THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 1

 

So technically today is day one, because I saw him yesterday. I'm starting to regret breaking NC already. It all went well and I was able to confirm some things (he does like, he is thinking about me...things like that) which made me feel better...for a few hours. Now I just miss him more than I did during NC. I just want to call him again and do the same thing, but that would take me nowhere. So now I'm hoping he is going to call, which of course won't happen since he hasn't made up his mind yet.

 

And that's why you shouldn't break NC. It might feel better for a while, but then you feel worse than when it started. I hope I can be stronger this time.

[honeyspur]

And that's why you shouldn't break NC. It might feel better for a while, but then you feel worse than when it started. I hope I can be stronger this time.

 

 

THANK YOU super - you are a blessing on this thread.

[andy5128]

Day 6, feel ok today just had that numb none feeling kinda thing going on the last few days not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing really!! Sticking with NC as starting to feel a bit better and stronger as every day comes and goes well at the moment (don't want to speak to soon!).

 

Mac - Sorry to hear about the email following your return of stuff to your ex's parents. I would respect her wishes as i'm sure you will but take anything else with a pinch of salt as it's just guilt talking on her part I would imagine mate.

[thelonelydoll]

Day 4 - second round

 

Woke up thinking about the email from the ex, still. Still angry. Still disappointed in myself for ever putting up with his crap, having faith in his phony attempts at sobriety, allowing him to push my buttons/sore spots for months, letting him into my heart at all. As much as I'd love to forward the email to his brother with a request that he not contact me at all, I don't see much point in that kind of triangulation.

 

I did something similar to Mac a couple of days ago: the ex had cut up my entire collection of footie shirts, tore photos, wrote "c*ck s*cking groupie sl*t" on some band t-shirt, and tore magazines that I had articles in. Aside from the magazines, I boxed everything up and posted them to Mike's parents. I didn't want the damaged goods in my house, and I suppose I wanted them to see for themselves what he'd done, which felt like a huge violation to me. I expect no response from them, but the idea was something like, "I no longer want these damaged things, and that includes Mike. They're all yours now."

 

I feel better with the stuff out of my possession, even if it did cost me $33 to post the box to the UK. The email from the unsuspecting ex came a few hours after I posted the stuff.

 

Whether it was "right" or "wrong", I don't honestly know. But I do know that the email has been trashed, and that full NC is definitely better for me. Any kind of reply whatsoever, including to his brother, would only open up a dialogue with someone I don't want to have a dialogue with at all.

[solarplexus]

Day 12

My worst night after the start of NC. I don't know why but the heartache started again. Wish there was a medication for that.

[derekjones52]

DAY 9.

I still want her back, I was and still am in a way doing this in hopes that the time spent not talking or contacting her will show her that I really have changed and would want to get back together. I am doing my best to keep myself busy so that my mind doesnt wander and think about her more. Today so far has been a good day, not sure why but I just feel good today (might be because I worked out last night and feel sore today) I feel much more confident in myself and happy. I read an article last night, it asked "so you want your ex back?" and brought to my attention something that I thought was very helpful for me. The article said that if you really want someone back that you should become what they would want to be themselves (not changing yourself), a person doesnt want to be with someone who is always sad and mopy, a person wants to be with someone who is confident, happy, and has their life/emotions in control. It made me think that I just need to stop this and be happy with myself and confident again, if I ever do talk to my ex I should just be positive and truly be happy, its my best chance at getting her back.

 

 

Its been a mental/emotional challenge for me since the start. Today on my drive to the DMV I was fighting myself from calling her to see how she (the ex) was doing, I fought myself with that for almost my whole hour long drive but I finally got past it and felt good. My ex called me but I didnt answer at first since I wasnt sure if I should, she left a message saying that she just wanted to see how I was and how my birthday went. I called her back shortly after because I felt confident and happy with myself and didnt want her to feel like I am ignoring her and to have any bad feelings between us (because I would still like to be her friend someday when my feelings for her have changed) , had a very good conversation, lasted 15 minutes at most, I ended the conversation early just because I felt that I should. Afterwards I felt happy, it made me feel good with the conversation and that we seem to be on good terms. For a moment it was hard to not text or make some sort of contact later on today but I got past those emotions/thoughts and am back on track with what I am trying to do.

 

Does this count as breaking NC?? She was the one who contacted me, I was only being polite as to calling her back (her message did ask for me to call her back when I get a chance).

 

Also another question, does going onto picture sites (myspace, facebook, ect..) and not writting the ex, just looking at pictures and see what they have been up to, count as breaking NC?

[kate111]

It's been 2 months.

 

Starting to think it may be a long time before I hear from the ex.

[thefarewellnote]

Not as long as some of you other posters but about 42 hours...hey we got to start somewhere. It is a wonderful feeling so far, i think I actually smiled today.

[thelonelydoll]

Day 5 - second round

 

Though I've not had any direct contact for 19 days, and only slipped by having a look at his myspace 5 days ago, I'm still feeling very angry about the time I wasted on this complete piece of sh*t. I'm truly feeling bitter for the first time in my life. I still have no real desire to contact him, but I'm finding it difficult because I'd like him to know the damage he did to me. I suppose with the passage of time, I can either tell him or I'll achieve the desired apathy.

 

But today, I'm not liking the fact that I feel so bitter about it all. I've never felt bitterness before, and even though I know it's self-defeating, that's still how I'm feeling today.

[BrokenHeart82]

TEchnically broke NC by looking at his text messages the other day, wished me luck on a test..but im not counting it..so THERE..i didnt reply.

 

So Im at day 14 NC...and moving into the anger phase I probably shouldve gone through months ago at the beginning of this crazy trip.

 

My mother makes it hard, being a romantic..she took the words he told me when we last spoke and has romanticized this situation into him truly loving me, but being with this other girl because of his fear to face his true love for me. I say BS!

 

This other chick gets his time, attention, and a vacation...and IM the one he loves? I find this hard to swallow and I refuse to dilude myself any longer!

 

For the first time since he reentered my life 6 weeks ago (for apparently just a nose poking to see if im still waiting) I am truly moving along.

 

16 more days of NC? I say bring on 160!

[Rosie007]

I'm still feeling very angry about the time I wasted on this complete piece of sh*t. I'm truly feeling bitter for the first time in my life. I still have no real desire to contact him, but I'm finding it difficult because I'd like him to know the damage he did to me. I suppose with the passage of time, I can either tell him or I'll achieve the desired apathy.

 

But today, I'm not liking the fact that I feel so bitter about it all. I've never felt bitterness before, and even though I know it's self-defeating, that's still how I'm feeling today.

 

It's been explained to me the grieving process is something like:

Anger

Sadness

Acceptance

 

I'm sure there can also be denial, confusion, etc., but it sounds like you're right on target if you're angry or bitter about feeling betrayed.

 

I try not to ignore or turn away from the "negative" emotions, such as anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy. Instead I try to feel them, let them pass through me, and do my utmost not to act on them. This was not always the way I tried to deal with these emotions, but it feels healthier to me this way. There's a saying I can understand: A feeling buried is a feeling buried alive. I don't think bad feelings just disappear because I don't want to have them. If I embrace strong feelings, without acting on them (as best as I can, anyway. I'm human, not a saint), I'm more aware of what I'm feeling, actions I might need to take to address the touchstone of a feeling.

 

Another idea about feelings that has served me well for a long time:

 

I don't judge myself by the way I feel. Sometimes when I'm feeling my worst, I might be at my strongest.

 

Keep up the great work.

 

-Rosie

[Rosie007]

rosie-

 

you're always working so hard and so long! i'm glad it's a good distraction, though!! hopefully once in a while you have time for non work related distractions too!

 

Hi Bear,

 

I didn't realize I was doing it again. It's true I'm in the midst of a big project, with a major launch for my company just seven business days away. But I also use work as a way of avoiding my feelings -- in particular, loneliness.

 

Because of your loving comment, I stopped myself from cancelling a plan this evening to see one of my best friends. Thank you!!!

 

I am blessed with a strong work ethic that gets twisted by my workaholic nature. I've tried very hard in the last year to stop working sooooooooo much. In fact, many of my friends give me a hard time about it. My therapist gives me a particularly hard time about it.

 

Before I started seeing Rex last year, I had a deal with my therapist. I was working 10 to 14 hour days all too regularly because of a major project I managed starting in September 2005. I made a deal with my therapist to make a conscious effort to leave on time when the project was slated to end in January 2006. The project was delayed, considerably, and so it took me a few months to live up to my agreement, but slowly I started changing my habits. First I left one day a week on time. Then I upped it to two days.

 

When I started seeing Rex, you can imagine how much easier it was to leave on time. I had a major and exciting incentive. Rex also forbid me from doing any work when I was at his house, including checking my blackberry. I'm not the type of woman who let's a man tell her what to do -- make that I don't like anyone to tell me what to do -- but it was actually kind of exciting to heed his "command" (advice). Consequently, I'm not to keep on working after hours once I get home from the office.

 

Now that I'm doing NC with Rex, I'm slipping back into my old habits -- -- and I don't want that to happen!!!!!

 

The site launches on April 16. If I'm still posting here regularly that I'm working unreasonable hours, hopefully you, or Super Dave, or everyone, will get out the duct tape. Ideally a combination of all three.

 

All best,

 

-Rosie

[houdini]

45 days of NC,

 

Ex emailed me today to thank me for sending our son his easter basket and money and also sending her girls a toy easter bunny each. Not sure if I should respond to her, this is one of two emails in 45 days and I responded the first time but I'm not sure if I should respond to this second one. 45 days of NC and lately it's been tough for me and I'm a bit weak right now!!!! I have direct contact with my son through his grandmother and for now that's my best solution for me, I plan on going to see him within the next 2 weeks and will arrange the visit through his grandmother. Any visual or verbal contact with my ex right now at this stage of my healing process would be disasterous!!!! Should I reply to the email or let it be as it is? Will she be offended if I don't reply?

 

Houdini

 

PS. Thanks scout for your words!!!

[Rosie007]

It's been 2 months.

 

Starting to think it may be a long time before I hear from the ex.

 

I hear you, Kate. It's Day 52 for me.

 

I know I'm better off if I don't hear from him, but it would be a lie to say I didn't want him to contact me and say how much he loves me, misses me, and how much he's willing to change the way things were.

 

Until that day, I reckon it's best he stay away.

 

As that day may be a cold day in you know where, it's likely to be a long wait.

 

Then again, the Eagles got back together to do their "Hell Freezes Over" tour. Perhaps anything is possible.

 

Cheers,

 

-Rosie

[Rosie007]

Should I reply to the email or let it be as it is? Will she be offended if I don't reply?

 

Hi Houdini,

 

In the words of the Beatles, Let It Be.

 

Worry less about your ex's feelings, such as offending her, and focus on your own feelings. That's one of the keys to NC.

 

-Rosie

[Ottersmom]

HE CONTACTED ME, SAID HE MISSES ME, LIKES ME VERY MUCH AND IS SORRY FOR ANY PAIN HE CAUSED....THEN

 

I haven't heard a word in almost a week. I maintained NC for over 75 days, and it was good for me. When he contacted me I waited to respond and was very matter of fact. He said he hadn't been in contact because he thought I didn't want to hear form him. The man broke up with ME!!!

 

Please, men, anybody, what does this mean?? He says those things but has made no mention of wanting to see me. I have only answered 3 emails, telling him point blank it was good for me to be away from him. He writes back that he understands that, and that it was probably good for him too.

 

I hesitate to read anything into all this. But it's enought to make me pull my hair out!!! Does this mean he's still interested? Or what?

 

I'm tempted to email....but I won't I guess I need something more concrete than I like you a lot" " I do miss you"

 

UGH!! why did he contact!

[ExarionUniverse19]

Day 9

 

Spring Break is doing its magic... I'm enjoying my time off from school, and though I still miss her, life is going just fine for me. I did shudder a few times last night thinking about some of the good times in our relationship, but fortunately, that's passed and I continue to move on. This is the way its been for weeks now -- still miss her, still think about her, but happy with life in general. I'm still healing though.

[thelonelydoll]

UGH!! why did he contact!

 

As with the case of my ex's email the other day, probably just to satisfy his own ego - it's all about HIM, not YOU - and he contacted to make himself feel better, while making you feel worse! Do whatever you can to block emails/calls/texts until the day you feel completely apathetic about him. Total apathy about the ex is my goal, hard as it is at the moment. Whatever you do, do not reply! Sounds like he's just baiting you.

[solarplexus]

Ottersmom,

He might be testing the waters. What time he has sent the email?

[lady00]

Day 17 or so. Lost exact count. Still see the ex all the time (circumstances beyond our control). Miss him like crazy. Last week was terrific. This week is going terribly. Crying every day. I don't like this. He now ignores me too unless it's absolutely necessary. I guess he doesn't care anymore.

[macgyver4ever]

ROUND 4

 

Day 1

 

I emailed my ex back. I did it for myself to relieve the anxiety I was feeling. She wrote back saying there are no hard feelings and thanks for understanding. I feel good to have them out of my life, but the breakup feels very fresh. I know now that I am moving on and not looking back. I am now only looking out for myself, and not expecting anything from her, or a call. I still may send my ex a birthday card, but don't know yet.

 

I have 2 interviews next week, so that is exciting!!!

 

 

Today I feel: Depressed, Sad, Angry, Relieved, and full of anxiety.

[Ottersmom]

Solarplexus,

 

He wrote all 4 messages between 5 and 7 pm...if that's what you're asking me.

He does nothing lightly. I know he ponders everything to death. Not a spontaneous guy. I do feel he's testing the waters, I guess I just don't know if I am ready to take even the slightest chance of feeling that kind of pain again.

 

and lonelydoll...thanks for the input, but a big ego is not his thing. I understand your perspective on this though. You sound like you know your ex well!!

 

Anyway if he's testing the waters....what do I do? Wait for an absolute proclamation of a certain future? Or respond in kind...sort of testing the waters myself?

[misskitty]

DAY 3

 

I have been keeping myself extremely busy to keep my mind of POS. I am feeling lots of anger and hate towards him. I keep wishing bad things to happen to him for all the horrible things he has done to me. I have had 2 intense therapy sessions this week that has brought alot of things more clear to me. I realize this is going to take A VERY LONG TIME to heal from and I am not happy about that. I just want my life back and to feel normal again. I want to regain the self esteem he slowly chipped away from me.

 

On a good note, I went to a meditation session at a buddhist temple. It was the most beautiful thing I have expeirenced. For once I went to sleep relaxed and not all angry and stressed. I have meditated many times on my own, but this was the first time in this setting. I am forcing myslef to do this more often.

[thelonelydoll]

^^^ Go misskitty!

[supercalifragilistic]

ROUND 2

 

Day 1

 

It's been ok so far I guess. Started out lousy but now I feel ok. Good even. Blocked him on every instant messaging software we use. Blocked myspace on my computer so I can't check it. The only thing I don't know is what I'll do if HE contacts me. It'll be hard to ignore that. Don't know if I should ignore or not though. Anyways, I'll worry when the time comes.