THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[panchala23]

I am proud of myself. In the past couple days I have seriously limited the contact with the ex. I haven't initiated anything, and conversations are very short when she calls and my text message replies are simple as well. My problem from before was being able to control my thoughts and not saying everything that came to my mind. It was a very emotionally draining thing. I definitely still think way too much, but I am doing it a lot less and don't feel like my veins are going to explode with anxiety. I feel more in control of myself, my feelings, and my thoughts!

[heynowwww]

i still think about her but I had an awesome weekend. I am slowly regaining my confidence just talking casually to other girls. I am just trying to learn as much as I can at this point. have a great day.

[CrapAtNC]

72 hours! Woo hoo!

 

BUT ... as always, after three days, she starts tugging on the connection strings again. We both practice salsa dancing. I go to places she won't go. There was a big salsa event on Saturday, and she was teaching a class, wearing a miniskirt and bikini top, and there were lots of gorgeous women there, all dancing in bikinis, but I didn't go, as I am in NC. So, I go to a club tonight instead - one that she never goes to. And she turns up. Alone. None of her friends are there. She looks gorgeous. Done something new with her hair. I felt a tap on my shoulder and there she was, walking past me to put her arm around a guy I know she doesn't like.

 

She starts dancing, so my friend and I retire to the bar for a drink. She stands alone, looking a little lost. She finally comes over, smiling, looking gorgeous, and, according to my friend, looking like she's crazily in love with me but also a little hurt. We chat. I tell her how great she looks. She hints I should dance with her. I decline. She walks away. Fifteen minutes later, my friend and I leave, and I don't say good-bye.

 

I get home, turn on the computer, and she's on MSN, which is very surprising at this time of night. She just sent me a message about looking for my lost cat, but I've shown myself as Busy and won't reply until she's gone offline.

 

I'm not being mean. I'm just not going to keep being her safety net. There are consequences when you tell your lover to move on, and she needs to experience them.

 

So, I'm still in NC, and I haven't initiated anything, and I'm not being too available for her, and I'm keeping my responses short and sweet, so it all counts. This is Day 4, and I'm doing OK. I'm putting myself first for once.

 

It's going to be a long and interesting week - wish me luck!

[rosie76]

Day 1: Ok, I'm in.

 

Only a 5 month relationship, warmest possible break-up (had great times and both felt a lot, but he had doubts). and I know it's for the best it's over, but have a lot of major stresses going on right now and am feeling rotten. Will be much better if I'm not in touch with him until I feel stronger in myself. Have deleted number on my phone. It's just email now, and I'll come here if the urge hits.

[The One]

Day 26,

 

I really do now believe in NC, for me things have been getting better every day.

 

I don't think she really cares how I am doing anyway, she hasn't tried calling in about 3 weeks. Thats ok it just makes it easier so then I don't have to resist answering the phone.

 

I think I am at the point where I do not care if I talk to her again or if she calls.

 

 

Welcome Rosie!!!

 

Cheers Everyone!!!

[smickey]

day 12

 

Well done CrapatNC! You are becoming quite good at NC - you'll have to change your name...

 

Sick again today but dragged myself into work to get some stuff done. He rang last night. I answered it but said I couldn't talk as I was out to dinner with some people. I told him I had burned all our photos to cd for him (he asked me to) and that I'd get the disk to him. He said he'd ring back today to sort that out. If he doesn't ring today then it is just going in the post to his dad's place and they can figure it out. Too many times he has said that he'll ring and then he doesn't so I'm not hanging around waiting for the phone to ring anymore. I hope that he now does the same and returns the rest of my stuff - I've only asked about four times and I won't ask again - I'd just let it go except it's a lot of videos from our holidays that I want, he can have the replaceable stuff. These photos are the last thing I have to give to him then I have no ties with him really.

[starscollide]

Its been 4 months...almost 5 and I've been okay...

 

I learned from my dad that my ex has said hello to him on the train going into work now that he works in NYC. He told my dad about graduating the academy and becoming a police officer in the city, and we drove right by each other earlier today. I didn't realize it was him until he'd passed and I'm not sure he saw me, but those kinds of run-ins make NC hard. So does knowing my dad talks to him, when he wasn't always a fan of my ex. He saw too many similarities in their personalities, but seems to have developed a liking for him. My ex would always seek approval from my father, or ask what my dad thought about his future aspirations and I know that in part its because he wasn't that close with his own parents at the time.

 

I've been chatting with a few of the guys at work, moreso testing my flirting skills and thats been fun. I do still wonder if I'll ever hear from him again, and its still hard knowing he's in touch with my family, I'm in touch with his, yet we don't have any contact with each other. I've been focusing much more on work, and received a promotion + raise a few months ago so I've been on my game in that department. I've spent plenty of time with my friends, and have spent a lot of time alone.

 

Mostly? I've bought a bunch of CDs, stuff I needed to determine if I really liked it or if I liked it while I was dating my ex because he did. I found that I do like a majority of the songs, though some I'm not a fan of. It sounds silly, but it was something I needed to do for me.

 

Reading your post about the "rules" to follow...I'm a little low on faith tonight. Because whereas I know I'm strong enough to not break NC, I have no idea if he ever will, if my absense even registers anymore. Great post nonetheless, SuperDave.

[happy79]

Still not able to eat and not slept much for two days. Made worse when yesterday I found she was seeing her ex. It's made me feel a bit sick as I asked her if it was likely to happen and she said no. It still really hurts and I need to find a way to stay off Facebook because that isn't helping!!

 

I think the trick is to act as though you're moving on instead of wallowing. I've done a lot of wallowing and now I need to start the motions of moving on. She sent me a message yesterday saying she wants to contact me this week about my birthday present and the breast clinic appointments. Feel mixed emotions about it as I know I should be supportive but it is just hard. I didn't reply to her message and feel quite evil.

[Muzatsu]

Hurts so much because I know he never loved me and I keep loving him...The thought of it, without being able to call him after having to see him against my will...I can't take it.

 

Can't stop thinking about him, not even when I had a party for my own graduation. I wasn't happy at all and I felt so claustrophobic around my own family and friends. I wanted to melt away because I felt so pained in my chest for some reason. I justed wanted to be alone. Still maintaining NC.

[spaced]

i broke NC yesterday day 18....with a text message...still i dont feel bad about doing it..it just let her know i was ok and still thinking about her... so looks like day 1 for me! In fact its getting easier, at the beginning the reasons for sending or not sending that text would be driving me crazy for days and days...now i dont really care!

[CrapAtNC]

4 Days!

 

I feel fine for me but bad for her now - I know she's not enjoying this. But I'm not going to sit back and watch her walk away with someone else again, nor make her watch me do the same.

 

Wondering what she's thinking, but that's all.

 

Looks like the one-week goal is attainable!

[smickey]

day 13

 

Answered a call from him last night and we talked for about an hour. He wants to give it another go. I'm pleased, but a bit worried about getting hurt again. I told him that lots of things need to be addressed if things are going to be better than last time. I said I thought that he should speak to a counsellor and that I wouldn't want to start seeing him again until he had done that and he agreed! So I gave him the name of a guy and he is going to make the appointment. We are going to go out for coffee next week and see what happens. I'm in two minds - part of me wants it to work and the other part thinks that so much would have to happen to make it work that it's just impossible. Either way I'm going to take it really slowly. Can't believe he said he wants me back - but he's said that before - he needs to show me now. I think he realises that now which is why he is going to see the counsellor. So back into NC until he rings and asks me about coffee. Next Tuesday would have been our 3 year anniversary so that's going to be hard. It would be ironic if we ended up going out on that day as our first step into the next stage (whatever that may be).

[CrapAtNC]

Great job, smickey!

 

You are doing exactly the right thing - keep it up!

[baden]

Day 14

 

Well NC is over...she called me and being a heart of jello I answered and we talked about general stuff. It was nice, but not sure what if anything it means. We didn't talk about us, but I think I got the closure I needed by not having our last conversation being a negative one. All I can do is be me and see how this plays out.

[smickey]

thanks waterbaby and crapatNC! It's hard to know how to best proceed from here - it's all a bit of a guessing game but I'll just do my best!

 

Good luck to you guys too - CrapatNC you'll easily get to a week then you'll be on a roll.

[CP4Life]

Day 5

 

This is new for her and new for me and I can't take it!!

But I'm doing fine, I really want to talk to her but I have enough strength not to but I hope she is wondering, "Why isn't he calling me?"... That would make me feel much better and hopefully she is thinking of me quite often like I am with her.

[CrapAtNC]

Good luck to you guys too - CrapatNC you'll easily get to a week then you'll be on a roll.

 

Ha! I wish I had your confidence in me; there's a reason for my username, you know!

 

Day 5

 

Having a bit of a hard time, and the only thing that is preventing me from letting her know that I miss her is that I know from Sunday night's experience that she is missing me, too, and being forced to seriously consider the consequences of her decision.

 

I'm a bit tired today, as I haven't been sleeping well recently, and it's so damned hot here and I don't have aircon. I know that I'm a bit down today because of the tiredness, so I'm hanging in there and getting a good night's sleep tonight.

 

So hard not calling, but I know it's the best thing for both of us: me because I get me back and either get her back too or take the new me into better times; her because she needs the space to evaluate her actions and because she might get me back.

 

But I really am doing this for my own benefit now. I do miss her, greatly. And I think she's beautiful, but I can let go if I have to. Going NC is closing the door on an undesirable relationship and opening the door to a great one, with whomever that may be.

[celebros]

Day 26 and 27

 

Wee, still no NC for me! Having a bit of a down week, no major depression or anything, haven't had trouble eating or sleeping or waking. Just have a sort of lonely feeling. Thankfully it's not overwhelming!

 

I feel for you, smickey, as tomorrow would have been the 4th anniversary! I wonder how I'll feel this time tomorrow

[happy79]

Hello, I am actually feeling quite chirpy today. I feel as though there is light at the end of this tunnel. I have faith that what will be will be and I went to see a medium today that said when you're not really sure what you're doing say and do nothing and life will soon take the right path. I thought it was quite cool as it reflected my no contact rule.

 

I deleted my Facebook account for sanity. Then my ex text me last night asking what had happened to me on Facebook and the dates of her breast screen next week. I made a note of the date but continued with my evening. Two hours later she text me again and asked me if I was ok and she was really worried. Then 30 minutes later she was calling me. It was difficult to know what to do as I know she is seeing her ex.

 

I text her a bit later just to say I was ok and to say I would think of her next Thursday. She text me again to ask me what had happened to my Facebook. I went to sleep and in the morning I text her to say I had deleted my account, asked her to not contact me and if she's moved on to allow me to do the same. I felt weird sending that message - I also didn't want to reply as I asked her for no contact and she has not respected that.

 

I don't know where my strength is suddenly coming from. Maybe from a belief that things really can only get better!!

[Iarra]

Broke up with ex 10 days ago. I haven't actually talked to him since then, so technically, this is Day 10 for me. But the the rules say that Day 1 is the day that you post, so it's "officially" Day 1 for me.

 

We can do this, guys. Bring it on

[andy5128]

Broke up with ex 10 days ago. I haven't actually talked to him since then, so technically, this is Day 10 for me. But the the rules say that Day 1 is the day that you post, so it's "officially" Day 1 for me.

 

We can do this, guys. Bring it on

 

Enjoy your 30 day challenge.. if you have technically done 10 days already you are doing well. It will be a rollercoaster ride so hold on tight!!

[Iarra]

Enjoy your 30 day challenge.. if you have technically done 10 days already you are doing well. It will be a rollercoaster ride so hold on tight!!

 

I did the first 7 days by default, since I went to another country for a trip. Yes, he broke up with me just before I left. Perhaps he thought it would take my mind off things? Whatever his intentions are, it doesn't matter really.

 

I love rollercoasters! I'm not so sure about this one haha I'm holding on tight!

[CP4Life]

Day 6

 

I can do this! But I seriously do miss her a whole lot.

 

I hope she is wondering why I'm not calling her, hope she misses talking to me or something in that matter. It would make me feel happy if she say, "why won't he call me? I want to talk to him." That would make my day great and hope she is thinking of me like I am of her...

[Muzatsu]

Can't stop thinking about him, not even when I had a party for my own graduation. I wasn't happy at all and I felt so claustrophobic around my own family and friends. I wanted to melt away because I felt so pained in my chest for some reason. I justed wanted to be alone. Still maintaining NC.

 

Day 6 of NC, but day 3 since I had to see him in a group.

 

Haven't cried as much. Still down though. Haven't called/texted him since the initiation of NC on the phone/email/IM. Only 24 days left to go lol.

[CP4Life]

As much as this NC is making me stronger which I like.

 

Is the NC going to back fire at me and ruin a chance with my relationship? I like that I'm getting stronger for myself but I still want a chance with her, we are each other's first everything so shes special to me. The break up was uncalled for I think and I just hope this NC doesn't make her think I'm done with her or anything. But I do see her on her birthday July 24th. I believe that will go great, I'll be happy and she'll love that!