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misskitty

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  1. misskitty
    DAY 3 Broken up almost 2 months Ok I blew it by looking at myspace. I came back here to post everyday so I do not do it. The only strange thing was when I looked at it I did not get upset. It did not make me miss him or want him back. The things posted made me have disgust for him and feel sorry for him. Crazy as it sounds, even though he put me through mental/physical abuse, I hope one day he gets on the right path. I think of him much less now. I have no wants or hopes of him contacting me or seeing him again. I have been making new friends. I have had interest from guys just wanting to hang out due to we have the same interests. Strictly platonic here. Meditation and learning about buddhism has been awesome. I have been working out ALOT and it has been showing. My ex husband attended a bday party I threw for our children and commented on how good/happier I look. I can say my confidence and self esteem has risen so much, due to the fact I am putting all my focus on me, to make myself better instead of wallowing around. I encourage everyone here that is struggling with no contact to get out there and due something for you, and you only. Don't do it hoping it will make the ex contact you. Do it for you. the results will come, maybe slowly. But they will.
  2. misskitty
    DAY 11 Today is ok. I had a setback in the beginning and was very tempted to look at his myspace, but I didn't. Everytime I did that before it had me feeling worse. I don't why today is so rough, I have been fairly busy. I started thinking of him and his new life, and the new girl he is eventually going to abuse. I am almost jealous that I am not in the picture anymore. I feel very lonely/depressed today. I am okay with being single, but wonder with all the damage that has been done to me will I ever recover again to be in a relationship. If someone will ever accept me and my children.
  3. misskitty
    DAY 10 thelonelydoll-go on that bike ride! Today I feel great. I have alot of things planned for the weekend. I have accepted that the ex will never be a part of my life again and I am ok with it. I can only better myself as I have been doing. I am not anywhere near as depressed as I was when I first came here. I am almost thinking that I should be but I am not holding back any feelings about it, I let them come and deal with them.
  4. misskitty
    I agree with thelonelydoll, don't send her a card.
  5. misskitty
    DAY 8 i haven't been online too much. I wanted to post an update. Its been ok, not fantastic. This morning I am having all sorts of feelings and doubts of my decision. I can say though, is I haven't really felt this confident in myself in a LONG time. I am starting to be ok with the fact that there is a big chance I will be single for quite a while, and I am ok with that. I am starting to enjoy my activities with my family and my alone time more and more each day. I am not even intrested in meeting anybody, I do not have the time to dedicate to anyone at this moment or even anytime in the near future. I have reflected alot in the past few days and I decided I am just focusing on myself and to follow my dreams in what I want to do. Without anyone telling me otherwise. I realized yesterday it was a month since the last time I saw him. I was a little sad and really didn't cry alot which surprised me. I was not holding back any feelings either. i have no clue what he is doing or what is going on in his life and it doesn't bother me as much anymore. Sometimes I start to wonder but its just too exhausting.
  6. misskitty
    DAY 5 Wow I can't believe it has been 5 days. Today was decent, I got to hang out with some friends while the kids were at their kids birthday party. I didn't even think of him, when I first started doing things after the break up I was kinda sad and angry, that he should be sharing these moments with me. But not anymore, because I realized he always complained the whole time we ever did anything together. That is was never good enough, or the place we were eating at had crappy food, etc etc etc. He always thought he was better than everyone else. I no longer have to please him, impress him and feel like *** every time he would open up his stupid mouth and say something nasty. I am hoping tonight when I go to sleep I will not be bothered with thoughts of him and can sleep peacefully. I feel a little bit stronger today.
  7. misskitty
    ^^ bear 12 I understand that completely. DAY 4 Yesterday was great until I had to go to bed. I was up until 2 am thinking about everything. I was thinking of things that maybe I could of done differently so he wouldnt get so angry with me all the time. I cried, cried and cried. I know that his behaviour and abuse towards me was in no way my fault. I know I didn't do anything to deserve to be physically/emotianlly abused they way I was. It is just sometimes I keep thinking just maybe, there was something I did and my mind starts to run in circles. I am hoping tonight I will be able to sleep normally again. I took myslef on a 2 mile hike to try and wear myself out. It made me feel alot better and the hike was beautiful. It was nice to get out of the concrete and be in nature.
  8. misskitty
    DAY 2 about a month since the break up Ok today is much better. I focused on myself yesterday, even though I didn't want to. My day started off very badly but ended good, with a nice meditation at one of my favorite places. I slept well too and no dreams that I can remember. One thing that has come good of this, besides the fact I left an abusive partner, is I am regaining my old friendships and I have made new friends. I have never been out so much in 1 month in my life! I love it! I have been invited and attended to several things that are family oriented(i have kids) and I am loving it. It makes me sad/angry I let it get to that degree with him that I stopped trying to make palns, or when I did he didn't want to go anymore. I am realizing I lost myself and and my intrests in the realationship. I am realizing I am finding myself again, and at times its kind of scary.
  9. misskitty
    DAY 1 broken up almost a month. again. I woke up crying because of a dream I had. I have been crying ever since. I texted him. I feel stupid for doing it. My appetite is gone again, I can't keep anything down.
  10. misskitty
    DAY 4 Was easy to do NC but I have been very down. I keep thinking of this other woman he has met. And what might be going on with them. I keep thinking of what a ***** his mother was and being disrespectful of our decision to work on things by trying to "hook them up".(This scum is 28 years old!) I cried at work a few times. At one point I did want to call him and tell him everything I feel about him. (which isnt very nice) But I restrained. I almost left early so I could just cry all day about this. Then I decided I am not going to let this POS have this kind of affect on me when we are not even involved anymore! My day got better when I redirected my attention to other things. I went out easter shopping, to one of my favorite places to eat. The people know me there and always talk to me so it was nice to have some conversation. This depression/anxiety is not leaving me at all. My therapist said I have PTSD. It does seem to get worse at times and its scary. I am almost thinking in addition to therapy, I may try some meds. But I am very leery since I had a bad exp. last time.
  11. misskitty
    DAY 3 I have been keeping myself extremely busy to keep my mind of POS. I am feeling lots of anger and hate towards him. I keep wishing bad things to happen to him for all the horrible things he has done to me. I have had 2 intense therapy sessions this week that has brought alot of things more clear to me. I realize this is going to take A VERY LONG TIME to heal from and I am not happy about that. I just want my life back and to feel normal again. I want to regain the self esteem he slowly chipped away from me. On a good note, I went to a meditation session at a buddhist temple. It was the most beautiful thing I have expeirenced. For once I went to sleep relaxed and not all angry and stressed. I have meditated many times on my own, but this was the first time in this setting. I am forcing myslef to do this more often.
  12. misskitty
    Back to day 1 AGAIN!! Ok. Everything was going great yesterday until I decided to email him about my stuff. I found out I have legal recourse to get my stuff back as well as his share of the bills, and possibly the medical bills and the door he busted open and broke. I must stay strong today, and go from there. Today I just feel physically ill from all the stress. I am going to meditation this week which I have been looking forward to doing.
  13. misskitty
    I am at day 1 again. I looked at the myspace page even though its private now. I got all the way up to 8 days! I was depressed because we planned on spending alot of time together this week before it officially ended. :sad: I am putting all my activities and thoughts not to be centered around this POS. It is a new month, new beginnings for me hopefully.
  14. misskitty
    You should really check out H2O- especially fading! Ska always makes me happy too.
  15. misskitty
    I am starting this no contact, not becasue I want him back, I want him out of my life. He was abusive. I keep finding myself with fairy tale thoughts, that he has magically changed and now wants me back. I am no longer allowing myslef to check up on him on the internet. I have no problem never speaking/talking to him. But the internet thing is going to be the hardest, and right now I am so tempted to do it, even though it makes me upet every time I do.
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