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houdini

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  1. houdini
    70+ days DOWN THE DRAIN!!!! I initiated contact by email for the first time in over 2 months. My ex has called ME the past few times most recently in the past 2 weeks. Her concern were issues about my son but her true motive came out when she questioned me about the girl I've been talking to that her sister seen me with. She threw out many hints that she still cared and started to get very emotional (crying) and bit on the bait like a starving fish and she hooked me and is now licking her fingers. I'm ashamed of myself, I've worked so hard to gain my strength through NC and she took it all away in a matter of 2 phone calls. I emailed her today, we both apologized for our mistakes and talked a bit about the relationship but no word of working things out. I emailed her one last time asking her if she would like to meet up in person to talk and she never emailed me back!!!! I'm a fool, back to NC I go!!! To everyone else here, DO NOT FALL FOR THEIR TRAPS!!!!! it will only make you feel worse and you'll be back to square one, emotionally Houdini
  2. houdini
    SD, Thats a very good point but what is it that brings the ex to come to this realization? I put myself in my ex's shoes as I've been in her shoes before. When you leave one person for another nothing else matters but the new person because things are great and I can see how my feelings mean nothing to my ex because all she cares about is her new life. What makes that change!!!! Day 60 something...I've lost count, well actually I got tired of counting Houdini
  3. houdini
    Day 52.... I have my good and bad days. Seem as if lately I'm having the bad days but I'm hoping the better days are just arround the corner. I think the whole part of this breakup that gets me is how a person can trash 5+yrs of a relationship down the drain and want to start over especially at the age of 34, 3 kids with 2 different fathers! It's still a mystery to me and what logic she is using. Houdini
  4. houdini
    Day 50 for me... Don't feel to good as of late. I've been obsessing about my ex and why she treated me like a piece of gum that lost it's flavor. Someone I shared 5+years of my life with, have a child with, was good to her children from her previous marriage...only to be treated like I meant nothing to her.. It's been tough this past week and I just wish I had one sign, anything to know that she cares a little or that I meant something to her.... I don't know what to do or think anymore...I've tried hard to be strong and not contact but I feel that I just made it easier for her to forget about me...."out of sight out of mind".... To my ex: I miss you, love you and life won't be the same without you!!!!! Houdini
  5. houdini
    It's been 49days of NC and yesterday I screwed up and sent her a myspace invite on accident. I had done a search using her work email address to see if she had a myspace page. The search came back nothing and I noticed I had a typo on her email address so I fixed it and pressed "enter" on my keyboard and it was sent thinking it was doing another search but what it actually did was send her an invite to myspace to get her own page!!!.. I know she's going to get mad, or think that I'm playing games. My intentions weren't to contact her because I've been doing so good staying away...now she's going to think I made contact with her, or that I'm here still thinking about her,missing her etc... I feel like 49days has gone down the drain... What do I do and how do I fix this??? Will this make her upset and push her away even more??? I know she despises myspace and always told me to never get one... Any advice???? I'm a nervous wreck here and dreading tomorrow when she checks her work email!!!! Houdini
  6. houdini
    Day 47 of NC on my part.... The ex emailed me a couple days ago and threw me a bit as it made me think about her more than I already do (if thats even possilble). Today is a rather difficult day for me because it's easter tomorrow and I'm a bit sad because I do not have my son with me... This time last year we had a nice get together with my family and the kids...This year, it will be another family easter but without MY family..... it's just not the same anymore and I can't imagine how any future easter will ever be any better... What will life be like having to settle?????? Day 47 of NC....and feel lost, confused and still heart broken! Houdini
  7. houdini
    45 days of NC, Ex emailed me today to thank me for sending our son his easter basket and money and also sending her girls a toy easter bunny each. Not sure if I should respond to her, this is one of two emails in 45 days and I responded the first time but I'm not sure if I should respond to this second one. 45 days of NC and lately it's been tough for me and I'm a bit weak right now!!!! I have direct contact with my son through his grandmother and for now that's my best solution for me, I plan on going to see him within the next 2 weeks and will arrange the visit through his grandmother. Any visual or verbal contact with my ex right now at this stage of my healing process would be disasterous!!!! Should I reply to the email or let it be as it is? Will she be offended if I don't reply? Houdini PS. Thanks scout for your words!!!
  8. houdini
    Day 43 Has been a roller coaster of a ride these past 43 days. One minute I feel strong and she's not as great as I had previously portrayed her to be. Then there are other days where I miss her tremendously and want to reach out to her because I've put her back on the pedestal. At this point I'm a bit confused as to what to do, do I keep moving forward with my healing (which seems like a slow process) or do I reach out to the stubborn as a mule ex that I have. It's all confusing to me how a person can treat someone they love as if they've dropped off the face of the earth, and that goes for the both of us..... Me and my ex are both doing NC and 43 days into it, when will it ever end! Houdini
  9. houdini
    Day 30 today!!!!!!! Boy have I came a long way!!!...I can't say that I'm fully recovered or anywhere closer to healing as it's only been 2 months since our breakup. I do however know that I'm not that pathetic,groveling,sad,depressed,beggging,crying ex that I once was in the beginning. I've gained some self respect, dignity and working on my confidence every single day. I will be honest though, it's been a tough 4weeks of NC and I've definitely have had my share of ups and downs. I still miss her, think about her, love her and wonder what she's doing and thinking...I think that will be a normal state of mind for awhile, it's how I deal with it each day is what will get me through it all. I hope everyone here can take a bit of encouragment from the fact that NC does work in getting yourself back and although our intentions in the beginning are to get our ex back, we have to be honest with ourselves and know that it's impossible unless we get ourselves back first. Thanks Superdave71 for your great advice and talks, I really appreciate the time you've taken to help many of us here at enotalone. I guess I just wonder where I go from here when I still feel the same about my ex...I love her still and miss her and when I get myself back I believe that I'll still feel the same... How do we know when it's ok to make contact with our ex. We split in the most ammicable way, no arguing just sadness and she was calm about it. We all would like to reconcile with our ex especially if there were no major issues like cheating or abusive behavior. Do we wait until we're not affected by if they respond or not when we make contact? if so, doesn't that mean you're at the point where it doesnt matter if they come back??? My fear is continuing with NC and moving on with my life and letting go of someone I love and achieving nothing, no reconciling because I chose to stay away from her all the while she's doing NC also.. It makes no sense or no chance of reconciliaton when 2 people are in NC... that's where I get confused on what to do and how long should on person go with NC if their ultimate goal is to reconcile!!! Houdini
  10. houdini
    Day 29..... Feeling a bit down today...wanting to email her because it's been so long since we've last talked and I still get a bit confused as to how a person can leave and act as if you do not exist anymore.. I know people will say things at times and they have the right to change their mind anytime they want to. I guess I have a lot of unanswered questions because I still don't know what it was the pushed her to make this final decision. My gut feeling is that there is someone new and me and my ex have a son together so I would think eventually the truth will come out. The last time we talked she swore that it wasn't because of another man but I have my doubts... I miss her, I still think about her but it's not as intense as it was the first few weeks of our breakup. We've been broken up for 2 months now and it seems like 2 years. I don't know what the future holds, I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my life and heart and move on for myself and my son and my daughters... I know life will get better and I now I'll have my ups and downs as usual but I can't wait till I can finally get off this roller coaster and my ex will be a distant memory and the thoughts of her won't consume my life as she does now.... Houdini
  11. houdini
    CrushedinIndy, Not sure if I should congratulate you or send you my apologies!!!! I guess you can answer that question for me right???? Well I hope you're doing better, I came accross your post today and I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to find out how your exwife disrespected your marriage and love. In time you will look back on this and thank yourself that you made it through, you deserve so much better and in time it will come again....Just be patient!!!! and take care of yourself.. Houdini
  12. houdini
    Day 24..... Still riding this emotional rollercoaster of emotions. When is it going to stop!!!!! I didn't ask to get on so please Mr. Rollercoaster Operator Man...LET ME OFF!!!!!!.... Anyhow, I still miss her, think about her and wonder if she is doing the same. Still confused as ever as to why she gave up on us on issues we could have fixed if we had communicated better.....I think it makes it difficult when your ex is a stubborn, prideful, hard headed woman because that only reaffirms my thinking that she will NEVER call me or reach out to me for any type of reconciliation... So I guess I need to keep focusing on this NC stuff and keep believing that it's for ME to heal and not to get them back.... Easier said than done!!!!......Hang in there ENA Buddies.....Hope one day we can all come back and pat eachother on the back, laughing, smiling and high-fiving eachother saying "WE MADE IT THROUGH" and truly be happy and over the heartache...... Sooner or later it will happen!!!! Houdini
  13. houdini
    Hootz, When I went to see my therapist with the issues you've just stated he said "You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't" I know it's kind of a cold hearted response but it's true. The best way I can look at it is this way: You've stated to her your feelings and what you want and if you havn't already let her know then you should tell her your feelings and what you want your future to be together BUT that you're going to respect her wishes for the space and that you're going to concentrate on yourself to make YOU a better person. You telling her this is laying out YOUR plan as to what you want for YOUR life, if she can't meet those plans or help you work on thos planse together then she will let you know and YOU will be already on your road to recovery and a better person at that. No need to wait around being the nice guy if she doesnt appreciate it and respect it. You deserve more and you deserve the best when it comes to a relationship. As the old saying goes "You never know what you have until it's gone" I know as cliche as it is it is very true. Give her something to open her eyes a bit and show who YOU really are but don't directly towards her do it for YOURSELF.... Your new attitude and selfworth and confidence is one of the most attractive and sexy thing one person can be or do. She will not want another woman to benefit with the new and improved you and will make her see both sides of the fence and not just her side. Keep us posted Hootz and congrats on the "kiss"!!!!!! Take it slow my friend and have some dignity and self worth!!!!! YOU deserve only the BEST!!!!! Houdini
  14. houdini
    I wouldn't give to much, I know some people might think of that as a game but it's based on the push and pull theory. The more you pull towards you the more she'll push away. It's sad I know but people are like that and that's a known fact. It's ok to be nice but if it's out of your character to do that she will see it as manipulating and playing the part. You need to be yourself, don't do anything but be there for the kids and for her when she reaches out to you. If you keep acting like the "Nice Guy" she will eat it up because right now she has her cake and eating it too!!! She gets her friends and she has a "nic guy" at home cooking dinner and bringing in the wash. Can you imagine what she tells her girlfriends???? She's got it made Hootz, so why would she want to change anything. You have to have some dignity, you deserve the best and you deserve to be loved like you want to love and if she isn't capable of doing that for you right now then you need to take the stand. That may seem hard but why torture yourself over and over again for soemthing that isn't wililng to give you 100% back???? Hootz, We're all here for you and we're not trying to discourage you in anyway. I'm happy that you've got one foot in the door with your lady but you also got one foot out. Where is your wife at??? is she inside the house with the foot trying to bring you back in or is she standing outside the house doing nothing????? Keep us posted man!!!! Houdini
  15. houdini
    Day 19 for me....Seems like 19years... I miss her, it seems like it's getting harder rather than easier. I wonder if she thinks about me, I wonder if she even cares if I'm dead or alive....The way she is now is not the person I fell in love with... Maybe she never reallly loved me at all....It's to confusing considering we have a son together and she lives 400miles away....I'm lost and heartbroken and I wish she would realize the pain she has caused me and our kids and our families......I hope it gets better, I just have to learn to let her go and that seems like an impossible feat right now!!!!
  16. houdini
    Day 18 For me!!!!! Do I feel better? HELL NO!!!! do I feel worse today HELL YES!!!...LOL.. atleast I can laugh a bit... The past few days have been terrible and I've had to use every bit of strength to not call,email or text message my ex. Do you know how many times I've written emails but save as a draft and dont send....Do you know how many times I've written text messages but end up clearing my message and not send...Do you know how many times I've dialed my ex's number but never press the send button on my phone??????? Well in the past 2 weeks I can probably guess it's been over a coupld hundred times.... I know NC is not to get them back and it's to get "ME" back. I've learned that if you think about them constantly and have it in your mind that you're doing NC to get them back you ultimately prolong your pain and never find yourself. Until you can truly let go of the thought of getting back together with the ex and truly work on YOURSELF and YOUR future then I'm assuming that is when things start to look different and everything else makes sense. After reading several posts, and other information on the internet it seems that when a person has healed and accepted the fact the relationship is over is when the ex comes trotting back to see if there is still feelings or a chance to reconcile, why is this? Is it because they feel that we have let go and moved on and are happy???? The sad thing is that when the ex does come back it's far to late to reconcile...in most cases that is... Any thoughts????? Houdini
  17. houdini
    No problme Redsuede, That is what scares me about dating again in the future. The thought of dating a woman, going through the phases of letting them know that I have 3 kids from two failed relationships doesn't seem very attractive to me and I can't imagine that it would be to a woman either. Although I do feel that a woman is more accepting to the man's child or children because of the "motherly instict" and maybe for the fact they will have alone time because the kids will be with the mother most of the time. I wasn't to sure how successful it is for women who have 3 kids with two different fathers and how that will come off to men. I can't really give my opion because I'm a bit biased because of my own situation.
  18. houdini
    Redsuede, Please explain what you mean or if anyone else can explain what is meant by "The one that has it the worst is the one still wearing the Rose Colored Glasses" Thanks!
  19. houdini
    I've read on other forums and the internet how people percieve single parents with a single child or more. And I guess it seems that people find it hard to date people with children if they have no children of their own (Especially women with kids). A single man with kids has it a bit easier from what I've read only because they do not have their children except for the visitation schedule. The woman has the child or children the majority of the time and thereforeeee requires the women's "new" partner to take on a bigger responsibility. So to answer the last question, Even though I have 3 kids I wou'd prefer to date someone with no kids or just one child. Maybe that's being unfair or asking to much but it's not easy with 3 kids of my own and if I met someone with more than one child it would be hard and I've been through that already and I'm not sure if I want to go that route again. Not only did I lose my ex, I lost my son and her two daughters whom I got attached too over time.... I don't to come off as being shallow but I believe most men would shy away from a woman with 2 or more kids. Although there are men out there that would ( I was one of them) most men do find it difficult, they may want to have fun with the girl for a short time but long term is unlikely... Hope this doesnt get anyone mad, I just wanted to get peoples opinion on how men look at women with kids and how women look at men with kids in regards to dating them. Houdini
  20. houdini
    Hello, I've been dealing with the breakup for over a month now and I'm on day 17 of NC and even though I have my emotional rollercoaster of emotions, today seems a little better than yesterday. I was thinking this morning who has it more difficult Men or Women in regards to moving on and dating again when there are children involved (3 children, ages 4,8 and 10) Me and my ex both have two daughters around the same ages from previous marriages and me and my ex have a 4yr old son together. I know I may be looking to far into the future but I was wondering how men and women percieve single parents with 3 kids.. Who has it tougher the man or the woman. Any opinons would be appreciated. Houdini
  21. houdini
    In my 35yrs of life and the relationships I've had I've only broken up with 2 people and that was after years of torment,cheating,lieing and physical and emotional abuse so there was no remorse there when I left. If a relationship isn't going anywhere, or neglect then you address these issues and you work to make it better...Our emotions, our heart our feelings need to be handled with care, you just don't walk away so easily without giving it everything you've got. Life is to short to let love go so easily.... When abuse is involved then of course you get out because it's unhealthy.... My point I was trying to make is, I was good to my ex, we have a son together and I loved her two girls from her previous marriage. I wasn't abusive, we did have our problems like any relationship and we have alot to lose. My complaint is how do people seem to think that the grass is greener on the other side and throw away a chance of having a good family if she would have just put in some effort...Like may of others out there she chose the easy way out and left me with a bunch of cop-out excuses. I guess I'm one of the very few that takes relationships seriously and will exhaust all efforts before quitting and walking away.....
  22. houdini
    Hello my fellow prison mates!!!!!! I say prison mates because that's what it seems like. We're in this prison of heartbreak that our ex's put us in, someone we loved so dearly basically threw us in a prison cell of hell and took the key with them. Little do we know that we hold a duplicate key that we can chose to open up the cell, walk out and be FREE!!!!! Some of us chose to stay in the cell hoping the one we loved comes and sets us free, those of us that chose to stay in the cell call out to our ex's to save us, set us free, help us, come back!!!! All they say is "NO"..it's to late I'm done, I'm not in love with you anymore..... What gives these people we loved and trusted the right to smash our hearts into pieces, walk away and be happy????? Some may say that the dumper feels remorse and heartbreak too but it's really hard for me to believe this because I've been the dumper in 2 relationships and even though you feel bad you walk away happy because it's what I wanted. People don't do things on purpose to make themselves sad or unhappy so why would a dumper be sad after dumping us, they did it because tehy wanted to and thats what was going to make them happy. All I can say is that my ex shattered my dreams and future hopes of having a family with her and my son and our daughters. She chose to try it alone or take a chance with someone new. Relationships take work and if you're in a stage of relationship where things are tough then you work together to fix the problems and build a better relationship. The wrong thing to do that so many people seem to do these days is take the problems in the relationship as a sign, a sign that the relationship wasn't meant to be and is looking for that intial high you get when you meet someone new. In my case, I'm not sure if there is someone else or not but my gut feeling tells me there is even though she's denied it. If this is the case I wonder what the future will hold because all I can think about is her, the new guy and the kids being one happy family....... and I'm here alone left to pick up the pieces of my heart, my life and my soul with barely enough strength to move on, I love my son and her daughters, why would she chose to cut me out of their lives. Life is so unfair, especially when you loved someone that wasn't always the greatest person to you but you loved them to no end. Only for them to step on your heart and smash it into a million pieces and then walk away with no remorse. I havn't spoken to my ex in over 2weeks and it feels as if I just vanished off the face of the earth to her..... Why do these people get off the hook so easily and we're left in this prison of hell trying to fight our way out??!!!.....It's just not fair!!!!! Sorry for rambling but I had to get it out...today's been a bad day for me!!!! Houdini
  23. houdini
    Day 17 for me, she did email me on monday to say thank you for the money and gift for my son. I replied to her contact with a short thank you and i missed the kids. Hard to do full NC when there are kids involved. Is there something about today that seems to be putting everyone in a depressed mood today??? I've read other posts and it seems like today seems to be getting everyone down. If so, I'm one of the many that feel like today has been extremely hard for me. I'm trying so desperately not to email or call my ex as all I've been able to think about today is how she changed her feelings overnight and throw our futures away and me as if it were a piece of trash!!!!! Feeling down today, extremely sad and depressed... I miss her but I'm not sure I even know who she is anymore....... Hope for better days soon!!!!
  24. houdini
    I agree!!! My ex went from loving me, can't live without me anymore, wants to move with me...then one day!!! POOOF!!!! she's gone, changed her feelings and is not in love with me anymore. It's like someone kidnapped the one I knew and loved and replaced her with a shell that looks like her and talks like her but has no heart like she once had....It's very confusing and heart breaking to say the least. Makes you wonder what were they thinking prior to making this drastic change and what gave them the strength or the final straw to push them over the edge to break up.......Maybe we'll never know the real answers, or maybe we already know but to afraid to accept it or see it....
  25. houdini
    I would get the key back but wouldn't reply. But if you feel the need to I'd send a simple reply of "thank you for the nice comments" Keep it simple,sweet and to the point. What she's doing is testing you to see if you take the bait. Don't give in to her games even though you may not think she's playing a game or she may not even think she's playing a game. It is what it is and unless she's contacting you to reconcile then there is no need to contact you. If you're ready to be friends, emotionally accepted that you're ready and you can move on with just being her friend and nothing more then by all means stay in contact with her. If you're not ready then stay away from her and keep working on yourself and your life and let her go until she contacts you with the words "I want to work things out with you" anything less than that is and should be unnacceptable to you and your heart. Again,Don't fall prey to her mind games and let her tug on the strings to your heart when she feels like it. Cut the strings, take back control and show her YOU can be happy without HER. Keep us posted Houdini
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