and just maybe my ex will also forgive me.

[kgirl]

Day 14 for me, and last night he texted me an unhappy smiley face. Well boo hoo! I've been an "unhappy smiley face" for months, ya jerk! NO RESPONSE FROM ME for such a small gesture.

 

Oh, this is getting fun now to gain myself back. Plan on going another month before making any decisions about try to reconcile or not...

 

KEEP GOING EVERYONE!!!!!

[andy5128]

Day 14 for me, and last night he texted me an unhappy smiley face. Well boo hoo! I've been an "unhappy smiley face" for months, ya jerk! NO RESPONSE FROM ME for such a small gesture.

 

Oh, this is getting fun now to gain myself back. Plan on going another month before making any decisions about try to reconcile or not...

 

KEEP GOING EVERYONE!!!!!

 

Great Kgirl.. Good for you.. That's the spirit! LOL

 

If he wants you back, he needs to try alot harder than that.. If he is not prepared to do that NC continues!.. Take Care, Andy

[Fineberg]

Day 6 of 100

 

So last night I called my ex at around 10:15 and we ended up talking a solid 10 to 15 minutes. None of it was fighting. None of it was about the relationship. None of it was about the guy she likes now. We just had fun catching up with each other.

 

I've read many books that say the way to end a phone call or date with someone you are interested in is to end while the other person is still having a good time and the energy hasn't begun to die off yet. Well, let me tell you, that is hard to do! Haha, but I did it, telling her she could call me later. And when people say call me later, you can interpret it anyway you want. It's a very open ended request. Well she ended up calling me an hour and a half later at midnight while I was in bed, but the funny thing is that my phone only ringed once, like she suddenly had a second thought about calling me at that time. Well I don't know the reasoning behind it and I will try not to look into it, but the important thing is she is obviously thinking about me again.

 

That makes total sense too, because if our phone call had snailed along until we both stopped coming up with interesting things to talk about, there wouldn't be as much anticipation or reason to call back right away. But by ending the conversation at its high-point, while we both have more to say, she's going to end the call with me, thinking about me, how much she likes talking to me, and possibly missing me and concerned I am becoming too busy to just stay on the phone with her.

 

AND THAT, LADIES AND GENTS, WAS MY OVER-ANALYZATION OF THE PHONE CONVO I HAD WITH MY EX.

[andy5128]

Hi Fineberg

 

So of the 6 days of no contact, how many of those days have you spoken or been in contact with your ex mate?

 

Andy

[Fineberg]

Hi Fineberg

 

So of the 6 days of no contact, how many of those days have you spoken or been in contact with your ex mate?

 

Andy

 

Andy, I started NC (which obviously has now turned in LC) the night of the 20th right after I wished her a happy birthday and being a day after I wrote her an email about our relationship and other things on the 19th. She called me on the 22nd to thank me for wishing her a happy birthday and then I called her last night, with her psuedo-calling me 90 minutes later, but it only ringed once (what do you guys make of that?)

 

I don't want this to turn into a friendship or anything, so I decided to back off again and let her call me again. Hopefully this time she will give me time to pick up the phone!

 

I will keep you posted.

[andy5128]

I would defintely leave contact from you now mate. I know you are doing more LC but let her now take the lead on things.. It's hard to stop the urge to make contact I know as been there but it gets easier and then you have your ups and downs even way down the line. I am approaching 6 weeks now but still have the odd off day but not very often. So stick with it. Your right keep the conversations if you do choose to speak with her light and upbeat and stay a bit aloof. Don't have any expectations thats the key.

 

Andy

[Fineberg]

Thanks for the advice and support, Andy. I am REALLY trying not to read into things.

[WorkoutAddict]

Personally if I had contact with my ex I maybe would have an "inner and small" hope that things would be nice again and that eventually he would be back... what were your thoughts when you called her, and when she called you?

[Fineberg]

Personally if I had contact with my ex I maybe would have an "inner and small" hope that things would be nice again and that eventually he would be back... what were your thoughts when you called her, and when she called you?

 

Haha, it's funny you mention that, Addict. I was calling her to tell her that I need to get her antique chairs out of my apartment because it's taking up too much space in my apartment. That reason is partly true but I am also trying to cut ties between me and her stuff so I have more control over the situation, my life, and feel like I'm not doing favors for my ex anymore.

 

BUT OFCOURSE, she answers the phone with an excited "Hi!" and I just melt. You have to understand, she can have a very childlike, innocent, and upbeat way about her and other times she can be very cool, objective, and guarded. I don't know if any of you believe in astrology or not, but she's a gemini on the gemini/cancer cusp (her birthday was the 21st).

 

So due to the way she answered the phone, I just couldn't force myself to be stern with her and I took advantage of the fact that her and I are on good terms and we had a nice talk JUST about what we've been up to, which was suprisingly very entertaining on both ends.

 

During the 12 minute conversation I starting thinking in my head-

 

"GOD, this is the woman I fell in love with. We still have that chemistry even over the phone and it only took a few days of space to get that back."

 

So, like I have said before, I ended the phone call at a high-point while she still wanted to talk. When she called me back, even if it was for one ring before I guess she decided to either let me sleep or call me later, it assured me that she ATLEAST started thinking of me after we stopped talking.

 

And that, folks- is always a good thing.

 

I DON'T CARE how much she likes this other guy or her feelings for him. I CANNOT affect her attraction towards him. I can ONLY affect her attraction towards ME.

[TMinCali]

Well done, Fineberg. Sounds like you and I have the same ebook What you're doing is pretty much my whole philosephy on NC vs. LC. As long as you're mentally ready!

 

Sounds like you've got your head in the right place when she calls and are staying cool. I wish you the best of luck. I wish I could reach out to my ex right now, but fear and pride are getting in the way. Each time we make contact, he is always very receptive. I sometimes I wonder if he thinks I hate him due to some harsh words I said to him when we broke up. Since then, when we communicate, he seems to be going out of his way to show me he has changed, and does those little things I said he never did.

 

Ugh! So confusing!!!

[Fineberg]

Well done, Fineberg. Sounds like you and I have the same ebook What you're doing is pretty much my whole philosephy on NC vs. LC. As long as you're mentally ready!

 

Sounds like you've got your head in the right place when she calls and are staying cool. I wish you the best of luck. I wish I could reach out to my ex right now, but fear and pride are getting in the way. Each time we make contact, he is always very receptive. I sometimes I wonder if he thinks I hate him due to some harsh words I said to him when we broke up. Since then, when we communicate, he seems to be going out of his way to show me he has changed, and does those little things I said he never did.

 

Ugh! So confusing!!!

 

Yes, yes, I do think we have the same e-book because I am posting a lot of things from it, such as having no regard for the other person your ex is interested in. I also agree with your point on NC vs LC. I believe NC is for when you aren't on the best of terms with your ex, but if you ARE on good terms with your ex, I wouldn't recommend making much of the contact or else I think you could fall into the dreaded "Friend Land." So yea, I contacted my ex and we had a solid conversation, but I feel she needs to make the next attempt at real contact.

[WorkoutAddict]

Day 7

 

Today I couldn't help recalling that last Tuesday by this time I was drowning in tears because my ex had told me the most painful words he had ever told me. I have been kind of blue all day long and my hope to hear the phone ring and his voice saying "I'm sorry" after I pickup is more and more pale each day and, strange as it may seem, I don't feel the urge of calling him, maybe because if I call I will hear the same rude words or maybe just the busy signal that means that he hung up.

 

I wonder, more and more now, where the sweet and loving man I met 15 months ago is now, the man who would have rather died before hurting me. In which part of the road did we lose each other? Where did the "I love you" that we said to each other before hanging up to start our day or to go to sleep become routine instead of the "butterflies" in our stomach? Is his behavior the past days the reason why I am not drowning in tears today?

 

Fineberg: As long as you keep a cold head and an objective perspective, it will be fine. Just don't let that "inner tiny hope" grab you

[Fineberg]

Fineberg: As long as you keep a cold head and an objective perspective, it will be fine. Just don't let that "inner tiny hope" grab you

 

Oh, how I'm tryin!

 

And as far as your situation is concerned, what exactly were the unkind words he last spoke to you?

[WorkoutAddict]

Well, since we had argued I called him to apologize, and when he picked up the phone he said "who is this?" and when I told him it was me, he said "what are you calling for? Don't call me anymore and if you do I will turn off the phone".

 

Me: "I just wanted to apologize because I am traveling tomorrow and I don't want to leave being mad at you"

 

Him: "Didn't you make clear that you wanted a break? Well, you have it. You're on your own now and you're not part of my plans anymore"

 

Me: "Let me speak one minute. I know that I have made many mistakes but all these months together mean something to me, don't they mean anything to you"

 

Him: "They did but not now. I don't love you anymore"

 

Me: "All of a sudden? Wow, why don't you give me the magic recipe because I don't feel that way"

 

Him: "It's just like turning a switch off"

 

Me: "Ok. Anyway I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave without making peace with you"

 

Him: "We will talk tomorrow, I am not in the mood now"

 

Visualize this with him yelling all the time and hanging up after saying "not in the mood now". He also said things like "I don't know who or what or how the f*** you are" and such and such. That was it

[Fineberg]

The best possible thing you can do right now is give him space, alteast a few weeks, unless he calls you. I know it hurts, but the best way to right something like this is with time.

[WorkoutAddict]

Well... I will give him more space than he ever imagined, to cool off or whatever. I don't understand his reaction or why he changed so much. I told him many times that I wouldn't let him treat me this way and he kept doing it until I got tired and asked him for a break.

 

I know that if he wants to talk to me, he will call... but I'm not sure that I want to talk to him.

[Fineberg]

I know that if he wants to talk to me, he will call... but I'm not sure that I want to talk to him.

 

Do you not want to talk to him because you're mad at him?