THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[rsxguy520]

wow..im back lol. i don't really remember what day im at so yeah..8x-9x?? who cares..anyways..life is greater than ever. pretty much my life schedule consist of Sun-Thursday- School, study, Working out, sleep. Fri&Sat- Sleep, Party, Work out, sleep, party, etc. Pass weekend visited my cousin and her b/f for they're b-day. had to much fun..getting drunk, talking and chatting with girls i don't even remember there names or what they look like. and then passing out!! for the win!! lol..the single life is great. sure i miss the company of having a g/f, but thats all it is. young people like myself need to realize that break ups happen for a reason, and just take the time to build yourself together, and then, once your built, you'll be in the market in no time. i do believe this cause a good friend of mine, suffered the same break up like me and just went single for a whole year. getting his life together, etc..now he's dating this one beautiful girl, that i can see potentially be his next g/f..but yeah, i think now its better to let things flow, rather than making it happen.

[supercalifragilistic]

Lol be careful what you wish for!

 

Second that! I sort of did that when we were still toghether. Lasted a little over 48h before I broke down and called him crying wondering why he didn't even bother to call me so we could go home together when our classes were over like he usually did. He did come running back to see me and was truly concerned that I was crying and all. But two days later all of that was out the window and he wanted to break up again.

 

I swear I'll never understand why people do this sorts of things. How someone can love one person one day and not care the next. I could never do that. But anways, that's beside the point.

[Puckdog27]

I swear I'll never understand why people do this sorts of things. How someone can love one person one day and not care the next. I could never do that. But anways, that's beside the point.

 

I think they care. They just do a better job of hiding it. I was in a long term relationship for 5 years 10 years ago. We ended it pretty amicably. We still see each other at times (she works for the vet my dog goes to) she is married and I have been married, but our eyes still both light up a little when we see each other. Short dating relationships fall away, but the ones you invested part of your life in never do. No matter which side of the fence you were on.

[supercalifragilistic]

I think they care. They just do a better job of hiding it. I was in a long term relationship for 5 years 10 years ago. We ended it pretty amicably. We still see each other at times (she works for the vet my dog goes to) she is married and I have been married, but our eyes still both light up a little when we see each other. Short dating relationships fall away, but the ones you invested part of your life in never do. No matter which side of the fence you were on.

 

Then why doesn't the relationship work? I mean, the only real problem in my relationship was that he just stopped loving me one day. For no good reason. Or maybe it was because he wanted to stay single and not have to "answer" to anyone. Not that I asked much. Maybe I'll just visualize some maturity coming his way, that'd help.

[Krisnakay]

I don't think people just stop loving one another.I think it's more like a wound that festers until they just can't stay anymore.

 

This is the end of Day 3 for me and I didn't call...He didn't call either.Mornings really seem to be the worst,unless I wake up in the middle of the night...and that really bites.Anyway...I'm pretty proud of myself for the NC...Took alot of strength...In the end He will have left me but he's not taking my pride..I've worked so hard to build myself up I won't let him destroy it..He's just a man.

[Puckdog27]

Then why doesn't the relationship work? I mean, the only real problem in my relationship was that he just stopped loving me one day. For no good reason. Or maybe it was because he wanted to stay single and not have to "answer" to anyone. Not that I asked much. Maybe I'll just visualize some maturity coming his way, that'd help.

 

I dont think its the loss of loving as much as the not wanting to do the work. Relationships are work. 50% of marriages end in divorce now days because its easier to walk away and try with someone new then do the work.

 

I read a statistic that said 80% of people who were unhappy and got divorced were still unhappy 5 years later. Astondishingly, 80% of people who were unhappy but stayed together WERE happy 5 years later. You love the person you love because it comes from within. I have dated hundreds of girls but only truly loved 2. The fact is, people assume the grass is greener and dont want to do the work. That is why sometimes people are able to get back together if both doors are open.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Wow, when was the last time I posted here? I think I'm moving on...

 

Day 11

 

I had a really good thought about moving on... thought it was my "moment of Zen"! Well, not completely, but this was a good day, though I had nothing to do but sit around and be lazy... which allowed me to have a good thinking/relaxation session about her.

 

Day 12

 

Very good day... thought about her a bit more, but something really exciting happened to be today, so I'm happy. Had nothing to do with girls, or anything social, but it was exciting!

 

Day 13

 

That's today... I suffered from the typical Sunday blues today, and to add to it, I have an English paper due on Tuesday that I haven't even started on... but my sad feelings really didn't have to do with her. Just the fact that I return to school tomorrow after a good, long Spring Break. But posting here has helped.

 

Hey, I haven't seen her in over 10 days! Haven't contacted her in over 20! Strict NC sits at... 13 days! This is getting easy!

[honeyspur]

WOW - what great news - thanks for the update - only 17 more days Exarion!!!! (I know that doesn't seem short - but if you keep up this attitude - it will

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 8

 

Well its day 8. Feels longer than day 8 days. Still the first thing I thought about today. I am determined not to be sad today so this is all I am saying.

[honeyspur]

Another brilliant post rsx - very true - a lesson that people can choose is to take rejections on a more positive note. Rejections teach us to build our identity and our bravery.

Great to hear that you are getting out there and living the college life.

I honestly think if you allow yourself to indulge - you will expend this energy properly and move forward at a healthy pace.

 

Single life is ALWAYS temporary - so no one should fear it or be saddened by it.

[BrokenHeart82]

Day 16...kind of cheated last night.

 

I did a search for his name on myspace, btu didnt actually go in (stopped myself).

 

I see that hes now put up a picture of him and this current girl which didnt hurt quite as much as i maybe thought it would.

 

Funny how 2 weeks ago he was so confused, regretted us ending...a weeka go still confused...and now hes off on a romantic vaca with her. I cant say for certain, but I think he is probably using myspace as a way to hurt me.

[anna_k]

I think I need to enter this challenge.

 

So today is Day 1?

If so, it wasn't a very nice day. Dreamt about him last night. Woke up thinking about him this morning. Was distracted by talking to friends and work for the remainder of the day. It's nearing bedtime now and I'm sad again. The night are horrible. He has been messaging me saying he wants to talk. I want to aswell and it hurts to say no. I'm hoping this is going to be a case of "worse before it gets beter".

[supercalifragilistic]

I dont think its the loss of loving as much as the not wanting to do the work. Relationships are work. 50% of marriages end in divorce now days because its easier to walk away and try with someone new then do the work.

 

I read a statistic that said 80% of people who were unhappy and got divorced were still unhappy 5 years later. Astondishingly, 80% of people who were unhappy but stayed together WERE happy 5 years later. You love the person you love because it comes from within. I have dated hundreds of girls but only truly loved 2. The fact is, people assume the grass is greener and dont want to do the work. That is why sometimes people are able to get back together if both doors are open.

 

Maybe that's what happened. Maybe he thinks it's the relationship but it really is him. Sometimes I wish someone would show him these statistics so he'd realize the grass is rarely greener on the other side. But I guess he'll just have to find that out on his own.

 

And...hmm...Day 5 I think...

I really feel no need to contact him. I don't feel like I NEED him anymore. I would like to be with him that's for sure, but I don't NEED him. I don't know if I'll have the strength to avoid seeing him when he calls me to give me back the money he owes me, but for now I'm fine. Deleted my myspace yesterday, best thing I ever did. I just feel really good about this and I trust that if it's best for the both of us, he'll be back.

[Puckdog27]

Maybe that's what happened. Maybe he thinks it's the relationship but it really is him. Sometimes I wish someone would show him these statistics so he'd realize the grass is rarely greener on the other side. But I guess he'll just have to find that out on his own.

 

The only way to see the grass isnt greener is to leave the yard and step in a big pile of dog sh*t.

[supercalifragilistic]

The only way to see the grass isnt greener is to leave the yard and step in a big pile of dog sh*t.

 

LOL. Forgive my negative comment but I hope he does just that

You're funny puckdog, I always feel better after reading your posts!

[Puckdog27]

LOL. Forgive my negative comment but I hope he does just that

You're funny puckdog, I always feel better after reading your posts!

 

NP Super! I think we all are hoping they step in a big pile of it. Makes them realize how tidy their yard was kept.

[andy5128]

Day 11 (had to count the days then to work it out) feeling okish today. The weekend has been a bit naff. Did not get upto much so when your sitting around you start to wonder what she's upto etc. Anyway feeling better today and went to gym earlier so that gave me a boost. Not sure my ex is going for the grass is greener as I don't believe she is seeing someone else but I may be wrong. So if she is I hope a truly huge out of this world sized monster dog **** is on the supposedly greener side!

[Puckdog27]

Day 11 (had to count the days then to work it out) feeling okish today. The weekend has been a bit naff. Did not get upto much so when your sitting around you start to wonder what she's upto etc. Anyway feeling better today and went to gym earlier so that gave me a boost. Not sure my ex is going for the grass is greener as I don't believe she is seeing someone else but I may be wrong. So if she is I hope a truly huge out of this world sized monster dog **** is on the supposedly greener side!

 

The fact that you had to count the days is a sign your already starting not to think about it. Now stop counting. The days are gonna pass. Let them count the days since you called and said "But I still love you" and I know that they do. People resent the pushes, but it is a drug to the ego to have some one pining for you. NC is cold turkey for that ego boost.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 4

 

Day 4 was Easter, and it was rough for me. Holidays were always spent with my ex, and I couldn't help but think about her. I kept thinking she was now with his family, and it hurt. Sitting there with my niece, who is the sweetest little girl in the world, makes me miss her even more. I keep wanting to take pictures to show my ex, and realize that I don't have to. I know if my ex would have seen her, she would have never broken up with me. She's just too cute. I had to drive from Louisville back to Chicago, so I was basically alone with my thoughts. I was so amped with caffeine that I couldn't sleep, and spent the whole night thinking of her. I came to the conclusion that I "IT'S OVER" because too many people know all our dirt. My fault for telling people I guess. I came up with a thread that I am anxious to post.

 

Yesterday I felt: Depressed, Alone, Sad.

 

Day 5

 

My parents left early this morning. I was supposed to go to breakfast with them, but I was tired and sad, so I felt it was better to stay in bed. Last night while laying awake I found more things I did wrong to lead her away from me. I mean, she cheated, but people only cheat when a relationship isn't meeting their needs. I have a busy day today, and 2 interviews tomorrow. It's exciting. I need to get a new job. I am excited about becoming the person I always wanted to be, and now realize I can do that now without her here. She had changed me too.

 

Thank you everyone for your support! Keep it coming because I'm still weak.

 

 

Today I feel: Depressed, Confident, Determined, Heartbroken, and Alone.

[andy5128]

Thanks for your comments puckdog, well each day seems to be a bit easier so i'm getting there.

 

Hey Mac

Sorry to hear you have been feeling low over the weekend, great news about the interviews so best of luck with those and try not to keep analysing everything I know it's easier said than done. Once I moved from that stage things start to become easier. Whats happened has happened you cant change it so concentrate on now and the future and heal and you will get there my friend.

[Puckdog27]

Hey Mac - I really feel for you because I have been through many of your posts while I was lurking. I hate to sound harsh here but you really need to do this for you. Look back and see how many times you have broken NC. Its alot. You need to stop doing this to yourself. This has been going on for months and thats why you havent healed at all. It hurts for all of us to do NC but you are never gonna get better if you dont. Read some of your posts again and see how many excuses you have made to break contact. It may be theraputic for you to see what you have done and how it hasnt helped. Your better than that. We all our. Maybe seek some counseling. I am planning to this week. From what I hear it really helps.

 

When you met your ex, were you planning to? Probably not. Let her go and plan nothing. The future will come to you.

 

Today you should feel: Strong, proud, intelligent, healthy and confident.

[bear12]

alright, i'm on day 25 of round two, which now beats how long i made it in round one... today is rough. i don't know why, i feel really nervous for some reason, like how i used to at the end of our relationship when i had that gut feeling that he was going to end things... weird...

 

i don't think of NC as a way to win him back (i really doubt that'll ever happen..) but at the same time, i keep thinking of it as if so many days pass THEN i can talk to him again, and i know that's a unhealthy attitude, but i just can't seem to get him out of my mind...

[thelonelydoll]

Day 25 since last direct contact/ Day 8 since looking at his myspace

 

If I hadn't looked at his myspace, I'd be closing in on the 30 days now. I'm not really sure how I feel today. I'm in a tough financial spot at the moment, and maybe this kind of struggle would be easier with him on the other end of the phone, but no amount of moral support would pay my bills,at the end of the day. So I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with money matters for the first time since we split - first time without him to talk to. It'll pass. I lived a long time without him for moral support, and have always paid my own bills, naturally - so I just gotta get back to the old "I depend on me" mindset. Otherwise, having to think about money matters is a good distraction from thinking about him/us/no longer being a couple.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Eh, it's not the NC that's so difficult, because I know how ridiculous it would be to contact her. It's just when I think about her and the good times we had that things get a little rough...

 

Day 14

 

Like today. Today wasn't a bad day, but it was the first day back to school from Spring Break... and though I didn't see her, I did feel a little depressed this morning. But it passed. Much of the "depression" was about the English paper I have to write tonight, though... that stuff gets me down, though temporarily.

 

I'm so glad that I've decided to limit myself though. It's weird, because she wasn't bad for me, but rather a good influence on me. But I tell myself that if she ever decides to contact me about reconciliation, I won't fall for her... I do that mostly so I won't think about the GOOD that will come from her contacting me. I still want her to contact me, but that's mostly because I want to PROVE to myself that I can stay strong.

 

Still, next year... that's when we'll be together again... er, that's in the same after school club, I mean. But this opportunity next year does get me thinking, a bit too much, about reconciliation. But I must remember that a busy summer and time away from her will be enough to get me over her. So I won't feel the way I do now next year.

 

These days are good for me though. I'm not even halfway through NC, so I just need to keep living. And even though I think about this whole situation quite often, I'm not unhappy anymore... and I can't wait to get back to 100%.

 

Stupid English paper...

[Krisnakay]

Day 4

 

Today was better than yesterday.Still no contact.Watched the Secret.Found it a little scary.Not sure that it helped but it was worth a shot.Tomorrow will be the hardest test of all.I will see him for the first time.